Pop Literate

Pop Literate: Toddler Edition (Star Trek)

There’s a new Star Trek movie coming out soon. And in honor of that, I give you 3-year-old Liam, who is well on his way to living long and being pop literate, thanks to his mom, Jennifer.

Pop Literate: Toddler Edition

It’s never too soon to make your children pop literate. So I’m starting a new feature called Pop Literate: Toddler Edition. Send along links to videos of your own precocious children demonstrating their pop literacy. To get the ball rolling, here’s Jessie in Episode 1.

Goodbye, ER! But you were no Newhart.

Farewell, ER! Your finale was so good, I wish I hadn’t stopped watching you 10 years ago when my son was causing bedtime havoc by getting out of his new big-boy bed 30 times a night.

But your finale was not the best ever. Not even close. That honor goes to the artistic masterpiece that was the final episode of Newhart. Watch and marvel at its self-aware pop literacy. It requires sticking with it through an intentionally bad 8 minutes or so, simply for the final scene. But it’s worth it. (And if you have never seen this finale, and just don’t get the joke, I’ll explain it in the comments. It is brilliance squared.)

A Pop Literate Jerk

Many parents ask me, “How will I know my children are pop literate?” Here’s a true-life example from this evening. My 6th-grade son is working on an autobiographical essay for class, and came out of the office to discuss its beginning.

“I’m going to start it out with, ‘I was born a poor black child,’” he said.

That is pop literacy in action, my dear readers! (And no, I didn’t let him do it.)

More Who’s on First?

Update: Noel points us to the Kids In the Hall version of Who’s On First? It starts about 2 minutes in.

Who’s on First?

It does my heart good to see kids appreciating the finer things in life.  Like Abbott and Costello.  They’re not just the stars of a bunch of silly monster movies. They’re the creators of the single greatest comedy routine of all time: Who’s on First?

If you don’t know Who’s On First, watch it in the YouTube player below.  It’s a miracle of comedic timing. Your kids should know it. (I think they should actually memorize it, but I don’t want to be overbearing.)

When you’ve finished watching the original, take a look at a great parody from some young players of the online game, World of Warcraft. They take all the baseball references from the original, and replace them with geeky references from role-playing games. It’s like a kid appreciating Shakespeare or Bach — only better, because Abbott and Costello ROCK!

Doogie’s TV Land Adventure

You know what makes you feel old? Seeing the obituary of some old TV hero who was strong and virile back when you were 10 years old. Like Jack Lord from Hawaii Five-0, or Robert Urich from Vega$, or Fred the cockatoo from Baretta.

But you know what makes you feel even older? Watching a former child star who played a role normally reserved for adults resurrect his career as a childish womanizer, only to be chosen as host of a show that honors “old” TV shows, which are actually the shows from your own childhood.

Don’t tell me you didn’t feel the same way when you heard the news that Neil Patrick Harris had been chosen as host of the TV Land Awards. Your kids might know him as the womanizing Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother. But kids, before he was chasing women, he was saving lives as Doogie Howser, MD! Well, and chasing girls. Because you see, that was the genius of the premise. Super-intelligent doctor-kid shares the same concerns as Everyteen. We’re all alike, no matter how freakishly intelligent and socially inept. It was a show for the ages.

Where Were They Then?

One of the best things about watching old game shows — besides the cases and cases of Turtle Wax and Minwax — is seeing rich and famous people try to win a tacky dining room set before they had become rich and famous.

Which gives me an idea for a new feature: Where Were They Then? Every once in a while, I’ll take a look back at a menial and embarrassing job, once held by someone who has since hit the big time.

For the inaugural installment, I give you Marg Helgenberger, star of CSI. Here she is, as a contestant on Family Feud, just moments after having suffered through the obligatory slobbery kiss from Richard Dawson.

So you see, kids? Today’s stars didn’t just fall out of the sky. They had to start at the bottom and work hard to become famous–just like today’s young entertainers have to put in their time on Nickelodeon or The Disney Channel.

Brady Bunch Vacations … Hawaii or The Grand Canyon?

So I’m flipping the channels on a Saturday afternoon, and what comes on TV Land but the Grand Canyon episode of The Brady Bunch?  Of course, there are many things you should teach your children about The Brady Bunch, if you want them to fit in at parties.

But in addition to those things, your kids should also know that The Brady Bunch helped pioneer the “To be continued…” genre of episodic television.  And boy, did they go all out!  Not content with 2-part episodes, the writers went for the gusto — with a 3-parter!  And they did it twice!  Once in the Grand Canyon, and once in Hawaii.

It’s hard to pick a favorite vacation moment. Is it Jim Backus locking the family in the ghost town jail? Vincent Price scaring the pee out of everyone in the burial cave? And ladies, don’t tell me your heart didn’t go a-flutter at the sight of Greg Brady hanging ten!

Leave a comment with your favorite Brady vacation moment. In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, I present this musical recap of the Brady trip to the Grand Canyon:

A Ginger & Mary Ann for Our Time

One way to help children learn is to relate their lessons to things they understand. So you give them math problems like, “Davey’s waist is 32 inches. He’s wearing jeans with a 36-inch waist. How long should his belt be?” (Answer: What’s a belt?) Or you ask them to rewrite the Bill of Rights as a hip-hop song. So I’m always on the lookout for modern equivalents of pop culture classics.

Last week, I pointed out that every young boy should be able to answer the question, “Ginger or Mary Ann?” And Sunday’s Oscar telecast presented a perfect current-day equivalent, which every youngster can understand, when Brad Pitt’s past two love interests were within spitting distance of one another:

Angelina or Jennifer?

Angelina Jolie is the exotic, glamorous movie star. Jennifer Aniston is the beautiful, down-to-earth girl next door. The parallels are uncanny. Except, in this case, Mary Ann has been dumped by the Professor in favor of Ginger, and the new couple has adopted approximately 43 of the native children who lived on the island before the shipwreck.

Come to think of it, that plot line would have made Gilligan’s Island a lot more interesting.