Happy Birthday, @LizzWinstead!

This post was originally written for another amazing woman, but it fits Lizz Winstead, co-creator of The Daily Show and let's face it, Goddess, just as well. - bg

I wanted to make a blog cake for Lizz Winstead. I knew trying to slice a cake on the internet would get really messy, and would interrupt my morning Scotch, so I went with cupcakes, and of course they had to be Hello Kitty cupcakes, cuz they're so fucking cute.

I searched on Google for Hello Kitty cupcake ideas and holy shit I could have taken the whole morning just to browse the endless stream of freakish Asian cute sugar overload. 210,000 hits in .24 seconds? Fuck me. And even if you're making these for a three year old, get over it: every one of them looked like shit. We have lots of Hello Kitty items cluttering up my fucking house, so I cut out a Hello Kitty (head only, DECAPITATION, PERFECT!) from my Hello, Kitty! social events calendar, fuck you very much. I tried to find one that was the size of a muffin-size cake top, so I could just paste it on a vending machine muffin, but I failed, so I dug out the Hello Kitty Shrinky Dinks kit and baked one in my Hello Kitty toaster oven, too small to stick my head in, but whatever.

One website suggested I purchase white fondant (Sure.), roll this out and with a sharp knife cut 39 (forever, Lizz!) Hello Kitty heads out. They also suggested I use mini M&M's (split in half to get the oblong shape, beyotch) for the eyes and nose. I am also supposed to dye some of the fondant pink and use a flower shape cutter to put by her ear. For the centre of the flower, I'm supposed to have 39 yellow mini M&Ms available, fucking A!

After assembling these, I am to wake up and realize I had spent two hours with mother fucking FONDANT. What the hell was I thinking? So then I made the cupcakes (just basic chocolate cake mix, because hey, why go over the top at this point?) and iced them with canned icing, dyed pink from the blood streaming from my eyes. I put my imaginary fondant Hello Kitty heads on top of the cupcakes, and finally gave up and just used Sharpie pen for the whiskers, because, fuck it.

They looked like shit and because of the Sharpie Pen, school paste, and blood they were completely inedible. I had to set fire to them, but that made them look like a kind of cool art installation, you know, Hello Kitty Cupcakes of Death. Perfect!

Happy Birthday Lizz. Those of you who want to wish her a happy birthday should retweet this post, because the real Governor of Illinois is Blogho.

The GOP is absolutely right.

Obamacare*** is way too complicated. Their flow chart/argument.



We SHOULD make it simple for the people:




***Anyone who calls it "Obamacare" is a propagandist who is fucking with you. Five years from now those same people will be screaming about any cuts to the same exact program.

Also, the argument that 'bills are bad because they are long' is a sure sign that the speaker thinks you are an idiot. They never, ever, complain that the Pentagon is complicated.

Inspired by the first comment at this post from Maddow.

Four Horsemen? Really?

No matter what any of them say, the guy on the right is NOT REAGAN.

No one but they can kill supply side economics. But why should we believe they'll do it this time? Bush41 was happy to trade his voodoo economics warnings for power.

It's a nice article David Stockman, but it's like writing a eulogy twenty-five years after the "deceased" turned into a disease-ridden zombie and gave the plague to everyone in the entire industrialized world, the end.

Brief (and late) knitting post

Sorry to have missed Salon tonight, folks.

So I'm swatching (sample knitting to make sure the yarn is the right fit for a project) for the s.o. I'm musing and knitting and holding the sample out at arms length, etc...He's sitting next to me....

Me (meditatively) "I just want to make sure your sweater doesn't look too, you know, "Emo."

Him "WOW. YOU READ MY MIND."



And it was then I sang to him for the fortieth time..."Pardon me, I didn't knit that for you."

A song for David Stockman

And the rest of the Republicans looking back to the glory days when their party knew the value of a dollar? Really?

Too Little, Too Late.



Though that column does give yet another out to Bush 41 Republicans to Support Obama As The Voice Of Sanity through another election cycle.

Somebody get this man an agent!

So good, they autotuned him (and stick around for the Michael Bolton version-- gag me!)



2.7 million hits on the first video? Good god, I think we just met Sarah Palin's running mate.

Why Does the GOP think we won't NOTICE

...that they are freaking out about the deficit while pushing for MORE TAX CUTS for their rich friends?



I can't understand why they think we're that stupid...

Wait, who was that on The View this week?

Oh. It WAS Hannity. Nevermind.

h/t Heather from here.

Watch out. @KathyGriffin just peed her panties.

Not just because apparently Levi's ex-girlfriend (no, the other one) is preggers, but because of this tidbit:

“Levi insists the baby isn’t his, but no one really knows for sure,” a source told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“Levi is one of three possible fathers who were with Lanesia during the probable week of conception.”

Kathy and I both knew this before: fertility is wasted on the wrong bitchez.

Anyone that wants to accuse me of slut shaming? Fuck you ahead of time. And you're welcome.

Our New Podcast and Biggest Gripe: Why Won't Sarah Palin Friend Us?

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Funniest Cat Post I've Ever Read

I freaked out my neighbors when they heard me exclaim “It’s not the lesbianism I mind, it’s the incest!” and [the neighbors]didn’t realize I was talking to my cats.

It was nice to have a few weeks without their kids playing in my driveway….

From the knitting social networking site Ravelry (registration required), a forum thread about the silliest thing that's come out of your mouth. Most are things we've all said to our kids, but this one...

Stop the E. R. A.!

h/t Zen Comix. Tengrain has the audio of Phyllis Schlafly saying that besides "the Blacks" (yeah) Obama voters are single women who have "kicked out their husbands."

Phyllis has obviously never known a hungry day in her life.

About that defense contractor on trial for fraud

About that defense contractor on trial for buying porn, prostitutes, race horses, Aerosmith for his daughter's bat mitzvah, plastic surgery for the wife, a one-hundred-thousand dollar bejewelled American flag belt buckle, not to mention allegedly defrauding investors by falsifying the value of his inventory, and providing defective body armor to US troops in the Middle East:

Eventually, the Pentagon broke DHB’s monopoly to speed up production, but that wasn’t the end of the military’s problems with the company. Over the course of 2005, the Marines and Army recalled a total of 23,000 vests – all of them produced by DHB -- after an investigation by the Marine Corps Times revealed that the vests had failed ballistics tests for stopping 9 mm bullets. The exposé showed that Pentagon officials had dismissed repeated warnings by inspectors. In one instance, army ballistics expert James MacKiewicz alerted higher-ups of “major quality assurance deficiencies” by DHB and recommended rejecting certain lots of vests and “disciplinary action against the contractor.

”

Disciplinary action? This guy is compromising my convictions regarding capital punishment. How about this modest proposal....





P.S. I wonder if their stock in Robert Graham Shirts is down. Fuckers.

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