BLOGGING SAGA PART II -- LIVING IN PLACE

This is a continuation of my previous post regarding the five month time lapse before I resumed writing here.  I mentioned some of my medical travails during part of that time. Since then I happened to view an episode of the old TV show "Laugh-In" that featured so many funny one-liners.  This one seemed apropos:  "A new hospital has opened - Our Lady of Perpetual Maintenance."    

Now that I’m pretty much on the home stretch of resuming a more energetic life style once again, I think — I’ve been reflecting on my ongoing grand “living in place” experiment.   As committed as I am to this type of independent living, there continue to be times when I wonder if I might want to reconsider the advantages of living in a retirement community offering all levels of care, or maybe just move into a smaller condo or an apartment ultimately to go into an assisted living environment, if needed.  Then, I remember the giving up some independence aspects -- do I really want to do that? 

Shortly before the new year my daughter who lives on the east coast surprised me that she would be visiting me which contributed to my months delay in writing here.  Her long holiday weekend darting in and out, her connecting with old friends to celebrate new year's eve, still allowed for us to have a most enjoyable time together.  She provided some first hand guidance on my adapting to my new MAC, from previously using Windows.

Digital and Internet is an area that is mostly "tech gurued' for me by her younger brother.  Once she returned home she's been in the process of changing employment from her decade long previous position, plus moving, now, too, but will continue to reside on the opposite coast from me.   Who knows when we'll manage time together again, but when we do she receives my undivided attention.  

Then, last month, my son who lives in the Midwest surprised me, also, and spent a whole week with me -- more excuse for my not blogging.   He’s been establishing himself with his own business, having left his decade-plus-longtime employer.  He is able to provide his services remotely, so when he learned while here that an unexpected deadline had arisen from one of his contracts, that simply meant we altered our activities a bit, but he could address the issues while remaining here.  I truly appreciated technological benefits in this instance.  Once again my time and attention was absorbed by his presence.   

My much slower Internet speed than my son's accustomed to did cause him to sometimes go to a nearby cafe for a faster connection.   I did get my provider to ramp the speed up as high as the older system permitted when we discovered I wasn't even getting the speed I was paying for.  Had this happen once before.  The moral is I'll periodically check my Ispeed in the future.  Meanwhile, I did get the maximum of three months refund.  The time together with my son was most productive, and fun, allowing us to  address some matters as I’ve long intended, and are continuing to resolve here.   

Still, I reason, continuing to live on my own, I have been able to rise to the occasion as my needs have presented me with new challenges.  I acquiesced to acquiring a new “foul-weather friend” -- my buddy, an attractive shiny blue cane for the period when I've needed a little support.   Another first for me with this most recent health challenge was on one occasion requiring I use a special local area transportation system for a medical appointment.  

My advance planning, years ago, by signing up for the privilege of using an area  inexpensive “Get About” taxi was in place for just such an occasion when I decided my driving that day would be unsafe.   Also, my pharmacy effectively provided my first, and so far only experience using them for same day home delivery of needed products.  One pharmacy, only a city block away, offers a drive-thru I’ve appreciated using on more than one occasion in the past when exiting the car to go inside seemed just too much.  

Years ago when my husband was no longer able to do our gardening we had to hire a gardening service which I’ve subsequently continued using, necessitated by very tall  privacy hedges that must be cut.   So, on one occasion when I thought I might best hire my next door young neighbor (recently learned they're moving) to place my large greenery recycle bin at the curb that the gardeners had previously filled, another neighbor spotted me in our drive and spontaneously came across the street to move the bin there for me.  I’ve since been able to resume that weekly task moving any one, or all three of the various two-wheeled containers we have — one for garbage, one for greenery, and one for recyclables.  

I haven’t yet needed to utilize groceries home delivery from several nearby stores where I routinely shop, but have confidence their staples, increasing choices of deli items, fresh fruit and other produce their staff would select will be satisfactory.   I do have available a local “Girl Friday” I had occasion to use once in the past who is able to provide a variety of services.  There's always the Internet on which everything and more can be ordered from a variety of web sites for posthaste delivery.   

I’ve not used restaurant home deliveries, (other than recalling the pizza our family used to periodically order), but any number of local eateries are increasingly offering that service as are websites offering delivery for multiple restaurants.    I did treat my son and family to a variety of restaurant fare I had him order when I visited them a few years ago which was most satisfactory.  I think it works best if ordering for more than just one person if I want freshly prepared food, but would be left with servings to be frozen for later, or re-heated the next day.  I don't object to doing so, or having left-overs -- in fact, some items are even better that way.

Usually when I’m ill I thrive best on very simple plain foods, so find having a ready supply in my refrigerator's freezer compartment and pantry is better than seasoned restaurant fare would likely be, ordering for just one person.  Chicken, vegetable, lentil, minestrone  soups, clam chowder with crackers, yogurts, cottage cheese, bread for toast are a few basic standby items for me.  My microwave and toaster oven are a real boon much of the time in preference to using the stove or oven, but especially when I couldn't wait to sit down again.

These experiences provide me important lessons to utilize in preparation for future unexpected occurrences.   I prefer to have given in advance some thought and consideration to how I'll manage in a variety of possible situations.  Writing down contacts, sources, any helpful information can be a wise action, especially for anyone who is the household's sole responsible party as might even be true for some couples as well as single people, widows, widowers.  

I'm paying special attention to thinking about this concept I'm practicing called  "living in place", or "aging in place" as some describe what older people are doing when they continue to live in their residences.   I'll explain in the future why my focus on this living style option.   

There are a variety of living options, so we each have to decide what is best for us.  Many factors enter into our decision-making process.  Ultimately, we may even settle for what might not be our first choice, or later we may have to alter our plans.   Accommodation and adaptation, sooner or later, are terms with which we become most familiar.   

Have you determined what sort of living arrangement you want for your older years?   Or, maybe you've already made that choice.  How's it working out?

MOTHERS AND CHILDREN ADAPT

[These following recollections of mine are dedicated to all those mothers and children who did not survive the Holocaust, though my memories are unrelated to the horrific events of those years.   I am prompted to offer this symbolic commemoration since in recent months I've been listening to a child survivor of those harrowing times relate her recently deceased mother's emotionally moving words recounting the harrowing experiences of their survival.]


MOTHERS AND CHILDREN ADAPT

My long time Southern California best friends are experiencing parent care giving challenges similar to those I had years ago, as so many Boomers face today --  needing to assist older loved ones to live independently.    Almost ten years younger than I -- both recently retired, their children now adults with families of their own -- my friends are positioned differently than I was thirty years ago to provide parents needed help.

I was fortunate that once my Mother relocated from the Midwest she lived only a mile or less from my home, whereas my friends must drive from one community southeast of Los Angles, across that megalopolis to their parent’s northern Valley area home.   They also, have brothers and sisters living in much closer proximity to their parents, but my friend, being the first born daughter, and her husband provide much of the care. 

My much older only sibling was across the Pacific Ocean and unable to participate with my mother’s daily assistance.   No other family resided in California – in fact, lived a many-States distance away.   I won’t go into other specifics as they are incidental to the day-to-day picture.  

What’s important is, that no matter what anyone’s personal situation may be, at any time we can be unexpectedly thrust into a care giving circumstance.    Our attitude, that of surrounding family members and friends, and that of the loved one or patient themselves has a significant impact on how well we navigate the after effects of such an event, while – most importantly – preserving our own health. 

My children were young, my employed husband was coping with a difficult situation himself, coupled with the beginnings of his health decline -- all contributing to marital stresses.   I was in University training for my current profession, which added to life’s complications when my Mother had a sudden life-altering event.   She never fully recovered from this variously called stroke, brain attack, cerebral vascular accident (CVA.)  

Fortunately, her mental status remained intact.  The only residual effects were balance mechanism deficits and decreased walking ability.  Her brain could no longer perceive where her body was in space – proprioception problems.     So she had to always use a walker – not a four or even two wheeler, because the wheels would move too fast. 

Critically important was the requirement that my mother NEVER lean too far backward, especially when standing, because her brain would not send body position correcting messages to prevent her falling.  She certainly didn’t need any broken bones, or even a hip fracture, much less further brain injury if her head struck some piece of furniture, the floor or ground.   

Together Mother and I determined the choice was hers to continue living independently though falling could be a risk.    If she had exhibited memory, judgment, impulsiveness, or a number of other cognitive and physical problems her choice might not have been appropriate and I would not have hesitated to say so.   She never fell.

Fortunately, our relationship was of such mutual respect tempered by love that decision-making occurred with my mother always included and participating in the process.  Her cooperation for whatever was best never presented a problem.  I think this was partly because we were always honest, open and truthful with each other, even when the message might not always be what either of us wanted to say or hear.

She had been very active though legally blind for several decades with her vision gradually deteriorating even further through the following years.  She had lived independently many years after she was alone, choosing to continue doing so after she moved across country to be nearer to me.
 
Living in a small Midwest town when she was widowed  she had been  able to walk everywhere she needed for groceries, the post office, church, downtown for banking and shopping, to the courthouse lawn for weekend afternoon concerts and events.  Even the train depot and long distance bus station were close by. 

Her social life kept her busy joining friends for occasional countryside drives which might include roadside market stops for farm fresh eggs, fruits and vegetables.   Much younger friends with their children  sometimes stopped by to visit her simply because all ages enjoyed her company and the positive outlook  she had maintained despite some hardships she had known during her lifetime.

My mother enjoyed volunteering at the local hospital’s ladies sewing group, creating lap quilts for nursing home residents.   Fund-raising rummage sales to help the needy were among the activities in which she aided her church women’s group.

For a number of years at home she managed to occasionally use her treadle sewing machine for straight line stitching, as with repairing a seam, or joining two pieces of material together.  She couldn't use an electric machine because the sewing was much too rapid, possibly causing injury since she often said her fingers were her eyes.
 
This was quite a sewing adaptation from a woman trained to be a teacher who once could observe a dress in a window display, go home, reproduce the pattern and make that same dress for herself.   Or, the much in demand lady to whom word-of-mouth brought women asking her to fit ill-fitting dresses to their particular body form. 

She was comfortable with solitude, quite able to entertain herself.   Some years earlier I had learned of Talking Books before the days when audio books with playback devices were commercially available to the public.   She was delighted to receive free books and magazines on record (later tapes) to listen to at her leisure.  She discovered she didn’t dare lie down or simply sit in a chair while she was listening to a story or she would fall asleep only to awaken several missed chapters later.

Concluding she needed some activity to occupy her hands, she successfully experimented with creating an original type of rug hooking to do while listening to the books.   Mother subsequently hooked unique one-of-a-kind colorful rugs using select fabrics based on geometric patterns she recalled from the years when she had been able to quilt.  

Mother’s  creations multiplied in number, eventually became in demand, but were first sold in a local furniture store.   Subsequent years I placed them in Scottsdale, Arizona artist crafts stores, a local California antique store when we moved here.  We were told each year a Chicagoan returned here to purchase her hooked rugs.  Another family member released a few rugs that sold on Hawaii’s Big Island.   Her rugs have been described as examples of primitive art.   

Family contact was maintained during the years with occasional visits and phone calls on special occasions.   Mother's sisters and a cousin circulated  round robin letters she could sometimes read using magnification if large black print on white, but increasingly letters had to be read to her.  

Her hearing loss (presbycusis - aging hearing loss) was, fortunately, mostly negligible.    So, when personal tape recorders with cassettes became accessible technology, my brother supplied each of us with one.   We exchanged audio tape letters after she learned equipment operational skills. 

The years before televisions had remote controls I was able to locate a then soon-to-be out-dated push button television set (I still have it,) since a channel dial presented her visual difficulties.   Again her fingers were her eyes, she said, so could feel the buttons for the channel she desired once she learned the broadcast station  sequence.

Mother enjoyed listening to a few television programs, often on public television (PBS,) music, comedy (if not too visual) and variety shows, news,  game shows like Jeopardy, other programs that offered lots of dialogue and didn't depend too much on visual action to convey crucial aspects of a plot.    Radio programming continued to be a favored medium, especially bedside if she couldn't sleep.  

The older I become, the more frequently I seem to recall my mother’s words, our experiences together.  I often wish I could talk with her now,  having gained a perspective only years lived can provide.