HAPPY TALK -- "THE TALK" -- "A TALK" -- CHILDREN

"HAPPY TALK" -- I have fond memories from long ago of visiting college friends for a memorable experience at the St. Louis Municipal Opera where we enjoyed "South Pacific" featuring Juanita Hall who created the Broadway role of Bloody Mary in one of my favorite musicals.  

She did portray Bloody Mary in the movie version but her voice was dubbed, reportedly due to concern she might no longer be able to reach some of the high notes.   This YouTube video has united recordings of her actual voice with the movie video excerpt.

As has often been the case characters nationality may have no relation to the role portrayed.  So it is that Juanita Hall is not Polynesian, but is bi-racial with an African-American father and Irish-American mother.

Another South Pacific song, "You've Got to be Carefully Taught", sung years later by Mandy Patinkin adding "The Children Will Listen Medley" is of special significance today, emotionally expressing sentiments we all take to heart if we truly care about children.   

Talk, talk, talk we’re hearing lots of talk -- brings me to thinking about “talks”….. how families raising their young children help them learn to cope with societal differences that might result in them experiencing being discriminated against.    

I recently listened to a white-skin grandmother whose heritage is equally divided between two often discriminated against groups, but no one could tell by her skin color.   Her husband Caucasian.    She was concerned, wondering if their adopted son from one of those groups had “a talk” with his son as they had to have years ago with him when he was young?  

Her grandson’s father’s skin tones are definitely the golden-brown shade of his South American heritage.   Years ago, as a young man he experienced being queried more than once, assumed by some to speak a language other than English and being quizzed by authorities questioning his legal status.    He is at risk of the same today given the climate cultivated by some occupying leadership positions in our nation.  Their attitudes and some actions have served to deliberately unleash some base discriminatory qualities in others.

His son has lighter skin color, but nevertheless enough tone that could result in his being subjected to being confronted similarly, or even worse in these highly sensitive times.  This has the grandmother understandably concerned.  

Those of us who are white live privileged lives though we may well have taken our status for granted.   Do we have to have such “a talk” with our children?   Those of us with white skin don’t have to receive or give a color talk in my experience, so I can only imagine what that might be like. 

I recall talking with a black colleague about this subject years ago.  He related his experiences of being confronted in numerous instances, including when he was just exercise running in areas surrounding his modestly affluent residential community.  

Blacks often describe “the talk” as the terminology for what is mandatory for them, living in our shared world of physical body differences (color and even other differing characteristics).  Intolerance prevails in those lacking certain moral values. 

Most of us have never needed to receive “the talk”, but perhaps growing up we’ve received “a talk” or found it necessary as adults to deliver one of our own on issues other than skin color.    What comes to my mind was when my mother talked with me about some of the differences in people.   

Mother said that some people did discriminate against certain others, as she explained what little sense that often made.  Examples of some who could be treated poorly she cited were people with a darker skin than ours, like some of my brother’s high school classmates though there were few of them then, or those with religious differences like our dentist because he was Jewish (who I revere to this day for his caring, sensitivity and kindness). 
  
In those pre and WWII days people whose appearance was different in other ways -- had a foreign accent or spoke a language other than English might not be readily accepted.  Emotions could run high in the name of national security and how best to ensure our safety.

More prevalent today, arousing the anxiety of some, are those who wear headdress,  dress differently otherwise, though we've had the latter for generations with our Amish and other sect populations.  But remember how freaked out so many people were with boys allowing their hair to grow long (to which my husband also objected), or some of the clothing styles?

Mother noted within Christianity even Catholics were suspect by some Protestants – that there were people professing to be Christians claiming they cared for all people, but in fact, many practitioners seemed not to be ecumenical.   This seems strange since most religious groups say they embrace loving one another as a basic premise in their belief system.   

A religious spirituality significantly influenced my Mother’s life from which she quietly drew strength – beliefs she considered private -- best demonstrated by how she lived and treated other people personally and in business, rather than proselytizing.   She cautioned about those that tend to impose their beliefs on others – that their motivations might wisely be questioned in religion and otherwise.  She noted that often those who feel compelled to profess the loudest about their religiosity, or busily toot their own horn about their accomplishments and how right they are above all others, may be the least likely to live as they say others should.      

She also cautioned I should just disregard any name-calling to which I could be subjected.  This might occur because of my red hair – that agitators would likely just be trying to tease, annoy or anger me -- that my best response was to not give them that satisfaction.  She spoke of humor as a powerful defense in some situations.  

“The talk” that most closely resembles what the grandmother speaks of, and so many parents with children simply having darker than white skin colors are compelled to have with their young loved ones, can make the difference between life and death. 

“A talk” is different in the following example, but similar to “the talk” in some respects.  Mother told me she had cautioned my brother that because he had red hair, he might stand out to others and needed to be aware of that fact. 

For example, she was discussing how people get caught up with friends in group activities, sometimes in situations in which they might not even want to participate.   Even if he was just standing around, he should be aware that observers likely might remember seeing the more conspicuous and only tall red-haired guy though they might not be as apt to describe the others. 

Of course, merely telling me this story served as being “a talk” for this red-haired gal encountering any future situations.  Fortunately the red head issue never progressed for my brother and I beyond the teasing level.       

Did you ever receive “a talk”, or any of the more serious potentially life-preserving type “talks” as dark-skinned people and/or this grandmother is concerned about? 

Or, maybe you’ve given such “a talk”?