ANNOYING WORDS & ACTIONS -- POLITICS FUN & GAMES

ANNOYING WORDS

In the scheme of life this topic matters little, but I keep getting annoyed every time I hear the word "jabbed" used to describe people getting the vaccination combatting this world sweeping pandemic.  I don't know why this word used for this purpose grates on me, but I find "injection" or even "shot" (though, come to think of it, shot can have a worse meaning) much less objectionable.

Maybe "jabbed" in my mind suggests just a careless imprecise sticking of someone with any ol' object, anywhere, in which case who would want a vaccination -- I wouldn't.   But I don't mind getting a shot?   Go figure!

Are there words that just automatically trigger a negative reaction aggravating you when you hear them used?

ANNOYING ACTIONS -- be forewarned of political commentary

Writing of jabs and annoyance, I might add I'm more than a little annoyed that my and others tax money here in California is being squandered to the tune of $276 million.   We're having to foot the bill for a special election to recall our Governor Newsom that I consider to be purely politically motivated.   Do you think there just might be better ways to spend that sum?  I do!

I don't question there are issues with actions our Governor has taken with which some Californians have not agreed.  I do not believe they have risen to the level warranting this recall vote, however.   This is especially evident when compared to the gross actions the previous U.S. President of that major political party's monied supporters promoting this recall consistently tolerated by denial and turning a blind eye -- they still do.

We California citizens are basically paying for a pre-primary election for the Republican Party prior to our future regular election, November 2022.  They view this recall election as an exercise to come up with a viable candidate to offer next year, as described by a writer with a newspaper that endorsed one of that Party's candidates for this recall election.  (Note: I'm not registered with any political party.)

If this recall is successful, we're really only shortening our current Democratic Party governor's term by one (1) year!  There is no justifiable reason in my view for not waiting for the regular election in 2022 to determine if we want him as governor, when we can reject or re-elect him at that time.  

My ballot arrived in the mail this past week offering me the choice of two actions.  The first choice is, do I want to recall our Governor -- "Yes" or "No".  The second action is to select who should replace him from the 46 listed candidates if he is recalled.  That's right -- 46 candidates!   (24 Republicans, 9 Democrats, 9 No Party Preference, 2 Green Party, 1 Libertarian, Write-Ins of unknown number, if any)

Our current Governor must receive a majority, 50% or more, of the votes saying "NO" we don't want to recall him in order to stay in office the last year of his elected 4 year term.

Here's the scary part -- if the voters recall him, the candidate who has the most votes will become our replacement governor.  The votes for all the other candidates may total more than the winning candidate but that won't matter.  

What kind of representative of the electorate would that person be?  This is how political nutsos (technical term) receiving only a meager number of votes can be elected to office!  That, and occasionally via the Electoral College less-in-number votes taking precedent over the larger majority popular votes.  The latter has taken place twice in recent years with disastrous consequences -- Iraq War, Capitol Insurrection.  

Reading the resume' of most of these candidates reveals qualifications that hardly prepare them to be our state's governor.  One or more candidates might realistically be considered as endorsement fodder by the Republican or Democratic Party come our regular election, but many other candidates might not be judged realistic prospects  for political offices in their own communities whether  the office of mayor, treasurer of a local club, or dog catcher.  

Of course, there is that woman who is simply described as "Entertainer", or more precisely, "Billboard Queen, Icon. Experienced politician."  She has a P.O. Box in Beverly Hills so what further qualifications or endorsements does she need?  (No Party Preference)

Hopefully, the majority of my fellow Californians will mark their ballot, "NO" we do not want to recall our current Governor.  Let him serve out his four-year term, then we'll decide whether to re-elect him or not.

Our current Governor Newsom is telling those who support him to vote "NO" on the recall, but not vote for a candidate.  I haven't heard him explain why not vote for a candidate.   He cannot be written in either as the vote won't be viable.   I guess he is optimistic that he will not be recalled.

Perhaps he does not want the primary opposition Republican Party to have the benefit of learning the voting strength of any of his Democratic Party's candidates, but especially which of their own candidates might attract the most votes in 2022.  So far, the most prominent Republican candidates agree on the major issues, with which I don't agree, despite whatever lesser issues they disagree on with each other.

Frankly, I'm not inclined to want to make the Republican Party's formulating their 2022 election ticket any easier for them either. I don't trust a political party whose actions have demonstrated efforts to undermine our democratic republic.  This gives me little confidence in whether most of their candidates would protect our freedoms -- a troubling perspective I never imagined their actions would cause me to form of that Party. 

I have mixed feelings about not selecting a candidate, since not only do I resent my tax money paying for this recall election, I am angry about being used by the Republican Party in this manner -- an abuse of the political process and all taxpayers.    Just when I think they couldn't ethically sink any lower  earning my respect for them, they keep managing to go deeper at every governmental level into the national cesspool they seem to have created.

What I think also, is, if by some fluke the recall vote succeeds, do I want to take a chance on who the candidate receiving the most votes will be?   No doubt the Republicans will come out to vote in full force, but if I don't select a candidate, do I want to risk their possibly choosing the most unacceptable to me of their candidates?

Their voter track record for quality candidate selection isn't too good as I recall the last time they put one of their own in the White House as a prime example.  Too many of the Republican Party members appear to continue to bend, bow and kowtow following this now ex-President's much less than noble, unethical example garnering votes with total disregard for facts and truth coupled with their promoting often  ridiculous, even dangerous conspiracy theories.

In addition to voting "NO" on the recall, I must decide whether to vote for a specific candidate, then vote by September 14th.  

REDHEADS AT RISK FOR DISCRIMINATION ?

All the senseless deadly discriminatory violence that is occurring across our country has reminded me of historical accounts revealing the many different groups singled out for rejection at one time or another.   

Discriminatory stories prevail about the Native American Indians, Chinese, Irish, Italians, Hawaiians, Japanese, Negroes/African-Americans/Blacks, Puerto Ricans, Mexican, various religious groups, and many others.   Discrimination occurs from some on the basis of how others speech sounds, or other differences considered to be outside the so-called prevailing range of what they consider "normal", or acceptable, though we're all human beings.

Could it ever happen here?  For example, could discrimination occur based on even hair color?  Could redheads ever be discriminated against as a group?  Surely not!

But ... given so many of our fellow country-persons continuing to believe our former President's lies, his new ones, including conspiracy theories, the most despicable discriminatory words and behaviors with individuals being physically attacked have been more openly expressed.  There are those who believe that it's okay to treat some people as "less than," because they are different  from them in some respect -- by skin color, other physical body differences.

Perhaps redheads and some other groups, including religious, political, social, to which some of us belong shouldn't be so confident we'll never be discriminated against.  As for redheads, it's not as though those with red hair have never experienced discrimination before.  

A recent prime example of discrimination is a woman in India with natural red hair I recently discovered when researching whether or not there were no redheads in India as a Google search statement reported.  I thought, considering India was under the rule of Great Britain for so many years with many English persons and some other nationalities living there that possibly there might have been some genes mixing.

During my process of verifying the facts, I found this story written in 2017 with photos of a lovely young woman and her parents where you can see this, apparently, rare redhead in India.  She was thought to be diseased, her parents shunned because she looked different.  Perhaps there are other redheads in India hidden away for self-protection who simply have not been discovered.

Redheads have been revered by some and reviled by others through the ages.  Given the current obsession and susceptibility some people have for believing conspiracy theories perhaps we redheads should be concerned we could be placed on the list in the future to join those being discriminated against in our own U.S. country. 

For what, could others discriminate against you?   Those who discriminate against others should be aware that all groups of people are at risk of being discriminated against if some others decide, for whatever their reasons, to single them out for rejection because of their looks, beliefs, behaviors, or simply for political reasons as happens in some countries.

We see journalists as one group that are systematically under discriminatory attack by some nations leaders trying to exert excessive message control -- as did our previous President in his discriminatory press treatment.  Think also of Saudi Arabia's Jamal Khashoggi's assassination.  Other leaders stifle similar dissidents by imprisoning them as in China, Russia, Myanmar, Hong Kong, Turkey, to name a few current ones, by censoring their nation's press.

Some physical appearance differences occur that are unnatural.   I had occasion to be in Quito, Ecuador in the 1950's for a visit with family.  All of us had natural red hair and drew much attention with many stares, especially from native Indians we happened to encounter when we walked about the downtown area.

The surrounding region was inhabited by Indigenous Tsachila (means "true people") also known as Colorados which means "the red-colored ones" whose men traditionally dyed their hair red with sap from the achiote tree as in this Science Source link to a photo of a boy and one also on that site of an adult man.  So, some cultures have found red hair, even if artificially colored, to not only be desirable but to signify honored exceptionality.  

Redheads reportedly are thought by some amid current senseless conspiracy theories to be the result of aliens breeding with humans, citing supporting evidence involving red-headed kings and queens as farfetched as this may seem to most of us.

Then, there is also the belief some have had that redheads become vampires when we die.  Long ago ashes of redheaded males burned alive are reported to have been used to fertilize fields.  Redheads were believed to have no souls.  All this and more with photos appear in brief accounts of 11 historical myths about redheads by clicking on this link.

Redheaded women were thought to be witches, have volatile tempers.  A recent blurb featured by Wisewebwoman on her blog:  "The Other Side of Sixty" gave me pause, seeming apropos here:  

"Who knows why we were taught to fear the witches, And not those who burned them alive?"

On the other hand, redheads have been said to bring good luck.  When all is said and done, I don't think we have any special powers simply because of the color of our hair.  

Red hair (or ginger hair) is present in people all over the world though we're considered to be only less than 1-2% of the population.  Scotland and Ireland have the most frequency of redheads. 

A number of years ago redheads were reported to be becoming extinct but this study was subsequently refuted when Proctor and Gamble was disclosed to have sponsored the research in relation to selling their hair dying products as noted in a Smithsonian article, "Requiem for the Redhead" available with a direct search using this title.

A Geneticist reports redheaded people and even those with blue eyes will decrease significantly in number to become more rare, but will not completely cease to exist though there may be some disagreement among geneticists on that matter.

Whatever our future holds I hope discriminatory words and actions cease.  How everyone talks everyday with loved ones, friends, and others -- beginning in the home with children, our grandchildren, nieces and nephews, strongly contributes to eliminating discrimination.  Communication demands civility, courtesy and respect to all -- those we know and those we don't.  There is no place for physical assaults.

Language, words and actions matter!  

MOTHER'S SAYING -- AGEING ODDITY

Best wishes to mothers the world over with this repeat post, some current editing, I wrote here years ago.

My mother enjoyed language, words, and the double-play of meanings.  Prominent in my mother's time was Dorothy Parker who was quite adept with word humor as a later quote will attest.  Ms. Parker is described in Wikipedia as "an American poet, writer, critic and satirist based in New York; she was best known for her wit, wisecracks, and eye for 20th century urban foibles".

Phrases, Sayings, Idioms, and Ageing

Lying in bed one recent night thoughts of the world's financial precariousness caused me to wonder why so many corporate, financial and government leaders fail to accept and implement problem solving solutions provided them in ways to benefit their country's population multitudes and not primarily just the 1-2% obscenely wealthy as in the U.S.

Somehow, I evolved into thinking about how we receive information for ourselves or that we provide others and yet do not often apply what is in their as well as our own best self-interest in a balanced approach benefiting all.

I thought of my mother's youth occurring during horse and buggy days, the changes and necessary adaptations wrought in her world.  Autos, planes were invented.  Women's right to vote the year she became age 21 and cast her first ballot were some of the highlights in her time.

What else came to my mind was typical of what I've often experienced since my mother's death years ago.  The older I become, the more I think of her with increasing understanding, identification with some of her aging experiences.  One of her favored sayings will pop into my mind as did this one:

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." 

My curiosity led me to this information from phrases.org.uk.  Interestingly, that Old English Homilie was recorded as early as 1175, the oldest English proverb that is still in regular use today.

"The proverb 'lead a horse to water' has been in continuous use since the 12th century.  John Heywood listed it in the influential glossary A Dialogue Conteinying the Nombr in Effect of all the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue:

'A man male well bring a horse to the water, But he can not make him drinke without he will.'

It also appeared in literature over the centuries in a variety of forms.  For example, in the play Narcissus, which was published in 1602, of unknown authorship, subtitled as A Twelfe Night merriment, played by youths of the parish at the College of Saint John the Baptist in Oxford:

Your parents have done what they coode, 

They can but bringe horse to the water brinke,

But horse may choose whether that horse will drinke.

It wasn't until the 20th century that 'lead a horse to water...' got a substantial rewrite, when Dorothy Parker reworked it from its proverbial form into the epigram 'you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.'

I don't mean to offend the sensibilities of any reading this, but Parker has been considered to be quite a wit.

Noticing English wording and spelling in days of yore, I wonder how our language as we speak and write will evolve, perhaps looking antiquated to those encountering our current communications in future generations.

Aging observations Dorothy Parker is quoted as saying a few years before her death in an interview with Gloria Steinem with which my mother, I'm sure, and now I can agree.

"You know, the odd thing about being old is that you see something--something especially good or rotten or funny, and you think, 'Oh, I must show this to so-and-so, it's just his [or her] sort of thing.'  " She smiled, and walked slowly to the door.  "And what's odd--is there are so many gaps in the circle now--that so-and-so is gone."

 

LANGUAGE SETS AN OPTIMISTIC MOOD

Consider with me whatever these thoughts surfacing in my mind during this pandemic may prompt you to think about in your own lives.  I think I am blessed with a somewhat optimistic outlook on life as I consider my situation, that of the current world and especially in my own country, the U.S.   I don't know why I tend toward an optimistic perspective, whether it's genetic, environmental, or due to other unknown factors.  Maybe it's the water I drink.

My mother mostly modeled positivity with a considerable dose of stoicism through circumstances she experienced in her lifetime including during the previous 1918 flu pandemic.  Years later we shared some unexpected significant life changes beginning when I was only a child to which we adapted.  I was able to observe her demeanor, how she coped, acquiring increasing appreciation and understanding for how she managed as I became an adult.

In my mother's case, her religious faith coupled with the secure foundation of her farm family upbringing were strong influences for her coping mechanisms in a very different time from that of my own generation.  Her religious/spiritual beliefs were personal, private, non-extremist, devoid of politicization.  They were not the kind pressed on me or others, a practice which might be better for all today to clearly separate church from state.

My life has been presented with its share of complications of varied complexities beginning when I was very young, so I have had adversities to address before, a few of which, unfortunately, could even be characterized as traumatic.  Fortunately, without denying such, I still developed an overall outlook somewhat like this song's lyrics.  (Much to my surprise I discovered among name vocal artists recordings a version by actor/director Clint Eastwood, not known as  a singer.)

Particularly during this pandemic time as I hear and read about many having all sorts of difficulties adapting and coping, I am grateful to feel fairly comfortable with how I have been able to manage, at least to date.  I do know what exists today is no guarantee for what the future may hold.  Certainly, my circumstances have not been without challenges as I age, incur some unexpected medical issues, and practice living in place in my home with no family nearby and too many friends long since deceased.

Also, anyone reading this blog knows I have very real concerns about the state of our government, our nation and the world.  I have ample reasons to be emotionally depressed, negative in attitude, even feel overwhelmed with the future's uncertainty.  For whatever the reasons, generally speaking, I do not feel that way though I am acutely aware of the potential for worse case scenarios both personally and with our country, even the world.  I do not ignore any of them, but they generally do not press on me emotionally though I do have my moments.

I try to consider what my options are in order to be as prepared as possible mentally and otherwise for what might occur which I've attempted to do throughout my life with varying degrees of success.  Beyond all that, knowing there are factors over which I have no influence, I simply go on with my daily life much as most of you probably do, too.  Always, the unexpected may occur, does and has, which is just a given, but I'll not fret about it.

A board game I had growing up was called "Pollyanna", the glad game, though I don't recall that I ever read the book which prompted the games creation.  I do know the name has become associated with describing someone "excessively cheerful and optimistic who wants to pretend life is all sweetness and light" as defined in Oxford Languages.  I certainly know life is not "all sweetness and light" as I'm sure you do, too.

Though I've never been accused of being a "Pollyanna" and never thought of my outlook on life as being excessively optimistic, some might not differentiate the nuances in meaning.  But don't confuse my type of optimism with that version prostituted to the extreme by our nation's leader's prevarications -- bald-faced optimistic-like lies.  

I do think between this pandemic,  how it's been handled, the general state of the nation and the world with the creeping autocracies featuring fascism ideologies, racism, environmental planet preservation issues, other inequities that a whole lot of negativity has been created.  This negativity permanating our lives can be as contagious as a self-replicating virus and we know something about that now, don't we.  

So, when I express some potential optimism and hope for the future I do so fully cognizant of the immediate reality, possible implications in the present and time to come.  (Countermanding this "permanating negativity" here's Steven Wilson's tune "Permanating" he performs with the Bollywood Dancers to lighten the mood.)

Positive Psychology  discusses that Pollyanna Principle but also notes "A tendency to be optimistic and find a silver lining does impact health and well-being" in beneficial ways as I think we need to keep reminding ourselves.  I think science and we can readily conclude the degree to which one is optimistic does have some bearing on the quality of our lives, though I wonder how many people agree with that view in practice.

I think the ability to find and envision reasons to be optimistic, thus have hope for our future, is vital to our mental, emotional and physical health.  I also believe the language we choose to use describing situations to others and to tell ourselves, especially, has some bearing on the attitude we create, thus influencing how well we cope.  (I rather like this version of jazzy sentiments Paul McCartney sings with artist Diana Krall and her musical group to convey the message.)

There are various means we can use to best adapt to whatever our situation.  Resilience is a means defined by numerous dictionaries and psychologists as our being pragmatic, able to adapt, withstand and recover from significant stressful events, adversity, trauma, threats, to return back into shape.  We're all mustering our resilience to survive this pandemic, our governmental and world situation as well as our own challenges.

I find being resilient, even stoic for a limited period of time, beneficial.  Combined with a degree of humor, being realistically optimistic without rigidly specifying a specific time when all will be resolved or overcome, can be a healthy approach to survival.  

Critical, too, is having hope for the future, again without defined timelines given the uncertainty, optimizes my overall wellbeing to travel the adversity of any rough and rugged road ahead.

I wonder how others view the manner they approach what they do to effectively deal with life's adversities, be it this pandemic or other experiences including from the past -- if either optimism or hope are present in your life now and as compared to other times?

FEAR -- FLIGHT -- FALLACIOUS LANGUAGE

I brought up the topic of courage in my previous post which prompted some interesting reader comments.   The topic evolved into some other thoughts for me as I consider what’s happening with bald eaglet Simba becoming fly-worthy, also daily life issues we each encounter plus the challenges presented in our nation and the world today.

Rain who writes at Rainy Day Thoughts observed discerning between what might be considered a courageous act and, in fact, is actually foolish can be a challenge.  I suppose if the action is judged successful we consider it courageous, but failure might be viewed as our having been foolish to ever having undertaken it in the first place. 

Terra who writes at Terra Garden contrasts overcoming the fear some experience of even leaving their house versus those we view as courageously circling the earth in a space shuttle.     

Jean at Misadventures of Widowhood writes of the courage we exhibit whenever we act outside our comfort zone.

Raman’s Musings from India included his report of the courage he needed to leave a long-established career in his late forties to start a new career.

Goldendaze Ginnie reports living in the midst of a geographical area where we could surmise it might take courage to express less than popular views from those of the predominant group's religious beliefs.  She cites the Serenity Prayer’s sentiments as guidance which I concur can be pertinent in life.

Courage and fear seem to be intrinsically linked as Arkansas Patti who writes at  TheNew Sixty notes – the latter stimulating or needing to be overcome for action we often describe as being courageous. 

Nick in Northern Ireland who writes at Nick Here and Now introduced being “...impressed by the courage of Labour Party whistle-blowers who've spoken up about virulent antisemitism in the party and incurred the wrath of the party leadership.”  

Perhaps we could use a few more such courageous types in our President’s political party.

Seems to me we’re seeing some interesting displays of fear, courage, or lack thereof.....

..... as I also wonder what eaglet Simba is experiencing? 

Perhaps there are skills Simba needs yet to acquire before he initiates flight.    Maybe he is not afraid to fly, is not lacking in courage.  Maybe his parents, Shadow and Jackie,  know this and have been directing he must develop these skills or acquire more strength and stamina before launching into the air.  

All we know is Simba is well into the timeline when eaglets begin making their beginning flights and we humans are impatient for him to do so.  We’re still waiting for his maiden flight as I write this Saturday night, July 20^th. 

Earlier today when I did a more lengthy check on Simba than the occasional brief visits I make during the week, I observed his continued activities were limited to hopping about the nest, short flights from a branch into the nest, picking up and moving small branches in the nest, positioning himself on various larger branches from which he could launch into the air, lots of wings extension with flapping, lengthy time periods perching quietly with eagle-eye surveying of his surroundings. 

Before dusk there was considerable bird talk with a larger variety of communication soumds than I’ve heard before,  presumably with his parents.   Then, his father, Shadow, flew into the nest with a fish Simba ate.  Simba produced lots of whining sounds, seemed agitated with his father in one instance, was finally fed a few bites before Shadow ultimately left the nest.   

Later when Simba perched on a launching branch there was lots more parental bird talk conversation, wing strengthening flapping but without his talons releasing their grip on the branch to actually fly.  Darkness came and Simba appears to be spending the night alone, perched on the launching branch as his mother, Jackie, never flew in with a fish as she often has in the past. 

Political view alert....

On a human note I’ve long been concerned that so few leaders in our government have had the courage to contradict or denounce our President’s words, actions that are counter to what I’ve believed represent the basic values of our nation.  This has become increasingly true ever since the current leadership has been in power driving and bullying our country toward becoming an autocracy with efforts to subvert the other branches of government and attempts to nullify the Fourth Estate, the press.  

Government departments have been weakened with ineffectual or unqualified leadership, often with only acting department heads.  Criteria for appointments is blind absolute loyalty to a President whose actions suggest a disloyalty to the very nation's values he serves.  

Setting an example that fosters violence, then offering meaningless disclaimers are hallmarks of this leader’s techniques that breed dissension, not unification.   One could conclude deliberate tactics are being utilized to create unrest or worse throughout our country.  Token actions are occasionally taken to garner press attention, then ballyhooed as demonstrating the magnanimous nature of this individual. 

Even citizens supporting our President seem to have set aside their professed values as they make some of the most bizarre interpretations excusing his worse-than-offensive words and deeds.   Fear seems to be a factor for many of those in our government who give him cover with such defensive distorted views as do those who remain silent, a betrayal to the electorate.   Might this be a demonstration of lack of courage? 

We are long past a time when individuals, especially those in our Congress, need to stand up for our nation’s values, even if it means challenging and contradicting their political party’s leader.  This is not a time for political partisanship.  This is a time for dedication to preservation of our constitutional democratic republic and values with the individual freedoms we so cherish. 

I expect readers have been exposed multiple times to the most recent as well as past profound pronouncements from our nation’s leader which prompts my commentary here.  I choose to not repeat any of them which would only further the distraction they were likely intended to be when uttered. 

I wonder if less attention was assigned to the asinine outrageous verbiage our President so often espouses would be better?  What if such deliberate attention-seeking words of his were just ignored?  

What is the best way to deal with such a public figure?  

Should other public figures as part of their professional obligations to their constituents courageously speak out against such language and/or actions they find offensive?  If they remain silent should we assume they agree or merely that they’re cowards -- which should be of note to voters come next election?   

Oh, and what is the likelihood Bald Eaglet Simba will fly this week?  

FRIENDS -- CIVILITY -- UNEXPECTED RETIREMENT

Events of this past week cause me to feel I must add this unplanned preface.....

I so long for the day when circumstances in our country, if not the world, reflect a predominance of news related to appreciation of sameness and tolerance, even acceptance, of differences among people as we once seemed closer to striving toward – even just two years ago.   

The tragedy, again, of lives lost -- perhaps the perpetrators of such atrocities believing they've been given license to act so by inciting rhetoric from government leaders who claim they desire unity.  These government leaders  – whose actions and words demonstrate togetherness is only for those who agree with them – continue undermining our nation’s democracy, humanity and freedom in the world.  

Consult Fourth Estate sources documenting truth.

Vote...vote...vote...for civility in government in 2018, 2020 in the U.S.!

Strive for freedoms, and humanitarian values throughout the world.  

CIVIL SOCIALIZATION 

At what point in our lives do we begin to think of individuals we employ to provide us a service as becoming friends?    I received a phone call recently from a younger gal I’d known as someone who provides a service I’ve used regularly for many years. 

She had begun coping with a medical condition a few years earlier, then suddenly reached a status resulting in her immediately having to cease what had become only part time work.  Ultimately, after a year or so, she and her previously retired husband recently moved to another state closer to one of their adult children.   She had long shared with me her hope to do so in their retirement years when each had been healthier. 

They both had to retire earlier than either of them anticipated.   Premature retirement -- as my husband needed to take, then prompting my move to part time earlier in our lives than I planned -- can confront us as a consequence of unexpected circumstances.  I’m always reminded that “life is what happens when we’re making other plans” as they experienced, too.

With her call these years later, the Service Provider friend and I talked for a very long time.  We caught up on all the medical, and some of the more recent adjustments she and her husband were making – the move from their long time home here -- into a retirement community in another State -- at a living level most appropriate for them at this time.  Assessments as to a living setting are determined in such organizational settings but may not be what we anticipated.  

They are finally getting settled, unpacking, determining what items they might need.  Discovering what other items they might have relinquished that they wished now they possessed, or weren't sure whether or not they might still have them.   They also learned packing and shipping resulted in some items accidentally being missent to a different family member. 

Cooking facilities are present in their living quarters, but they can also eat at various on site dining arrangements.   Dressing less casually than we might for meal times at home can be more prevalent in certain facility group dining areas they noted.    Exploring familiar and different interest groups, seeking new social contacts and making new friends attracts their attention now, having left behind all those from their lifetime here. 

During our time together all those years we probably talked about many topics.    We delved into some personal family issues in which we observed having similar experiences.  She said she didn’t enjoy reading books and may have read only one in her life, quite my opposite in that regard, as I overflow with books. 

After once saying she didn’t bother to vote, she did tell me, two national elections ago, that my encouragement had prompted her to vote.  Prior to that she said she counted on her husband to apprise her of political particulars, but I don’t know if that view continued.  I didn’t ask – she didn’t say – but I have a feeling her vote cancelled mine, given what I know about her views.   On the other hand, who knows what may have transpired in the privacy of the voting booth, or on the mail-in ballot.  

Even though our points of view didn’t always agree on numerous topics, especially select social and political issues, our language did not descend into vitriolic rejection, debase into demonizing and/or ragingly condemning each other’s views with disgusting name calling.  Neither did we avoid each other, clinging to discussion with only like-minded people.  Consequently, we were able to engage in freer civil discussion, proving that can occur if allowed and conducted in a reasonable manner.   We also did not cease or inhibit either our business relationship or the developing of this particular type of friendship.     

I also recall my service provider/friend once told me the story of a long time customer with whom she shared some common interests.  They both belonged to individual, but different, social clubs that engaged in a popular sport, though they weren’t competitors.   Given their shared interests her invitation to this customer to join her for one such of her club's events unsurprisingly was accepted.  Later there was an opportunity for that invitation to be reciprocated at the customer's club, but it wasn’t.   Instead, the customer casually mentioned to the service provider, “I make it a rule to never socialize with anyone I employ.” 

Was it a social hierarchy situation prompting this attitude I privately wondered when she puzzled about it later?     The customer also was always very demanding that her appointment schedule's time be rigidly followed.  She would become angry, lecturing at even the slightest time infraction of only a very few minutes.  I’ve since wondered if the customer had a specific unrevealed reason that might explain why she behaved in this manner. 

 

The customer continued to use her services at that same business for several months after that event.  Eventually, the customer did abruptly terminate the service -- a sudden phone call one night to the service provider, saying that “All business arrangements have a time that they must end and so this one has”, with no further explanation offered.

I did, coincidentally, encounter her customer, more of just an acquaintance of mine, at a grocery months later, but we exchanged only hurried greetings in passing.   In the past we often had laughed with, joked and teased our shared service provider.   Many months after that, the sixties-aged customer/woman’s obituary revealing cancer, appeared in our local newspaper.   Perhaps her health situation at the time explains her earlier attitude. 

Certain professions likely might best minimize personal friendships.  Other services might be more adaptable to them.  Customer’s and service provider’s personal relationship in any event can be complicated.  

What are your thoughts or experiences about service providers as friends, socializing, or even discussing opposing views about social and political issues with them?