Spo-Reflections

The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections kindly requests I do not write too many “Halloween entries’ this month; after fourteen years of writing about the holiday they are sick of the stuff.* I replied this doesn’t give me much to write about does it. They replied they will consult The Fates (or somebody like them) for nifty notions and meanwhile I can write about the kitchen gadgets or something.

The silly old Board thinks kitchen gadgets is a tame topic but this can be a ticklish topic. In a cis-household the lady usually reigns supreme en la cocina and the mister better not upset her system.  In contrast put two men (gay ones at that) and roles and boundaries become blurred and more savage.

The kitchen at La Casa de Spo has two drawers of do-hickeys. I’ve divided their contents into ‘Things with handles” and “Things sans handles” (that means without). Someone does not share my enthusiasm for culinary taxonomy. For example, the green plastic cylinder gadget used to remove skins off the garlic cloves continually shows up among the ladles and kitchen scissors and have to put it back in their proper drawer. Measuring spoons admittedly have handles but this is straw-splitting.  To complicate things on the stove-top stands a container filled up with wooden spoons and tongs.  Someone sticks things into this modest container the same way the Japanese subway staff handle the trains during rush hour. I perpetually pull things out and put them in the ‘Things with handles” drawer only for Someone to be vexed over ‘not finding anything’.  Although this hasn’t yet led to murders and suicides this sort of thing borders on savagery.

On the counter top was an ice cream machine which gets used once every two years. I recently put it away and placed the coffee machine as this gadget is actually used from time to time. Someone would sooner eat rats at Tewkesbury than drink coffee so in his eyes this is not home improvement. The red ice cream maker looked ‘nice’ while the coffee machine lacks élan.

Unable to convince the other of their aberrant ways we take a quiet approach of ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ Most of the time we just move things back and forth where each feels things ought to be and when we cannot find something ‘in their right place’ we immediately know where to look to locate the lost ladle.

Although I valiantly try to keep the gadgets in their proper drawers I’ve given up loading the dishwasher. Someone may not know which drawer should hold the grater but he is a wiz at packing things and I readily defer to him to deal with the dirty dishes.  The axiom ‘choose your battles’ holds true particularly when it comes to the dishwasher and probably applies to the Tupperware containers too.

* This is a bowdlerized rendition of the actual email which was quite truculent and contained graphic details of what will happen to my nether parts if I disobey. They wrote they would sooner eat quokkas at Queensland than read another “Halloween memory’ entry. Coming from Nordic stock as they do they are skeptical of anything Celtic.

I am attempting to grow avocado trees from seed on the logic of ‘why not?’. One of my blogger buddies is doing this; she inspired me to try it myself. Three pits are now suspended over mason jars filled with water. They are held up by toothpicks with their bottoms just touching the water surface. It’s about ten days out: so far I don’t see much action. One of them seems to have a little teat that wasn’t there last time I looked so perhaps I am impatient. I’ve not done this before so I don’t know the timeline on these matters. It is hoped at least one of them makes it to the become tall enough to produce fruit. This is probably not worth my while as Uncle Albertsons has heaps. They run out of toilet paper and sanitary wipes but there is no lack of avocados. I think they come from Mexico some time of the year and from California the other times. A pile of them is what you first see when you walk into the store; it is as high as Fafner’s hoard and usually next to a pile of (nasty hothouse) tomatoes.

I am also trying to grow some palms. The established trees and bushes have pullulated aplenty and there are lots of seeds about the place the size and shape of M&Ms the peanut sort. This is another ‘why bother’ as palms are ubiquitous; one can buy them at Home Depot for next to nothing. In pinch one can dig up the small ones that are everywhere.

Succulents are cheeky things determined like weeds to be every where but where they are wanted.  In the front yard a small cactus of unknown species (and origin) has burst forth I should dig it up and move it before it gets too ponderous. The opuntia found growing on the rooftop is now transported to a clay pot on the back porch and seems content in its new abode.

The backyard prickly pear is out of control. It outgrew its rectangular container years ago and became so menacing it had to be hauled out of harms way. Its prickers are small and quite painful and almost impossible to extract from flesh or clothing.  To be rid of it I thought to set it on fire as the yard men won’t touch it to haul it away to wherever place one takes reprobate landscaping.  It would be nice to plant the avocado trees in the yard if they should survive to do so.  Surrounded by carnivorous cacti  I sense they won’t stand a chance.

Spo-fans have asked the whereabouts of The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections. I’ve not heard a peep out them for the past few weeks – up to no good that’s certain.  Last time they went quiet they were plotting to blow up the administration building on Hy-Brasil. Happily the place doe not exist so there was no harm done. Last night I sent them an email (they don’t text) wanting to know their welfare. Walter Cnut Fafner replied they are pleased as Punch by the ‘Books that changed my life series’ and they hope I will do similar series in the future especially if they involve blowing up buildings, administrative-type or otherwise. I said I will try. 

WCF wrote they have been consulting with The Muses (or somebody like them) about starting a podcast. They’ve read of about such in my entries and did some research and came to the conclusion this would be jolly good fun. They are rather coy about what the proposed podcast would be about. I despise podcasts consisting of a group of people having a chinwag with no real goal – I get enough of that at the board meetings.*  They have no interest in politics or philosophy and their advice on love and dating has a lot to be desired.  What they do have is a computer, a microphone, and the delusion what they are saying is worth listening to. They figure they can combine the popular genera of ‘true crime’ with comedy to make a sort of stand-up routine while they reminisce on their more bloody battles. They are quite keen on the idea.

I will let you know if the blog is shut down and replaced by “Norse Code’ the podcast ramblings of mead-soaked meatheads talking rubbish. They promise I will be a regular guest provided I don’t correct their grammar as I do in the board meetings. They hate that. 

*Bjorn keeps all the minutes, which go back to The Time of Legends. These are near illegible and almost completely incoherent. Herbert plans on putting them on microfilm but the moon will go blue with cold before this is realized.