Dragons' Den spoof by Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse

'Dragons Den' was originally a Japanese TV programme, which was later very successfully adopted by the BBC. This spoof version by Enfield and Whitehouse is a classic, and (having worked in The City myself) is not as far-fetched as you might think.

The 'Dragons Den' characters in the video may not mean much if you haven't seen the BBC version.

A wall built of cake.

I'm not sure if I've shown this picture before; if I have I apologise.

I was recently sent this photo which brings back great memories. I think I must have been going through my Strachey period.

I had not long moved to France (Sept 1973) and had met an NZ woman who was living nearby; she later became a very good friend, and still is. She asked me if I would help to build a small wall, with flower bed, in one corner of her terrace. It was to be built of stone with a tiled top; an easy enough job which she wanted to be in keeping with the surrounding walls (i.e. rustic).

At one stage the daughter of the house brought me some Tea and Carrot cake. I had never even heard of Carrot cake, and found it as inedible as it sounded. I took a large lump and built it into the wall. My action was not appreciated.

I don't know if that's why I'm looking so miserable. I would have been about 25 at the time.

 

A change of mind?

Pre-Brexit life was very different. We lived our quiet bucolic lives tucked away in a small cottage deep in the Southern French countryside. We harmed no-one, and no-one harmed us. It was a simple and peaceful life that suited us perfectly.

Then, regardless of us voting 'no', we were forced to leave the EU, and therefore our right to live freely in any one of the 27 EU countries. We are now only allowed to stay in our own home for 90 days (unless we become resident or apply for an extension visa; neither of which we wish to do).

OK, we're not that fussed about it, as we'd made sure we had property back in the UK; where we are presently living. We're reasonably happy to live a two-location life.

Of course we miss a lot about our life in France. The fact that we had hundreds of acres of woodland on our doorstep, a very pleasant climate, a lovely 300 year old home, and some wonderful friends. We also had enough land for plenty of fruit trees and a veg' garden (Haddock's below).

However, it now seems as if both the French and the Spaniards are having a change of mind over the 90 day limit. They propose that home-owners would simply have to carry proof of home ownership to be able to stay as long as they like.

Macron is against the idea but many French and Spanish politicians want a change. They want second homes to be occupied, and for their (possibly) wealthy owners to spend plenty of money.

The EU's current rules amount to shooting themselves in the foot simply to be nasty about a rich member-country leaving their club. Both France and Spain claim that the 90 day rule is damaging their economies (I did warn them).

It may all come to nothing, but at least it proves that there are some people on the other side of La Manche who have some amount of common sense. 

 

What I want of a Dog.

I've only 'owned' four Dogs; Hamlet, Monty, Bok, and Billy (all featured on my side bar).

In many ways they were all quite similar. They were playful, faithful, and appreciative of the love and care they received.

I've noticed that many people smile when they see Billy (below) approaching. There's something about Border Collies that triggers a deep-seated emotion. Perhaps it's the idea of a Sheepdog being so far from the Welsh mountains that amuses them.

Anyway, what do I want of a Dog? 

He (always a he) should be medium, or slightly above medium, sized. No Yorkies or Chihuahuas for me. I want a Dog with legs longer than the depth of a shallow puddle. 

He should preferably be black and white, or black (I made an exception with Monty), and should be capable of running long distances. He should not be afraid of the woods, or of other Dogs.

Preferably he should not be tempted to roll in stinking carcasses; but I expect that's a wish too far!

He should be friendly, and perhaps a tad 'admiring' (looking up into my eyes as if to say 'I adore you Daddy'). Occasionally he should lie down by my feet, or rest his head on my lap.

He should not suffer from car sickness.

He should be trainable, and learn simple commands such as 'away' and 'come by'. 

He should wag his tail vigorously when I come in from shopping or from the Pub'. He should always be pleased to see me (as I am with him). 

He should have 'character'. Not be sickly. Be alert. Tell me of approaching strangers, and greet friends warmly. He should be polite, well behaved, and obedient. Billy fits the bill mostly. 

Not too much to ask, is it?

 

Who's in charge these days?

Palestinians are much in the news these days for obvious reasons. I was recently reminded about the only leader of theirs that I've ever known much about, and that was the delightful Yasser Arafat. Most of us will remember him; he was a well known figure on the world stage, and I'm sure he enjoyed the limelight.

He became a very wealthy man. Allegedly he had all Palestinian VAT tax receipts diverted to his private foreign bank accounts, building up a personal fortune of about $1.3 Billion. His private investment portfolio included a Coca Cola Bottling plant, A Tunisian Cell Phone Co, and various Venture Capital Funds in the USA and Cayman. The perfect capitalist, who just also happened to be the founding father of the SOCIALIST Fatah movement. Or as they say in Socialism "Do as I say, not as I do".

Sadly the Palestinian people never received any of the tax returns destined for their desperately needed infrastructure, health facilities, and social reform. The man was simply a bloody thief.

These days the leaders of Hamas, Fatah, or the PLO (if it's still operating) are no longer well known names or faces. They hide away behind schools and hospitals, probably stealing money as did Arafat; spending their spoils on weapons rather than food, utilities, or medical care. Arafat-ism is alive and well, and living in Gaza, where a healthy foreign bank account is probably as handy now as it was in Arafat's day.

Arafat ended his days in France in 2004, and I believe that the French government helped empty his Swiss bank accounts in exchange for his medical treatment. Presumably his thieving prevented the building of decent hospitals back at home, where they might have treated both him and many others. His body was later flown back to Ramallah where he was buried.

I don't know if he is still given sainthood status by the Palestinians, but if they really wish to honour an absolute scoundrel, I suppose it's their prerogative.

His wife, the fragrant Suha, also embezzled Millions, which were relieved of her after she quit The West Bank for a more luxurious life in Europe. She was well known for her extravagant shopping trips to London, Paris, and Rome, where she spent 'fortunes'. The last that was heard of her, she was broke, and living quietly in Malta (with her brother?).

The poor ordinary Palestinians deserved, and deserve, so much better.

 

Schengen

I hope you will be able to enlarge this picture.

For non-Europeans' information, the EU Schengen Agreement was established to allow free movement between EU member countries. The UK was not a Schengen member, and the only time it affected me was in Germany, where I had to go through purposefully unpleasant passport control etc. They were doing their best to make our lives difficult.

Schengen has worked well since its conception, but now there are problems caused by illegal immigration. Asylum seeking refugees are supposed to apply for asylum in the first EU country they enter, but countries have been passing them on simply to be rid of them. Most eventually head for the UK, Sweden, and Germany.

The whole concept of the EU was based on European unity, free trade, and freedom of movement, and without the freedom of movement it begins to crumble. It has long been predicted that the EU would eventually fail, and it looks as if this could be the beginning of its decline. If EU member countries start to control their own borders, as they did before the EU was conceived, then they will simply return to being individual countries, and the whole point of the EU would be lost. As you can see by the illustration, most countries are already taking back control of their borders.

Current high rates of illegal immigration, and the prospect of terrorism, could be responsible for the end of the great EU experiment.

 

New laptop.

 

I've had to buy myself a new laptop. The old one was 'full-up' and had become listless and lazy. The new one is much faster and seems ready to perform the most difficult of tasks.

But all is not well. There are one or two oddities with the new machine. For example when I press the @ key it comes up as ". And when I press the " key it comes up as @. I don't really have a problem with this; I will learn to adapt, but why on earth did they do it?

Another thing is that all my photos from the 12th July to today have totally disappeared, and as try as I will, I have failed to find them.

I had previously given-up reading the Daily Mail, mostly on account of all those young 'celebs' showing off their 'ample assets' in the sidebar of shame. But now it has suddenly reappeared on my task bar as if by magic. I shall probably delete it again, even though its news coverage is quite good.

Otherwise it has proved very simple to set-up, even if it does insist on American spellings for which I cannot find any method of change.

It's always fun buying a new laptop. I must now have about 6 or 7 old ones lying in dusty boxes. I don't know why I keep them; it drives Lady M bonkers.

The new one has no makers name. It is, of course, Chinese, and is just what I wanted. It has a 15.6 inch screen, 16 GB, DDR4, 512 GB, and Windows 11. Whatever all that means.

As long as it does what I ask of it for a couple of years I shall be very happy. I bought the laptop through a well-known jungle shop; it arrived the following day!