He’s been and gone - life moves on.
The Swede and I are getting married.
We’ve set a date based on availability for his brother to attend..
I’m excited.
I’ve printed out the Partner Migration booklet..
This is one of the best times of my life. 
So MM has arrived about 2 weeks ago now, and he’s happily xboxing whilst I blog before bed time. So what to blog about so far.
2 weeks ago X came out on facebook. Initially messaging me as “adding a friend” he wanted to advise he’d joined a group I was a member of, and found out I was a member of it, and apologised and said he could go. Being the person I am now, I just replied, I didn’t care, just as long as he was honest. What I didn’t expect was laundry being aired. I’ll post it here, but edited to remove his name and his new name.
The opening post of this thread is just too tragically amusing. Xxxxx’s opening line of “Who has married/ divorced/ had kids/ had a sex change/ gone to prison/other/all of the above?” is an amazing bit of psychicness.
Let’s see: I am not married (split with Lori in 2004); ergo never divorced (though the split was kinda technically close); No kids (which is good considering other matters); No prison that I’m aware of, discounting the one I had built for myself (and, to my great regret, for Lori); and lots of other, including a long stint in business with BB that ended in 2003 after a fabulous descent into self-destructive activity on my part.
Oh! Silly me. No sex change either.
Or rather, not yet. The process is underway. I started hormones earlier this year, after spending the years after breaking with Lori, wallowing in guilt and stupid stuff.
Please, no going all weird people now folks - I have that covered well enough for all of us. Heh!
I am a published poet - just 4 things in anthologies at the moment, but I hope for more - and am working in IT (surprise) doing remote consulting, since it’s a little unsettling for most business folk to deal with my fabulousness face-to-face
So. There you go. To all those who ever thought I was a very odd duck - well spotted. You had more of a clue than I ever did - or perhaps than I could admit. I did the denial good! … which in most contexts, for who it hurt, wasn’t a good thing. No wallowing in that, just a tad brutally honest. I reckon I have a lot of dishonest years to make up for
Oh - for those who STILL have not clicked. Yes, it is I, XXXX, of the once nodding, tipping hats and falling from comfy chairs.
These days, most call me Xxxx - even if I’m not ‘quite’ there yet.
So then I looked up and saw he’d left me a pvt message with a long winded apology of sorts (as much as one can apologise for being an Ass) and saying that I could get back the things I left behind when he wouldn’t let me take them when I left in the first place. Plus a copy of his “poem” which talks about our relationship/breakdown or whatever it was.
I felt like I was having a panic attack after reading it. I got angry, I was upset, I felt betrayed (again). Funny thing was, I went home - talked to MM and 2 days later I woke up and all the sudden, I didn’t care anymore. I think I am now over it. All the friends who knew me when I was teen, all the sudden know why I broke up with X. Most of them haven’t messaged me to ask if I am ok - probably doing the “we’re embarrassed so we won’t ask thing”. I’ve kept my mouth shut about it, and not really participated much in the group.
I’m kind of posting it here now, because I wanted to acknowledge that it’s over, and I am happy. Someone posted about how they felt after they found out about their X getting the surgery done - and I found out that X had finally started taking hormones.
I post now about how my life is starting to take shape and I’m moving forward. I have my Swede, MM. He has me. We care deeply about eachother, and for years have been best friends. When we did hook up, I have experienced what a real relationship is about. For me that entails - Hard work for both people to achieve common goals, to communicate and experience true honesty and openness; to trust someone so implicitly; to enjoy their laughter, and to watch him interact with my family to the point they want to adopt him! When he looks at me, I feel like he is staring into my soul, and telling me in that one look how special I am. These are all things I have never experienced before and wow, how awesome it is to be the recipient of such care. I am a very happy person now
//mushyness over
I’ve been cleaning my room up today. When I moved to this new place, I just left everything in my room. I don’t really have anywhere to put anything, so it just became cluttered. Quite terrible really.
I’m tired, but can’t sleep so I’ve decided to clean my bathroom. When the swede arrives he should be happy.
Sleep is good so I shall retire. One very happy girl!
The past always comes back to say hello, and today it did.
X messaged me on Farcebook. Not necessarily to be my friend, but to say “sorry for joining a group you are a member of, I should have checked, I can leave if you like”.
I checked the FB group, and heshe has already posted on it. Pointless saying anything now. I felt like saying “Hi everyone this is M, he lied to me for 11 yrs about who he was”, however that too is pointless. I nearly had a panic attack and still right now feel like crying.
He’s still going ahead with the sex change. I thought he was lying, I wasn’t prepared for the idea that he would actually go through with it. He never followed through on anything else. I don’t know what else to do, cept ignore him and hope he will go away.
I’ve been going out quite a bit recently with the boys from work, and getting a little smashed, but nothing terrible.. but I do have to say that I am definitely getting better at holding my alcohol.
I’ve recently been to a pub in the city with mates, and we were having a beer as one does. Somehow there was a spare pint of Guinness on the table and 2 thirsty drinkers eyeing it off.
The bet was made, that whoever could drink their pint first could get the spare pint. Two drinkers took up the challenge, with the winner slamming her empty glass down triumphantly to the awed silence of the table.
“No way man, she beat B” The boys then decided they didn’t believe it. “Do it again!” So the winner raised her 6th pint in the air, took a deep breath and wacked it down. As a side note, I’d like to advise against skulling pints of Guinness, it’s bad way to drink Guinness, it’s not a shit beer, and it’s a bit heavy for Skulling. Anyways, the pint was drunk and slammed down and they all threw in money to buy the winner another pint. Pity the poor winner who had to go to work with a nasty hangover the next day. 2 weeks in a row, that has to be bad.
So now we come to this week. What did I get up to?
I went to a hen’s night tonight, my Cousin is tying the knot in 2 weeks. Didn’t drink much but ended up drinking 2 guinness’ at a pub in Leederville.
I somehow sat next to some weird hot looking Scotsman who was watching a World Cup qualifier Scotland V Norway, and whilst I was barracking for Norway (kinda have to since i am dating a Scandanavian) I had to empathise with the hot scot as he was really upset about the scottish team’s dismal playing.
After the game was over, the girls and I were getting ready to go, and hot scot started chatting me up. Obviously pegging me for a soccer fan, he told my cousin to go home and let me finish my beer as we (he and I) were going to get smashed tonight.
Meanwhile I’m looking at him (let’s not forget he’s hot, blond, great accent) thinking “mate, you have beer goggles on if you are trying to crack onto me”. His arm somehow was wrapped around my shoulder, and he was gripping the hair on the back of my neck and hugging me, I’m looking at my cousin, and she’s like “YOU ARE COMING HOME WITH ME”.
Then she stood up and grabbed her bag and said, “Look, it’s my last weekend out before I tie the knot, give me a kiss!” The scottish dude looked at her and was like “alreet then” and loosened his grip. I grabbed my bag, scooted off the bench and she turned around and tapped her butt and said “kiss my arse” and dragged me out of the pub whilst I was choking with laughter.
Good night all up! and no hangover in the morning I hope
I have a shitty net connection at the moment, and I’m tempted to throw the modem down the loo. I don’t honestly think it’s the modem, but it’s small, an inanimate object and I’m sure it wouldn’t scream if I put the blame on it. It’s hard working for a company where I know and understand the fault/troubleshooting processes and sitting staring at the connection, willing the water to dry up in the pits.
If the modem keeps pissing me off I am going to reset the little bugger and re-do the wireless. The only way out now is my way. I’ll deal with it for a bit longer, but I noticed the HM is doing some torrenting. Since we’re down to 11Mbps from 22, it’s actually noticable.
Work has been really hectic of late. I have all this stuff to do, and I am not really enjoying much about it except that I am slowly getting people in my team happier in their job. I’m arranging training for them in a couple of weeks for coaching training. The downside of work is the politics of the place. It’s much more cut throat there. Loads of people are there to move up and out of the call centre, and I just don’t know if it’s the right place for me. On the flipside, I’m getting involved in side projects which involve interaction with others in the business. I’m looking at learning new skills and will look up a how-to for editing wiki’s.. I’m smiling really… and lets look at the reasons why.
I have a kick ass team right now, that’s two in a row. There are people in it who have the same warped humour that I do, and it’s a laugh a minute with the amount of innuendoes that come out at night. Some cynics, WoW players *rolls eyes* and Revheads. I have a good manager who coaches me. He should open his own consulting business with all the shit that he knows. On the flipside, I do prefer hands off. I dunno, lets move on.
MM is turning up soon, and I’m a little nervous about it (again). I’m wondering what to wear, how to get my hair cut, do I do my nails? Will he miss me as much as before? I need to clean everything! I’ll do that this weekend whilst HM is home.
She can probably help. At least I haven’t needed to clean the shower recess again. God, that was bad. I don’t want to put it all up on a website, but my goodness she needs to learn how to share a flat. I am passive aggressive too! I have discovered this! I leave notes on the whiteboard and prefer dealing with things in email. Then I was describing things I did when I was younger to get back @ people who were pissing me off - and I am! It takes a lot for me to say something if someone pisses me off. I can bitch about it, but if I do, then I need to tell that person to their face. I do most of the time.
The only person I haven’t done that with is D, a friend from a long long time ago. Who wrote in an email to me that perhaps I deserved what happened to me with losing track of friends after the problems with my X. That she’d lost trust in me, and now she gets me marginalised quite a bit these days. So perhaps she’s won too! Ah well, I’m making new friends. Did I mention I went drinking a couple of weeks ago and sculled 2 pints of Guinness?! amazing.
Mum and dad have this Bengal cat. She is a bit of a wahwah whinger but a great thing. I took a video of her with my mobile phone. I’ve linked to it to youtube, there’s no sound - but she was out for a walk with dad.
Wow has it been busy at work this week.
I had a couple of things to do which required creative energy which I really don’t have right now. So I have farmed one bit off to someone else to handle. I kind of used an old tactic that I used to use when I was a PA. Go to the boss, present the situation, and ask him to prioritise it for me. He didn’t mention names, but did make some round about suggestions. Mission accomplished, and potential for stress has been reduced!
I went out on Thursday last week with people from work, from my team and had a bit to drink. Hadn’t actually drunk THAT much to start with, but the boys did invite some drunk man wearing a fluoro vest to sit with us whilst we were at the pub. He had been drinking Jacks n Coke UDL’s and was very sad and sleazy. He grabbed my hand, looked deeply into my eyes and told me to look into his eyes. That I knew what was right, what I had to do, then he said “I have money too, and you know what that means” and I’m like.. wha? looking for help. One of my mates then looked at me and said, “are you cold?” and quick as a flash I replied, “yes I am” and ripped my hand from his as he was leaning in for the snog *gag* and my mate picked up my bag and asociated umbrellas etc and dragged me off inside.
The drunk dude then wandered over to another table where other co-workers were sitting, and went in to snog the missus of one of them. Her partner then stood up and started roaring at the drunk dude and telling him to leave the pub now. Lots of noise, scared the dude.. who walked around the front, saw me sitting (surrounded by mates) and stared at me through the window. CREEPY.
After he wandered off, we had a sculling competition, and I beat one of the guys in my team by sculling 2 pints of Guinness in less than 3 minutes. They paid for my next one. I think I had 7 or 8 pints that night. I felt a little seedy the next day but nothing serious, and my mate has had his “man card” revoked. Problem with this new workplace is that everyone likes drinking, and ya know, it’s fun.
I might go to the pub again tomorrow 
