Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time!

Just a typical week in December or two in December! (Cue the music!)

I should be decking my own halls -- and I am. But there's much to do! I said goodbye to these three felties this past week. I hated to see them go!

This is my Happy Tree. I bought the flocked tree last year after Christmas and it was the first to go up this year. It's all softies and colorful and it just makes me smile!

Speaking of trees, I spent one afternoon helping put the up Friends of Theatre tree at the annual Festival of Trees. The woman on our board who designed it was a genius. The theme of the tree is Stephen Sondheim's musical, "Into the Woods," which will be performed next year. It started out looking like this. Huh?

Then individual panels were slid into the grooves and held in place by volunteers.

There were 24 of these panels that must have been eight feet tall, carved from foam core to tell the fairy tales in the play.

 When all the panels were in place, in came the tree topper to hold it together.

Then lights.

And voila! It's incredibly impressive!

The day we were there snow was gently coming down and looking out of the ballroom's window it was all rather magical!

I did a longer, more complete post on this HERE (if you missed it). but I was delighted to attend a floral arranging workshop hosted by WKAR with "Life in Bloom" host J. Schwanke.

And thrilled with the result!

We did a little road trip to IKEA, Trader Joe's and my favorite Italian grocery, Cantoro's. This was ahead of us on the road. How's my driving, he asks. Methinks not so good!

My last trip of the season to Southern Exposure is also a post in itself to come soon!

I bought a new bird feeder, theoretically rigged to keep squirrels out (they can get their fill at the others). So far, only the squirrel has come by and been enjoying the seed. I haven't seen a bird in days!

Add to the mix making a dozen loaves of lemon bread, dealing with a broken furnace (just fixed in time for the cold snap. And coming up will be a visit to my cooking class (Brunch was on the menu).

I've been simply having a wonderful Christmas Time!

(Miss any of my Christmas posts? Check the tab on the menu bar at the top of the blog, where Christmas 2019 is archived!)

Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming -- An Easy Floral Arrangement

It's always fun to go back to WKAR, where I used to work, so when I was invited for a special floral arranging workshop with J. Schwanke, host of "Life in Bloom," I was eager to say yes! (Cue the music!)

The program airs in 83 markets and WKAR is the producing station. I was delighted to walk into a studio filled with tables, laid out with greens. We were given our clippers (a great take-away!) and then J started his presentation (being recorded; if it streams, I'll link it!)

After some opening remarks he walked us through our arrangement, a symphony in white!

We were given three carnations, six roses, one hydrangea and one orchid, along with the greens.

He also used black oasis. I'd not seen this before but it's great because it's unobtrusive if not totally covered. He also beveled the edges, which made inserting the flowers a bit easier.

We started placing the hydrangea in the center, then laying in the tree carnations in a triangle of the oblong piece. Then we placed six roses between the carnations. He says every arrangement has what he calls "Thriller," "Spiller" and "Filler."

You could call the hydrangea the thriller or the orchid. I thought they were both pretty thrilling. The filler is the greens and I guess everything else is the spiller. I was writing and listening too fast to be sure.

We learned some fun tricks, like how to turn the aspidistra into what looked like a ribbon (the big silver leaf). (To do that, fold the large leave over to about an inch or two from the stem and poke it through the leaf, then poke the stem into the foam.) With the grasslike pieces, if you cut them short and tightly wrap them with wire (or hold them close), you can put them into the oasis all together. (I have to watch Lizzie like a hawk around those!)

He also showed us how to run the ribbon through the arrangement rather than making a bow. This is a fun trick (it requires a polyester ribbon, probably wired). Use a chopstick or something firm to put a chunk of the ribbon into the foam, then loop it into another spot on the arrangement and stick it in the same way, and again until you're satisfied with the look.

This is a perfect arrangement for the holidays. The rose is protected by thornsand represents secrets, life, blood, death and rebirth. Virgin Mary is often painted with roses and in Christianity the blooms hold a special place to remind people of what Jesus did and the promises he made.

And, besides, like the orchid, they're just beautiful.

Our arrangement also included a silver pine cone but one could easily do a very similar arrangement or insert more colorful holiday ornaments for a brighter look. Here it is at home!

I love it! (Check out J's site for more floral ideas and tips. Oh, and he was a great guy, too!)

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Coping with the Grief Monster at the Holidays

Holidays, no matter how joyous, can have their challenges. These seem to manifest all the more strongly after experiencing a loss.  (Cue the music.)

Whether it is a death, a relationship issue, the loss of a job, the first year being separated by distance from a loved one, a serious illness that might cause loss of mobility or other issues or any significant and deeply sad or concerning life event, it can be a bit difficult to find happiness while the rest of the world seems holly jolly.

A number of years ago on my old blog, "Chopsticks and String," I shared some tips on coping with the holidays during a period of loss. Those hints were built over time from years of volunteering at a children's grief center, reading countless articles and books during my own journey and talking with any number of friends who have traveled the road you may be traveling now.

This post includes some of those ideas. I encourage you to please leave anything you may have found helpful in the past in the comment section.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Every year you did the holiday party. If it feels good to do it, don't hesitate. But remember, no one expects you to be the life of the party -- or the host. Someone else might like a turn!

Depending on how recent the loss or how you might connect that loss to the holiday season, you may choose to sit a few things out -- or tone them down. And maybe not. But the point is, this season can bring up all sorts of things. Good memories. Loads of baggage. If it's the first year you are not with your loved one, perhaps the first when your children are celebrating with their "other" family, it can be tough. Find the way that works best for you, whether it is being with a few dear friends, traveling to a new destination or volunteering at a shelter. You can make your new holiday.

Don't forget to rest.  You don't have to be the Energizer bunny. Store up your energy but take advantage of times you can let go and just rest.

Do One New Thing

Long ago, a friend once told me, I'm dreading the traditional this year. The new experiences I'm looking forward to, but the old ones -- I don't know."

So, give yourself a break. Pick the traditions that you want to hold onto this year (or always). But try something different too -- maybe it's a new cookie recipe, a different arrangement for decorations, making a gift, doing a craft, inviting a guest to dinner who has never been part of your celebration before. (Even if you're happy as a clam, why not give it a go?!)

You might discover the best and most unexpected holiday concert you've ever seen or walk through a winter wonderland. Whether it's the Nutcracker you've never seen or that first walk through the zoo, think outside of the box. It might become your new tradition!

Consider the Others

It's sometimes hard to think outside of one's own grief or loss. But doing so can bring great joy to yourself and others. Perhaps you might volunteer through an organized activity like a food pantry or ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. Maybe it means adopting a family in need. But it might be something as simple as helping an elderly neighbor wrap gifts, drop things at the post office or delivering cookies to the neighbors you've never met. You'll make that person's day and you'll feel pretty terrific yourself!

Or, practice "Random Acts of Christmas" -- chipping in $5 at the grocery cashier to go toward the order of the old man behind me, anonymously of course. Priming the meter or parking attendant with another dollar's worth for the next user. An anonymous gift to someone who needs a lift. Once you start, it is really hard to stop.

Get Out of Town

Consider a road trip. If being home is too hard, venture to a new place -- Toronto? Las Vegas (below)? New York? Or spend the holiday at the home of friends or other relatives.

It doesn't have to be a permanent tradition, but it might make the first year under new circumstances a little easier.

Honor the Memories

There can bea lot of long shadows at the holidays. While it may be difficult to find anything to smile about with certain losses (certainly loss of a job brings with it financial concerns and the memories of a divorce or separation might not be good ones), it can help to try.

You can remember a person who died in any one of a number of ways -- sharing memories at the table; lighting a candle in that person's memory; setting a place at the table; looking at photos; visiting the cemetery. If you are crafty, consider taking a garment they loved -- a favorite shirt or bathrobe -- and making ornaments for your tree and those of family members or close friends. A star ornament from a treasured garment will be a lasting reminder each year on your tree.

I have a "Dad" tree and a "Mom" tree. These very different trees reflect things they loved or collected. It's one way I can do something fun and cheery -- have a pretty tree -- yet remember their delightful and happy spirits.

 

This honoring of memories can be as public or as private as is right for you. Certainly, one can light a candle in private, while a place at the table may be more obvious. The point is, find what works for you.

Remember the Children

If you have young people in your family, they may be having difficulty in handling their feelings about a holiday season without mom or dad or a beloved grandparent or even a pet. They may have some behavior issues or simply be sad and tearful.

Try some of these activities with them: 

• Let children design a paper place mat about their perfect Christmas (and don't be surprised if they draw the missing person)
• Let them create a special ornament for the tree in honor of the person who died. 
• Let them burn out their stress with a marshmallow fight! A few big bags of super-puffed marshmallows can fly across the room releasing some of that energy!
• Encourage older ones to write a letter to the person who died, sharing their feelings. 

I also refer you to this link on the Ele's Place site about holiday tips for grieving children.  Ele's Place is a children's grief center that started here in Lansing, MI and now has other locations in the state. Their site has many excellent ideas.

Grief doesn't disappear on cue and holidays can kick your emotions in gear. Trust me on this -- I still have tricky moments at the holidays near my dad's death anniversary or when I hear certain songs. (If you play "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"-- even the Muppet version -- I will lose it.)

But the fact is, this is a part of life now. A new job may come along, a new relationship might bring joy. But a death is a death, whether we are mourning what was or what was not and now never would be. Believe that it can and will change over time, that healing isn't always fast and one may well always feel the loss. In good time it will heal. Getting through the now is what matters first.

And accept hugs.

Just be gentle. Because you are a survivor. And you will survive.

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A Few of My Favorite (Christmas) Things!

We all have them. The ornaments that must be on the front of the tree. The Santa or the angel that must have a place of honor. That special decoration remembered from childhood.

My decorating is coming along well with several trees up and lit, but with no ornaments. No, I haven't pulled out the ornament boxes yet -- probably later this week. But I've been revisiting my favorite things from Christmases past and I thought I'd share a few with you!

(Cue the music!)

This is the oldest ornament on my tree. It was from my grandparents' tree (mom's parents) and she had it after them. Now it's mine. Barely hanging together with wire, too fragile to take apart and repair. But a treasure, nonetheless.

As you might expect, many of my seasonal things have a connection to my Mom or to our family tree when I was growing up. I think (but am not sure) that she made these! There's an Andy, too.

On one of my trees, this is the first glass ball that goes up each year. We've had it as long as I can remember. (The "egg" to its right was a gift from my friend Lisa back when we were in high school or college and the small bell a Shiny Brite from my other grandmother's tree.

I love these Santa ornaments too, again from the old family tree.

And these -- the paint is chipping off and I'm sure it must be lead. But I still love them.

Always have, always will.

I've written about the Gingerman tree and the story of the giant Gingerman at the top. He is a must on what I call the "Mom" tree.

When she was ill she started making tons of little ginger guys like this one and stringing them on garlands for her friends. In a Christmas wrapping competition one year, my dad made a giant version, leaving a small space unsewn into which he tucked a pair of earrings. I still have those, too.

I have loads of ornaments like these -- photos from our different years together.

And ornaments from our travels, of course!

And what goes on the top of the big tree? Turkey Lurkey, of course! A friend and I made puppets for my Henny Penny puppet show in my puppetry class in graduate school. This is a must, albeit an unconventional topper!

I have too many collections, some started by others, like about 25 silver bell music boxes, a collection my friend Lin began for me.

And others I've chosen. I won't show you every Santa (I know -- you're breathing a sigh of relief!). Just a couple of favorites.

This one reminds me of my favorite advisor in grad school. It's the eyes and mouth of the face.

I have a few snowmen friends, too. My pal Judy gave me this silvery charmer...

...and this was a craft fair find.

 These little elves were given to Mom by my cousin, Nancy. They're so cheery!

And this was from Mom's Royal Doulton collection. So graceful for December!

I love Margaret Furlong's shell angels. I wish I had more!

 And lest you should think I'm only about the Ho! Ho! Ho!, I do have more than a few creches or nativity pieces. This is one of my favorites, but far from the only one.

So grab yourself a cookie from my happy cookie jar and enjoy.

The season is here and I'm eager to see your decorations, too!

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