Murphy and I went for a walk by the river near Michael’s house. I took some photos of our walk. The weather was a bit chilly, in the low 60s, but I am sure in a few weeks I’ll say that weather in the low 60s is warm. It is all relative.

This is the James River that flows through Central Virginia. It is only about 7 minutes from Michael’s house. He went to see his Dad, and I stayed back to talk Murphy on an excursion. When I got back, I fed Murphy, and then sat down to check my email. I came across this video below.

Evidently, the One Million Moms activist group has targeted this ad.

They said: “Oreo and parent company, Mondelez International, have begun airing a gay pride commercial which has absolutely nothing to do with selling cookies. Mondelez International is attempting to normalize the LGBTQ lifestyle by using their commercials, such as the most recent Oreo ad featuring a lesbian couple, to brainwash children and adults alike by desensitizing audiences.”

Good grief. I am going to buy some oreo cookies!

I came across this video while I was eating my dinner this evening. I read where the singer’s vote message on the billboard awards was censored because of this anti-Trump video. Personally, I think the video is pretty good!

I cannot wait until November 3 gets here. I am going to bring my ballot to a local library on Monday. And now all I can do is wait until the magical day appears and the end of the Trump dynasty. I will celebrate in the streets.

School has been going okay. I dread going back on the 9th of November because the hybrid plan is just nuts. But I guess that’s another post. This week has been a week of appointments after school. I went to the urologist today to get my PSA level checked again, and yesterday I went to my family doctor because of a lump on my upper arm. He thinks it is a cyst and was going to remove it in his office, but changed his mind and decided I needed to go for a sonogram so that he can see what he’s dealing with. So tomorrow afternoon is my sonogram. I am really not worried too much about it as he didn’t seem too concerned. I have had this for a while. It has just gotten bigger and harder….oh..maybe I shouldn’t have used that description.

The weather here has been beautiful. Perfect fall weather. I snapped some photos from our afternoon walk. I have no idea what those purple things are, but they caught my eye.

Hope everyone is safe and well. Vote Blue!

School is over for the day, I just got back from my walk with Murphy. We average about six miles a day The weather has been great and I am taking advantage of it. I am glad I am working from home, because I don’t have to spend one hour of my life everyday in the car. Once I teach my last class, and have my last office hours, I can just walk out the door and enjoy the sun and the cooler temperatures.

Here are some photos from our walk today. There are magnolia trees blooming in October!

When I got home, I decided to check facebook before beginning to grade some papers. I noticed a post from a friend of mine talking about another friend of mine and the letter she wrote to the editor of the local newspaper.

Here’s the letter that I copied and pasted from the online version of the paper:

President Donald Trump’s COVID-19 diagnosis is remarkable for several reasons:

Despite scientific fact and the personal protective equipment (PPE) at his disposal, Trump still refused to use safety precautions for himself, his family and the people he serves. He is receiving premier medical attention as president and it might not even cross his mind that the health care plan he has promised for more than four years never has materialized. Thus, the other 7 million people who have contracted COVID-19 have not had the same medical options, and they might be in deep debt between missing work and medical bills.

And despite having excellent medical services at the White House, it still was in Trump’s best interest to go to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. I have a sister at an assisted living facility, which especially was hard hit by the virus. Many were sick and some died. Yet, most of them were not treated at the hospital because the hospital sent them back to the facility for care.

Never mind that the facility does not provide skilled nursing care because it is not a nursing home. Never mind that the facility had so many staff members out sick they barely could take care of the residents. They did a heroic job without the PPE and other resources they needed with little help from local, state or federal government. I still cannot see my sister except outside every three weeks.

If Trump had been honest and listened to experts and prepared our country, lives could have been saved. I pray that he and all the other people with COVID-19 will live in good health. But I hope he will think long and hard about the way others have suffered.

My vote already has gone to Joe Biden, who is a mask-wearing hero to me.

The person who wrote the letter to the editor is someone who worked at my school and retired last year. I have always respected her, and when I saw the letter I felt very happy to call her my friend. And then I read the comments to her letter. OMG, filled with hate towards her. At least half of the comments defended Trump.

Here’s one of the “nicer” replies:

Majority of people that test positive for COVID won’t even need medical care, just look at the science. And those that do test positive and are under 65 years old, have more than a 99% chance of surviving. Out of approximately 330 million people, approximately, 7 million have tested positive and 203 thousand have died. Very small percentages. Time for everyone except for small percentage of high risk people need to get on with their lives.

How can people still support him? I just don’t get it. Some of the replies made the one above look like Pollyanna wrote it. As I was reading through them, I noticed that I was eating cheerios out of a box. I don’t remember going to the pantry to get the box, I don’t remember opening it, I don’t remember the first bite. What I do remember is that when I realized what I was doing, I had eaten quite a bit. Luckily Murphy and I do go for those walks.

And for a bit of levity, did you see Patti Lupone’s tweet about Trump’s Evita-esque pose on a balcony at the White House?

I am planning on sending in my ballot this weekend. Vote Blue!

September has come and gone. A blur. It seems as if the year 2020 has been a jinxed year for the world and for the USA in particular. It seems at the end of every week there is something new. RGB dying, the debate debacle, and now Trump with Covid. With every turn it seems as if we are lurching towards a cliff and into a free fall.

RBG: I loved her. I admired her spunk. I admired how she devoted her life to equality. What a loss. When I saw the notice come up on my phone, I just stared at it in disbelief. And then the debate. Holy hell. As a school assignment, I had my students watch it. In years past I had them watch all of the debates, but this time, they only have to chose one of the four. I decided to make it easier this year with us being virtual and with the campaign the way it is. I am glad I did as the whole thing was such an embarrassment. The next day we talked about it. I stayed neutral (at least I think I did), but they were all saying how bad it was and how bad Trump looked with his constant interruptions, and they also mentioned Biden telling him to “shut up”. Things we tell students not to do in class.

And now covid and Trump. The irony is so thick here. The unknowns. How sick is he really? Are they hiding how bad it is? We are living in such a crazy time. As I am writing this an update has come out on his progress. But what can one believe?

My students are really having a difficult time with virtual learning. I am trying really hard to balance what I give them for assignments. I literally spend from 7:00 AM to about 4 PM in front of the computer and by the end of the day, I have absolutely nothing left. That’s one of the reasons why I am not posting as much nor am I reading blogs. I just cannot get on the computer. My fingers can’t type. I have nothing left. I spend part of every class just talking to them and asking them how they are doing. For one of my 7th grade classes, the talk got kind of serious, and they were pouring their hearts out to me. I listened. I tried to give advice, and I asked them how I could help. After, I gave them their assignment and told them to pop on back into our google meet if they had a question. I have two monitors going at the same time as I am working at my desk, and I noticed an email from a student in that class. I opened it. When I read her words, my heart stopped. She told me she felt suicidal and that she felt that she could trust me with this, and to keep it between us. Tears immediately filled my eyes. This kid is someone really special. I grabbed my phone and used my computer to look up the number for her counselor at school. I called with a prayer that she was sitting at her desk. Thankfully I connected to her right away. I told her about what was in the email and that she had asked me not to say anything, but I knew I absolutely couldn’t risk that. She told me she’d call her parents and that she’d call me back. She called me back about a half hour later and had gotten in touch with the parents. She also talked with the student and told her that I had to tell someone because I cared about her. She seemed to accept that according to the counselor.

As I was waiting for the counselor to call me back, my mind drifted back to when I was a kid and my own suicidal thoughts. Life can sometimes seem like things are closing in, sadness crowding out the things are good. I can only hope that our country walks through this thick fog we are in, to a better place. I have to still hope that.

The weather here in Virginia has been just beautiful. Highs in the 70s, lows in the 50s. Bright sunny skies, low humidity. Fall is my favorite time of the year. Last weekend Murphy and I went for a run and I snapped a picture of the telltale signs of fall coming. And a couple of days ago, I let him out the back of my house and looked up and saw the most beautiful moon. The clouds were moving and the moon would go in and out. I was awestruck. There is beauty in this world, sometimes we just have to make an effort to look for it.

Take care everyone, and stay healthy.

~Michael

I had a reminder today by a kind blogger friend. Sending me a message if I am okay. I haven’t posted for quite a bit, nor have I read blogs. Why? I have been too exhausted in the evenings to even look at a computer, much less write a coherent sentence. It is not that I haven’t thought about it. I have. But I haven’t been able to muster the energy. Online teaching and dealing with parents have zapped my joie de vie.

I have been teaching from home, which in of itself is a good thing. No long commute in the morning. Just up to the third floor bedroom. I have had to revamp all of my lessons from the past to fit the digital curriculum. And I am dealing with a new learning platform called Canvas, with no real help or support. And the parents…good God. I had one call the principal on me yesterday because I showed my class some examples of work and the student’s name was on the work. All I was doing was showing something positive. I picked two examples of an assignment already turned in to show the students in my other classes examples of exceptional work. Nothing negative. I wouldn’t do that. I have always shown them exemplars of good work, but I guess I won’t in the digital world. Yesterday I had one grandma come to class and stare into her grandson’s camera with this scowl on her face. Very disconcerting. I had one parent send me an email that he couldn’t figure out Canvas and he (of course) mentioned that he was a structural engineer. I wanted to say, “How in the fuck to you think I feel?” But of course I didn’t. Luckily for me, he has gone after the math and the science teacher and has left me alone…at least for now.

And now the school system has decided that we will start going back. I return on November 9. But to half my class done by alpha order. The other half will be at home coming to class as well, but coming virtually. So I will be teaching to 30 kids, half at home and half online…at the same time. The ones in class aren’t allowed to get out of their seat, nor can they receive any papers from me, etc. It will be a nightmare. In my humble opinion, they might as well stay virtual…but the parents have complained, and so on we trod. I am a bit worried about coming down with Covid, but I must put that in the back of my mind and worry about it in November. School systems that have gone back have had Covid cases. Both teachers and students.

Another sense of malaise is the sinking ship called the USA. Ruth Bader Ginsberg dying. The Republicans rushing through a Senate nominee, pundits talking about Trump having a possibility of actually winning the election, Trump himself…I could go on and on, but I won’t. This is turning into a downer post, and I hadn’t intended it to be, but it is certainly turning out that way.

I am going to attempt to carve out time every evening for about 30 minutes to check on my blogger friends, as I miss you all.

I came across this video yesterday and thought that you might want to watch it if you haven’t seen it already. I just have to hope upon hopes that Trump loses the election, and leaves office without trying to claim the election has been stolen from him. I just got my ballot in the mail this week. I am going to vote this weekend. Blue all the way.

It is Sunday afternoon. Already I am dreading online teaching for tomorrow. It is hard. Really hard. It is difficult to connect with them, the technology is frequently glitching, students already aren’t turning in assignments. And I am on the computer all day long. Exhausting. But I have a job, I am earning a paycheck, I have a roof over my head. I know as we all get used to this new normal, things will gradually begin to get better.

The title of my post has to do with my mother and me coming out. We talked today, the first time we have talked since I told her my “news.” I had sent my mother a heartfelt note in an email the day after I first came out. I thanked her for her support, bared my soul, and wrote words that I thought would help her to make sense of who her son was. She never responded to my email, which at first worried me a bit, but I chose not to let that give me cause for concern. I know an email is impersonal, and a handwritten note would have been much better, but I have never worked so hard at school stuff in my life, transitioning to a virtual life, and I just wanted to say what I needed to say, and do it quickly.

Our conversation went okay at first, then there was a pause and some silence. And then she said it, “I don’t think you are gay.” Oh, so I made this up? This was my choice? She started to go into the fact that I wasn’t really that great in sports, that I lacked self-confidence, and I was using those reasons to say that I was gay. She said I didn’t act “gay” so I am not gay. I tried to explain to her what I was feeling, but I gave up as I knew I wouldn’t change her mind. Plus, I am not feeling so great today, and my headache wouldn’t allow me to form a cohesive argument back. So I just listened. The part that upsets me the most? I asked her if she got my email. She responded that she was “too busy to answer it.” That hurt. I would like to think that I would never be too busy to answer any of my kids when they reached out, even if I didn’t agree or approve of what they were doing as they are all adults.

So life trods on. I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised as it was indeed too good to be true. She went on and on about my brother and all of the things he did for her when he visited last weekend. And here I am. The son who gives her angst.

I told my sister today what happened, and she was her usual supportive self. Her first words out were, “Oh for fuck’s sake…” So I must admit, I am a bit sad tonight, but I will get over it. I will.

“You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?” — Dr. Seuss

I have tried valiantly to keep up with my blog reading this past week but to no avail. I have been buried and swamped with preparations for tomorrow’s virtual opening and by the end of the day, I just cannot look at another computer screen. I am hoping that once I get into a semblance of a routine, I will be able to spend more time catching up on all of my blogger friends.

To say that this week has been one hell of a mess would certainly be an understatement. It’s like building the plane while we are flying it. The central office keeps adding things for us to do, changing requirements, and generally making us all nuts. Just taking attendance will be a major task. But as I say, “this too shall pass.” After Friday’s faculty meeting I could sense that my teammates were stressing out, so I suggested that we meet afterward to practice some of the online meet things we have to know how to do beginning tomorrow without really ever having done it. So we met, and two of my team of 8 broke down into tears. Sobbing and ugly cry tears. Oddly enough, I am pretty calm about it all and I hopefully helped them to assuage their jitters. Maybe it seems like no big deal after coming out to my mother! On top of it all we have to navigate through this new “learning management system” called Canvas and it has our heads spinning. A friend of mine at another school told me that this new teacher on the faculty (who is not new to teaching) began to pray during a Canvas “how to” meeting. Our technology specialist can’t even share a link. So we are really flying that plane to somewhere and building it at the same time.

As I was thinking about that, I remember the song, “Leaving on a Jet Plane” way back a long time ago and I remembered that United Airlines used to use that for a commercial. I found it on youtube and I have it below. My have times changed, thank God. That ad wouldn’t fly today! (no pun intended)

Despite my busy week, I have tried to stay active and exercise as I think that helps with the jitters. I went for a run today, and I feel tired, which is good, as I need to sleep tonight. I am in front of the camera tomorrow morning at 7:30 ready or not. Yikes! I’ve got a few pics from my adventures of the week below.

 

I have really appreciated all of the supportive words people have shared with me since my last post.  I have also read about the coming out stories of some too.  It is nice to know that I am not alone.

As I reflect on the conversation with my mother, I am still somewhat in a state of shock.  She asked me normal questions like, “Are you going to move in with him?”, “Is he tall?”, “What does he do for a living?”  She even asked me if he had hair.  And she asked the questions in a typical way.  It wasn’t just to make conversation.  Like I said, I am in a state of disbelief and shock.  And I know that I am a very lucky soul to receive the support that I did from someone who I feared would be very upset.  I plan to write her a letter before the weekend slips away.  I have to put in writing how much I appreciated her acceptance and kindness.

I thought of the song “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” as being a good song for someone coming out.  I found these two videos below.  The first one has nothing to do with being gay, but I loved seeing the passengers, pre-Covid, smiling and treating each other well.  I long for those times.  The second one is from London Pride 2018.  It’s an outstanding video.  I don’t know why it doesn’t have more views.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

 

I go back to school on Monday.  I am afraid I won’t have as much time to read and post as I did.  But I will do my best to stay abreast on all of the blogs I follow.

~Michael

 

For those of you you have followed my blog for a bit, you know that I’ve been struggling with the whole coming out process, and all of the things wrapped up in it.  The fear of rejection, the fear of being different, the fear of fear itself.  It’s really hard to put it into words.  I have always admired people who have just come out and not worried about what others think.  I have not been that way, much to my chagrin.  But as many of you have said to me, we all do it in our own way.

Yesterday I decided to do it.  Michael has been telling me that I needed to come free with my mother.  To “rip off the bandaid”, and be done.  I would counter, “I know, but she’s so conservative, so set in her ways.”  She will freak.  He told me that maybe, just maybe, she would surprise me.   I paced the floor for at least an hour yesterday, picking up my phone, then putting it down.  Going through my head how I would say those words, “Mom, I am gay.”  Waiting for her response.  Dreading her response.

I dialed the number.  My heart was in my throat.  I heard the phone pick up, and I took a deep breath.  And it was….MY SISTER!  WTF?  I knew my sister was visiting my mother (they have made up from their political brawl from a few weeks ago), but I thought she had left to go back to Massachusetts.   She decided to stay an extra day.   My mother was on the landline with a business that she had been trying to contact, and my sister thought it best not to disturb the call.   And my sister was answering from my mother’s ipad.  She told me that my mother was on another line.    I told her what I was calling about.  And then it dawned on me, so I asked her, “What are you doing on mom’s ipad?”  She was blocking contacts from conservative websites that my mother follows!!   Go sis!  Despite my nervousness, I had to chuckle on that one.  So a foiled attempt.

Today I had to work from 9:00 to 12:00 remotely.  From 9:00 to 11:00 I met 1/2 of my new students and their families, and from 11:00 to 12:00 I had a teacher meeting.  After I hung up from the meeting, I felt my stomach tell me it was time for lunch.  But my head was telling me to call my mother before I sat down and had a bite to eat.  I started to pace again.  Probably for 15 minutes of walking around the kitchen mulling it through my head.  Then I just did it, and this is how it went:

The phone rang once, then twice, then I heard a pick up, then the call dropped.  Good grief.  An omen perhaps?  So I called again, and she answered.  She accidentally hung up the first time.  I could feel my heart already lurching downward.  I said, “Hello Mom.”  Immediately she said, “What’s wrong?”  I then said: “Mom I have something to tell you, and I don’t know if you are going to like to hear it.  I am not sure of how to say it so I am just going to jump in.  I am gay.”  She paused for a moment and asked, “Are you sure; you’ve thought of this?”  I said that I was sure.  She asked me a few more questions.  Normal ones that a parent would ask, and then she said,  “I love you and I accept you for who you are.  I know this is not a choice. it is simply you, and I do love you.”  My voice cracked a bit…well maybe a lot…the relief washed over me like a gigantic cleansing wave.  We talked for a good hour, and I think she was happy that I had discovered my own story, and that I was living (finally) an authentic life.

I’ve written a lot about my mother on this blog.  About her resilience, her strong conservative values, her dogged determination to keep on moving forward when life throws crap at you.  Today I bared my inner self to her, and she accepted me for who I am, and for that I am eternally grateful to her.  My mother is this strange mixture of things.  She is so pro-mask and angry at the non mask people out there, and she has accepted me as her gay son, and at the same time, she is a Trump supporter.  So maybe, there is hope for our country after all, and that when Trump loses, and hopefully he will, there will be a healing to come over the USA.

When she sent me a birthday card a few weeks ago, she wrote: “Thank you so much for being a loving and caring son and individual.  I know that if I ever needed you…you would be there for me.  Your caring and empathy are what makes you the unique person you are, and what makes you an outstanding teacher.”  When I read that, it actually made me feel guilty because I didn’t trust her enough to tell the truth to her.  So today I finally did it, I told her, and that is how it went.

Love to all,

Michael

 

This is going to be a random sort of post.  I really don’t have any one particular topic on my mind, just a bunch of thoughts rattling around in my grey matter.  It is a quiet Monday,  and I am enjoying the peace and solitude before the storm hits and I go back to teaching next week.  We will be 100% virtual.  The school board will re-evaluate this every two weeks, and when we do go back, it will be a hybrid model and in phases.  I am a little worried about going back in person as my school has always been dirty and the bathrooms are rarely thoroughly cleaned.  There are four toilets for about 100 staff members.  And the water pressure is bad, and we don’t have hot water.  The student bathrooms are gross too.  So we’ll see if they will do the “deep cleaning” like they have said they will do.

I just got back from a 4 mile walk with Murphy.  I appreciate the fact that I can take these walks now without school to deal with.  I won’t have the luxury in a couple of weeks.

So the title of my post was “Joe.”  On my walk I was thinking of Joe Biden and that maybe he is exactly what this country needs right now to unify both sides.  He wasn’t my first choice, but maybe he’s the right choice.  I love the add below for him, and it is by Republicans!

 

And below is a video song by children.  There is something so wonderful about children singing.  At least I think so.

 

And the final video is simply hilarious.  Joe. Joe. Joe.  He has to win.  If he doesn’t, I will be so incredibly demoralized.  When he wins, (hopefully) I will be dancing in the streets like nobody is watching!

 

I hope everyone has a great week!