It's a Festivus Miracle!

Festivus is getting more and more popular every year! It has grown far, far beyond its original Seinfeldian roots. Now it seems like EVERYONE celebrates Festivus!

Well, gotta run . . . that big meatloaf dinner ain't gonna make itself, you know!

And of course, to celebrate the holiday season, a charitable donation in your name has been made to The Human Fund (Money for People).

Happy Festivus! You all disappoint me.

You Disappoint Me

Happy Festivus, everyone! You know, I bet even Grumpy Cat would enjoy Festivus or at least, the Airing of Grievances part.

And who doesn't have grievances to air at this time of year? The mistake that Christmas makes is trying to paper over resentments, anger and petty jealousies. "Let's all be nice -- it's Christmas!" The genius of Festivus is that it ritualizes the whole ugly process. In fact, maybe things are now getting a bit too bureaucratic. Check out this official notice form, LOL! (click on it to embiggen).

My major Grievance this year is not against any family member, friend or blog buddy. Nope, I'm going full-on Big League. I'm calling out the most hated man in North America, the one who is currently denying us Canadians our very birthright: *snarl* Gary Bettman, Commissioner of the NHL.

Oh yeah, I know exactly where I want to stick that aluminum Festivus Pole, Bettman, you feckin bastid. Settle already, fer Chrissakes!

Festivus Cakes Just For You!

Now do something nice for me in return, you ingrate.

I worked my friggin' fingers to the bone decorating this cake for you. Yes, those are corn niblets. So what? [Update: Sorry, everyone, apparently those are acorns . . . I know, WTF? And this is Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa cake, not a Festivus cake at all. Oh well, screw it. It deserves to be a Festivus cake too.]

What are you bitching about? It's got sprinkles!

Happy Festivus!

Hooray! Today is Festivus for the rest of us! And I'm all ready for it. The Festivus Pole is up:

The Festivus cards have been sent and the pretend donations to fake charities have been made:

Tonight's dinner will be the traditional Festivus meal of meatloaf with all the trimmings. For my guests I've also got a couple of special cakes decorated in the spirit of the holiday:

During dinner, we'll begin The Airing of Grievances -- always a special time in any family! I've been saving up my petty resentments and toxic feelings all year long! I will commence The Airing of Grievances ritual with the time-honoured Festivus words: I got a lot of problems with you people. And now, you're gonna hear about it.

And finally, Festivus concludes with everyone's favourite ritual -- the Feats of Strength -- when the Head of the Household is pinned to the floor, signifying that Festivus is officially over. Around here, the Head of the Household is Her Royal Highness, of course. But she's pretty tough to wrestle with, so our Festivus may continue for days!

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