Breaking Glass Is Very Therapeutic It Seems...

*Disclaimer: Long Read Ahead, get comfortable, or... Opt Out*

 

I agreed to a Monday and Wednesday Night fill-in Shift at the Antique Mall in early February, to fill in for Jackson, who will be on another Cruise.  Lucky Bastard, Yes, I have Cruise Envy, who wouldn't?  It might net me a Locked Case when the next one comes available, who knows, since the Manager brought it up during said same Call?  If I become invaluable enuf to rate preferential treatment for something I've been on a Waiting List for most of 2023, Hell then, why not?  Especially since I haven't been all that consistent with showing up for my regular Sunday Night Shifts due to various ailments befalling me damned near every Weekend lately.  *Bwahahaha*

I swear I've felt out of sorts so much Mentally, Emotionally and/or Physically lately, that it's been difficult to commit to much on a regular basis and be reliable or dependable about Honoring it.  Se la vie, I don't even feel much Guilt or Shame about Tapping Out anymore when it's just necessary.   There's enuf Work here at Home I'm not doing, so... at least I'm consistent.  *Smiles*  I did get the Kitchen in Order, since, nobody else was taking one for the Team and it was either do it myself or start intentionally breaking things.  Okay, so I did break a Glass Tumbler, but, I swear it didn't seem intentional.  *LOL*

 I wasn't that attached to the Jewel Toned Beverage Container anyway, nobody else should miss it.  And it made a very satisfying sound as it broke into large pieces in the Kitchen Sink.  Quick Cleanup with no Blood involved.  *LOL*  I also Purged the Cup Cabinet, since, after breaking a Beverage Container, which is Oddly very Therapeutic it seems, I seemed to be on a Roll.   I got a Donation Box out and a Sell Box out and filled both.   Less stuff to break now, it felt rather Therapeutic too, not to just be smashing them in the Sink in a feeble attempt to appear Accidental.  And which definitely would look like I'd Snapped and become a Total potentially Dangerous Head Case, which, might Scare the Family?!  *Bwahahaha* 

The Daughter has a Doc Appointment in the Morning for an annual Well Check, which also means I have to drive her to Work afterwards, instead of her Boss picking her up.  He said he and his Mechanics have been Saving us a bunch of Aluminum Cans I can pick up when I drop her off. He sure knows how to woo a Gal like that, who might be reluctant to otherwise show up with an Employee they need and who doesn't Drive or own a Vehicle.  *Winks*  Our Canning and Environmental Cleanup has become the Stuff of Legend.  *LOL*  She's been staying Late on her Work Days on account of he is the Boss and Owner, so has to stay 'til the last Customer, and is her Ride to and from Work.  She's been fine with that, we appreciate him providing her transportation.

I guess they all missed her while she was away and are so glad to have her back, that she's really felt Purposed and not like some Charity Case or Pity Hire.  They really do apparently NEED her and have made that abundantly clear.  She is a good Worker, even tho', she has her Issues with the whole Serious Mental Illness Thing, but, they know about that and accommodate her accordingly.   She IS fanatical about Cleaning and Organizing, she can become Obsessed with it when she has sufficient motivation, and, getting Paid has provided that.   Every so often she'll even get on an Obsession Kick of Cleaning and Organizing here, even tho' there's no monetary incentive.  All any of them will get from me is, "Now you're my Favorite."  *LOL and Winks*

Speaking of The Daughter, she Liberated most of the Fabric Patches I just bought for myself... dammit.  *LOL*  Funny Story... or Stories I should say, since it's happened multiple times.  She has been known to break into the Homes of Friends and Family to Clean it, leave a Note, and then leave, locking it back up.  She once came in thru the Chimney of a Wealthy High Profile Friend in Mexico, so, he told us he just gave her a Key... since, clearly there was no keeping her Crazy Ass out.  *LOL*  I remember she once broke into our Home Years ago, Cleaned it, left us a Note, so we'd know it was her and not think we'd gone Mad, coming back to a House cleaned as if a Team of Phantom Merry Maids had been there!!!  You can't make this shit up!!! 

  And Yes, it was unexpectedly Eerie and Creepy to leave a messy House that you know you Locked Up, then come Home to it still Locked Up, but now Clean and Organized!!   The Man was very upset at the time and said he should call the Police and tell them that his Bat Shit Crazy Daughter was Breaking In to our Home.  And I countered with, "What?  And tell them she broke in to CLEAN IT... Fool, they're gonna think YOU are the one whose Crazy!"   When you have a Loved One whose SMI, well, your Normal is not Typical anymore, so, very little can be shocking that they might do or say... and over Time, you can almost Normalize some very Strange shit.  And if you got Abnormal Loved Ones, you're gonna Deal with some very Strange shit. all. the. time.  The Daughter alone can give me Blog Fodder for Days!!!  *LMAO*  Above is her now, Below is her at Princess T's Age... she's always been a Hand Full.  *Smiles*

She prepared me for any other Prodigal Child shit I might EVER have to Deal with, which, has come in Handy.  *Smiles*  I mean, not that me Cleaning the Kitchen and having some satisfying Breakage is all that Normal either I suppose?  It depends on which Side of Crazy you're standing on perhaps?   And it's all Subjective, this Normal they speak of.  *Bwahahaa*   As it was, there was other Breakage that didn't involve me.  Somehow one of the Kiddos broke one of the Door Shelves in the Fridge and all the refrigerated Condiments now had no place to be.  The Fridge was Brand New when we bought this Home, so, I was less than Delighted.  But, I had a replacement Shelf in the Seasonal Storage Closet that the Previous Owners had... who knows Why... mebbe they had Kids who are hard on things too???  *LOL*

So, I put said replacement Shelf in the Fridge, it fit perfectly, Color me Happy.  I didn't fill it back up with what had been in it before yet, since, I wanted to wait and Wash it down thoroughly first.  It had been Stored a while in the Seasonal Closet.  But, about an Hour later, The Man comes in and angrily tells me now, that one is Broken?!  Just WTF??!   Someone crammed Beer in the Shelf rather than replacing the Condiments, he rants... Wonder who THAT could be?!  Okay, so we have Two Alcoholics living here and neither of them is The Man or I... nor Princess T.  One of the Alkies doesn't drink Beer... she likes Hard Liquor... you do the Math and make deductions.  *Eye Roll*  It's still functional, but, cracked.

Young Men are notorious for breakage, and we've always got a slew of them around the House, it's often a lot of Testosterone.  It's a Wonder really more isn't broken, considering.  They're all still in the Party Phase of Life.  *LOL*  The Son and Friends are Middle Aged now, so only slightly less likely to break or Manhandle something than the Grandsons in their 20's were... and did, quite often while here.  They don't call it MANhandling for Nothing!!!  *Winks*  The Man used to be terrible about forcing things and thus breaking them in the process, so, I have some Stories, Past, Present and probably will in the Future.  The Kiddos particularly like the one where he had a $900 Recliner when they were growing up.  One with all the Bells and Whistles, damned thing even had a Phone built into it, Storage Compartments in the Arms, plus a built in Massage and Heat Element.   It was the early 1990's, so back then they had the Lever to Recline a Recliner.

One day his Lever stuck some and I see him beginning to really Manhandle it, trying to force it to come loose.  You know, like Men just do when in frustration, something won't Work.  When you're a Hammer, everything Looks like a Nail and all.   I says, "Honey, don't do that or you'll Break it!"  Of coarse you KNOW he did not Listen or take my Advice, Right?  And SNAP, yep, fucking Lever of expensive Recliner broke right off!  And not only that, but in Breaking it off, somehow now the Seat tilted badly to the side where it had been attached!!!  *LOL*  Said Recliner had been my Special Gift to him, paid Cash for the Fucker... so Guess what, he had to use a fucking Wrench where Lever had been to Recline it and sit in it wonky and tilted for Years after that... as his Penance!  *Winks*

Yep, he didn't say a Goddamned Thing about it either, knew better... He'd just sit there with a shiny Silver Wrench being used as a replacement Lever and him being tilted badly to the Left, pretending like that was perfectly Fine and Normal.  *Bwahahaha*  The Kiddos would snicker and know that their Dad had screwed the Pooch with that faux pas of ruining the expensive Chair I bought him, by Manhandling the damned thing after I'd warned him NOT to or it was not going to End Well.  They still Tease him about the Recliner Incident of long ago, which is why he now takes very good Care not to Manhandle his current expensive Media Chairs I've bought him.  They can wear out naturally with Normal wear and tear, but don't dare abuse or misuse them.

Somehow misuse and/or abuse of anything is a Trigger for me and I don't respond Well to the doing of it.  I worked hard to have and earn what we Invest in.  So I just expect it all to be respected and used as it should be, or, you'll set me off.   Some people can't have nice things becoz they are just hard on shit or don't know how to take Care of it properly, so, no pity for them either when they have nothing.   If I give someone something nice and they abuse or ruin it, rest assured it's the last nice thing they'll ever get from me.   I just feel they're not ready to Receive anything worthwhile and be decent Stewards of it.  If you can't take Care of a little, I suspect you can't take Care of a lot either.  But, mostly everyone is Respectful and shit gets broken on Accident.  And, all these Young People are like extended Family and our Kids, so, they always feel at Home here.  Which is Good.

All The Son's Friends are like Brothers from other Mothers, and The Daughter's Friends are like Sisters and Brothers from other Mothers, that's all.  Same with the Grandkid's Friends.  Anyway, The Son said he didn't realize putting that many Beers in said Shelf would crack it and he was sincerely Sorry, which Trust and Believe, I ensured he FELT Sorry.  *Winks*  "Ummm, it's Plastic... and Modern Construction... regardless of how much Expensive Large Appliances still Cost, so, just how much Weight did you assume Plastic and Clear Lucite might Hold?   I'll wait..."   Yes, I Deadpanned said brutal Interrogation with Steely Crazy Eyes Contact... since, I'd rather Believe I didn't Raise any Stupid People.  *Smiles*  And Yes, he's Autistic and all, but, Fuck, really!!!  Christ on a Bike, don't make me Think you're THAT 'Special'!!!  *LOL*

 "I'd JUST replaced that Shelf from one ya'll had already broken!!!   How many Refrigerator Shelves do ya think I got randomly hanging around here to pull outta my Ass???!!!!!"   Long pause, it was a rhetorical Question after all with no expectation of a lame Answer.   *Le Sigh*  He drank Warm Beer for a few Days... as self-imposed Penance I suppose?  Either that or he's going very European???  *Bwahahaha*  The Girls decided to become my Golden Children whenever they see the Menfolk in the Doghouse... it's Magical and so Transformative I tell ya. *Winks*  Princess T has come to the conclusion that Guys are just a LOT... she could be Right?   *LMAOROTF*

 Princess T went from being a Ratchet Teen wanting to Drop Out of High School that Morning, to Transforming into a Ray of Fucking Sunshine and feeding me Cookies she'd baked in Culinary Class after School!   They were some excellent Cookies BTW.  Mebbe Culinary School is in her Future, I dunno? *LMAO*    And her Mother, well, she was asking for the rest of the day if there was anything she could DO FOR me, since, she was vying to be My Favorite!  *Winks*   You can Earn the Title of being My Favorite very easily and be replaced just as easily, depending upon how Useful you've become to Earn said Tongue-In-Cheek Favor being temporarily bestowed upon you? 

 Since, they all know it's a running Joke, I don't have nor play Favorites actually.  Even their Friends vie for being told they're now My Favorite... it's hilarious and become somewhat like a Competition among them all.  Then they Tease one another about being Suck-up Of The Day, while also trying to One-Up one another to be The Favorite One.   "See, now I'M her Favorite!"   And, so it goes... and it's Handy for me, for obvious reasons of Usefulness.  *Winks*  Shit, I don't Care whose the Favorite, just do something for me and I'll bestow the Title, and take it away from the previous Favorite, Simple.  And why Kiddos eat that shit up, I dunno... but they all like to Hear it, even in jest.   And, Princess T has decided she want the Title Back of being my Golden Child, apparently.  *Ha ha ha*

Princess T is now going to School more Cheerfully and without an Attitude, such a Transformation, it's a Miracle, Hallelujah!   I must have made the Alternative seem terrifying enough?  Good, it is.  *Winks*  She hasn't brought up what she told Administration, we'll let it settle for now, so long as she's attending and in a good Head Space about it, I'm Golden.  *Whew*  I'm leaning towards her just staying at this Campus she's familiar with, but, if she chooses the Alternative School Campus, they claimed they'd provide Transportation, so, I have no idea where it is, they never said, tho' they had representatives at the Conference Call Meeting.

  Perhaps they did mention it, or the Name of some Program, I just didn't recall a Name sticking with me?  Her Brother went to Alternative Schools that were quite good, had he not hacked into their System and Enhanced it at the last one, he might have even been allowed to stay and actually Graduate.  At least Genius Boy didn't catch Federal Charges and fixed it, putting it back the way it was for them, at my insistence. *Bwahaha and Whew, Dodged a Bullet there!*   Yes, it was a Beautiful Mind gone to Waste... I do still think what could have been, sometimes, so does Them.   If we could just get all of Them on the same Page and on Board, we might have had a different Outcome.  But, Schizophrenia with Seven Alters is a lot to Corral and Focus in any direction, it's like Herding Cats.  *Le Sigh*

Listen, I don't have the Key to unlock the Mysteries of each Disability. Often at these Meetings they're speaking Shop Talk, mostly amongst themselves, so I have no idea what their Industry is saying at that level.  *LOL*  Layman's Terms suit me best since I'm not an Educator and every Career has it's Shop Talk that is like a whole other Foreign Language to everyone outside of it. *Smiles*  I don't even think most people when Talking Industry Words, realize nobody else outside that Industry really knows what the Hell they're saying now and they've Lost them?  It's been so long since I was even in School I forgot the Words I used to know about Terminology, I'd have to now look it up.  *Winks*  Yes, it makes me feel quite Uneducated at times, I ain't gonna Lie.  The Man peeks in from Time to Time to make sure we're still Awake during said Conference Call that was Eternal?  His TBI gives him an Out and handy excuse for not having the capacity to endure any of it... Lucky Bastard!  *LOL*

I'd like my Age to be enuf to Opt Out of it all, but, se la vie... no such Luck!  Shit, I'm nearing 70 and I'm still trying to get a Kid thru High School for Chrissakes!  They'll say shit like, she's doing very well in __________, insert a Term I don't have the Real Time to Google, since we're using the Phone for the Conference... and she's not doing well at all in _____________.  They may be speaking of a Subject like English or Math, but they're using the specific Terminology of a Concept she's supposed to be Learning and Grasping.  And, ISN'T.   And, apparently you get no Diploma if they can't assume you Grasped it, no matter what Barriers exist in your State of Being?  And, so, here we still are.

 And shit, I don't even know what it is, so am not grasping a damned thing about Concepts I either never knew, or long forgot about either. *Smiles*  My Silence can often be cut thru with a Knife and my Eyes Glaze Over.  My Adult ADHD has taken over and I'm Thinking Thousands of Reems of random shit at warp speed, as they drone on speaking a Language I don't Understand, mostly amongst themselves.   I'm Buffering...   I might be Thinking about my next Meal... or fucking other random shit like Butterflies!!!   Since, if you suffer from ADHD, OCD and you're Bipolar too, it's a lot of Obstacles to stay Focused for long and stay Connected and Engaged sometimes.  *LOL*

 Of coarse, they can't know all this and they're not gonna either... so you seem Normal enuf to them, well, sorta... or, mebbe not at all?  Who fucking knows??!  *Bwahahaha*   You can feel peripheral and disembodied during these IEP Meetings.  Whether in Person, on Zoom or just a Conference Call.  I did prefer the latter, ain't gonna Lie, they couldn't SEE us.  I couldda been sitting there Naked and making Faces... so could they... I didn't wanna speculate actually.  *Ha ha ha*   She had Checked Out and Shut Down long before I did in The Process, so mebbe that's what's happening in Class?  But, she had to be there too for the Conference, and in Class... so, it's a Clue?   Fuck, they couldn't hold MY Attention, let alone HERS!!!  *LOL* 

  Anyway, in Writing she's clearly doing better about Concepts of it than in Reading and Retaining what she Read, that much I grasped and that much we already knew.  Anyway, next Morning, I dropped her off and she trounced off as if nothing at all was Wrong now in her World.   So, big Sigh of Relief until she melts down about it again.  It's a Wednesday Half Day and Timmy is bringing her Home after School, so, she likes Half Days best and it will then likely be a Good Day for her?   This time during the Conference Call her English Teacher, whose usually not our Favorite Person, she keeps Failing her, was at least attempting to want to remedy the situation and do SOMETHING to Help her Succeed... or give the Illusion of it anyway.

  Mostly since the whole Academic World was on that Call and her Class and Subject was mostly the barrier to a Passing Grade and Credit so that this Child could Graduate or not drop out in despair.  And, that's never a good Look for the Teacher, since, they were beginning to ask her a lot of the difficult Questions.  About failure after failure for this Child in English and the why the successful implementation of IEP Modifications either weren't working, being Modified to Work, or, weren't even being done and had been ignored?   And why NOW, at the 11th Hour, here we now are?  Scrambling to come up with a Plan, like a Hail Mary. 

  And for those unfamiliar with that Sports and/or Religious Term:  It's a long, typically unsuccessful pass, made in a desperate attempt to Score late in the Game.   Or, a Prayer to the Blessed Mother and a Plea for her Intercession.  Either way, not exactly the Best or most Successful Strategy to Win at anything, Right?  *Eye Roll*  And, I've been asking said same Questions for Years now and so had put everyone's Feet to the Fire about it in this Call.   As to why HAVE we been doing the same things and expecting different results, with a dismal Outcome every single time?   Becoz I don't understand Why... and would need it further explained to me, since, it seemed Insane and doomed to Fail.

I made it clear she doesn't want to be the Kid in her 20's still on a High School Campus slogging away trying to earn an elusive Credit that was always just out of her Reach or within her Abilities.   I don't want her exhausting herself running a Race that never ends and she can't finish without crossing a firm Finish Line we can actually see is actually THERE!!!   When any Child who desperately wants to Succeed and do Well in Life, is seeing dropping out as their Best or even the most Logical Option, something has gone horribly Wrong.    Honestly, now, aren't we just Running Damage Control behind the Failure of the rigidity of The System really???

 I think she's mostly Scared she'll keep going to School, trying hard and keep Failing and never Graduate anyway... and it was all a complete Waste?   She can't Conform and Be who she is not, she's not a Bad or Broken Toy Soldier either.   If she puts in the effort and hard Work, I think she more than Earned a damned Passing Grade... even if it's a D Minus.  We'll take a D Minus from the damned English Teacher, throw us a Bone, Woman!!!   They did challenge the English Teacher as to Why she Failed her, AGAIN... when the Teacher was gushing about our Student doing Well and improving, all the way 'til November.  Which, BTW, was when we had the Family Crisis involving her Dad being the Victim of a very Violent Crime, being Shot and Abducted, Believed to be horribly Tortured by Bad Actors and probably Dead... so no real Surprise the Kid was traumatized and distracted.

  The School didn't know the details, I had just told them a very dire Family Emergency was being dealt with that was a lot to unpack and Cope with, Authorities were involved who we were cooperating with about the Crime committed in a whole other Country!  The last thing we needed was to be anyone's Gossip Fodder, and I know some Professionals talk amongst themselves about stuff they shouldn't.  I've overheard it many a time when in a Restaurant near a Table of folks talking Work and spilling the Tea.  Nothing seems Sacred or Off the Table with some folks... clearly.  Especially if they think nobody knows their indiscretions.  And it goes beyond Words, there's some Novella Worthy salacious shit happening behind the Scenes everywhere!!!  Well, you all KNOW this Fact, you don't have to turn on the News.  Lots of Fodder for The Media, Scandalous shit for Days, Right?  *Eye Roll*

  And it happens so often that I'm not even Surprised or Shocked anymore!!!  People can't Behave... nor keep their damned Mouths shut or be Trusted with Information it seems.  If it seems salacious, titillates them, or gives them Attention and a feeling of Importance and Insider Knowledge, well... it's all Fair Game apparently to tell any fucking Audience!  Have some Discretion, Character and Honor, is that too much to ask?!!!  So, No, I don't Trust most People, I've seen and heard too much to have many Earn that Trust or even be Worthy of it actually.  I am skeptical and cynical about your Average Person not being capable of keeping a Confidence or not being a Snitch.  Mebbe I'm too Hood... in Dad Hood you Learn to keep your damned Mouth shut, at your own Peril if you don't.  And Disrespect anyone, and, well, I pity the Fool.

 But a lot of these Professionals, in clear violation of Privacy and Confidentiality Laws designed to protect their Co-Workers, the Rep of their Employer, or who in the Public they have Personal Knowledge of and been entrusted with Privileged and Private Information, they have diarrhea of the damned Mouth.  And how would you Report it, random Restaurant, Random folks you overheard at the next Table, or in Line somewhere, talking Shop indiscriminately in Public.  Yet, not knowing THEIR Names and it's not as if I'm taking Notes like a Court Stenographer or Private Investigator, about who they're indiscriminately discussing and violating the Privacy and Confidentiality of!!!   It's not only unprofessional, it's probably illegal, could pose Liability, could even be slander, certainly is appalling whether it's a false spoken statement or based on Truths and evidence.  It's Privileged Information, so shut the fuck up!

It brought to Mind the current Felony Charges of 45 spilling the Tea about the most Sensitive of Privileged Information... or being otherwise Reckless with it.  And if National Security can be so easily breached by a President to show off what they know, you know your Child and Family's Tea is not so Privileged someone won't use it for Gossip Fodder.  Nope, just becoz they have Confidentiality Clauses your Private info or Top Secret shit could be in someone's fucking Bathroom, like Reading Material while on The Throne taking a shit!  *Who Knew?  Bwahaha* So, let's be Real, it happens all the way to the damned Top.  Anyway, she's been Cheerful about School ever since my Come To Jesus Talk with her, and Cheerful with me too, so we're Good now.  

She finally said she told them she'll keep with this Campus and explore the Alternative Campus during Summer School enrollment.  Wow, she's decided to take every Opportunity offered now, Good Girl!  *Whew*  Listen, I know Young folk lead with their Emotions when making a lot of decisions, big or small.  They haven't yet developed the Maturity to wait until the Heat of a Moment passes and they can rationally reflect upon a decision using only their Head.  If they can Calm Down enuf before making big decisions, often a good many of them will become Wise enuf to realize that is the best Space to make a good decision in.  A lot of Vulnerable Adults are the same way.

Which is exactly why as you're Aging, I fully Believe you start a reverse impairment of sorts to where you often revert to more Childish ways.  Sure, Elders have the Wisdom and Experience attained over Time, but some really do act more reckless than they used to or just don't seem to Care anymore what consequences a decision will have or get too Emotional about stuff.   I was more Emotional than I usually am during a Crisis, I kept it together and held it down, but, on the inside, I was really more frantic than I was comfortable with.  Usually I can be as Stoic internally as externally during a Crisis... now I do falter some and that's scary.  I no longer always have the confidence that "I got this...". *Argh*  This is also why I Believe we shouldn't have 80 Year Olds running the Country, just sayin'!

It's taken me Two Days to even Write this Post and I can't even tell you how long it's taking me now to maintain stuff around here that's got to be done.   I'm still putting some Christmas shit away, and I didn't even put that much up and out this Holiday Season!  Fuck it, I just will have some it up now 'til damned near Valentine's Day each Year lately!   We had unexpected Company last Night and I really didn't wanna Host anyone. I was in Hibernation Mode, like a grumpy Old Bear.  It wasn't MY Company, it was The Daughter's.  Luckily the Daughter's Gal Friend, I've known all her Life, but her Boyfriend, I've only met a couple times and he's an awkward Guy to interact with.  I wasn't up for it and The Daughter was Aware.

So, she told them I was busy, and I waved, Smiled, and tried not to seem too rude, to just keep it and them Moving to where I didn't have to Socialize or engage whatsoever.  Yep, that's where I'm mostly at these days.   I'm barely tolerant of Socialization and that's rather out of Character for me, but, here we now are.   But, I'll tell you Why I'm Dialing the Social Scene back lately... I got a LOT going on in my own damned Life.  I mostly don't talk about it in Real Life. at. all!!!  Don't want to either.  And for some inexplicable reason, even if I JUST met someone, they seem to want to tell me everything about what's going on in their Lives... as if it's a Therapy Session and I'm a Therapist... yeah, awkward.  And ya wanna be Polite, within reason, and make folks feel Welcome when they Visit.

 If I really know you, I can and would gladly be The Shoulder and not have it feel Weird and VERY awkward, Okay.   I can be a Good Listener and have the utmost compassion about your Situation if we are Invested in one another and you are Soliciting Advice.   If I just fucking met you Dude or Dudette, please, no TMI about yourself, your relationship, your troubles, tribulations and trials.  I just fucking MET you, I have no Words.  What my Opinion is shouldn't even matter or have relevance, you don't know ME either!!!  Mebbe I give lousy Advice?!   Mebbe I'm not Wanting to make a Connection with you?  It happens.

 Mebbe I don't give a fuck, you just don't KNOW, Right?!  *LOL*  Seriously, I've stood by folks in a Line waiting for Customer Service and suddenly have them immediately Trust me with Information they should mebbe save for their Priest at Confession or at least someone they saw and met more than 10 Seconds ago!!!  Perhaps it feels Safer, like here, where we unload some shit we just don't tell anyone... or everyone?  If you read someone's Blog or Diary, you do get more of their Soul than you probably would after Years of actual conversations in Real Life.  So, in a way I get it.  There's a transparency in the Cover of Anonymity that is less risky I guess?

 Yet, this Gal's Boyfriend, after ONE time of her bringing him along during a visit, and way too much TMI of their Tea being spilled, I'd rather she just leave him Home.  I guess I was just too easy to Bond with, not sure?  But the fella really Likes me... oy vey... so now apparently she'd have to sneak out to come here without him in tow... awkward.   In Gallow's Humor fashion, I did Privately ask her if she could just break up with him... you know... for ME and MY sake?  Are ya'll in Couples Therapy, asking for a Friend?  *Bwahahahaha*  She Laughed, she KNOWS me, and, she's a LOT, so, he's got his Hands full, we all know this. *LOL*  He's good to her, he's been good to all her Friends, I'm not even implying he's not a Good Guy... I just don't wanna be his Surrogate Mother or Confidant, that's all.  Isn't there someone other than me more Suitable to be Hearing this?  Asking for a Friend.  *Winks*

This time I made The Son take one for the Team and Entertain the Friend's Boyfriend.  Be his New Best Friend for a Minute, Son, Please! "Gee Mom, Thanks, now I'm his Therapist...", The Son also has the knack of folks just instantly feeling so at ease with him that they wanna tell him TMI.  And all he asks too is, just wait until we get to know one another well enuf that it seems more appropriate and not like a Dear Abby Write-In to a complete Stranger, Okay?   In Cyberspace it's ever so much easier to hear someone bare their Heart and Soul.  I could pretend I didn't Read it in Real Time if you Share something Personal, and reflect on how or if to respond.  Than sitting there in Person and feeling awkward if it was something too personal and uncomfortable to Receive just now, at The Jump of knowing them a Minute.

When we dropped The Daughter off at Work Yesterday after her Doc Appointment, which went well, her Boss said The Shop Cat had Kittens again.  They'd had a Cat from the Alley behind the Garage show up Preggy last Spring and Adopt them as her Humans.  They let her stay and give Birth to her Four Kittens, then find Homes for the Babies.  All the Guys, from the Owner to his Mechanics, are total Suckers for a Hard Luck Story, Hell, they've Adopted The Daughter and they've become her Humans too, Right?  *Bwahahaha*   She's been catching Mice and such, Mama Cat, not The Daughter *winks*, so had become a good enuf Working Cat to just remain.  Yet, she's not exactly Pet Quality either, so, no Spaying had happened... perhaps it should... since, she had Kittens again, Four more!

I've had a Preggy Mama Cat Adopt us, I know what a Sucker looks like, so do the Animals.  *Winks*  The Daughter Jokes with the Owner that he's become like a South of the Border Business, where everyone has Strays at their Businesses that become Shop Cats or Shop Dogs... or Shop People.  *LOL*   You know what happens when you Feed and Water a Stray, be it a Person or an Animal, they will latch onto you and there's no turning back... you're Theirs now.   The Daughter and Mama Cat are like THAT... so... no getting rid of them.  The Owner Jokes that even if she didn't get Paid, she'd show up and do the Work... yeah, he's talking about both The Daughter and The Cat this time.  *LMAOROTF*   "Oh, you KNOW you Missed me when I was gone...", she says... and... they did.

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Blessings, Love and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

History Of Fashion Art And Hard Knocks Life

I wasn't gonna Post Today, but, Blogging is Cheaper than Therapy and I'm stressed out right now.  *LOL*  I decided to get rid of my Collection of Rare Gilquin Antique French History of Fashion Framed Prints from the 1800's.   I kept only Four of my Favorites, and I don't even like the No. 4 or Even Numbers. *LOL* There's about 20+ others I'll be Selling.  I was shocked at how much they have increased in value and Online nobody had an entire Collection for Sale and every Seller, even Galleries, claimed them to be a Rare Find.  I'll be pricing mine for about 50% Off what they've Sold for Online.  So, me having such a large Collection is probably all the more a Rarity.   At the McManse I had plenty of Wall Space to Display them all, here I don't and I doubt I would in The RV Garage Mahal either, so, it was time to let them go and Cash Out. 

I will make great Margins on the Sale of them, whether they all Sell or only a few.  I bought them many Moons ago at a Clearance Center that Sold everything by the Pound.  I think I only Paid 99 Cents a Lb. for them all way back then!   The Antique Frames they're in are Gilded and Professionally Framed, so worth more than what I Paid, even if they didn't have the Rare Hand Colored Prints from Paris in them.   They are all Beautiful and each has about Four Fashions represented from various History of Fashion Eras that range from about 1100-1800's.   I kept the Prints that are from Earlier Fashions of Ancient Greece and Roman Era Wardrobe 11th Century.

Those Fashions resonate with me more in their elegant draping Form and Simplicity, whereas a lot of other Eras are quite extravagant by comparison.   It's a tough decision to let go of entire Collections, but, if they've just been Stored for Years now and not Displayed, it seems a waste to just Hoard them.  Any that don't Sell I can always decide to pull from Inventory and Keep.  With Art, it's so subjective that you never know what will be eagerly bought and Sell Out and what will languish?  I've done very well in our Showroom with my Art Sales tho' and it often has the best Margins for Resale Profits.  I've been an avid Art Collector and it's been a great Investment Vehicle for me.

The condition and color of these is remarkable given their Age, so, even before I bought them they'd been well taken care of.  Probably someone Donated them to a favorite Charity and the Recipients clearly didn't recognize their Value and what a Generous Donation they'd received.  That happens so often with the Chazzas, it's such a waste when a valuable Donation isn't appreciated nor recognized that could benefit the Charitable Cause considerably and they squander it.   The fact this entire Collection ended up at a Clearance Center, with high risk of manhandling and damage, being Sold by the Pound cheaply, made me realize the Value was never acknowledged nor known.   They could have otherwise netted Thousands rather than just a few Bucks.

The ignorance of that is inexcusable, since these are very plainly marked with what they are, Maker, Numbered, Dates and Country of Origin.   Of coarse, back when I bought them, you didn't have the Internet to do a quick Google Search and research at Charities is probably negligible even if they have Technological Advances at their disposal now.  They could have put these up for Auction and done Well.   Anywhoo... their ignorance and loss was my gain and I've enjoyed them for Years now.  And, I'll profit nicely off the Resale of them now I'm ready to Downsize my Art Collections considerably.

I still sometimes find Fine Art at a Bargain at the Chazzas.  For some reason they don't seem to Value any of the Donated Art, so they always Sell it Cheaply.   I actually Love the Thrill of the Hunt for Fine Art among the Art Sections of all Secondhand and Charity Stores.   So, I always have more than I'll ever Need to Display at Home.  I used to Rent some Art Walls at our Antique Mall in the early Years, when Sales were the Strongest and most Robust.   But, Art is so subjective that it could be a harder Turn and take up valuable Space a while.  I like how it looks Displayed in the Showroom as a Draw, so, I don't mind taking the chance it might not Sell right away.

I'm talking about frivolous stuff like Art I'm Selling Off, so that I don't have to talk about the hard stuff this day.   My Grandchild is going to have to make the tough decision about what to do regarding her Education.  Stick with it and Soldier on, towards Earning her Diploma by whatever options they give her?   Or start Adulting right away and trying to find a Job if the consequences of the decision to Drop Out has to be her Cold Hard Fact immediately?  I do want her to realize every action and major decision in Life has a consequence of some kind, good or bad, positive or negative.   

Every Benefit she currently has stops immediately if she's not enrolled in School, including her Medical/Dental/Social Security/Adoption Relief Subsidy.   She's a Child with considerable Health Issues and Mental Health Issues, so, I already know in advance that Qualifying for Aide is becoming more impossible than ever for those with Disabilities that might impair Life and living Independently.  We don't have the means to cover every expense she might have like that.  It's a Cold Hard Fact she's got to face anyway.  So I want her to really, really consider what dropping out means and what Life will take a turn for should she choose that Path of 10 Miles of really Bad Road to Travel right now.  Life's Outcome is all about the Choices made... either ours or other people's.

I'm rather Practical about the Issues of Life, you Deal with them or they Deal with you.  She has Anxiety Issues as it is about Simple Things, so I know the Hard Things, like applying for Employment ad nauseum or Social Services Benefits, will be difficult for her to do, even with Help from us.  Yes, she'll have to do it all eventually anyway, but, earning her Diploma would have bought her some Maturity Time and at least the benefit of showing she could finish her Education.  The Young Prince found out the hard way and he was INVOLUNTARILY a Dropout, since no School would enroll him.  She at least has the benefit of Voluntarily staying in School and doing what it takes to finish, however long that takes.  I would like it not to take forever, but, if it did, we'd be All In with her to do her best.

The Young Prince has tried to reason with his Sister about what it's like to not even have your GED and not even have a McDonalds want to hire you due to No Diploma AND having a Disability.  He's been turned down for Social Aide as well, numerous times, and what he could Qualify for is temporary at best.  If he didn't have his Husband supporting him, he'd be one of those Seriously Mentally Ill Poor Souls living in the Streets unhoused and destitute.  

 We'd be tasked with Caring for him until we Die, which is what happens if you have an Adult Child unable to live Independently.   And it could still happen with the goddamned Diploma, but, at least that expands at least possibly a few crappy options for them.  You move past the crappy only when you Master seizing better Opportunities and going Balls Out to attain them and make them Yours.

 Her Brother wanted her to realize she has opportunities right now, so don't frustrate Grace by throwing ANY of that away foolishly and recklessly, or she'll have a Lifetime to regret having done so.  You can't go back and fix what you fucked up, but, you BETTER Learn from it.  If she can finish School and show she can finish something, then she could explore going to some Programs that prepare Adult Students for Career Paths they might want to choose.   At School the Career Guidance and School Psychologist told her they'd be assisting her with that should she make a choice of the Two Options they felt were in her best interest and they would Approve her for.   She's resistant to both... and so... here we now are. Talking about History Of Fashion Art and Hard Knocks Life.  *Le Sigh*

I know this Child is Strong Willed and a real Warrior, she's beaten incredible Odds stacked against her since Birth, it's been a tough row to Hoe for her and that isn't Fair, but it's her Hand Dealt.   She isn't a Rebel Without a Cause either, she's not a Rules Breaker and is, at her Core, a Good Kid who wants to Do Right and be Successful.  She's operating out of Fear mostly right now, but sometimes you have to just Do Life Afraid.  If it weren't for the fact this ain't my First Rodeo, perhaps I wouldn't be so Cynical, Jaded, Weary and Pessimistic as I currently Feel about this Child's Life Prospects.  It grieves me more than I have Words for, yet, so much of it is totally out of my Control and I know it.  The Control Freak in me would like to find Solutions and have a measure of Control to make a way and have a Happy Ending.

  Mebbe not a Storybook ending, I would settle right now for just not having an Unhappy Ending, Okay. Yet, I know every Choice she makes from here on out as a Young Adult, not only has consequences for her, but for those surrounding and being in support of her.  It sucks the Big Kahuna and my Dance Card is pretty full as it is, so, I'm probably more Anxious than even she is, Truth be told. She initially woke up intensely Dramatic, Oscar Worthy Performance in fact, and told her Grandpa this Morning she was dropping out and not going to School, she didn't feel good.  It's becoz she has to give the School her big decision about the Choice SHE is making... whichever one it is. 

Listen, I've exhausted every Path she could Qualify for taking, but she has to want it at least as much as I do for her.  Or I wasted my time and energy pursuing any of it on her behalf.  Grandpa wants to coddle her and protect her, she's the 'Baby' and last one he's Raised, he knows he can't tho'.   He requires Full Time Caregiving himself and knows mostly I've had to do this as if a Single Parent for over a Decade now, she was very Young when he had his Catastrophic Brain Injury... so was her Brother... and Raising them was a lot even before my Beloved ended up requiring Full Time Caregiving too.   

Usually he's not even a part of the Process when we have to go to Bat for the Kiddos, and so he just tries to provide Emotional Support for both of us from the Sidelines.  I know he wishes he could do more, yet, he can't and he knows it's just a LOT for me all of the time.  That worries him. A. Lot.  None of them can risk me folding up like a Deck of Cards under the Pressure.   I'm falling behind here at Maintaining everything lately since I'm so scattered that everything is in a state of relative Chaos and I don't function well in Chaos, I need some Order to my Madness here at the Asylum Boheme', it's Helpful.  *Bwahahaha*

 The School now needs Clarity of what to do with her?  I want her to make the most Thoughtful decision for herself, only she can do it FOR herself, I can't.  I've done all I can.   I understand her Fear and Anxiety, but I can't go Soft on her, that would be a mistake.  I have to think Fast on the Fly and be quick on my Feet to be Reactive when I can't be Proactive, as faced with the next new fucking Crisis.  Dark Dawn does better with that than Dawn of the Light does.  *Winks*  Ruh Roh, Long Time Readers know that when I have to unleash Dark Dawn to come out to Play, things are gonna Get Real FAST.   She is my Alter they Warn you about.  *Winks*

Okay, so then I had no Choice of my own but to release Dark Dawn to tell her where the Bull sits.  So, then let's start Adulting immediately, shall we... you who now claims you're just dropping out... just like that!  Hell, if that's your unfortunate Choice, Big Plan and Path to take, you're not a Child now, let's put the Big Girrrrl Panties on Right fucking NOW then.  Choices, all of them, have Consequences.  Let's just get totally immersed in what a Dropout Life will look like then for a Grown Ass Woman whose made that fully Informed Choice.

   Yeah, Dark Dawn does not fuck around or Sugarcoat anything and we weren't having the Sanitized version of how Hard Life would get real fucking fast.  School would begin to look like a damned Cake Walk.  This would quickly become a new Fresh Hell to have to Deal with for her... and us. Get your Ass up anyway, get dressed and I'll drop you off at various locations to fill out Job Applications each and every day now until you find a Job and come with a Check.  Oh, and find some with good Benefits, coz you'll need 'em now too.  Since, you'll lose your Coverage provided by the State and if you get REAL Sick, you'll have no Medical now to receive Care without Qualifying for AHCCCS on your own.  That'll all be Fun...

  And, if the Job Hunt goes Left, then you'll start getting dropped off at every Agency that provides Services for the indigent and Disabled... and you can begin filing all the Mountain of Paperwork and Acrobat Hoop Jumping of that Circus, to try to get Approved and Qualified for Assistance.  Good Luck with that and I Hope it all works out... as they always tell you when you get Denial after Denial and have to Appeal endlessly while having no Means of actual Support.  It sucks and she has a lot to lose, too much to dick around and make immature bad decisions about with real life long term consequences.

 She mos def wanted me to take my War Bonnet off and get the Hell away from me, so her Ass got ready to go to School quicker than a Blue Ass Fly!!!  *Winks* Yes, I finally got her Head on Straight and she went to School, Under Protest and blaming ME for her Lot in Life of coarse, but, her Candy Ass got a Fresh Revelation.  And I can handle being the Villain and the Heavy, not pleasant, but, I bought the Ticket so I'm on for the whole fucking Ride. It was hard, I Hate being the Heavy like that, but going Soft doesn't benefit your Special Needs Child at all.   Life will not go Soft on them at all, it will be harsh, often cruelly so.   Preparing them so they can Deal with Hard Knocks Life is crucial.

 As a Parent you worry about that endlessly since you know you're not gonna attain Immortality to always be there FOR them.  So, you have to make it so they can Survive without you.   Society doesn't give Two shits about them really and those in a struggle.  In fact, from what I hear all the time, well, most folks seem to resent any marginalized or vulnerable Human, whether Adult or Child, requiring Aide on a Taxpayers Dime, let us be Real and Honest about that Fact.

Being Charitable towards the less fortunate is fastly falling out of Fashion in America it seems.   We used to be Great because we were Good, and when we cease to be Good, well, we cease to be Great really, don't we?  I have always been very Proud that America has been one of the most Charitable Countries on the Planet towards the less fortunate in this World.  Somebody has to be... or, they're truly fucked.  

 To extend Humanity towards the Poor, the Sick, the most vulnerable, the Disabled, those fallen on Hard Times... to me, is a measure of the Condition of our Societies as a Collective.   I've been fortunate... and I've been less fortunate... it's always better to be among the fortunate, Trust and Believe.   I've been Homeless and I've lived in a Million Dollar Property... I was still me in both places, circumstances made the only difference.

It's cliche', but There But For The Grace Of God Go Any Of Us.  My Dear Ole' Dad always had some Cute sayings that I fondly remember, a couple of my Fav worth repeating, he got compliments of Comedian Flip Wilson back in the day:

I've been Rich and I've been Poor, Rich is better.

~and~

Be Nice to everyone on your way up, coz you never know when you're gonna meet 'em on your way down.

And my all time Favorite was probably just his, since he was always Mindful of his Creator, the Purpose for his own Existence, and was a deeply Spiritual Man, a Lifelong Environmentalist, even tho' he was not fond of Man's 'Organized Religion':

If you don't give the Lord some of your Time, He might just decide to take all of it.

That saying he Taught us because he felt that every Life worth Living should impart something Positive in this Realm while we're here, or, what WAS our Point of having been a glorious Creation?   If you don't move in Purpose, you're Wasting what it should have been.  He Taught me to appreciate every Living Thing and it's Purpose, and to have Purpose, one that impacts the World in such a Positive way that your Absence would leave a Void that is missed and irreplaceable.

  And that you flow with your Environment and Partner with the Natural World, which is how it should be.  Even every Small Positive thing builds on the next.  The World is usually fucked up when Humans impact their World in Negative ways by their presence here.  The World then is not better off for them having been here in it.  Which are you?   UPDATE: She came Home from School Cheerful, with delish Cookies she baked in Culinary Class, but Silent... I didn't push it... she'll talk about what she told them when she's ready.

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Be Well my Friends and Move in Purpose... Dawn... The Bohemian