Captain panics in a perfect storm

The 'King of Europe', Nigel Farage, is touring around America giving rousing speeches in support of Donald Trump. 

Joe Biden has said that Britain will be at the back of the queue when it comes to trade deals. The Democrats will concentrate all their efforts on Europe.

Boris Johnson has done nothing but dither over covid policy since the very beginning. He has proved himself unfit to be Prime Minister. He cannot cope, and neither can any of his cabinet. 

Would Starmer have done any better? Actually, yes he would. Rather than criticise with the benefit of  hindsight, he has been telling the government what to do weeks before they get round to doing it, by which time the damage is ten times as bad as it could have been.  

In the next few years, we will no longer be even a nation of shopkeepers. 

A quiet night in

This is a Japanese kimono from 1840-1860, on show in the V&A, London. The Japanese are really good at horror and the supernatural. Remember all those truly scary films?

Did I tell you about the health care worker who went around the table in the pub garden last week, embracing and kissing everyone in turn until she got to me? I held her off at arm's length, and she took it as a personal affront that I was trying my best not to bring the virus home to H.I. Well, she was born on October 31st, so today is her birthday.

She is planning on going to a local bar (hedge-fund chain again) with a group of friends, because the bar offers an 'all you can drink for £30' deal, and she can drink an awful lot. This horrible bar is only a few yards away from our house, and every night great crowds of dolled-up slappers women fall out onto the pavement, screaming and shouting their way to the next pub. It's like a permanent hen party. Some of them take their last drink with them into the street if they haven't finished it. Boris will close it for a while as of sometime next week, but in the meantime everyone is going to make the most of it being open by blatantly ignoring all the Covid rules in one go. On Monday - when Boris will make the announcement - she will go back to work, visiting all the elderly and vulnerable people she is supposed to take care of. Call me a spoilsport, but I think someone should have a loud word in her ear.

Halloween will be an even quieter affair for us in the compact but adorable city apartment than it usually is. Of course, we will go through the usual rituals which we observe every year - summoning the dead, sacrificing chickens, dancing around a blazing fire, etc. - but the old magic seems to have gone out of it for now. Maybe it will all get back to normal in 2021.

Too late for damage limitation

There is only one thing clear about the state of British politics, and that is that both main parties are doing their best (and making a good job of it) to destroy themselves at a time when they are needed more than ever before.

I don't like Jeremy Corbyn. I have never liked the extreme left-winger or any of his cronies. I am pleased that he has been suspended from his own party, and I am pleased that the likes of Momentum will probably never again be in any position of influence. 

He had to go. He was destroying any chance of Labour ever being elected and single-handedly gave all those Northern safe seats to Boris Johnson. What a gift. Boris is squandering that gift now. His posing next to the crappy mural depicting a hackneyed, Dickensian portrayal of stereotyped imperialism was stupid enough to get him thrown out of the party then, but he wasn't. They had to invent a new law which turns a valid and sincere question into hate-speech.

Ok, here comes some newly defined hate speech. Do you believe that anti Semitism in the Labour party has been greatly exaggerated? Was it a third of the party or 0,3 percent who are being or have been investigated? Put aside your dislike of the man and don't confuse (or conflate) his opinions regarding the Israel/Palestine situation with anti Semitism.

When Boris referred to 'piccaninnies', or Moslem women as 'letterboxes', nobody batted an eyelid, let alone question whether or not the Conservative party is full of racists. Can you imagine him expelling anyone who dares to suggest otherwise?

It is all a big waste of time and energy. Any racist should be thrown out of any party well before they have to undergo a pledge of allegiance. 

Rules are NOT made to be broken, but there are exceptions

Re John's last post about the anon that thinks he should be prosecuted for walking his dogs:

I was shouted at for sitting on a park bench at the very beginning by a woman who was obviously worried to distraction with what was happening in her life. She took her mask off to bellow some statistics about the latest fatality figures.

I think it is important to be seen to be following the rules, but some rules are so bloody stupid that I do not blame others for ignoring them. The trouble is that making a point of trying not to look like an idiot in public means that some younger people will use it as an excuse to break the ones which are worth following.

There is a shopping area here called Milsom Place. Long before the virus turned up it was already half empty because of the 10 years of austerity grinding everyone into the ground. It used to have a Jamie Oliver restaurant, but that went some time ago. A few hedge-fund chain restaurants still exist there, but they are dealing with other people's money so can survive most things.

Wanting to be seen to be doing something, Milsom Place instigated a one-way system as a Covid-safe precaution. The precinct was confusing enough before this rule was introduced, because there are a variety of entrances and exits on three different levels, so even I would find myself 20 feet above where I wanted to be and have to retrace my steps to get there.

Now, those steps are for going down only, and have large arrows taped to the treads to remind you. We sit in one of the chain cafes and amuse ourselves by watching tourists approach the steps, read the signs and turn round, only to reappear a few minutes later with an even more confused look on their faces. Milsom Place can be like a Mauritz Escher drawing.

The really infuriating thing is that the one-way system actually does more harm than good. Given the choice, would you rather walk six feet behind someone who is infected with the virus for three minutes, or would you rather keep the encounter down to two seconds by passing them five feet apart on some steps?

Well, I don't think you will be faced with that choice for much longer. Boris will follow everyone else's lead soon and re-impose a proper lock-down. When that happens, I will turn into another  statistic.

Have a nice day

I went into a bank last week and was heartened to see that the two cashiers who were working there were well over standard retirement age. The woman was in her 70s and the man not far behind her. I was heartened because the current crisis is beginning to make me feel that I am approaching the scrapheap, but I have to remind myself that I am far from alone in this. 

Our Waitrose staff are all trained to be very respectful and tolerant under what can be difficult circumstances, although I have noticed some of the younger members gritting their teeth when dealing with stroppy customers, and I don't blame them for that.

Recently I was going to the self-checkout and saw one of the much older, veteran Waitrose employees staring at the back of a middle-aged male customer who was leaving the shop by the front entrance.

As I got up to her, I heard her say quite loudly and viciously, "Yeah, that's right. Fuck off."

She immediately went up in my estimation, not least for making my day by giving me a good laugh.

More dire warnings to take your mind off things

Michael Gove has recently said that he is fed up with so-called 'experts' who he would have us believe are to blame for all the cock-ups that he has not made when dealing with the pandemic. I know what he means. (I have messed up the alignment  somehow.)

The day before yesterday, a government expert was warning everyone about the sharp increase in deaths amongst women caused by cocaine overdose.

The reason for the increase, he said, was that the cost of the drug has stabilised over the last couple of years, and as a result had never been cheaper in real terms. Also, he added, the cocaine on the streets now is the purest it has ever been, resulting in many more accidental overdoses. I told this to some of my cocaine addict friends, and they laughed out loud.

I cannot remember the name of this politician, but everything he said about cocaine is the exact opposite of the truth. 

Between the 1970s and up until a few years ago, cocaine held a stable price of £50 per gram, which is why it was always know as 'the rich man's drug'. £50 could buy you a car in 1970. Right now, a gram would cost you between £100 and £180.

Then there is the business of purity. After the government (quite rightly) made cheap Chinese imported amphetamines illegal a few years ago, all the dealers were left with kilos of the stuff that they could not legally sell. It cost £2000 per kilo, so they were not going to throw it away, were they? No. they cut it with cocaine and sold it hidden.

The more reputable of the dealers used to buy an inert and harmless powder from Holland to cut cocaine with, and bumped the volume up that way. These days, the coke on the street has never been more adulterated.

I have never heard of anyone with a sound heart dying of a cocaine overdose. I am not proud of it, but I once snorted two grams in 6 hours and all I had to show for it was a sleepless night spent grinding my teeth. If women are actually dying of something, it is more likely to be the nasty amphetamines which make up about 80% of today's so-called coke, but I doubt even that.

I for one do not trust anything put out by any unqualified government minister who wants to get his name in the papers with such sensational trash. People like them give real experts - and real politicians - a very bad name. 

Get well soon, Weave.

In and out of the kitchen

I've come over all medieval. Tonight I cooked a pigeon pie with apricots, nutmeg and almonds. What you see is tomorrow's dinner. Below is a beeswax taper. I would like to have Dido Harding round for dinner so I can tell her what I think of her and her undeserved positions in public life which we are all now suffering from, whether you have a TalkTalk account or not. Lifestyle my arse. I have refreshed my anger for another 24 hours.