i purchased a canon battery charger from amazon last week, so i guess i'll start posting more pictures here now that i don't really have any reason not to.

plus, i'm not as paranoid as i used to be so it's all good. a year or two ago i never really felt comfortable with myself, but as time goes on, i'm learning to let go of some issues.

oh, did i tell you guys (and by 'you guys' i mean the internet) that i got a job? yeah, i found out last friday and will be starting on oct 1st. wow, the first week and a 1/2 of october is going to be killer for me. dealing with a new job and my sister's wedding just might push me over the edge. we'll see what happens.

anyhoo, went out for a friend's bday tonight (wed night) to ktown for food and drinks. of course i drank water and pineapple juice all night, while everyone else partook in drunken debauchery but i still had fun nonetheless.

good times.

me & judy

the bday girl had no idea that we dropped an onion ring in her blue moon. we're all laughing in this pic and she doesn't know why so she joins in on the laughing and that in turn makes us crack up more.

me & the bday girl meredith

i've also been hitting up some movie theatres this past week to take advantage of my last weekdays off for a while. i've seen 4 recent movies! i think that's an all time record for me. i usually hate theatres, esp the large megaplexes, but i love the small indie theatres in new york city. i esp love going to these theatres alone. places like the angelika, quad cinema, cinema village and sunshine are theatres i feel completely comfortable in (only when i know there's not going to be any people). within the past week i've watched:

1. across the universe *THUMBS UP*
2. into the wild *THUMBS UP*
3. the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford *THUMBS UP*
4. beauty remains *THUMBS DOWN*.

everyone please support your local indie theatres and the independent film industry. fuck those stupid ass movies like spiderman and shit. i can't stand those inane "blockbuster" movies. they're full of shit that are made to entertain people with no attention spans.

ps-i am in DIRE need of a haircut.

pps- i really need to get laid.

i need to learn how to not give a flying fuck about what people think about me.

fuck how my life looks on paper.

happiness and living well is the best revenge.

my dad said something interesting to me a week or two ago.

my sister's wedding is on Oct 6th, and we have family from all over the country flying in for the occasion. my grandparents will be coming in from alaska as well, and this will be the first time seeing them since they flew in for my college graduation late last year.

i guess my sister's wedding is the topic of the moment for everyone in our clan, as it should be, and everyone's been in quite a nostalgic mood. my dad was talking about how excited he was for my grandparents coming into town, and he suggested that i sit with my grandfather and interview him for my book that i'm writing.

i then asked my dad, "um... what book?"

"didn't you say you were going to write a book? you should write interview and write about him, he has a lot to say."

this kind of took me by surprise because while my dad knows i've always wanted to be a writer, i don't think he's ever talked about it. he's never been against it, nor really for it, just kind of indifferent about it all.

then my dad started talking about my grandfather, and i think i get a lot of my personality from him. my dad and i aren't really that similar, but the beliefs and values of my grandfather have always been along the same lines as mine. he's always been big on family history, education, knowing where you came from, and knowing what you want in life. my grandfather's the patriarch of our family and an extremely driven yet stubborn man.

even before i went to korea this past year, i begged my dad to write down some important places i could visit to feel a connection with my family ancestors. whether it be the town he was born, the name of a street of a house he used to live in, i asked for basically ANYTHING. i bothered my dad about this for months, yet the day i left, he hadn't written down a single thing for me.

then the other week, my dad shows me a book that my grandfather made for each one of his grandkids when they were born. and in this book listed the names of my ancestors, where we came from, and basically had our whole family history. my grandfather had even gone to a local translator in 1976 and had the names and history of each family member translated, starting from himself and my grandmother. there in english, dated from 1976, listed the towns and locations my grandfather, grandmother, dad, uncles and aunts had been born and lived. i was a bit peeved because if my dad had given me this last Dec before i left for korea, i would've visited these places because that's one of the main reasons i went-- to discover myself.

i guess i'll just have to save those visits for my next trip to korea, whenever that may be.

to continue on with the theme of nostalgia, i found a bunch of old photo albums in my house today and spent a few hours scanning old pictures.

here are a few pics of my parents from their younger days. my mom was so beautiful, and my dad was so handsome. i wonder if i look like them at all.

i need to get on top of my whole, "life-regimen" thing.

i feel so vulnerable.

i want to crawl into a deep hole and push a large boulder over the opening so i could sit alone in dark silence for eternity. that's where i belong.

the weather today in nyc was soooooooooooooo beautiful. i was walking around all day with a kool-aid smile, i love this weather! it feels so good to think that the nasty, muggy, hot summer is behind us.

to take advantage of the weather and day off, my friend judy and i decided to trek it over to williamsburg for some brunch and shopping. we went to dumont for some food, and then walked around a few hours shopping for new stuff. our last stop was beacon's closet and i didn't find anything to my liking. shopping wise, the day was a bust but hey- it was nice spending some quality time with judy. below are a few pics we took when we stopped for some coffee and pistachio cake. yumm.








i'm taking advantage of being able to take pictures while my camera lasts, so i guess i'll post some until i run out.

my tuxedo fitting for my sister's wedding is tomorrow. damn, i can't believe the wedding is in three weeks. that's madness, madness i say!

does anyone else have their cliche, high-school-era-nightmares that have them waking up in a cold sweat? on tv they always show characters saying they showed up to school naked, but mine isn't quite like that.

mine ALWAYS have the same story line, and when i get them i usually tend to freak out and wake up in an absolute state of panic.

this is what happens in mine: i'm back in high school and have been cutting my math or science class for the past 2 weeks and am scared to go back to class because i think i'm going to get yelled at by my teacher. then i think i can't graduate and get my diploma, and that's where the panic sets in. while the dreams do tend to vary in plots and endings, they always have that same story line and i end up waking up confused, scared, and anxious.

as you can tell, i have some traumatic memories and issues from high school. truancy was my favorite class, and it tended to get me into deep shit.

anyhoo, i've been sleeping very hard for the past 2 weeks. it's odd. i can't seem to wake up for anything, my body is just physically exhausted and refuses to wake up when my 3 (yes three!!) alarms go off. i hate being like this. i can't wake up for shit and can't ever get anything done in the mornings. i told my friend about it, and he said i might be depressed. that would make sense because, well i just haven't been feeling right the past few weeks. i think the stress of finding a job has really been getting to me.

this morning on the subway i thought i wanted to kill myself. i just fucking hated everyone and everything and i knew i just needed to take a breather, so i watched sarah mclachlan's music video for "world on fire" (which i purchased onto my ipod months ago) and was instantly humbled. i need to be humbled more often. i have to realize that my life ain't as bad as millions of others around the world.

blah. good night.