http://ttvps.livejournal.com/

ttvps — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 05:19:16 GMT

About time....

ttvps — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 21:00:53 GMT

To the melody of spiderman

Princess Di
Princess Di
Married a dick
And then she died
Distracted people from their misery
What a useful life indeed
Look out, there goes Princess Di

ttvps — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 20:51:45 GMT

This needs to be updated.

Re:

ttvps — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 15:25:20 GMT

Salutations Tobe,

I thought I had spelled out my interests and the offer quite clearly, but for your benefit, I shall elaborate.

I represent a mining company in South Africa. We employ young children, widows, and decrepit old men to dig up the coal. We are a thoughtful business and ensure their employment. They live in the mines and must pay us rent and pay us for the food that we give them. Our longest standing employee is a woman who came to us as an orphan. She is now 56. As you can probably tell, our honest little business is quite profitable and attentive to the needs of consumer and employee alike.

Tobe, my fine gentleman, you must understand how important it is to continue this business. After all, more than half of useable electricity is fueled by coal, even in the United States. That being said, your partnership will not go unrewarded. You shall receive 20% for your "management fees". I have no idea what this means because it doesn't make sense, but you shall get it! You will also have the option of sponsoring one of the little orphan children or buying an orphan as a slave at discount price. You might also get chlamydia.

Regards,
David Sipho

ttvps — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 23:04:28 GMT

Greetings, I represent a mining company in South Africa. I have a very sensitive and private brief from the contract committee to ask for your partnership to re-profile funds totally ($27,000,000.00) I will give the details of how we intend to proceed, this is a legitimate transaction. You will be paid 20% for your "management fees", if I am able to reach terms with you. If you are interested, please write me back by email and provide me with your full names, Telephone/cell numbers and I will provide details. Keep this close to you we are still serving. Regards, Mr. David Sipho

Oh wow, that sure sounds like a lot of money. I don't if you fellas would want me dippin' my hands into this sort of dealio. Could you give me some more details? I don't quite understand whats goin on here.

Regards,
Tobe

Rose Petal

ttvps — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 23:40:50 GMT

And yet another entry from a guest contributer

Rose Petal
by Matt Schitkovitzzzzz

Ben the blossoming child
so delicate and mild.
Smiling at the world he creates
the key to his friends hidden gates.
What can Ben be that is more then
true, a perfect mensch, that of a Jew.
This child so strong his smile and song.
Ecstatically he flourishes
waxing and waning. Never will the clouds
intimidate the sun.
Clashing eyes his glow with hearts,
his eyes like darks start his trek to the place of best.
Ben came hopping, hopping on two feet
finding a conjunction that he whole heartedly
was able to defeat.

Haiku or Die

ttvps — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 02:03:42 GMT

smrt2point0: This is a haiku
smrt2point0: I'm going to eat your poo
smrt2point0: I am watching you

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: the penguin can not dance now
Jive Unicorn: because he is dead

smrt2point0: this is a haiku
smrt2point0: I like to use my shampoo
smrt2point0: it is very clean

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: the lamp is on next to me
Jive Unicorn: penis greg penis

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: underground there is a cave
Jive Unicorn: where the diamonds are

smrt2point0: this is a haiku
smrt2point0: bananas are good for you
smrt2point0: they go in your mouth

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: pickle surprise is scary
Jive Unicorn: so i blind myself

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: wes diggs is in a coma
Jive Unicorn: god bless that brave boy

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: wes diggs is a lazy shit
Jive Unicorn: cool ranch or nacho

SoapDisco69: this is a haiku
SoapDisco69: ben cannot spell bananas
SoapDisco69: ben clearly feels dumb

SoapDisco69: this is a haiku
SoapDisco69: this is a hardcore chatroom
SoapDisco69: thanks for the invite

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: oh god look out behind you
Jive Unicorn: jon is a vampire

SoapDisco69: this is a haiku
SoapDisco69: ben, i don't think that you're dumb
SoapDisco69: i am quite sorry

xplosivchiken: this is a haiku
xplosivchiken: let's all attack everyone
xplosivchiken: jon requires blood

Jive Unicorn: this is a haiku
Jive Unicorn: my brother is really cool
Jive Unicorn: but his room smells bad

xplosivchiken: this is a haiku
xplosivchiken: phil has not left the basment
xplosivchiken: i'm somewhat concerned

xplosivchiken: that one is 7!
xplosivchiken: and this is now a haiku
xplosivchiken: hooray for pizza

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ttvps — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:33:13 GMT

Sitting on my porch
Reading away
Get lost in my book
Got so much to say
Seen tigers and zebras
Hippos too
Dolphins and dinosaurs
You’d think I’s at the zoo

But I ain’t going crazy
I knows what I seen
You gots to believe me, baby
You’re all that I need

And I know I look desperate
But its not as it seems
I got so much soup for you baby
Come on, drink this mushroom cream

But I ain’t going crazy
I knows what I seen
You gots to believe me, baby
You’re all that I need

I’ll scoop it out of this hollow skull
Cuz I miss ya
And I need ya
So I’m coming to get ya

Sitting on my porch
Reading away
Get lot in my book
Got so much to say
Seen tigers and zebras
Hippos too
Dolphins and dinosaurs
You’d think I’s at the zoo

Sitting on my porch
Reading away
Get lot in my book
Got so much to say

ttvps — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:02:21 GMT

Who am I kidding?
I don't own anything.
This means that nothing here matters.
That's quite a load off my shoulders.
I guess your opinion (and mine for that matter) don't matter at all.

Dry skin and peeling noses!

a haiku for you fine folks

ttvps — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 01:59:32 GMT

a haiku
by burrit0s4lif

unicorns are cool
they are really so awesome
unicorns they rule

ttvps — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:45:08 GMT

So I still have this god-awful cough.

Ben is ignoring you.

mouse

ttvps — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:12:18 GMT

Today is the first day the Chinese new year. Year of the Rat.

This morning, I was changing my clothes and out of the corner of my eye I see something brown moving under my chair. I knew it was a mouse because I saw it before.

The mouse isn't a rat but it sort of is. It's funny how it came out today.
Then again, it did come out on that other day.
I guess I can't give order to something as random as nature (just read Design...)

So anyway. I've developed a cough that comes during the morning and night.
Remedies?

robocop

ttvps — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 02:49:29 GMT

Why is everyone talking about robocop???

Facts

ttvps — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 23:39:04 GMT

Beauty and the Beast was based off of Robocop(I, not II or III[That would be ridiculous]).

Now that I have written it on the internet, it is a fact.

I'm 18!!!

ttvps — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 20:52:34 GMT

ttvps — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:02:38 GMT

ttvps — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:35:01 GMT

Today is a sad sad day in the ttvps world.

ttvps — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 04:26:53 GMT

rebuttal to lynn's argument

ttvps — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:13:23 GMT

Certain people may have tried to convince you of immoralities of attitudes regarding abortion. But I ask you citizens, are they correct in their propositioning? Surely, pro-choice and pro-life both have some good elements. Pro-choicers are right in their suggesting the rightness of the rights of women to protect the body, but pro-life supports the life. Surely life is important. Then again, what is life without choice? As Lynn so eloquently stated, “No life without choice.” Indeed, what is a life without choosing? I can choose a choice, but can I live a life without the choice chosen? A life without choices is like a doghouse without dogs: devoid of meaning but kind of amusing, not to see, but to think about.

Then again, the point of life, it could be argued, is to protect the body. That is why we eat. Therefore, life must also have body, making body equal to choice. Unfortunately, choice must be made between choice and body. For example, if I were an astronaut, I would have to choose: space or no space? If I choose space, I am to live away from earth, in space, where I am free to make many choices. If I choose no space, I sacrifice my rights to earth, but that is where my body is. Also, the body is where the heart is, so that is the source of emotions that fuels choice.

Since choice must be made between choice and life if either is supported, I believe that we must avoid this choice altogether. Therefore, abortion is both bad and good, but not as good as really good things.

ttvps — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 04:32:17 GMT

IF U WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B N JAIL 4 KILLIN DA MOTHA FUKER THAT KILLED U!

..._...|..____________________, ,
....../ `---___________----_____|]=
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

WE TRUE HOMIES
WE RIDE TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER
send this GUN to everyone you care about including me if you care. Count how many times you get this, if you get a 13 your A TRUE HOMIE

Mario's Super-Powered Mega Dick by Pleasure Boy 27

ttvps — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 20:06:28 GMT

Lesbain Eroitca Presents:
Mario’s Super-Powered Mega Dick
by Pleasure Boy 27

(Note: everything in this story is completely true because I was there! I found a portal to the Mushroom Kingdom and saw the whole thing. I was wearing my invisibility cloak the whole time so nobody saw me, but I still saw everything so fuck you if you think this isn’t real, I, Pleasure Boy 27, say that you are a knob goblin and probably also gay too, ya faggot!)
One fine day Mario was walking through the Mushroom Kingdom looking for innocent virgins to ravage when he stumbled across a curious mushroom.
“What is this curious mushroom?” he asked out of curiosity.
“I’ll tell you what it is,” ejaculated Yoshi, who had been following Mario the whole time, admiring his fine-looking ass. “It’s a super mushroom and it will make you super-huge!”
“Will it make my dick super-huge as well?” inquisited Mario?
“Holy fucking shit yes it will! You have got to fucking try that fucking shit fucking out!” (Note: In case you don’t know at this point, Yoshi was blasted out of his fucking mind by the crack that he had been smoking that morning. All Yoshis have an affinity for crack, especially “Yoshi”, the most badass Yoshi motherfucker of them all. Yoshis do not have dicks, as is clearly illustrated in pretty much every Mario game with a Yoshi in it. Instead, they procreate by eating people and then laying eggs (I don’t fucking get it but then again I also don’t get the conflict in the Middle East so what the fuck). However, Yoshis still have sex by shoving their tails in people cunts and anuses and occasionally they eat each other out too. You could probably get one to eat you out if you let it snort cocaine out of your asshole but that’s fucking sick, dude, don’t fucking try it unless you have nothing left to lose!)!
So Mario headed over to Princess Toadstool’s castle to give her the best deep-dick fucking of her life. “Oh my fucking god this will be the best goddamn fucking I will ever give the Princess!” he thought as he was walking. “With this super mushroom my dick will become a mega dick and I can pleasurize the Princess until she is panting and screaming like a wild fucking goomba!”
When he got there he headed straight for the Princess’s room, which is all pink and lacy and shit (Note: I didn’t want to have to describe that part because I’m not gay but I had to do it because it’s important for the story. So don’t go trying to call me to have gay phone sex or cyberzing or anything or my dad and I will go to your house and hit you with a hammer!!!) He knocked the door expectedly. “Who is it?” the Princess asked in her sultry high-pitched squeal. “It’s-a me, Mario, and I’m here to fuck your brains out!” replied the hero. “Oh my god get in here immediately!” demanded the Princess. When he opened the door, he was shocked by what he saw.
The Princess was completely naked, lying on her stomach with her legs spread across her pink heart-shaped bed. “Come and get it you fucking stud,” she said as sexily as possible. She also had huge fucking boobs. “Holy shit, hold the fuck on,” said Mario. “I have this super mushroom and it’s gonna make my dick into a mega dick so I can fuck the living shit out of you.”
“Um… okay,” said the Princess, who was extremely confused but also extremely turned on. (Note: for some reason the same part of the brain that makes women confused also makes them turned on. I don’t know why this is, it’s one of those ancient secrets developed by the Chinese. I once heard that an old Chinese sex master hid all of his secret knowledge in fortune cookies and they were spread all around the world, so if you really want to know all the ancient secrets of sex you’d better start eating a whole shit-fucking-shitload of Chinese food. Honestly though that’s not just a joke it’s for real my friend found out this great secret about pleasuring women in a fortune cookie but he won’t tell it to me unless I pay him $5. Yeah right, like I’m that desperate…)).
Mario popped the super mushroom and pulled down his pants. His hard-on, which had been nonstop all day, suddenly grew to ridiculously epic proportions. Here’s how to imagine it: think about the biggest dick imaginable. Then make it a little bigger. Also, make it really Chinese (not black you dumbass motherfucking morons). (also make it veiny as hell because that’s what it was, I was there). That’s how it was.
“Holy goddamn shit that’s a big fucking dick,” said the Princess, whose jaw was slack with awe. Mario took advantage of the opportunity, ramming as much of his dick as he could into the Princess’s mouth.
“Mmphrmprfhjdjs,” said the Princess.
“Oh, this is sooooo gooood,” said Mario. “Suck my dick harder!” he demanded.
“Mmmm, hokay,” said the Princess and she proceeded to suck his dick harder.
“Holy shit, now it’s really good!” he said.
Then he fucked the shit out her. You don’t want to hear that part, it’s a lot more boring than you’d think. Trust me, I was there. Oh yeah, then I had sex with the princess and then we had a threesome and then Yoshi came and so did Birdo and all the fucking Toad people and we had the hugest fucking orgy the Mushroom Kingdom had ever seen! But the whole time Luigi just pranced through the countryside looking for Koopas to assault until one day he was arrested and thrown in jail where he was raped up the ass every day with a pipe!
THE END (also fuck you my dick is huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge!!!)

BONUS STORY: How Toad Got His Groove Back
Toad was a faggot who couldn’t figure out shit until one day he got some balls and started fucking some very pretty ladies. That’s pretty much it.

© All of this is copywrite Pleasure Boy 27 except for the Nintendo characters which are all copywrite Yoshi because he is the real corporate mastermind behind Nintendo, not fucking Shigeru Miyamoto who is a gay homosexual Japanese man who could learn a lesson or two from the Chinese!

plaid

ttvps — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 14:50:24 GMT

I made these little wish stones. I was thinking about making a gimmick and I did. I glued little googley eyes onto pretty fish tank rocks.

$10 each.
Or a really huge favor.

ttvps — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 19:07:11 GMT

The Recipe For Poop

3 parts poop
2 parts poop
1 part poop

Splash of poop

Finish off with a little poop and straw

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

ttvps — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 19:04:30 GMT

The Recipe For Emily Bennet

3 parts Fearlessness
2 parts Friendship
1 part Understanding

Splash of Whimsy

Finish off with a little umbrella and straw

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

ttvps — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 12:13:41 GMT

I am very sorry, Live journal for neglecting you, as Ben said. Since I don't have much to say at the moment, I will reinforce my lameness by simply posting a blogthings quiz result.

The Recipe For Archana

3 parts Wit
2 parts Charm
1 part Drive

Splash of Moxie

Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

I don't really know what moxie is but it sounds like a doxie which are those little blue evil fairies from Harry Potter, so I'll go with it.
Okay fine, I'll post something better next time. Maybe something I drew.