tehachap

Thursday, December 1, 2022 — We’re on the last go-round of 2022. It’s been quite a year here at Cable House.We’ve had ups and downs but have persevered.

Tonight, I hit the end of my refrigerator rope and even though I’ve asked two different housekeepers to cleanout the refrigerator, it didn’t get done until I got fed up with the sticking drawers and began taking it all apart. Now, all of the pieces are out and clean and dry and I haven’t the foggiest notion of how to put them back where they belong. More than this, the energy I expended taking the thing apart has used up all my energy and so now I’m “Taking a break here, boss!” (ala Cool Hand Luke), and am trying to decide who to burden with my problem. For sure, Robert isn’t able to help. Yet another reason to move to an assisted living place!

And yes, that particular goal is back on the drawing board. More and more, I’m feeling like we need to be where we can be cared for and where we have a wider range of medical assistance/care. Notwithstanding being closer to family now that we’re in our ‘later’ years! (tongue in cheek here)

I haven’t announced this goal to very many people beyond the kids, but people who know us have to realize that we’re wading in some deep waters here and it’s getting difficult to hold our heads up. I need a break… and I don’t think a 5 minute break will do it. Before I become too incapacitated to do anyone any good, I need to get things in motion.

I don’t know what the real estate market is like right now — it appears to be coming back, even with interest rates higher than before; people are wanting change and to move to a new place. There’s a new subdivision going in here in Tehachapi–different from the ones that had been planned and laid out before. Their prices are comparable to what we’ll be asking for this home, but this home has more land AND is larger than the largest home that will be available. All good signs.

Well, the refrigerator awaits. It’s only 6:30 p.m. so not too late to call and ask a neighbor for a favor, but I still hesitate to intrude on other people’s lives. So, I will do a bit of Googling for my refrigerator and see if I can find instructions on how to put it back together again. Wish me luck~

Be safe, be well and know that you are loved. You are so important–we never realize the impact that we have on those around us. Trust me — each and every one of us is critical to the whole. May you be blessed and be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Monday, November 28, 2022 — A truly kick-back kind of day today. I am on a hot streak of feeling good — no shortness of breath, no oxygen, and no nebulizer treatments. I’ve been able to do what I want and it feels wonderful. I’m thinking that whatever event was going on with my heart has settled down and as long as I continue to be careful and take my meds, I’ll be o.k.

A search on FaceBook for Congestive Heart Failure support groups brought me the fact that people can, and do, live with congestive heart failure. In fact, they can live very long lives with it. I haven’t learned all of the ins and outs of dealing with the condition, but know that as long as there’s people out there living with it, I can too. It’s a matter of learning what to do to take care of yourself, to keep your heart pumping and your self out of the hospital!

I do have a couple of issues that have come up that I need to deal with, but one thing at a time and one day at a time and all will be well.

Be safe, be well — TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! I think I ignored ‘me’ for far too long and am now paying the price for it. Never too late to change our stripes or habits. We just have to decide what needs to be done and do it. I’m that pleased that my life is continuing on… May you all be blessed and I thank you for being a part of my life. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Friday, November 25, 2022 — At the end of yet another day. Just a bit tired tonight — emotional breaks take a lot out of you. I’m here to apologize for whining. Seriously — Change, it is a coming…

I do feel better this evening. I received a box of books from my friend in San Diego — Gloria Laube, whom I’ve written about in a previous post, is an avid reader and she likes the same type of books that I do. Murder mysteries, mostly, with a flare for recipes here and there. I saw all of the books and my heart jumped for joy–it’s not like I don’t have over 1,000 e-books on my Kindle PaperWhite, but I do love paperbacks. I can go through them a couple a week. Voracious reading… and I love it.

The kids have bailed on coming up for Thanksgiving — everyone is either sick or close to it, and we had a death in the extended family that put a damper on things. Robert was more than a bit put out that we didn’t have company come up, but I understand the whys of their reluctance to bring germs up to us. Robert doesn’t care about getting sick — he wants to see his kids — and sits there whining about how he doesn’t think the kids like coming up here. Riiiight! Nothing I can say will change his mind so I keep mum about it and realize it’s just that he’s lonely. Understood.

Persevere and take it all one day at a time. The hospice nurse was here to evaluate Robert and he failed again. LOL I’m going to quit asking them to evaluate him. He’s only confused in the late afternoons/evenings and I can handle that. That said, the nurse did say that eventually I wouldn’t be well enough to care for him and a decision would have to be made as to where he would be placed. I’ll have a plan laid out before that happens–trust me.

I worked with my niece to get a special Build A Bear item prepared for a friend. She’s got it put into the mail so it should arrive any day now. I’m so stoked that I’m able to make this special event happen.

Slowly, but surely, I’m getting a system put down for ordering groceries and having them delivered to the house. I save a bit of money by not cruising the aisles of the store, picking up this that or the other that’s not on my list. The groceries I order combined with my Mom’s Meals keeps us fed with good nutritious food and I don’t have to cook.

I’ve decided that I can’t do the New Year’s get together this year. It’s just not possible, and I’m not up to creating the invitations, and all of the favors that I would do each year. I am going to make our Christmas cards, however, and will get started on those this weekend. No idea what I’ll do, but I’m going to make a tea-bag folded medallion for each card. Should be nice.

Nothing more to note except I’m trying to stay well and keep my mood in check. The nurse called in another prescription for an anti-anxiety medication. One day at a time…

Be safe, be well, and please take good care of yourself and those you love. And be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Wednesday, November 23, 2022 — Van Morrison says it so well… “Momma told me there’d be days like this.” Most of today was spent without my oxygen, but it also included a melt-down of emotions, which wasn’t pleasant. I won’t go into details because it’s all behind me now, but suffice it to say there was more than one trigger involved.

Tomorrow is “T=Day” and we’ll just be here and let it slide right on by. The kids will be coming up this weekend and we’ll celebrate Thanksgiving then.

Tonight, it’s soup night and I made my own heart-healthy (hope) soup. Veggies and ramen noodles sans the seasoning packet. Added a can of Heart Healthy Chicken Vegetable soup with added onion, celery, fake salt and fresh ground pepper. Not bad at all.

Not a lot going on — had my twice weekly visit by the Hospice nurse and a follow-up call from the social worker. We’re back on track and doing o.k.

I want to say with every bit of caution that my health is improving, bit by bit, day by day. I still have problems, but I’m able to deal with them, and that’s a good thing.

Do take care–know that even when I’m not here, I’m thinking of you and holding you in my heart and mind. Blessings to you and yours this special holiday weekend. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Tuesday, November 15, 2022 — Life can be incredibly strange at times. For whatever reason, I’ve never pursued retrieving voice mail messages from my cell phone — until last night, when I was absent-mindedly going through areas on my phone and saw ‘VOICE MAIL”. I clicked on it and voila! there was the option/code that I needed to retrieve messages from my cell phone! This was what I was looking for when I had that melt-down episode with the Tracfone rep a week or so ago.

The system asked me for my PIN. I had no clue what my ‘PIN’ was, so just took a stab at it and it happened to be right. So began an unbelievable litany of voices from the past. The first message was from our dear friend, John Greenelsh, who had passed away on April 7th of this year. His message was regarding a home that was for sale there in his mobile home park, Mountain Aire View Estates. When given the option to delete or save the message, I saved it. The next message to come up was from my sweet friend, Mage Gunthorpe Bailey, who passed away on August 3rd of this year. She was laughing and thanking me for the kitchen towels I had ordered from a mutual online friend/blogger. She was full of laughter and told me she loved me before saying goodbye. I saved this message too.

I sat there with my phone in my hand, waiting for the next message to be played and wondering at the miracle of having two of my favorite people’s voices come back to me after they’d passed away. How utterly wonderful, and yet how utterly unbelievable to have such a thing happen.

Friends had told me that my mail box was full, or that they couldn’t leave me a message, but I had completely forgotten that there was even a message log in my cell phone. I never really used the phone other than looking up directions to go somewhere or to call people I wanted to speak with when I was away from the house. It just never occurred to me that I hadn’t actually accessed the messages feature of my cell phone. Now, I’m glad I didn’t.

One day at a time, one miracle at a time. Life is good. My life is spent in 2 hour increments now, but I’m here, and for now I’ll take what I can get. I am blessed.

Be safe, be well and take good care of yourself. There’s a rise in cases of COVID and its variants, as well as the old standby–the flu. My neighbors have both come down with COVID. The husband called the other night to offer me pasta and meatballs and I thanked him but let him know we’d just finished eating dinner. The next morning I learned he’d tested positive for COVID. Another bullet missed! LOL I’ve been told their infections aren’t that severe, but still, an infection like that would put either of us in the hospital for sure. Not where I want to be anymore, for sure.

Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. Love is the rock of our lives… it will always be with us, so give of it freely. May you be blessed as I am in so many ways.

Monday, November 14, 2022 — Another week lays before me. I have my coaster gifts completed and now need to find a way to get them delivered. Shouldn’t be too difficult, I wouldn’t think

I’ve made more than 20 coasters, and as usual, have given some away before I finished making all of the ones I want to give as gifts. My support people come and I offer one to them as a way of saying thank you. I just may have to continue making them to have them on hand as thank you gifts. Not a bad idea. Of course, the UPS guy and the girls at the Post Offfice will always receive banana bread as a thank you.

I made banana bread day before yesterday and was completely out of eggs. When I called my friend Doris, who raises chickens, and asked if she had any eggs, she said no… I knew the chickens slowed down during the winter time because it was too cold to lay, but rather, she’d sold off all of her eggs, but she did loan me 3 so I could get my bread made. 🙂 And now I’m out of eggs again. She says she’ll get 4 ne day and 6 the next so she should have a dozen by the end of the week. They’re getting really pricey in the stores. $5/doz. whereas she only charges $3/doz. and they’re all large brown eggs. Nice!

Onwards and upwards I’m back working on Daisy’s quilt. The blocks are done — today I will add the sashing between the blocks, and if I have time will add the first border strip to create a frame for the quilt.

I’ll be using white 2″ strips between the blocks and then surround the whole thing with a 1″ border of Kelly Green before going back to white and coral–don’t know what I’ll use or if I’ll create a design of some type, but it’ll be nice once it’s finished. I sure hope she likes it.

As for quilts, the quilt I received from the Tehachapi Mountain Quilter’s Guild is oooo warm and cozy, I fall right to sleep at night and get the best sleep under it. Just wonderful…

Such a nice gift. I will treasure it always.

I’ve been thinking about mincemeat here lately–most likely because it’s Fall and Thanksgiving is coming up fast and furious. Robert’s mother always made prune pies and mincemeat pies. One time she made mincemeat cookies and I fell in love. I’m still out of eggs, so the mincemeat cookies will have to wait, but I’ve been thinking of trying to create those flat, shortbread covered raisin bars that Mother’s Cookies carry, but will use mincemeat for a filling instead. The shortbread covering is thin and just barely covers the filling,but they’re very tasty–light, with just a hint of spices. You don’t see them in the stores as much anymore, which is why I want to try making them.

I’ve also thought about ordering a turkey breast roast dinner from Albertson’s. T’would be very nice to have for Thanksgiving. Oh, and the items for Heavenly Hash! Gads… there I go, LOL Making a dinner to fee 25 when there’s only the two of us. Ah well.

The neighbors both have COVID so we’ll stay clear of them until we see the all clear sign again. They’re good people and I hate to have to shun them, but wer’e not well enough to risk exposure right now.

Do take care and I shall do the same. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. It’s muy importante!

Saturday, November 12, 2022 — Another day started quite well–earlier, but still quite well. Slept very good last night, for all of the 2.5 hrs. LOL But I think I have a routine now and that’s definitely a good thing. Oven alarm goes off and that’s my sign to get up and start my day. I sit up on the edge of the couch, get my bearings, and stand. So far, so good. I slowly but purposely make my way to the bathroom, finish there and head to the office for the first nebulizer treatment of the day. Only very slight wheezing as I approach my desk. I get everything set for my breathing treatment, grab my oxygen meter and off we go. Still using the nebulizer, I reach for the blood pressure cuff and give it a bit of exercise this morning. All systems are still GO and I’m beginning to come around awake at last.

I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have a system that allows me to be vertical, doing and being in an excellent mood. If this is what it takes, I’ll take it and willingly. No insomnia, but short, deep sleep periods. A whole new ballgame, as it were.

I made banana bread last night, brownies this morning, and cobbled up some hand held sausage and cheese turnovers. Yeah… LOL feels good to be back to some semblance of normal. 🙂

So here’s the first photo of the morning–Sausage pastries:

Pillsbury Grands Country Biscuits pressed flat onto parchment paper. Brush with yellow mustard. Cook one package of 10 Brown & Serve sausage links and drain on paper towel. Place 1/2 slice of Mozzarella cheese on top of each cheese covered biscuit. Place sausage in center, bringing up sides to pinch edges together like making a fried pie. Seal well to prevent the cheese from leaking too much. Take a fork and poke holes across the top of each packet to allow steam to escape. Melt 2 tbsp. margarine or butter and brush it over tops of all the packets. Bake at 375 d. for 15-18 min. (watch them!) When they’re brown and appear done, pull them out and set aside to cool for a bit.

I then mixed together a package of chocolate fudge brownies that I was going to make for Robert yesterday when I decided I’d do them later and made banana bread instead. I think I got my baking moxie back!! LOL

Life can be incredibly hard at times, but if you work at it, you can get beyond any problem you’re handed in this life–even life threatening ones. I realize my time here is short, but I’m working it for all I’m worth. I feel that every day I find behind me means I’m here one more day. It’s all we ever have to worry about, is just this one day. Please know you are never alone and make your day the best day ever.

I love you all. Be blessed.

Oh, and before I forget–here’s the first train photo of the day! You thought I wasn’t going to remember, didn’t you? LOL

One going up, one coming down (North and South, you know–the one going up is heading North and the one coming down is heading South), even though the eye tells you that track is running East and West, trust me — they’ll wind up going North and South! They made it that way to keep us on our toes!

I even got the birdfeeder up on the bannister railing and filled it with food for the little guys. Life is such a miracle at times.

Be sure to take care of yourself–everyone depends on you! And know you are never alone in life. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Friday, November 11, 2022 — Happy Veteran’s Day! Celebrating those who serve us and keep us free should be celebrated every day of the year because they protect us every day of the year. My sincere blessings to those who continue to serve and to those who gave the highest price for our freedom. May you be blessed always.

Another thing to celebrate today is finding another insight to how to maintain my breathing on an even keel. My mornings are extremely rough because I go to bed at night and sleep for 4 hrs and when I wake, I’m short of breath. So last night, as usual, I did my nebulizer treatment just before heading to bed. Then, I did something different — I set the oven timer for 2.5 hrs. ahead and went to the couch to sleep. When the timer went off, I was able to get up, go to the bathroom and THEN go into the office to do my nebulizer treatment. I was only wheezing slightly when I got to the office, which is a MAJOR change from yesterday. Grateful is my mantra for the day. One thing at a time, one day at a time. I can do this.

Today’s Daily Quote from Abraham-Hicks really resonates with my situation this morning:

“When you deliberately seek positive aspects of whatever you are giving your attention to, you, in a sense, tune your vibrational tuner to more positive aspects of everything. And, of course, you could tune yourself negatively as well. But as you are deliberately looking for positive aspects in yourself or in others, you will find more of those things: “The better it gets, the better it gets,” for you get more and more of what you are thinking about —whether you want it or not.

Excerpted from Money and the Law of Attraction on 8/31/08

Our Love
Esther (Abraham and Jerry)

Early morning — 6:40 a.m. Looks cold out but the sun is starting to show over the hills to the east. Just a tad of hoarfrost on the ground. Snow is all gone off the top of the peaks across the way. Breathing is good. It’s going to be an excellent day today. May you all be blessed. Grateful to you for being a part of my life. Be sure to take care of yourself and to tell those you love that you love them.

Thursday, November 10, 2022 — Another day; another morning of getting my breathing going again. Mornings are the only rough time of day for me. But there’s always a Hospice nurse to talk to, to encourage me and help keep me calm while the medications do their thing. I don’t have to call every morning, but it’s reassuring to know they’re there.

Here’s the photo from my window for today. Hoar frost all over everything–snow on the mountains across the way has all melted, and the only sign we had any snow at all is the slight greening of the hills.

When the sun gets high enough, all of the white will turn to creamy yellow. I keep looking in the valley for signs of those trees that were planted a couple of years ago. Haven’t seen anything yet. have to think that none of them made it–they didn’t have much of a chance of growing since we’re in such a bad drought. Wish they would try again…

Blessings to all. I’m going to get off here and see if I can’t get a bit more sewing done. Feeling pretty good right now–at least my breathing is much improved. Take care and have a wonderful day–tomorrow is TGIF. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. We are each connected to one another, whether you believe it or not.

Wednesday, November 9, 2022 — This is the view from my window this morning. Isn’t it gorgeous?

Had to share…

Will hopefully be a good day today–housekeeper is here now and Hospice nurse will be here shortly. Able to breathe right now, so much improved from 20 min. ago when breathing was iffy.

This is just a short post to say I’m thinking of all of you and wish you a blessed day today. Life is STILL GOOD!

Hugs,
Tehachap

Tuesday, November 8, 2022 — Where to begin? Today would have been either my mother’s birthday or my maternal grandmother’s birthday–they were only one day apart (8th and 9th) but I could never keep track of who came first (date wise). They’ve both passed on, but I send blessings to them from this side of the veil.

Beyond this, I’m making it, one day at a time and at times, one moment to the next. I hope to get my prednisone prescription delivered today. It was ordered several days ago, but it’s taken a couple of days to get the delivery service worked out. Plus, I had to pay for the delivery–in contrast to all my other meds that Hospice provides free of charge.

Nebulizer treatments continue to work wonders for my breathing, but they only last 2.5-3 hrs. Mornings are rough because I’ve slept for 3-4 hours so wake up short of breath. But that’s soon rectified by getting my nebulizer going.

Last night was such a special time. The older son works for the railroad and his work crew are currently working on the track between Bakersfield and Mojave. Last night he called and told me to turn on the Tehachapi Live Train Cam at the Guimarra Winery on Edison Hwy. because his crew was there working right in front of the camera! He said I could tell which worker was him because he’d be wearing an orange jacket! LOL EVERYONE was wearing either an orange jacket or an orange vest, and from the distance of the camera, you couldn’t tell one person from another! The owners of the cameras promised the railroad that we wouldn’t invade worker’s privacy by zooming in on their faces, so we just have to be content to see them from a distance, which is alright by me. I sent a quick Facebook message to our younger son and our niece, telling them about Paul’s working in front of the camera and pretty soon I had both sons and our niece online together. Sweet. This morning, they’re all done. Track is in, ballasted and everything cleaned up so it looks like the track magically appeared in place. Very cool, considering I know how much work went into getting it to look like that.

Thankfully, all we have to deal with is one day at a time. Sometimes that one day will cause you enough grief to last a lifetime. Other times, it will go by in a flash and you’ll wonder where the time went. No matter which day you have, please remember to be thankful for what you have and take good care of yourself. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. I am grateful for each and every person who follows my blog, or just happens to stop by and read a paragraph or two. Be well, be safe and take care.

Friday, November 4, 2022 — It’s been an interesting/scary? week, what with my trying to breathe on a regular basis. I’ve been working with the Hospice nurse to get myself regulated so I don’t get out of breath.

The new neighbors to the west of us have brought over hot meals two nights in a row now. Tonight was roast beef with asparagus, mashed red potatoes and carrots. I have decided that I’ll make them a Chocolate Bundt cake tomorrow with a nice chocolate frosting. I’ll put it on one of the two dinner plates they sent meals over on. I have to say that it’s nice to be well enough to even think of baking something for someone.

And speaking of making things, here’s the first of many Mug Rugs that I’ve made using fabric from one of the hospital gowns I came home in.

I also finished sewing all of the blocks for the neighbor girl’s quilt. And, I have seven of the nine blocks trimmed out and will finish the remaining two tomorrow. Then I have to decide whether I want to use sashing between the blocks. I’m thinking it would be a nice addition because it would give the eye a place to rest between the busy blocks.

Not much else going on other than trying to get a regimen down for my breathing. I have to admit to getting very depressed when I’m having a hard time breathing. The nurse said that was natural–that may be, but it really disturbs me.

O.k., enough whining… I’m going to close this with blessings to all, and ask that you remember to tell those you love that you love them. Be safe and take good care of yourself, for no one else will do as good a job of it as you will!

Thursday, October 27, 2022 — It’s been a really different kind of week so far. On Tuesday morning, I pushed our two large trash cans out to the curb (it was trash day). I did the first one and got winded, so sat down in a patio chair there in the garage and caught my breath. Then I did the second can. At this point I was in serious trouble with my breathing. Long story short, this activity caused an acute exacerbation of my Congested Heart Failure and I wound up in the hospital. They kept me overnight and got me stabilized and released me to go home yesterday afternoon. Before I left the hospital I signed up with Hospice. I had considered hospice care for Robert, but not for myself because it never occurred to me that my own health was less than I thought it was.

Reality check — there’s a dichotomy between reality and what you perceive to be reality. The reality of my health is that I have a serious heart condition, coupled with COPD and Asthma. The addition of the defibrillator in August took a lot of my store of energy and took me down physically (and emotionally) more than I expected.

So very grateful to be back home, sleeping in my own bed. Our neighbors stepped in and watched over Robert while I was in the hospital, and our older son showed up on his way to his home in Arizona from his work site in Stockton, CA. He helped move furniture, etc. when Hospice brought the hospital bed and other equipment to the house. I’ve called Hospice this morning and asked that they remove the hospital bed. We really don’t need it now and more than this, don’t really have room for it.

What I want to share is that I need to take my own advice and take good care of myself. I hadn’t been doing that good of a job apparently. But I will endeavor to do better. I had some very good caregivers there in the hospital and will be working on sewing up some small tokens to give to them as a thank you for their kindness and care. Be safe, take care of yourself!!! LOL here and do know that you are loved and you are as important, if not more so, than anyone around you. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them for we never know when our life will end and the time to say something is before you no longer have that option.

Friday, October 21, 2022 — I’ve been trading comments on the “Needle & Foot” quilting/sewing blog. Bernie (owner of the fabric shop affiliated with Needle & Foot) shared a project that she created for her granddaughters. It was based on a paper doll collection named “Betsy McCall” and put out by McCall’s sewing company. One of the commenters on this particular blog post said she was making Christmas ornaments to be sent out to friends and family. I’m always looking for new items to make to share with friends at our annual Chinese Food on New Year’s Day event. The following is the back story for this event.

My husband and I had a ritual of having Chinese food on New Year’s Day, no matter where we were (traveling or at home). We moved to Tehachapi in 2007 and began volunteering at the local railroad museum. There was a group of volunteers called “The Tuesday Crew” who did maintenance on the Depot building. The crew got together for breakfast one morning per month.

The second year we were here, I decided to invite the Tuesday crew and a few additional friends to our New Year’s Chinese dinner ritual. I made up dinner invitations based on the Chinese New Year calendar and sent them out the second week in December, asking people to RSVP.

Then I made favors for each person attending plus some extras for the restaurant staff. I’ve made Christmas ornaments, mug rugs, drink coaster sets, Lavender sachets, hot pads, table runners and all sorts of other things. All of the favors were wrapped with Christmas papers and placed at each individual’s place there at the restaurant.

With the COVID pandemic our get togethers got set aside until just last month when we got together for our first monthly breakfast since the pandemic shut everything down. Friends began asking me if I’ll be doing the Chinese get-together again for 2023. I told them I didn’t know, but was thinking about it. After trading comments about Christmas ornaments with the other commenter on Needle & Foot’s blog, I’m thinking I will do it this year, health permitting.

NOTE: This is the proposed Christmas ornament for the New Year’s get together: Thank you, Shabby Fabrics!

Be safe, be well and always try to remain positive, even when you’re down to a nubbin. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022 — Perseverance is a word that describes my life at times. Blessed is another word that surrounds me in this life.

To say I’ve been in a funk lately is putting it mildly. I’ve had increasing difficulty with chronic pain and insomnia, to the point where yesterday I was sitting at my computer and suddenly found myself falling to the floor — hard. I called to Robert to help me up and he admonished me that he’d told me numerous times that if I was feeling sleepy I should head to the couch. Well, I would do that if I knew I was about to go comatose. I’d complained to my cardiologist’s assistant before that the medications they have me on ‘put me down’ for a couple of hours after taking them. I had to reschedule the appointment to discuss the meds because of the heat (triple digit for days on end) so now have an appointment in January.

I called my primary doctor’s office yesterday afternoon and scheduled an appointment with the nurse practitioner for tomorrow. Until then, I’m being very cautious about what meds I take and how I feel.

All of that leads to a package I received today from “A Bright Corner“, a fabric shop in Provo, UT. Some time ago I had received an e-mail from a woman who said she would send me some fabrics to use for comfort quilts. Time went on and I totally forgot the offer. Then today, FedEx brings me a medium size flat rate box, packed to the brim with fabrics. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I am blessed beyond measure.

I have had fabrics laid out for over a week, looking at them and trying to picture them in a quilt. I just couldn’t envision it. Something was missing. The colors were o.k., but they didn’t have a spark, so I’ve just kept them on the ironing board, figuring that something would happen to help me figure out what to do. Well today’s delivery solved all of that angst.

And a phone call from Bristol Hospice’s AIM (Advanced Illness Management) program is another plus. I’ll get the help I need to keep my husband and me alive and doing as well as can be expected with our health situation.

Do take care of yourself. Know that you are important, whether you believe it or not. Life can be incredibly beautiful at times, and the Universe is watching over you and yours. Be safe, and remember to tell those you love that you love them.

Friday, October 7, 2022 — The world can be a funny place, especially if you frequent the Internet. In looking at one of the blogs that I follow, I notice a blog on their site that looks interesting. So I follow it and discover a term I’ve never heard before: “Caregivers PTSD.” Really?? Oh my word. Off to Google it and I find a whole new site of Alzheimer’s authors called AlzAuthors.com. I found a free e-book on caregiving and dementia, which I’ve downloaded.

Now I need to go back and find out how to subscribe to the weekly blog. While scrolling down the site filled with photos and links to articles and books written by people about Alzheimer’s and dementia, I realize I’m part of a huge segment of the world’s population. Everyone is taking life one day at a time and learning about this disease. All different, yet with the same outcome. It’s the journey that’s different–for each one of us.

Robert had a good day today. He said he had a really good night’s sleep. I told him, “Yes, you did. LOL Flat on your back, sleeping like the worst drunk you’d ever been on. I had to leave the bed a couple of times because you were snoring so bad. But, I knew you really needed some good sleep, so I let you be.” I have read about many other dementia patients who are prescribed this same medication and I haven’t seen any reports of bad side effects. I hope this continues to be true for Robert.

Be safe, be well, and remember to tell those you love that you love them. And know that whatever problem you’re having, you’re not alone in this world. There are people out there who are having the same problems you are, and there are also people who love you and care about you.

Thursday, October 6, 2022 — Home for the rest of the day/evening; neurologist appt. went o.k. He put Robert on SEROquel,, a medication that is supposed to ‘clear his mind’ while he sleeps at night. I hope so… Follow up appointment in 3 months — in JANUARY 2023! I heard the receptionist and just froze. Yep, the year is just about over. I swear this one went faster than any before.

For all my feeling that time is rushing past, Robert says he feels like it’s slowed down. He said the trip back home took forever, and he commented the other day that he would look at the clock and realize a sports program he wanted to watch would be on in 10 min. and when he thought 10 min. had passed, he’d look at the clock and only one or two minutes had gone by. We mentioned this to his dr. this morning but the dr. didn’t really comment on it.

Last night I finished the quilt for our elder son’s neighbor. It turned out really long and I hadn’t meant for it to be this long, but it is what it is. I still have some of the theme fabric left, but not enough for another quilt. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I’ve picked out fabrics and a pattern for the next quilt. It won’t be nearly as big as this last one.

Not much else to report so will close this for now. Be safe, take good care of yourself and remember to tell those you love that you love them.

UPDATE — I gave Robert his evening pills and should have waited and given them to him after his shower. He’s fast asleep in his chair and when I went to wake him and asked him if he wanted to go to bed, he mumbled that he wanted to stay where he was. I won’t give them to him as early tomorrow night. Lesson learned.

Monday, October 3, 2022 — One down and one to go. Here’s the quilt I’ve made for my DIL, Laura.
She’s now a fan of Route 66, like her FIL and me. When our eldest asked me for a quilt for Laura, he suggested Route 66 as a theme. I didn’t have any Route 66 fabric so went online to see what I could find. The first thing to come up was this panel and I was sold on it. It brings back memories of the Route 66 souvenir shop we frequent whenever we visit Williams, AZ. It looks like a 50s malt shop inside, and its the only place I have found Route 66 pocket t-shirts, which Robert prefers.

I have the other quilt ready for hand stitching of the binding. When I get it finished, I’ll take a photo and post it here.

Be safe, do take care of yourself and remember to tell those you love that you love them.

Sunday, October 2, 2022 — Where do we go when we die? Not everyone believes in an afterlife–nor do they believe that those who have passed can connect with us on this side of the veil. I’ve had numerous times when things happen that point to an existence beyond this life. My dear friend, Mage passed away last month. She and her husband lived in San Diego–a town that I lived for three quarters of my life, before moving to Tehachapi. Mage and I had a number of things in common and we each felt an immediate connection to one another from the first day we met. We met at a writing class, of all places. Besides our love of writing, we both loved doing jigsaw puzzles online. (and in person–leaving the puzzles up for weeks on end, until they’re finished).

Tonight, after I’d put Robert to bed, I came in and finished the puzzle I’d been working on. Then I went searching for one more to work before taking up my quilt binding project. I didn’t select a certain theme or topic, although I could have. I merely clicked on the back button and scrolled through the next group of puzzles. Imagine my shock and visceral connection to find the Pt. Loma Lighthouse come up as a puzzle. The Lighthouse was one of Mage’s favorite places to photograph and she frequently posted photos of it on her blog, Postcards. This particular entry was dated March 13, 2022, not quite seven months before she passed. I took this as a sign that Mage was still with us, although not in physical form.

Another time in my life was when Robert and I along with the rest of his family were in a Hospice facility in Mesa, AZ, waiting for Robert’s father to pass. Robert and I were sitting in two chairs, pushed up to one another (facing one another) in the corner of his father’s room. Half-dozing, I woke completely and told Robert I was going to take my Kindle and go get a cup of coffee. I left the room, went to the kitchen and got my cup of coffee. I sat down and before I could finish reading one page, a voice spoke inside my head and said, ‘You’d better go check on him.’ I had no idea whose voice it was, but decided I’d better follow the suggestion and went back into the room to check on Robert’s dad. He was gone. I knew it, but I had to go get one of the Hospice nurses to come in and double-check. Yes, he had passed, and he probably waited until after I left the room. I then had to go around and wake the rest of the family up, letting them know that it was over.

Yet another time that took place years ago was after my Aunt Dot had passed away. My eldest sister and I were in Florida visiting her full sister, Nancy, so we weren’t there when Aunt Dot passed away and was buried at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery (located about a mile from the Pt. Loma Lighthouse). When we returned to San Diego, we decided to go to find Aunt Dot’s gravesite and put flowers on her headstone. My mother is buried there at Ft. Rosecrans, about 13 rows from her sister. After spending a bit of time at the cemetery, I asked Barb if she would like to go for pie and coffee. Long story short, I drove us to a restaurant there in Pt. Loma. We got a table and before the waitress came to take our order, Barb said she’d split whatever I wanted to order and wanted water instead of coffee. She then headed for the ladies room. As she came out, a song was playing — it was Engleburt Humperdink and he was singing Aunt Dot’s favorite song. My sister stopped dead and teared up. I asked her what was wrong and she told me about Aunt Dot’s song playing overhead. She looked at me and asked what kind of pie I had ordered–lemon meringue, and yes, it was Aunt Dot’s favorite pie. That pretty much sealed the day for the two of us.

There have been other times that I won’t go into here, but never doubt that there is more to this life than the one we are living. We are all connected, and truly, love remains when there’s nothing but memories left behind.

Be safe, take care of yourself and be kind to others. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Friday, September 30, 2022 — We’re at the end of another month–some parts of this past year were a bit rough, but we’ve managed to get through it. I have to admit that taking the house off the market is a relief, even though I want desperately to downsize and have a smaller place, I’m not about to sell this home at less than its worth and the market isn’t being realistic right now. So, we wait, and enjoy our lovely home with its fantastic view. All things work out for the best in the end. I know this decision makes my kids and our niece happy–Happiness is… LOL And it’s a load off my shoulders, wondering how we would get the escrows to coincide, much less what we would find to purchase that would be worth buying. It’ll take time…

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I took delivery of the two quilts this morning. They turned out GORGEOUS. I messed up in measuring for the backing on one of the quilts but my friend pulled fabric from her stash (and didn’t charge me for it!!) and it tied the quilt together beautifully. So now it’s up to me to get the quilts trimmed up, binding cut and attached and then hand sewing the binding down to the back of the quilt. Oh, and labels — must not forget labels!

As she was leaving this morning, my quilting friend asked me if I had a support group and I said, “Not really. It’s been a couple of years of transition after our initial coordinator retired and the young people who followed couldn’t begin to cover things the way the previous coordinator had. But then, the previous coordinator had been doing it for years, so the experience made a difference in the way things were handled.” She said she hoped I would find a group here in town because it made a huge difference if you could meet one on one with others, discussing your situations and helping one another wade through the disease process and the medical process in obtaining care for your loved one.

Be safe, be well and take care of yourself. Remember to find a moment of quiet in each day so you can enjoy life (even with all its misery, it’s still a beautiful thing). And be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Thursday, September 29, 2022 — Today was another unexpected bust. I hadn’t received a phone call from the neurologist’s office to confirm today’s appointment, and found out why when we went to check in this morning. All my confusion about the time of the appointment was for naught because the dr. wasn’t in the office today. I had handed the receptionist my list of discussion items for the dr. and they called me back up to the window to explain that they’d tried to call me on the 20th, to change the day/time of our appointment, but they received a message that the number had been disconnected and there was no forwarding phone number. Arrrrgh… the snafu with our internet provider rears its head again. So, I took back my list of discussion items and booked a new appointment for NEXT Thursday. They said they would have to work me in, but wanted me at 7:30 a.m. After I got over my initial shock, we came to an agreement of 8:30 a.m. for the appointment. This means we have to leave here at 7:15 a.m., which means we have to get up at 5:45 a.m. or 6:15 a.m. at the latest. I did get our phone number corrected, though, so there’s that to be grateful for.

After the failed neurologist’s appointment, I took Robert to breakfast at Denny’s. He finished most of his breakfast, which surprised me. Then we headed home. I asked if I could stop at Murray Farms to see if they had fresh cherries and he said “Do whatever you want.” He sat in the car while I ran in and looked — no cherries so back out I came and we headed home. He was very quiet from that point on but I didn’t really think much about it. I dropped him off at the house and went to take my quilts to my quilting friend’s home. Then I went to WalMart to pick up one of his medications and do a bit of grocery shopping.

When I got back home, he was asleep in his chair. This was about 1:30 pm. I fixed him a cold drink because it didn’t look like he’d drank anything at all–the morning newspaper hadn’t been touched, so I know he probably hit his chair and never moved until I got home and woke him up. He was groggy and mumbled something about spots all over his shirt but then he looked again and there were no spots. I told him he needed to drink because of the salt in the breakfast we ate. He just looked at me and closed his eyes. I woke him again at 5:30 p.m. with a cup of coffee. He took one sip and said it burned his lip before he could even taste it. He asked me to put it over on the coffee table, which I did. Then he closed his eyes and asked what time it was. I told him it was 5:30 p.m. and he asked where his news was. I told him I was just about to turn it on for him. Again, the eyes went shut and his head dropped to his chest. I’d bought him a package of Fig Newton cookies and put them on the table by his chair. When I woke him at 5:30 p.m., I saw that he’d apparently got them open and ate 3. When the news came on, he half-way woke up, but I decided I would just let him sleep as long as he wanted. It did worry me, however, because he’d done this one time before (slept almost all day long and then went to bed early that night). I’m thinking he didn’t sleep well last night for worrying about today’s appointment.

The bad part about the day is that I had to cancel my housekeeper and wound up changing the sheets on our bed by myself. It’s a real effort for me, but I manage. It’s times like this when I think that I really need help on a regular basis, not every 2 weeks as I have it now. Will have to talk to my housekeeper and see if there isn’t something we can work out.

My quilting friend called to say the quilts I dropped off this afternoon were done and she’d like to drop them off tomorrow morning. Nice… she does fast work, which then turns the work back into my lap as I need to trim both quilts and bind them. I also need to make labels for them.

I’m off here to go check on the other half, hoping that he’s awake and alert. I’m going to try to get him to skip his shower tonight as I don’t think he’ll be alert enough to be safe in the shower. Do take care of yourself, know that you are loved and please tell those you love that you love them.

7:45 p.m. — Just a p.s. he’s in bed for the night. He told me he wanted to skip his shower. I didn’t even have to suggest it. We had a strange exchange about going to the Black Bear diner for breakfast next time and he mumbled that our niece had been with us that last time and there were construction workers who blocked the street off… he rambled on a bit more and then headed for bed. Totally incoherent. Here’s hoping a good night’s sleep will put him to rights by tomorrow morning. We shall see…

Wednesday, September 28, 2022 — Hump day!! LOL It’s been an interesting day, to say the least. Went to the hairdresser’s this morning and got a much-needed haircut. Afterwards, I drove across the street to the Dollar Store, hoping they had the frozen pizzas that I’d bought a while back. They were two to a package, and they were GOOD! LOL I also found other frozen entrees for Robert’s lunches. His appetite is negligible anymore, so I have cut back on what I feed him. He says that food doesn’t taste good anymore, and he’s finding it difficult to eat some things (salads, for one). Anyway, I happened to run into my long arm quilting friend there in the store and we chatted a bit about the quilts I have ready for her to work on. She said she’d come by the house around 4 p.m. and pick them up. She didn’t make it so I’ll have to get them to her on Friday because tomorrow is BUSY!

I did get the estimate for having the furniture cleaned, and will have my oriental rugs cleaned for free to boot. The price was extremely reasonable and while I was showing the owners of the cleaning company the furniture I wanted cleaned, we discussed the fact that we had our home up for sale. The husband asked how long it had been on the market and how much I was asking. He said he would love to buy the house, but he didn’t have a mortgage and his wife stood there shaking her head and saying she didn’t want a mortgage. She said she loved the house too, and especially the view, but nope, not going to let him do it. So we set a time for October to get the furniture cleaned. Just a bit before the furniture cleaners showed up, my watering girl showed up to water the layout.

As D was headed downstairs to water the garden railroad, I asked her how many cats they owned. She looked a bit worried and said they had several. LOL I asked if one of them was mostly white with a brown face, brown striped tail and tawny markings on their back. I told her it (it’s apparently a ‘he’) had been checking out our layout–doing ‘lizard patrol’. She brightened and said, “Yeah. That’s (insert cat name because I can’t remember it! LOL)” She then proceeded to explain about all of the various cats that they had–one female (who was pregnant when they moved into our neighborhood) and at least three other male cats who had been ‘fixed.’ She said that the female had lost all of one litter and half of her next litter. I was saddened by this news. I asked her if there had been any ‘cat incest’ going on and she laughed and said, no, only one ‘uncle’ that was far removed from her lineage. She said they didn’t know who the father was of the current litter. She also didn’t say when her cat was due. So, I haven’t said anything to Robert yet, but I might have to get myself a kitty! LOL I don’t really need something else to take care of, but I do like cats and I know I’ll get some enjoyment from owning one. I do miss Ruby. So, we shall see.

While the carpet people were here, the husband suggested that our home was gorgeous and should really have sold quickly. I told him our friends said the same thing. He asked who our realtor was and I told him. He said I needed to get a new realtor. This was the third person who said that to me in less than 2 weeks. So, after everyone had left I told Robert I was going to let our realtor go and will take the house off the market for a while. Then, I’ll re-list it with another agent. The wife of the couple said they cleaned carpets for the owner of a ReMax real estate company and she gave me their name and phone number. I thought it kid of serendipity that it was another ReMax business, as that was the name of the realtor that our friend works for. So many suggestions and people want THEIR friends to get the business. Can’t blame them… I know I’ll have to change my mind about the commission amount, but if we want to sell, I can’t be a cheapskate. I just need to figure out what the bottom line is and work from there. That said, I did call our realtor and ask to be released from our contract. He sent the paperwork a short while after my call and I’ve signed it and sent it back. It’s official. We’re back to square one.

Anyway, the housekeeper is coming tomorrow and I’ll have her work on the downstairs. Then tomorrow afternoon we go to Bakersfield and see the neurologist. I’m hoping the visit works out better than previous visits. Though there isn’t much can be done to treat dementia, I’m always hopeful there’s a new drug on the market that will work better than the two he’s currently taking. Funny note here–tonight after his shower Robert asked me again what time his appointment was tomorrow afternoon. He suggested 4:00 p.m. and I said, “No. The appointment is for Thursday… Uh… O.k., maybe I’m the one that needs to be taking medication.” I told him I had trouble keeping track of the days. He just smiled and shook his head. What a pair…

Do take care–be safe, and know that you are loved. Life happens, whether we want it to or not, whether we’re prepared for it or not, so we may as well accept it and find some happiness along the way. Speaking of which, please remember to tell those you love that you love them.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022 — The end of yet another day. I had to put the car in the shop today to get the front bumper repaired. I backed out a bit crooked on Sunday morning and the bumper caught on the concrete curb, popping the bumper off on the driver’s side. It’s a 2001 Honda Civic with over 260k miles on it so I didn’t want to get carried away with costly repairs. The guy at the body shop suggested that he glue the bumper back into position since it only lost one bolt and the rest of the bumper just snaps on. He showed me how it would look after being glued and it looked fine to me so I told him to go ahead. I told him I’d take the car back home, get my neighbor to bring me back and he could have the car for the hour or two that it would take to make the repair. After going back home and getting a ride back to the body shop to drop off the car, I felt kind of good about handling the repair situation on my own. Sure enough, an hour and a half later, the phone rang and it was the body shop, saying my car was ready. Cost: $80 for one hour of labor and I know the guy had a really difficult time charging me that much for just a simple ‘glue job’ but I didn’t have anyone to fix it, and I for sure couldn’t do it, so it was money well spent.

When my neighbor dropped me off, for whatever reason, I confessed to her that there were times when I felt that it would be wonderful to live in a room somewhere, where I would be cared for and not have to do anything or worry about anything. I told her that I began thinking of the things I had to do and said I realized I would have to do most, if not all, of the things if I were to live alone, so I just needed to ‘suck it up’ and get it done.

Last night, Robert spilled a cup of hot coffee all over himself and the chair. He does o.k. in the mornings, but towards late afternoon/evening, he loses control of his hands–if he’s holding something, it just drops. I cleaned the chair as well as I could and today called and arranged for an upholstery service to come and give me an estimate for cleaning our furniture. They’ll come tomorrow after 4 p.m. Unless their price is way out of line, I’m inclined to have them clean everything. I’m going to check to see if they clean rugs as the oriental rugs need cleaning too.

He has an appointment with the neurologist on Thursday. I made the mistake of telling him about it yesterday, and big as life, first thing this morning he asked me what time we would have to leave today to get to the dr’s appt. on time. I had to tell him it wasn’t until Thursday and today was only Tuesday. Later on, he asked again and I calmly repeated what I’d said earlier. I think about the changes that have taken place with him and know I should make a list to give to the dr.

Today was trash day, so last night I collected all of the trash throughout the house and put it in the cans, ready to be put out this morning. When I went to bed, I set the alarm clock for 7:30 a.m. so I could get up and put the cans out. As I came back to the house after setting the cans out, I bent down and retrieved Robert’s morning newspaper. By this time I was wheezing really bad so made it to the office and began an inhalation treatment. My mind wandered to the question of how I could hire someone to come and put our cans out each week. When I got out of bed this morning, Robert woke enough to ask me where I was going and when I said I was going to put the trash out, he said ‘then I’ll stay right here.’ He promptly went right back to sleep. I’m thinking this task has now become my task. But as I said before, if I were living alone, I’d still have to put the trash cans out — maybe not every week, but I’d still have to do it, so why cry about something you’d have to do anyway?

I’ll need to let the neurologist know about Robert’s hallucinations. This morning he looked out the office window and said, “There’s a man down there with a white horse.” I got up and looked out the window and didn’t see it. I got the binoculars and looked again–nada, nothing. Next thing you know, Robert says, I don’t know where they went but they were right there. He’s forever seeing things on the floor–especially ants (he has a thing about ants and the other day as he woke from a nap, he said he saw ants all over everything.) He’ll see spots in the wood flooring and have to bend down and touch them, trying to feel them or pick them up. His depth perception is bad in the evenings, and he always stops and steps over thresholds instead of stepping on them. I know his dementia is progressing and he realizes it. This past Sunday we went to breakfast with the Tuesday crew and their wives–first time in over 2 years. When we got back home, Robert asked me how he did — did he make sense when he talked? Did anyone say anything to me about him? I told him no, and I thought he did fine. Friends did actually ask me how he was and I said that in the mornings, he was fine but by late afternoon/evening, he was having difficulties. He’s very frail anymore, and friends did notice that he’d lost a lot of weight. His appetite has definitely changed and food just doesn’t taste good anymore. I think he no longer enjoys eating like he used to. Now it’s a chore for him.

Well, enough of my whining… please know that I appreciate that you are here in my life. Be safe, take good care of yourself and please tell those you love that you love them.

Wednesday, September 21, 2022 — Some days, it’s just too much stress to deal with. It’s going to be a moment by moment day today.

Opening yesterday’s mail I found a letter from our previous homeowner’s insurance broker, along with a letter from our previous homeowner’s insurance company. It seems the insurance company hadn’t received their premium. Well, we’d changed homeowner’s insurance companies last month, so I knew they weren’t going to be receiving another premium. I never gave it a thought that they wouldn’t be notified when our insurance company changed.

I had questions, so I called our insurance broker. I got my company names mixed up so there was a major misinterpretation that on for almost an hour of calling and trying to talk to people. I was finally informed that I needed to contact the prior insurance company to cancel the insurance. Did anyone tell me this when we changed insurance companies? No. Did I ever have to do this before? No. Apparently, it’s a HEPPA law now. The law that is supposed to help keep our medical and financial records private also prevents us from being assisted. My husband’s name was the only one on the policy and the representative said she needed to have him tell her she could discuss the policy with me. He happened to be unavailable so she asked me to write an e-mail to cancel the policy.

Such a simple situation, but it was complicated by the fact that the companies I tried to contact only served their customers with telephone trees. And, my mortgage company, Wells Fargo, was the worst of them all. They actually disconnected the call after saying they were sorry I was having trouble entering the correct option. Really??? I knew I didn’t like them when I had a checking and savings account with them. They have our mortgage because it was sold to them (without our knowledge/permission).

We’ve become too modern for our own good. All I’m hearing these days is that there are more jobs available than there are people willing to fill them. Yet my nephew called last night to say he’d lost one of his part time jobs because he isn’t vaccinated. I asked him why he wasn’t vaccinated and he said he tried to get his vaccinations some time ago but had a violent reaction to the vaccine–coming down with a COVID-like reaction that was really severe. His doctor told him to not try to get vaccinated as it was too dangerous for him. So now, in the wake of all the variations of COVID, more and more companies aren’t making allowances for instances like my nephew’s where he can’t be safely vaccinated. Needless to say, employment opportunities for him and others in the same situation are limited. I would hope that there is some drive to make an allowance for people in this situation. It seems really wrong, if not discriminatory.

I’m off my soapbox for the day. I hope everyone has a blessed day today. I’ve sent my e-mail to change the homeowner’s insurance so hopefully that is one positive thing to be put on the list for today. One thing at a time–one day at a time, and possibly, even one moment at a time. When life gets to be too much, break it down and take it a bit at a time. Take care. Be sure to tell those you love that you love them.

Reblogged from “Which Me am I Today” I can’t think of a more fitting post for this sorrowful day. Blessings to all. Take care and be well.

https://whichmeamitoday.wordpress.com/2022/09/19/reunitedthe-funeral/