Say Hello to Bob

While I'm away on vacation I thought I'd introduce you to BobHe's a fire-belly toad and he's actually really sweet.

There's something about these pictures that I love. Maybe it's the contrast between the textures or the warm glow of the wood or the drops of water on the floor but it feels like the essence of summer and boyhood. David catches bugs for him every other day and feeds him as lovingly as if he were his own baby. With warts.

Sponsored by Dimples and Dandelions with the Serena and Lily Bedding Collection for children.

Smelly Concentration

You've played the game of concentration before, right? Where you take turns trying to match up hidden pictures from memory?

Well here's a fun twist on the game for small children--a smelling version.

Using Dixie cups and cotton balls you put different scents (in pairs) in the cups and let the kids try to match them up. I've found it helpful to write the name of the smell on the bottom of the cup in case you forget what it is you've used.

Here are some good ideas for odors:

perfume
peppermint, vanilla, almond, butter, cinnamon or coconut extracts
Lysol, ammonia or bleach
vinegar, olive oil, garlic or lemon juice
gasoline

Use your imagination and your nose to come up with fun stuff to sniff then see how many kids can match and how many they can identify.

Sponsored by Wedding Paper Divas for wedding invitations.

Tile Board Crafts

A friend of mine (Hi Amy!) was kind enough to show me how to do this project but I've been slow in posting for two reasons: first, I messed it up so I didn't want to post pictures of my disaster and then second, when I finally had a good one turn out it was very hard to photograph properly.

So I'm using Amy's finished product here to show you what it looks like--you can see how the picture looks like ceramic tile? She's made it into a picture for her wall but it's not tile at all but a picture glued on particle board with a thick resin coating and a frame.

So I'm going to explain how to do it but I'll use pictures from my first failed attempt and refer you to some other pictures on the web so you can get more ideas.

What you'll need:

• A tile board (made of particle board) you can make your own if you have the tools or you can buy them online at places like Provo Craft.

• Craft paint in the color you'd like for your background "grout."
  

• Mod Podge (found at any craft store)
  

• Pictures to use (cardstock too if you want that as a border. Amy scanned the fabric on her daughter's dress then printed it to make the matching border you see on the top picture she did--clever huh?)
  

• Envirotex epoxy (can be found at Michael's or other craft stores)

• foam brushes

• a plastic cup


• a popsicle stick for stirring


• a trash bag


• a frame (optional)
  

1. First you paint the grooves on the board whatever color you'd like for your "grout" look. You can see here how the grooves are white? That's the paint.

2. Once the paint has dried completely, use the Mod Podge to carefully glue the pictures or cardstock you will be using to the sections on the board. I cut strips from the corners, stuck them in place then trimmed them after they were dry.

This step isn't tricky but it's very important that you use a generous, uniform layer of Mod Podge underneath so bubbles don't develop as the pictures and cardstock dry.

3. Once you've glued them in place you'll add another generous and uniform layer of Mod Podge with a brush over the top and I mean generous.

I found that it works well to smooth it with your fingers because the surface of the foam brush can start to tear up the paper as its worked and worked and worked. Your finger runs right over the top without shredding anything.

It's very important that you give it a good layer over the entire board--even down in groove a bit--so that the pictures or cardstock are completely sealed in there otherwise the epoxy coating will seep into the places that didn't get good coverage. You can see how my border was beginning to bubble a bit--I had trouble with this one because I didn't put enough Mod Podge down underneath and didn't add enough on top. You can keep smoothing it as it dries and that helps quite a bit, you just can't smooth once and walk away.

4. Let the Mod Podge dry completely. Another place where I messed up the first time. It was a little wet when I went onto the next step and the texture on the picture was a little off because of it.

5. Once it's dry get your Envirotex resin. This is stuff that is equal to about 50 coats of varnish and you buy it in a box that contains two bottles of chemicals. You mix equal parts (about 1 ounce each) in a plastic cup and then get out your popsicle stick and stir for three or four minutes. You'll see a lot of bubbles and it might get a little cloudy but don't worry, that just means the stuff is mixing.

6. Get out your trash bag and put it in a room that has as little dust as possible where it won't be touched for a day or so. Boost the tile board on a couple upside down cans of food so that the extra epoxy can run off onto the trash bag without getting all over the place. (You put the cans upside down so that if you get any epoxy on the rims it won't keep you from opening the can when you need food).

7. Pour the mixed epoxy all over the top of the tile board. Use the popsicle stick to gently push and spread the thick goop down into the grooves and over the entire picture.

8. Once it's covered, gently blow on the picture to cause any bubbles that might have formed to pop and disappear (this was pretty easy when I did it--the bubbles kind of disappeared on their own, but it's the heat from your breath that helps them to go away. I've heard a gentle blow dryer can also work).

9. Now you'll need to let it sit for about 45 minutes. You'll want to put some kind of a tent over the top to keep dust from settling on the picture and I used a large plastic tub my kids use for their Legos. I just washed it out and inverted it over the whole set up. Instant dust-proof container.

10. In 45 minutes come back and with the popsicle stick push through the grooves in the picture to make sure they're not full of epoxy (you don't want it to settle too much in there or the tiled effect is lost). Another mistake I made my first time. Sigh. If you plan on framing it you might gently scrape around the edges to prevent against any large glops sticking and making it hard to fit a frame on later.

11. Let it dry for 24 hours in the dust-proof tent before pulling it out. It will be completely cured in 36 hours. Frame it if you want.

Now a couple notes here: while I've seen people frame their boards you could also prop them up in a mini tabletop easel without a frame. Pictures of your kids are fun but you could also use photos from calenders or even holiday cards. I was originally planning to do this at Christmas time and use a Christmas card but the only cards I could find that I thought would look good were very expensive and I wasn't going to pay $20 just to be able to use one card. Even if I used the rest for sending out it was too expensive.

Craft Warehouse has a picture of one that is done with a built-in frame on the board. Nice touch. And this website answers some questions you might have about the project. The boards themselves are rather expensive so if you're handy with a router and saw you can save a bunch of money cutting your own but if you only want to do one or two it's probably not too bad to just buy them online.

***

And congratulations to a different Amy from Anchorage, Alaska for winning the camping package giveaway from last weekend. Have a great time in the outdoors.

Sponsored by Tiny Prints for the holiday party invitations for children.

I Feel Like Super Woman

Next month I'll be taking a group of teen girls camping for a week.

We'll be going to Valdez (pronounced Val-deez, not Val-dez) which is about six hours from Anchorage and right on Prince William Sound. Back in 1964 the town was destroyed by a tsunami and rebuilt slightly to the north and Valdez gets more snowfall than any other place in Alaska. At least I'm pretty sure I've heard that--if not, it's right up there at the top of the list.

We're going in July to take advantage of another bonus the town has to offer: sea kayaking.

Having never been to Valdez or been kayaking when we began planning the trip almost a year ago I was really excited to try something new and adventurous and since February we've been training to prepare ourselves.

One of the things that we would all have to do is escape from an overturned kayak. I knew this was coming, we've been waiting for it to get warm enough to do it outside, and while I'm looking forward to the trip the idea of doing this emergency training really scared me. I've been dreading it for weeks.

It sounds funny to say I was scared but you need to know first that Alaskan water, even in the summer, is cold. Lakes here--assuming they're not fed by glacial streams in which case they'd hardly be above freezing--just don't warm up that much. So knowing that I was going to be strapped into a kayak then upturned (still strapped in) then left to disengage myself and float to the top made me pretty nervous. Being cold, wet and slimy--three things I fear beyond reason added to the fear of drowning. Great.

Assuming I made it that far and didn't drown I'd then be expected to upright the kayak and climb back on board, bail out my craft and once again secure myself in my seat. And what's more, it wasn't just me that would be doing this, I had 11 girls ages 12-18 who would be doing it too and whose parents wanted them back safely at the end of the evening.

Most of the girls were pretty nervous about the whole thing but I knew that what we'd be doing was really quite safe. We'd all have PFDs and two boats of trained kayakers standing by but still--scary.

Last Wednesday we headed out to Goose Lake and it was as if the planets aligned. Someone was seriously looking out for me because 1) We had the best weather we've had in about three years that week and the temperatures on Wednesday were as great as you'll ever get in Anchorage and 2) you won't believe it but I was sent a full-body neoprene wetsuit to review by Aqua Sphere. No joke.

When it was my turn I zipped up, put on my life vest and spray skirt and carefully got in. A spray skirt is a contraption that you wear just like a skirt where the "hem" is elasticized and fits very snugly around the lip of the opening so water won't crash in on you and soak you from the waist down. It's not only important for keeping dry but in the event of an emergency (such as we were going to simulate) you'd need to be able to find the release tab underwater so you can free yourself.

My partner and I paddled out to the other two kayaks waiting for us and after a few last minute instructions we began rocking our kayak. Back and forth, back and forth and on the third time we went over. The water crashed all around me and in my panic I grabbed my nose to keep the water out. Of course I'd be needing that hand for the escape so I had to let go and when I did water poured into my nose while I was upside down.

I opened my eyes but it was dark, murky and green all around me. Then I remembered the training and my hands went to my sides where they found the lip of the opening, then I slid them around to the front, following the lip, until I came to the release tab sticking up just like it should be. I grabbed it and pulled and the quick panic came "What if I can't get out of the seat? What if I get stuck on something?" but once my spray skirt was released I arched my back like I'd been taught and my life vest did all the work. I popped up like a cork and grabbed a breath before wincing at all the water up my nose--all in a matter of seconds that felt much longer.

My partner had had a similar experience but was having a hard time not panicking so I tried to comfort her while still trying to get out of the water as quickly as possible--after all, when we're in Valdez the water won't be as "warm" as it is at Goose Lake.

I had seaweed wrapped around my foot and tried not to get completely disturbed (I have a slight fear of swimming in the ocean or in lakes where I can't see my feet and where strange creatures bump into you under water and sea weed wraps around you to drag you down into the depths . . . .) while I talked my partner through the job of heaving our kayak right side up.

The hardest part is getting back in. Those kayaks are slippery and round and there aren't really any good places to get a hand hold so you have to be able to wrap your arms around the stern as tightly as you can, then throw your leg up over the hull so that you're on your stomach, facing aft, arms and legs wrapped around the kayak for dear life. Then you probe with your feet until you can find the hole and squinch yourself backwards along the stern until you can kneel backwards into your seat then turn around--low and careful so as not to upset yourself again--and sit down.

Once we both were back in (you have to go one at a time) we had to grab the bilge pumps and start pumping because kayaks are unstable with water sloshing around in them. We pumped and pumped and pumped until my arms were burning and ready to fall off then we finally refastened our spray skirts, recovered our paddles and headed for shore.

Andrew had told me before we went out that after it was all over I'd feel more powerful but I'd laughed at him and told him I was so dreading it all that I doubt I'd feel anything but relief. He was right, I felt completely powerful. I realize that in Valdez the water will be colder and there will be waves and difficulties with weather and conditions but still--I felt like I could do anything.

Except pump more water.

And my wetsuit? I am in love completely. I was so warm and toasty in it that even in the water I was comfortable and never got cold--it even felt good. Except for the sea weed wrapping around my foot. I will be taking it on our Valdez trip for sure. It made me feel even more like a super hero and I think I caught Andrew mumbling about it making me look like Cat Woman. And I think he meant that in a good way.

I even have a video from the event though it's not the greatest quality. At least you get the general idea.

Sponsored by Starlooks Boutique for high-quality, made in the USA clothing for children.

Caribbean Chicken with Pineapple Salsa

"Caribbean" is one of those words I always misspell. You'd think after all the PR Johnny Depp has given the word that I'd be able to actually get it right but I'm still relying on spell check.

Regardless . . . this is one fine recipe.

The chicken has a spicy and crusty exterior, browned to perfection. The interior moist and tender, the whole experience complemented perfectly with the sweet and savory marriage of onion and fruit in the accompanying salsa.

1 tablespoon dark brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground coriander
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
6 skinless, boneless chicken breasts

For salsa:
1/2 medium fresh pineapples, peeled, quartered and sliced into pieces
4 large radishes
1/2 red bell pepper
3 tablespoons fresh chopped cilantro
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
salt and pepper to taste

First make the salsa so it can set for a while and let the flavors meld a bit. I pulsed the pineapple in my food processor until the consistency was good then added the radishes (diced) and peppers (also finely diced), cilantro, lime juice, salt and pepper. Mix well and set aside.

For the chicken, pat the breasts dry. Mix all the ingredients for the rub (brown sugar through turmeric) in a shallow bowl then carefully coat each breast with spices. Let them sit for a bit to chill in the refrigerator (about 30 minutes) then grill until done. You can also fry them to brown the coating if it's cold outside. It's pretty versatile. It's also great with a side of salad or rice or sweet potato fries.

Sponsored by Pink and Blue for unique baby gifts to make them "ooh" and "ahh."

Camping Package Giveaway

Have you gone camping yet this summer? I've got a big trip scheduled for July and today's giveaway will get you in the mood for spending time in the great outdoors . . .

Benadryl is getting together with the National Park Foundation to get people out enjoying the natural world which they're promoting through their site: Benadryl Moments.

The site allows you to help Benadryl donate to the National Parks by entering promotional codes that you find on bottles of their products and to give it all a big push they're offering this camping package put together by the Discovery Channel's Josh Bernstein.

This little summer time bonus includes all you see here: a handy dandy cooler along with a water bottle and a portable lantern/flashlight. If you'd like to take a shot at winning this great gift set see the directions below. Thanks Benadryl!

Here's how to win:

Before 12 am Monday morning click here to reach the giveaway entry form then enter your name and email. I will pick one of the names at random, contact the winner via their email and publish the winner's first name and home town in next Tuesday's post. See the bottom of the entry form for more details.

This giveaway is open to readers with a U.S. address, good luck!

The "Gold" Exhibit Dazzled Us

Andrew has lived in Anchorage for 13 years now and last month he told me he'd never been to the museum. I thought that needed fixing so we took the kids to the grand opening of the new wing and to see the new exhibit, "Gold," which happens to be one of the 10 most popular traveling exhibits in the world.

Growing up in Anchorage, I've been to the Anchorage Museum many times (we even had Junior Prom there) and while I love the Sydney Lawrence and Machentanz oils my favorite piece in the entire place is this stone head you see here.

A little bigger than a human head it sits quietly on a plinth (I love that word but when does one get to use it??) just as it sat quietly on a wind-swept hill on Nunivak Island in the Bering Sea for hundreds of years before it was discovered in 1986. Tribal elders found it just as you see in the picture at left, covered with lichen and on top of a dirt pile containing whale vertebrae.

There are legends in the villages that similar heads were used as juggling balls for the gods and they think the head has been there for at least 200 years though they have no idea how old it really is, claiming the carving is "pre-historic." Because it was so valuable the elders gave it to the Museum for safe keeping.

Every time I see the head and the picture of it sitting there on the hill I get a little thrill of archeological excitement and my inner Indiana Jones comes out. I don't know that I've seen anything that old before--even dinosaur bones aren't the real thing but usually casts of the originals--and the expression on the face has such a serene yet wise look to it. I'm not usually a fan of Native art but this piece speaks to me.

Anyway, the new wing is wonderful and the exhibit was spectacular, really spectacular. Anchorage doesn't usually get such top-quality shows here and this was a real treat to see the same exhibit that toured in Tokyo. With over 300 gold objects it took my breath away--gold crystals, gold nuggets, a room in gold leaf, gold artifacts from around the world, gold coins from nearly every time period and of course gold bars.

I had the pleasure of a lunch date with Sarah Henning, Public Relations coordinator for the Anchorage Museum, and of course I had to ask her if she could spill any details as to what the pieces were worth (most information listed the value of the pieces at the time they were discovered or assayed and I figured they kept that info under wraps for security purposes). The only information she would give me was that the fabulous gold ingot from a London bank was currently valued at over $17 million (I hope I'm getting the details right, I wasn't taking notes and wanted to choke on my salad when I heard).

Gold doubloons recovered from Spanish galleons, a replica of the Apollo 13 space helmet with its gold visor, Inca ceremonial pieces, Cartier necklaces--even Buddy Holly's gold album, Harrison Ford's Oscar for lifetime achievement and Susan Sarandon's Oscar for Dead Man Walking were on display.

They said that 98% of the gold that has been found in the entire history of our planet has been found since 1848--and with all of that there would only be enough to fill 19 semi trucks. Gold is so common nowadays--and by that I mean that we commoners are allowed to own it and have it for jewelry--that I think it's easy to forget how unusual and valuable it really is. A little trip to the exhibit will cure that.

So if you have a chance to see it either in Anchorage or when it comes to your neck of the woods I'd definitely recommend it. There were also some fun science-based presentations and hands-on stations for the kids which reminds me--apparently now that the Anchorage Museum has hit the Big Time and can finally hold its own as one of the "great circumpolar museums" we're going to be seeing some more great traveling exhibits. Ms. Henning gave me all the scoop on future shows including a Star Wars exhibit coming next spring which will not only have props and costumes from the movies but will focus on science v. science fiction from the movie.

You know we'll be there.

I'll close with this clip I took of some of the celebrations for the grand opening because I thought you might find the Native Alaskan dancers interesting--I could be off but I think these particular performers represent people from the Aleutian islands, judging from their costumes.

Sponsored by Dimples and Dandelions with the Serena and Lily Bedding Collection for children.

Do I Watch Too Many Movies?

I'm asking that rhetorically you know. Because I kind of suspect I do watch too many movies--but what can I say? It's a weakness of mine. I don't watch television (I'm sorry but I'm firmly in the "television is a vast wasteland" camp) but I do love me a good movie now and then. And then again.

I posted a few of our recent rentals a few months ago and since then I've seen a few more. Here are my reviews. It's a window to my soul.

1. 21
Kevin Spacey tends to play the same character over and over again and he's back for a repeat here in this "true story" adaptation of the MIT students who took on the Blackjack tables of Las Vegas in the 90s.

Ben Campbell plays the lead and I'm not sure what it is but he's got a screen appeal that makes his character interesting. Kate Bosworth isn't bad either though they both kind of have a hard time playing "genius" if you know what I mean. Most master brains I know aren't nearly so attractive and athletic and charming and all that but then this is the movies, right?

The whole trick was to count cards and early on the movie explains the technique and almost as quickly as I wondered "How on earth did all those casinos agree to allow them to explain this?" I realized "Aha! It's because the movie makes it look easy and those casinos are hoping all the suckers watching are cocky enough to think they can do what genius-kids at MIT did." I can only imagine the jump in revenues they got from it all because I can assure you, even after several detailed explanations I still did not get it.

Andrew and I both gave it two thumbs up. Though I warn you, there's a skanky scene in a Vegas club (you can kind of see it coming) that gives it the PG-13 rating. Very skanky. Look away! Look away! But I'd give it a solid B. Maybe B+ if you could eliminate the skank factor.

2. Traitor
Another drama and another two thumbs up from the husband and me possibly because Don Cheadle too is fun to watch. He's not exactly a Jason Bourne or James Bond and this isn't exactly a typical spy flick but he plays a character with a little more depth that you can't really decide to cheer for or not.

The movie is rather a standard political thriller except with the age-old "illusion v. reality" conundrum playing excellently throughout. Who is the "good" guy and who is the bad? Are you supposed to like Cheadle's character or hope he gets taken out?

Maybe I'm a little touched in the head but I really had no idea how things would go until the final wrap up but it did keep us going for about 3/4 of the movie. Clean, but with the obligatory massive gunfire that shatters pretty much every piece of glass on the eastern seaboard. My grade? Another B. Definitely worth a rental.

3. Enchanted
I'm betting most of you have already seen this one but it was new to me when the kids picked it up at the local Blockbuster (and no, the chain didn't pay me to say that).

Seems this one was rather popular when it came out but somehow I missed it in the theaters--I think one of my sisters might have obliged me by taking Grace to see it--and I was curious to see it as my very first Patrick Dempsey movie. Yes, my very first time folks.

Did I like it? Weeeellll . . . it was fine I guess. The premise was cute. Prince Charming was cleverly done and I kind of liked having it be a musical--the world needs more musicals in my opinion--and the little girl? Completely the cutest kid I've ever seen (after my own of course).

There were a few fun chuckles though Grace rolled her eyes at me as I analyzed the film while the credits ran at the end.

Gripe #1: They expect me to believe that a cartoon fairy princess and a guy who swears he doesn't believe in romance make a match of it? They were so unsuited it was ridiculous. No. Way. A much better match is Susan Sarandon as Medusa. But then I suppose if I can suspend my disbelief enough to allow a cartoon metro hole between New York City and Disneyland then I guess I can grudgingly believe that a dingy but sweet redhead in a falsetto voice can win the heart of Captain Von Studdly.

Gripe #2. I know I'm going to sound Scroogish here but the whole idea that every girl has her one and only Prince Charming out there and her job in life is to find that ONE SOUL who will light her fire with his kiss is so whacked that it's rather hard to ignore. In a cartoon it's fine--it's just a fairy tale--but when they put it in modern context it makes me shake my head. Sorry folks, I don't believe in soul mates and a lot of unhappy females out there are wandering around, wondering if the guy in the cubicle next to them is "The One" instead of realizing that while some personalities are better suited as a match any two people of good character can have a happy life together.

It's more about character than it is kismet. Instead of sitting around, worrying when they're going to meet their own and only Prince Charming and if he's romancing them enough if more women spent that same energy developing the kind of character that attracts the right kind of man they'd be a lot happier. Life is about so many things and only a tiny part of it is romance.

Enough ranting. You know I'm only half serious here? I mean I'm kind of serious but I don't make it my life's mission to educate on the issue. Agree or not--I don't particularly care. But I'd give this a B-. A "B" for the music and laughs, a minus for the Disney-fied, uber-choreographed, dangerous unreality that leaves a lot of women feeling unfulfilled.

4. Mystery Date
Did you ever see this 90s movie? Grace rented it a bit ago and I'd forgot how funny it is. No really. FUNNY. It's Ethan Hawke (pre-Uma) and Teri Polo in a comedy of errors that has some very quotable lines.

The first time I saw it (in the theater all those years ago) there was a line that joked about Ben and Jerry's ice cream and being that Ben and Jerry's had not yet reached Utah (where the theater was located) my room mate and I were the only ones who got the joke and got the pleasure of laughing our heads off while the rest of the theater went "Whuh?"

Anyway . . . cute movie. I'm handing out my first A- for this one. Go see it for the Asian guy who looks like Rocky Balboa and for Dwight.

5. The Last King of Scotland
Disclaimer here: I didn't see this on video, it was on television and I caught it in it's edited form and I'm guessing that it warrants its R rating as it was a rather violent movie.

However, I thought it was great. I completely understand how Forrest Whitaker would walk away with the Oscar from this one and James McAvoy does just as good a job in his supporting role.

I'll say here that I'm particularly partial to the historical genre and this film did not disappoint. It is the story of Idi Amin, the dictator of Uganda, who ruled in the 70s and recently died in exile in 2008 somewhere in the middle east (if memory serves). It's kind of like Titanic, where it takes a true story and weaves a fictional character (McAvoy) into the mix so we can be guided through the historically correct details while being held at attention by a personal view of humanity within the framework of the larger story.

McAvoy plays Amin's doctor who becomes wrapped up in the insanity of the times, sucked farther and farther into the horror of Amin's regime as his absolute power c0rrupts him absolutely.

What struck me at the end was the comparison to current megalomaniacs grabbing headlines--you have Kim Jong Il causing no end of problems to our east and dear little Hugo Chavez wreaking havoc down south and it makes me wonder how Obama could justify his visit in Venezuala? After seeing the life of one cruel dictator up close it makes the world's current atrocities seem even more horrifying. I have to shake my head at whatever it was that made our president think that extending a hand of friendship to such an one was an honorable thing to do.

An A movie. Though as I said, the R version would be violent.

6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
Oh where to start?? You know that ad where the voiceover says with authority: "The year's best comedy!" or something along those lines? Don't you believe it.

I'll repeat: DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!

Yes, I'll admit the previews were funny. I chuckled and smiled and thought "My what an endearing chubby man! What a fun, laugh-filled escapade!"

Or at least something along those lines but when I was actually in the theater, committed and in my seat? The diagnosis wasn't so cheerful. I'm afraid there are only so many jokes one can make about fat men and mall security guards before life gets sad. Any laughs you might have anticipated were all handed out prematurely in the previews so the best grade I can offer this one is a D. I'll spare it a D- because I did find the previews entertaining, if only for a minute.

7. Penelope.
Have you seen this? Have you seen this? Oh if you haven't you've got to put it on your list of movies to see because it's a gem.

You might think that I'm just a James McAvoy fan but really it must just be that the man has a knack for picking stellar roles because this is one sweet movie.

Christina Ricci plays the teen daughter of an aristocratic family plagued by an ancient curse which wends its way through the family tree until Penelope has the misfortune to be born with a pig's nose. Of course the only way to break the curse is to . . . blah blah blah. You get the idea.

You've got Catherine O'Hare and Reese Witherspoon as talented supporting actresses (Witherspoon produced the movie) and you know all that griping about Enchanted being so far-fetched and dangerously unrealistic? Well Penelope is a similar story but instead has some tender little messages woven into the plot that fit perfectly into real life and it's not quite what you'd call predictable. Not entirely. It's as if this is what a good fairy tale should be.

Anyway, if you're looking for a squeaky-clean fairy tale of modern beauty with great set design then this is your flick. An A most certainly.

8. Funny Girl
Are you a Streisand fan? I'll admit to a reserved and hesitant "yes" myself. One of my favorite movies is her classic comedy What's up Doc? Her beautiful drama The Mirror Has Two Faces shows off her talents perfectly and her voice is one of the wonders of the world but I wouldn't consider paying more than about $10 for a ticket to one of her concerts.

But Funny Girl is a must-see 1968 classic. The story of real-life vaudeville star Fanny Brice, it stars Streisand as the woman who breaks into New York theater with her voice and comedic talents rather than her beauty. Really the perfect role for Streisand--but it's not exactly an all-around upbeat story. Omar Sharif is her man and while the music is great (you'll recognize some of the songs if you had a mother like mine who tutored me in all the great musicals) it's really about her life as it collides with fame and love. Bittersweet though that doesn't mean I won't give it an A-.

9. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
You'll laugh that I hadn't seen this already but I carefully avoided it after wanting to gouge my eyes out with the remote control while watching its predecessors.

Chow Yun Fat what have you done???

So why did I give in if I was so sure I was going to hate it? All for the love of a boy. My son wanted to see it so very badly that I finally gave in and told him I'd let him see it if I could at least be allowed to have my laptop open and do other things while still being present to edit out some of the more graphically grotesque parts.

Bad? Words cannot describe. Even the the joys of Johnny Depp weren't enough to cover the glaring deficiencies of plot (was there one?) and character (I swear I'm so sick of Keira Knightley I'm ready to feed her scrawny body to the Kracken myself). And LONG! It was soooo loooong!

It's as if the screen writers were being paid by the minute or something because it's nearly three hours of absolute torture, like a root canal without anesthetic. And is anyone else confused as to why I'm supposed to be rooting for the pirates here? I mean I'll give it to you that Depp makes a rather fetching buccaneer but the whole swaggering-slurring-Keith-Richards-schick was kind of done to death in the previous 5 hours of pirate pandering and I was really hoping to see an early end with all ships going down.

If you gave me the choice right here, right now of being forced to watch the movie again or walking the plank? You wouldn't even be able to get through the whole sentence before I'd be running for the water. Not even a D. Less than a D--dare I say F? Okay F. If it saves anyone the pain I endured my work will not be in vain.

Knightly is so much more manly than Orlando Bloom (who is only appealing as an elf) I'm not sure how the pair have survived thus far as an on-screen couple. The best part of the movie here? And pardon me if this gives out any spoilers. Ha! Spoilers! As if anything could spoil this movie more than Mr. Verbinski himself has already done . . . anyway, best part is when Will Turner returns to Elizabeth at the very end of the movie. She's on the cliff, awaiting his return, the warm glow of the fake CGI sunset all around her as Will's ship glides into the harbor and Grace said in her best Mystery Science Theater 3000 voice imitating Will Turner: "Man! I hope she's made hamburgers for dinner!"

10. Cranford
If you like period movies then I think you'll like this one. A BBC production based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell it's set in the small town of Cranford where characters weave their way in and out through the concurrent plot lines for three or four discs.

It's a very long movie--six or eight hours maybe? I forget--and has some big names in British acting. You see here Judi Dench who does a capital job and Imelda Staunton (think Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter) and there's Michael Gambon and another fifty or so assorted characters that flit in and out of the story like a Chex party mix.

Jane Austen always has a clash of society at the heart of her romances, Dickens some social injustice he wants to remedy. This story, however, is merely about the town and the people who live there. There aren't any great machinations of plot, there isn't some driving device moving the story forward. You have little romances here or there, issues of public interest in the town or stories of fortunes lost and won but none of the microplots has any great time share in the overall event. It's like little vignettes. Charming and enjoyable but don't look for any great underlying message, theme or story. The only thing unifying things is the town itself. Which is why . . . er . . . I guess it's called Cranford. D'uh.

A B+. Great for the costumes, accents and basic entertainment. Not nearly as good as BBC's Bleak House.

11. The Sasquatch Gang
This movie was recommended to me by one of my brothers who said (and I quote) "It's not as funny as Napoleon Dynamite but it has better character development and plot."

Now you may already know that Napoleon Dynamite is one of the funniest movies ever made so I thought that even if it's not quite as funny as N.D. I'd still love it.

Not so my friends, not so.

Yes, it's made by the people who did the great Napoleon, though I believe it was the producers maybe and not the writers. (Maybe?) There's a Skousen listed in the credits whose got to be of the Utah branch of Skousens and somehow connected in there but the big problem here is that they tried so desperately to recreate the magic that was Napoleon and you just can't go home again.

There will be no other Napoleon so stop trying. It's as if the actors here had watched the first movie too many times and were just trying the same tricks again. You see that guy in the shorts? He's just Kip repackaged, he even does a similar thing with his voice. There's also the nerdy girl sidekick and the annoyingly loud and non-funny, teen, not-so-arch villain. They brought Justin Long on board to see if he could make it as a redneck and I'll grant you that there is one very funny moment in the whole movie that made us laugh pretty hard but only one.

You've even got "Uncle Ricco" back for a less-funny encore and the kid who plays the main character tries to deliver his deadpan lines the way Heder did but he doesn't get "nerd" the way Heder did. Maybe it would have been funnier had I not already been to the summit and seen what a film could be but it's so close to the original that you must compare and it comes up lacking.

A C-. And I'm kind because of the lizard scene. It just goes to prove my long-held belief that it's much harder to produce good comedy than it is to produce good drama or suspense.

12. Eagle Eye
Okay you see this stolen-from-the-web picture to the left here? See it? Well if you do then you've pretty much seen the movie.

There, I've saved you one hour and forty minutes of gut-wrenching grief.

But now you'll probably force me to explain why I hated this movie.

First, I must disclose that I saw it because I'm living with a 15 year-old Shia LeBeouf fan. Yup, he's right next to David Archuleta in her little superstar pantheon (did I mention that Archuleta is coming to the state fair in August? We've heard nothing else). Anyway, while I did like LeBeouf in Holes (a fabulous movie) I just can't believe that he's now old enough to have facial hair let alone hold up as a leading man. He still looks like he's fourteen or fifteen for goodness sake. And look at him next to Michelle Monaghan--she's practically old enough to be his mother! No, seriously. I looked it up. She's ten years older than he and it completely weirds me to see them romantically connected. Nearly as weird as the Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas thing.

Anyway, it's a stupid, stupid plot driven by over-the-top action sequences and writers with a political agenda who want to tell us how our freedoms are slipping away. It reminded me of Cellular--another bomb that nearly killed me. I can accept babies being born with pig noses, I can accept cartoon princesses being sucked through manholes but don't try to tell me that cell phone service is that reliable. I won't believe it.

Another F. F for "Flee for your Lives!"

13. That Thing You Do
I'll end on a positive note here and say that this movie is, without a doubt, my favorite thing Tom Hanks has ever done. He's a talented actor with an amazing career but this movie is pretty much perfect. Grace rented it a few weeks ago and it was a pleasant repeat performance.

Is it the greatest movie ever made? No, not really, but what I mean by perfection is it does everything a movie should do. It's original. It makes you laugh. You're involved with the characters and you live along with them all while forgetting that the story is taking place 30 years previous.

It's been out so long it was Liv Tyler's big break and Charlize Theron's first screen appearance (which gives you an idea how long we're talking). But was such a hit that it also gave Steve Zahn and Tom Everett Scott a fighting chance in Hollywood.

It's the fictional story (that leaves you wondering at the end if it really is fictional or not, despite your better judgment) of the Wonders, a 60s band formed by four small-town guys who accidentally strike it big and make it all the way to the top. Written and directed by Hanks (who plays their manager) it is the inspiration for the name of Hank's own production company, Playtone.

Anyway, the song the movie is built around is infectious and considering that you hear the Wonders smash single over and over again throughout the film you'd expect nothing less. If you haven't seen this you've been missing out--it's an A+ for sure.

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More Finger Puppets

It seems that finger puppets are the "it" thing around here lately. Last week it was forming them out of salt dough then painting them, this week it's decorating pasta rings.

That's all these guys are--big pasta rings that you can slip on your finger and decorate.

My favorite is the Buckwheat character in the middle--the one in purple looks like the Pope or something. At least in dress. Not in facial features.

Sponsored by Tiny Prints for the holiday party invitations for children.