Obsydian's Lair

<3 and pterodactyls.

thebuttonontop — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 22:24:53 GMT

I'm back! Hi to all of my lovely people... Not sure who is still here, who still reads... but I needed to visit. :D How is everyone? Happy Birthday to all of the people I've missed over the past year. thank you for the gifts. i've not forgotten a one of you, and i mis syou all.

a proper update will happen later. <3 to all of you.

thebuttonontop — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 02:49:46 GMT

so i'm gonna do my once every several month post here.... First to say Happy Birthday to Kiwi (sorry i missed it, love) and all the other people who have February birthdays.
Secondly to thank xrai_namere and evalentine9 for the hearts.... you guys are awesome.

I guess an update is in order. School's going pretty awesome, though Art History is a pain in the arse.
I started training for roller derby. I believe that it is the thing that shall save my life. Derby is amazing, and i thank every diety that there is that i found it and the people who are involved in it.
You see.... Josh and I broke up. and I know last time i was here, i was talking about doing this..... I had a few months of considering it... and I had decided that we needed to fix things. That 8 years was just not enough to throw away. I realized that I love him more than anything and that all of the bullshit that we went through just didn't matter. Unfortunately, he had done a lot of considering also, and had decided that he didn't want to stay together.
Now i feel like my heart is shattering in my chest. My world feels like its ending. I still live with him for the time, since we're on a lease... and we're still friends. still very close. Friendship was never the issue... I wake up every morning with him still holding onto me. And then we spend the rest of the day and all i can think about is how i'm not a part of his life anymore. Or at least not an important part. And it is killing me. Its killing me because I fucked up. I wish i could go back and fix everything that i did to make this wrong. I have tried to come back here so much... but its so hard cause I'm reading all of these lovey stories between my boys and it makes me think fo what i dont have anymore. And won't anymore. its true that you don't know what you've got till its gone. i've fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.
*sighs* i just don't know what to do ... i feel so fucking helpless without him. so sad it feels like i'm just going to shatter. I dont sleep anymore cause i just cry all night.

i'm sorry to come in here and rant. i need a good occasion to happen so i can come in here and be happy.

i can show off the picture of my TARDIS corset... got it at Templecon, the steampunk con in Providence, RI. So thats a good thing.

i'm going to start making small forays back into this world... but its gonna take a bit. i miss you guys and love you guys and wish that i could go back to how things used to be.

Wow.

thebuttonontop — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 20:16:57 GMT

So.. I live and stuff. Not a zombie.... at least, not really. :D Those of you who know me in really real life know that everything has been a jumble of timey whimey-ness and issues, so I've been away for awhile. I'm not really officially "back" but I am checking in, here and there.

For those who care, this is whats been going on. Josh got home about 2 months ago... and while this is a great thing.... life's been pretty rocky. I guess feelings change when someone is away for so long, and now I'm not fully sure that I'm where I want to be in my relationship with him. So I'm working through that.... breaking up is hard to do. and when i say that, I don't just mean that it sucks. (which it does) but its hard to do, as he doesn't seem to think that we're in the process of doing so. He got amnesia about 2 hours after we had the "should we stay together" conversation.. and I'm too much of a wuss to have the conversation again. cause it was the hardest thing I've ever done. So its weird. *shrug* but i'm workign through it.

I went back to school, I'm at a local college taking art classes. Finally, I can live out my dream of being an art student. My major is photography, and thats the other thing eating my life. I have 8 hours of class per week, with about 4.5 hours of homework or more per class. its awesome though, cause my homework is things like, draw for 3 hours. or go and take a bunch of pictures, then photoshop them in this particular manner. :D <3

Regarding Doctor Who.... OMGI"MINLOVE. So much so that I'm dreaming about it. I am absolutely head over heels for Matt Smith. He has become my Doctor (sorry Tennant, I stil love you!) The season finale... OMG that finale. I want more, right now. so awesome. and so pretty. :D

In other news... i'm not sure there is much other news. Just wanted to check in and say hello to you wonderful people that I miss so much.

wow. and thank you.

thebuttonontop — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 04:56:11 GMT

Wow. I haven't been here in about a bazillion years.
And for that I'm rediculously sorry... Life has been kicking my ass 7 ways from Sunday and I just don't have the time to read or write anything lately. Or the drive, to be honest. Its not you, its me. Seriously though... I just ... I can't handle things at the moment. I'm having crisises like mad, and my crazy work schedule isn't helping.
For those of you who don't know, which is probably most, I'm now manager of my Dunkins... and i have like no employees. I have 3 in a store that needs at least 5 to function, so I have been picking up all the slack. Which means about 70 hours a week, and it starts every day at 4 am. so.. yeah. no energy and no drive.

There are other problems as well, suffice it to say. My life is in shambles at the moment. But... yeah. we'll just leave it at that.

That all said. I need to thank xrai_namere and usakiwigirl for their kisses and their thoughts. Dear gods do I miss you guys. So freaking much. I just ... can't right now. I have 47 stories started and I just can't finish any of them. sadly.

Love you guys and sorry its been 987 years since I've even been around.

thebuttonontop — Wed, 18 May 2011 16:14:52 GMT

So. I did this here meme. I got it from quality_rachni about 3 months ago. It's long, I warn you. fun though. :D so read at your own risk.

• Who are you? Jen, Button, Obsydian, take your pick.

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? I obsess like its my job. I’m wildly opinionated. I hate people.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? Video games, drawing, painting, hanging out, writing, shooting people with Nerf guns, hitting people with foam padded weapons, martial arts… loooong list. :D

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time). Hmm. Science all the way, math (even if I failed), english, history.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? Go back to school.. get a job I don’t hate.

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? CA with Josh, both of us happy and doing things we love.

7. What stage of life are you in right now? Uh, fail stage.

8. Are you more child-like or childish? Child-like. I had to grow up and mature, but I still am a kid at heart.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? Awww, bloody hell! *I was playing Mass Effect and died…*

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? Incubus- I Miss You. Also others.

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? Yep. I have a black belt in Taekwon Do

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? …mostly stays the same. Really, which is a problem since “the same” is pretty crappy. Lol.

13. Does time really heal all wounds? Hell no. it may glaze them over a bit, but even scars hurt sometimes. I think there are some wounds that never heal. I’ve gone a year now, and mine hasn’t.. *shrug*

14. How do you handle a rainy day? If its cold? Video games and fanfiction. and painting. If its warm? I run around and play in the rain.

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? Losing luggage… I don’t use holiday lights.

16. How is your relationship with your parents? My mother was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who died of cancer 3 years ago, and my father is a physically abusive asshole.

Will you miss them when they are gone? ….not terribly. Does that make me a horrible person??

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? Depends on the situation. I try to be… but I’m ridiculously distractible.

18. What is the truest thing that you know? Ianto belongs to Jack. Things do NOT always happen for a reason. Love is the most beautiful and ugly thing to exist.
Also, you can fight like a krogan, run like a leopard but you’ll never be better than Commander Shepard.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up? A paleontologist… still do. Its completely unattainable, sadly. Also, a soldier, a mechanic, and a ninja.
In that order. :D

20. Have you ever been given a second chance? Yeah.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? Some of column A, some of column B… welcome to the human condition.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? Yes. I try to.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? Snapped my collarbone in half snowboarding.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? …getting rejected by the Guard.

25. Who have you hugged today? Today has barely begun. I can tell you who I will hug today though. Jeremy, Michael and Allan. Cause they’re my boys.

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? Um. Right.

27. Do you have a lot to learn? The day I stop learning is the day I die.

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? Welsh, singing, and drawing better.

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? How people make me feel. I’m an empath. Emotions are like breath to me.
Words, however, make one hell of an impact too.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? Oi. Tolerance…. Communication and trust. Love, to a lesser degree… oddly enough.

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? Challenge myself. Feel content. Feel happy.

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? …I can’t really think of too many things. Being tortured maybe…. Losing josh… seeing him or someone I love be tortured.

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? ….hmm. probably LGBT also. Yes.

34. What does each decade make you think of:

The 19..

20's: hmm.

30's: The Depression.

40's: WWII… also many Jack’s.

50's: oh god, poodle skirts.

60's: landing on the moon. Also, hippies. *shudders*

70's: Austin powers…

80's: oh god, hair! *shudders*

90's: amazing era. Wonderful tv and great music. :D

2000's: hmm. Not much, actually. War… president Bush.

2010's (so far): Fucking awesome games. <~~~yes. I can’t disagree.

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why? 90’s yo. I grew up in them.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? Hmm. Anything Bowie, Cure, or Queen.

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? US and Barak Obama is president. Sadly.

If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be? Stop talking so much and effing do something.

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? Uh, hulu or Netflix? More often, in the middle of the night, I’m playing video games…

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? I don’t think I’m like any of them, really. They all want power.
I just want to be happy.

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? Sadly yes. It was the worst thing ever, being a girl scout. Always wanted to be a boy scout… my brother always did fun things.

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? Fly, all the way. Can I have wings to do it with? *smirk*

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? Science! Its not actually “black” at night. Just lacking sufficient light to bounce off our retinas. Its blue during the day because blue is the only light wave that doesn’t bounce off of the atmosphere.

43. What does your name mean? Innocence. Duh… isn’t it obvious? *wink wink, nudge nudge*

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space? Oh dear lord would I love to go to outer space.

45. Word association

What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: currents

Meat: Dog *as in Dogmeat from Fallout*

Different: same

Pink: baby mice, called ‘pinkies’ (I feed them to my snakes)

Deserve: a break.

White: snow.

Elvis: *twitch*

Magic: DnD

Heart: broken.

Clash: titans?

Pulp: juice

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? Douglas Adams

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? GDL again… Brandon Keener, Ben Browder

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? Maybe?

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? My computer and several batteries… my sketch book… the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy…. And Josh. lol

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? ….

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...

Fruitgoogle:

Ambytime: this just looks like a bad spelling mistake

Asscactus:

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? Does putting together models count? A lizardman from Warhammer.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? Nintendo?

54. How many TV’s are in your house? 4… but two are in storage. By ‘in storage’ I mean, placed in random locations around the house that my roommate thinks are out of the way. But are really just annoying.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Shoot people with Nerf guns and hit people with foam padded weapons.

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? …different every time?

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? I wish.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? Nope.

59. What is your idea of paradise? ….oh I could have too much fun with this one. Or I could just say, somewhere that I can live and love as I see fit.

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? Meh. There’s probably something higher than me. But I have NO idea what it could be like.

61. Do you believe in Hell? See above? “The real hell is your life gone wrong.” ~What Dreams May Come.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? gotten a black belt? Umm.. I dunno. Gone to a psychiatrist to try to get into the army?

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done? That’s not really for me to judge, now is it?

64. Are you a patient person? Hell no. I can’t even really pretend to be.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? ….don’t we have too many already?

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? Most of them.

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? The Muffin Joke. Yep.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? Hm. Belize. They’re so damned laid back there, its amazing.

69. Is your hair natural or dyed? Oddly enough, its been natural for over a year. This is highly unusual.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? i’m a pretty damned open book. What you see is what you get.

71. What is under your bed right now? ….sex toys. :D

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? I’d like to explore… then go home.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? Hmm… yes. 90% of the time…

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? Uprising, Supermassive Black Hole, and Starlight by Muse.

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? Uh… I don’t dance with people.

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Pixar.

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? Penguins!... yes.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Too much so, most of the time

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? No, we’d all die first.

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? Draw. Erm.. procreate. :D love.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? Die. Oh no, wait… that was RTD’s idea.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? Well, the North Pole would probably kill me. So the equator.

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? Can I still play video games? I’d give up tv anyday.

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? Doing something meaningful… no matter the cost or how scared they are..

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? Transformers.

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach: Torchwood, Miracle Day.

87. What was the last thing you paid for? A computer for josh’s interpreter.

88. Are you a coupon clipper? ….no.

89. Get anything good in the mail recently? Appleseed and Appleseed Ex Machina

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling? ….tae kwon do?

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So...

Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends? they wouldn’t be dead, they’d be non-existant. I veto this question.

92. What insects are you afraid of? I’d say spiders, but those aren’t insects. So.. bees.

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? “Calibrating”

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? … I dunno.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? Ooooh. Id like to say chocolate or ice cream… but probably bread. Bread is so damned bad for you… but I love it so much.

96. What are your parents interested in? my father likes boats…

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? Duh. When I was young. Then my father put the tank in the sun and fried it. I was sad.

Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal? Sadly no. I want a skunk.

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans? Helpful? Plans. Sadly, I tend to try more for wishes than make plans.

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest? …climbing waterfalls. Or having sex…

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring? Depends on how deep in the woods. Probably fire, water, and something warm.. it gets cold out there.
Also yes.. commander Shepard. :D And Garrus Vakarian.

Not dead yet

thebuttonontop — Tue, 17 May 2011 17:25:04 GMT

Hey there. So yes. I know I really suck at being around. Really, its not you, its me. Well, sorta. Life has been kicking my ass hardcore lately. Both physically and emotionally... I just haven't had time to do much.

I did need to say a big huge thank you to xrai_namere for the jellybeans. They were delicious and now I am sugar high. love you darlin and we need to hang out again soon.

Also, its been so so nice outside.

no real excuses though. I just wanted to pop in and say I love you all and don't forget me!

I made words happen.

thebuttonontop — Fri, 13 May 2011 14:38:17 GMT

So I stole a meme from sariagray . Like I do. By 'stole a meme' I mean I asked her for words that reminded her of me. :D Oh, Saria, you silly person who knows me so well.

Holy crap. this took me like a week to get through. Who knew that thinking about this would take so long?? Damn. lol.
Also, the same applies. You want words? Ask for em.

Car

Oh dear. Where do I begin. When I was a child my father had a pair of Chevy Camaros. A 1985 Iroc Z, and a 1979 Z28. They were the sexiest cars in the world... and they got me hooked. From then on it was car shows and Matchbox cars etc. I loved them.
Things with engines always fascinated me, and I've always felt a sort of kinship with cars. Mine especially. (a note: many of my own do not share the sentiment) I talk to my car. When I'm sad or angry one of the best things for me to do is to go out for a long aimless drive with music blaring. Granted, thats a pretty good thing for me to do when i'm happy and in a good mood too.
I always wanted to be a mechanic..... had that dream pretty shattered by my father who, despite his encouraging me to love boats and cars and anything with working parts, told me that girls couldn't be mechanics and thus sent me to school for something completely different. Ass.
In the ten years I've been driving, I've owned 8 cars.. (sad really) and I can remember the make, model, color, mileage, and oddities of each, no matter how long I owned them. to me, a car has a personality... like a person. (or, to be fair, it doesnt... like some people) ...
My first car, (1988 Chevy Beretta, 78k miles at purchase, 120k when she died) was purchased... she was $2700 dollars. I paid for most of her (my parents helped a bit) She was my best friend. Gods, I have NEVER had a car that good since. She was totaled in a stupid accident cause some tard was going waaaay too fast. I watched her life's blood (transmission fluid) dripping out of her cracked engine block, and had to have my hand pried off the hood when they tried to tow her away.
I sat in her ruined chassis and cried for a week. Or more.

My only real problem with cars is that they seem to really not like me. Every car I've ever owned has ended up with some terrible problem, or something. And i'm pretty good at keeping with maintenence and whatnot....... just... we have our issues. we're working through them.

Also, Saria, driving will always always make me think of you now, cause your my roadtrip-sister. :D

Torchwood.

dear gods. What can I say that hasn't been said before? I love this show. Its a horribly written, plot whole ridden show. And yet.. something about it just, grabs me. The characters are effing fantastic. *with one exception... You know who you are* But they all grow and change with the situations... they are amazing. Not to mention its a show about badass people who save the earth from aliens. And have lots of sex while doing it. :D
Because of this show I now write fanfiction. I have made some of the best friends of my life. I have found much about myself that I didn't know before. ... its a wonderful thing. Its also caused me to cry more tears than any other anything, and has cause so much drama in my life. But I wouldn't change that for the world.

I really could probably talk for hours about this. But all of you reading this... you all know. Cause you're all along for the ride with me. And for that, I thank you... and I thank RTD. Cause, much as I don't agree with his decisions or much of his writing... he created this wonderful thing that has brought us all together. And I really can't begrudge him that. :D

Boys.

Oh Saria, you know me SO DAMNED WELL. Boys... I like boys. I also hate boys. I'm a walking conflict. lol. I have a boy. Most of the time... he's a good boy... most of the time. I love him more than anything. .....most of the time. I fall in love so easily though. I never do things by halves and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also cannot put down the occasional thoughts that maybe I'd be better with someone who isn't so... Josh. And then I think about other people and ... well, they aren't Josh, so they aren't good enough. Gah, such a conflict. Um. I think I'm getting off-topic.
um. Yes. I like boys. I also get along better with boys 90% of the time. I'm not so good with most girls. Really, there are few that I don't dislike on first contact. (Obviously there are exceptions to that rule) um. yeah, this is gonna turn into a rambling, baring of my soul... i dun wanna do that right now. lol.

Video Games
Now this is a much safer subject. Me and video games go waaaaaaaaay back. I started on Atari when I was a young'un. and then I remember a string of bad Nintendo systems. Bad like, they never worked right. Oh, my brother and I perfected the "blow in it till it works" system. We had every cleaning agent imaginable. All cause my mom wouldn't buy a good system. lol. I also remember Jaws. I dont know why I remember that game in particular, but I do. And I remember restarting it like 7 times cause the Nintendo was so bad. Then I moved on from NES to Sega... and I never looked back. Sega Genesis, Sega CD, Game Gear, etc. From there i moved onto Playstation original... and was sold. Played that forever. I never really got into computer games though. I played Doom like crazy, but ... that was really it.
Oh video games... now I play so many. .... I live on BioWare. Baldurs Gate, Dragon Age, and Mass Effect. oh god Mass Effect. That game now has such a hold on me. The world is amazing, and the creatures in it. *grins* through this game i've confirmed a thing that i always kinda wondered bout myself... apparently I'm a xenophile. there's a race in this game... *shudders* so so sexy.
but yes.. video games. they are kinda my salvation. When I'm bored... when I'm pissed... when I'm happy. i just like them. Fortunately, I'm not one of those people who can play for hours and hours every day. I don't let it rule my life. Oddly enough. :D
Now... time to go think with Portals.
The cake is not a lie.

Nerf Guns

Well duh. I'm a 5 year old boy inside sometimes. And I like to run around and shoot people with small foam projectiles. I have nearly every one of the newer Nerf guns, and a few of the old ones as well..... this year is year of the Nerf. There will be a league. It will be amazing, and involve much steampunking.
Because its hawt. :D

apparently when i's too sleepy, i do memes and speak like a lolcat.

thebuttonontop — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 05:03:44 GMT

I stoled this from xrai_namere. Cause i needed something to keep me awake. cause I have work in 6 hours... and naturally, why would i sleep? *sighs*
Also, I'm exhausted to the point of rediculousness... so i warn that this will probably be WAY tmi and WAY rambly. yup.
Lastly, do not expect proper capitolization. i'm too tired to care.

Creature Fics:. if there's one thing that playing Mass Effect has taught me, its that I'm one HELL of a xenophile. If Ianto and Jack were to hook up with a turian? Gods I'd be the happiest girl on the planet. (dear lord I need to write Jack/Garrus. I might die of hotness) So PLEASE YES.

Animagus: meh. I like were-critters. they're cool. and agreed with the wings. OMG WINGS ARE THE HOTTEST THINGS EVER. ahem. i mean. i'm interested. .

Mpreg: .... still not sold. I know its canon. I do. But ... something about a dood being pregnant... bothers me. To be fair... something about a woman being pregnant bothers me too, so its not really a gender bias.

Slave: Hmm. This.. is a thing with me. a serious thing. Like ... I've done this.... in life. Its... interesting. ....I think I'm really too close to this sort of subject. Because.. when not done right, it can be relationship breaking. And it takes a certain person to do it right. I can't really read most fics like this, cause most people don't understand that this is a way of life, not just a hobby or anything. Most people don't understand the balance of Dom to sub. ... and that can be seriously problematic. Um. This could get way too personal, way too quickly. I have a VERY strong tie to this sort of thing. so... i'ma stop typing now.

So... yeah. There you have it

BDSM, S&M: This, on the other hand..... YES. please?

Age difference: don't much care. i think it really depends on the particular fandom that i'm looking at.... like Xrai said, Jack/Ianto... duh. *shrug*

Blood-Play: not so much. depends on how its done, really.

Under-age (chan): ....only when really well written. as mentioned, Choccy has some fan-freaking-tastic child!fics. And I LOVE them in that case... I've read a few that are decent other than hers... but ... its rare.

Cross-dressing/Gender bender: I LOVE a guy in a skirt. I do. its DEFINITLY a kink. chicks in drag.... meh.

Dubious-consent: no. just.. no.

Non-con: no. definitly not.

Incest: not a chance.

Threesome/more-some/gang-bang: *sighs* sadly, no. Despite xrai and saria, etc trying to get me into it. I just ... can't.

Death: well... Jack..... I dunno, again, if its written well enough. I can see there being potential.

Water-sports/scat: there are some kinks that I just ... don't get. At all. No offense to anyone who likes it.. but ... I don't get it. so fuck no.

Crossovers: All the time forever. Please. I want some TW/Mass Effect crossovers. I'm writing TW/Dragon Age. still. someday I'll finish.

Unhappy/wide open endings: YES. oh gods yes. I LIVE AND BREATH angst.

Infidelity: Hell no. i'm possessive. Even when it comes to my fandoms..

Self-harming/Attempted suicide: not a kink. but i've read some seriously good ones.

Rimming: i have no problem with it. i cannot write it to save my life...

Felching: fuck no.

Fisting: meh. .

Addictions/Disorders: meh. not really.

Torture/Violence: GOD I love rough sex. IRL and in fic. torture.... not so much. Torture for pain and suffering.. HELL NO. but rough sex for fun? Hell yes.

Toys: Dear gods yes. I MAKE toys... how could I not love them??

Uniforms: .... I'm dating a military boy. Uniforms are one of the HOTTEST things in existance. YES.... please yes..

Double penetration: sure.

Anal (het, gay and/or lesbian): nope. totally against that. (i'm being so sincere right now) ;P

Deep-throating: :D

Boot worship, foot fetish: gah. no! ewwwwwwwwwwwwww feet! *twitches*

Chains, shackles, collars, handcuffs, and other means to restrain a character: ...bunk... i'll be there. with my cuffs and collar (I am a leather-smith. I make these)

Blindfolds: YESYESYES. <~~there isn't a more appropriate response to this.

Certain places such as dungeons, prison cells, interrogation room, offices (add your own if you have one I didn't mention): Oh, yes. All of the above and more. Sex in the rain. Against the wall. In the shower. On the coffee table. On tables in general. (again. yup. all of the above.) I have a SERIOUS waterfall kink. Sex on/under/around/anywhere near a waterfall. Camping... also TRAMPOLINE SEX. YES. :D

Mind games/mind fuck (you know, that nice psychological approach to bend a character to one's will and/or break them): ....take it or leave it... when done right, then yes.

Food play/sploshing: HELL YES foodplay. :D

Gore/guro: um.... maybe?

Fight for dominance: hell yeah. :D every day.

Breath play/asphyxiation: ...... when done right.

Hair-pulling/biting/scratching/bruising: I"M half zombie cause i gnaw on everything. Biting and being bitten is the biggest turn on int he WORLD for me. I LOVE biting. dear gods yes. please. scratching is a VERY close second. i love reading this.

Gun play/knife play (knife play does not have to include cutting someone, and you can add some other inanimate object to the list, if you have one!): OMG, YES. Especially gunplay. (GUNHANDPORN) yes. yes yes yes.

Drugs or intoxication: nope. not a chance. no way.

Language kink (accents etc.): i LOVE accents.

Squick fics (aka fics that are meant to squick the hell out of you): nope. why would i read something that makes me twitch?

Have to get married!: really really depends on the writer. i'm not one for marriage myself. and things that are TOO fluffy... just ... no. but i've read some FANTASTIC marriage fics.

Soul- (life-, heart-, force-, marriage-, wizard-, etc.) bonds: i've definitely read some good ones.

Hurt/comfort: fuck yes. I live and breath angst.

Kid!fic: Ianto or Jack or basically anyone gets zapped by stuff and turns into a kid? YES. YES. <~~~ THIS! YES!

Time travel: nope. hate it. no Tardis for me. (there is sarcasm dripping down your monitor from how much i loaded into that statement)

AUs: depends. I'm rediculously picky about my AUs.

Amnesia: um... sometimes? it tends to be wickedly overdone or poorly used, unfortunatly.

Undercover!gay/Have to pretend to be a couple: i quite love the "pretending to be a couple" specially when its silly and cute.

Redeemed!evil character: hell yes. when done well. (<3 Saren)

Orgasm Denial: uh DUH!!!

Sex pollen/mate-or-die scenario: sure. :D

Outsider POV: oh hells yes.

PWP: ...sometimes. There are times when its just too damned much though. i dont want to read porn. if i wanted porn, i'd watch porn. i want in-character things.

Domestic: oh yes. oh hell yes. :D

Massages: please?

Voyeurism: .... maybe?.

Exhibitionism: not usually..

Coitus Interruptus: crack only, really.

Adding some things of my own about which I'm passionate: (from xrai)

First time/Inexperience: yes!!! hell yes. one of my favorites. :D I'm a sucker for cuteness.

Frottage: (i have to look this one up. Oh Wikipedia, you are my friend) oooh, yes i like this. :D its HOT

Hand jobs, oral sex, and masturbation: uh... yes. hell yes? when done right and not in a OMGPORN sorta way. :D

Sharing a bed: i'm a hopeless romantic... what do you think.

Sensory deprivation: ....sometimes. i'm claustrophobic, me... so i get anxious just reading it sometimes.

Waxplay: Hot. Love. yes please.

K... i think I went a little further than I had meant to ... but you get the idea. :D

I have to work in 4 hours.

thebuttonontop — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 05:28:46 GMT

So obviously i'm doing a meme. Yoinked from sariagray .

Pick your five favourite TV shows (in no particular order) and answer the following questions about them. Don't cheat!

1. Torchwood
2. Doctor Who
3. Firefly
4. Farscape
5. Battlestar Galactica

Who's your favourite character in 2?
The Doctor! duh. lol, specifically 10 and 11.

Who's your least favourite character in 1?
......oh good question. I'd like to say Gwen... but thats mostly cause RTD is a tool. so its not really her fault.

What's your favourite episode of 4?
ooooh damn. So many to choose from. Probably Out of their Minds or Won't Get Fooled Again. This show has too many good episodes.

What's your favourite season of 5?
ooooh, toughie. 3, I think.

What's your favourite ship in 3?
...Serenity? or do you mean 'ship like pairing? in that case.... Jayne/River. Mal/Inara... Simon/Kaylee. lol. all of the above.

Who is your anti-ship in 2?
ok. i guess that explains that question. Donna/Doctor. lol. and Amy/Doctor.

How long have you watched 1?
bout a year. Feels like forever.

How did you become interested in 3?
Honestly, I did not watch it when it was on tv.... (I know! I'm such a bad fan) but someone said, hey ... you like Whedon.. watch this. And the rest is history. it was honestly about 5 months after it got cancelled.

Who's your favourite actor in 4?
Ben Browder. Hands down.

Which show do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?
2. Probably. Though 5... well, 2 is sitll happening.. but 5.... damn. tough decision.

Which show have you seen more episodes of: 1 or 3?
unfair question. 3 only had 14 episodes and a movie. i guess the answer is all of both, since both are over. (yes TW is OVER)

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?
Aeryn Sun!!!

How would you kill off your favourite character from 1?
an alien fart, obviously. Seriously though... Saving the world. But in a more realistic setting.

Give a random quote from 1.
"We could release a single"

Would a 3/4 crossover work?
OMG YES! please?

Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple.
Ianto/Owen. yup you heard it here. I'd actually ship it. sorta. maybe. maybe Tosh/John. :D

Has 5 inspired you in any way?
......sorta? the female engineer, Callie kinda made me want to be here, cause I always wanted to be a female engineer. Also, everyone in that show is badass. Starbuck! I love Starbuck.

Overall, which show has a better cast? 3 or 5?
...tough call. probably Firefly. BSG can have too many people sometimes.

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4?
2. Definitely Doctor Who. Farscape has good music... but DW's music will stand the test of time, methinks.

Writer's Block: A night unlike any other

thebuttonontop — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 16:39:53 GMT

Oh this is an easy one. November 1st, 2003. It was pretty much the night between the 31st and the 1st, really. Halloween night. I went to Josh's house for a bonfire, it was my first time ever coming here, and it was hard as hell to find my way, cause he lived in the hills of Massachusetts. There was general silliness and then a pile of people sleeping on a trampoline. That was the night that I decided that I was cold, and that Josh should warm me up. He complied... and really that was the beginning of the end. So to speak. Since that night... we were together pretty much constantly.... I really really can't think of anything in my life that has made me happier. (or caused me so much greif, lol)
But really.... if it weren't for that night, I often wonder if we'd be together now. I think we probably would have found each other eventually... It seemed pretty written in stone, if you believe in fate-ish sorts of things.

But yes. That.

Also, on a more Torchwood related note, I've begun listening to the new audiobooks, the ones read by Kai (THANK YOU XRAI!!) and OMG THEY"RE SO DAMNED CUTE! I love Rhys. I am Rhys. Its official now, I've passed on the cerimonial coffee pot to Saria, who has accepted it and become Ianto. Well, more like a strange Ianto/Jack mix.. but still.

lol. So yeah. there you have it.

Oh, right, lastly... Josh is now officially a Specialist. He was promoted and the paperwork is all done. :D He's well on his way to being that much more awesomer. :D <3

Beloved

thebuttonontop — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 05:13:19 GMT

title: Beloved

Characters: Jack, Ianto
rating: PG 13

length: 515 words. but many aren't mine.
Warnings: canon character death. overly dramatic writing.

Disclaimers: Jack belongs to Ianto. I dun care what no one else says.

A/N: This, believe it or not, started as my entry for the redisourcolor challenge from a billion years ago. Something involving flowers. I dunno, I had this whole angsty idea. And then my writing broke.
Then, a few weeks ago, I dragged this out again, and realized that it fits one of my favorite songs ever. Beloved by VNV Nation, which is one of the most DEPRESSING songs in existence. So I fixed it up, threw in some lyrics, and wala. I wrote something. :D be shocked.

I wasn't gonna finish this, honestly, my words are still hesitant. But with all of the MD crap going around, its making me rediculously sad and nostalgic for MY Torchwood. *sighs*

A/N 2. if you haven't heard this song before.. its BEAUTIFUL. :D

So, without further ado...

Beloved

It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey

Jack walked the route through the cemetery. It was quiet this time of night… Cardiff was sleeping. Soon the sun would rise and the world would come alive again, but for now it was just him and his thoughts…

It was cold, but his jacket protected him like armor. Spring hadn’t yet come to the Welsh lands, though it was trying its damnedest.

The paths were hard to see, but Jack didn’t care. He wasn’t going anywhere in particular, he just wanted to clear his head… normally he’d be on a rooftop, but that wasn’t cutting it this time. He’d needed more. Though more of what, he didn’t know.

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

Aimless wandering brought the sun. Before Jack knew it, the grave in front of him was illuminated with a guilded halo. He shoulda known he’d end up here.

“Ianto Jones”

Of course, the grave was empty. Ianto was in the vaults. Number 007, of course. But his family had had a burial for him all the same, Jack had been there, behind the scenes, watching their tear streaked faces… not noticing his own.

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

There was a time when they were untouchable. Team Torchwood rushing into everything, saving the world over and over again. (With the Doctor’s help, of course). They always knew that a time would come when their immortality would run out, (well, everyone but Jack of course) they just never thought it would be so soon or so abrupt.

Unfortunately, the harsh truth never chooses the opportune moment.

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Years passed. Jack had left Cardiff, then Earth, then he’d even left the galaxy, trying to escape. And for a lifetime, he had. He’d traveled with the Doctor (incarnation 13 or something like that) for a time then settled on a distant planet orbiting a distant sun. He had children. Named one of them Ianto, though his partner hadn’t understood, Jack had merely smiled.

Thousands of years later, the vaults, the grave, indeed Cardiff itself had gone. Yet he remembered. The man once named Jack Harkness would always remember that there was a man named Ianto Jones and it would stir ancient feelings somewhere in the dusty corridors of his mind and heart.

Just a name now, nothing more.

a wee rant. (but not a rant on wee)

thebuttonontop — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 23:25:01 GMT

So... as some of you may have noticed, I'm back. Yup... back again from the depths of wherever. Now, I've been dipping into other fandoms lately. And by dipping in, I mean fully obsessing over. .... cause thats what I do. And I haven't lost my love and adoration for Jack and Ianto and Torchwood as a whole, but I do think that I overdid it for a short time, so I had to pull back a bit. Then with Josh coming home, I kinda pulled back from all of my fandoms for a while. Which is fine, cause it made me realize just what I love about them all, and how much I really do love them.

I listened to the Dead Line again on my way to my in-law's house today, and I was nearly sobbing by the end of it... hehe, and I dunno, I felt a new appreciation for the show and for the characters. Its a bit odd. I never really thought this sort of thing might happen. hehe, made me realize that I really miss Torchwood. Also, lawford 's recent posts about Miracle Day... The little preview teaser doodad, that had the little TW snippet of music at the end. nearly had me in tears for everything that we've lost in our Torchwood... and that they're trying to pass this false thing off on us. *sighs*

Oi. Yeah thats about it.

Also, apparently I'm attempting writing again. Of course, instead of being inspired to finish something I've already started... I'm working on something new ... cause apparently thats how I roll. *headshake* oh well. We'll see if it ever even sees the light of day.

Uh, I think thats about it.

Bumblebee (Or... OMG Button wrote something)

thebuttonontop — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 15:43:05 GMT

Title: Bumblebee
Rating: PG
Spoilers: nope

A/N: go easy on me, I haven't written in months. lol. I saw the prompt for this weeks tw100 and just HAD to try it. I've got another waiting in the wings too. This one, unfortunatly feels a bit unfinished, as 100 words is just not enough. So keep an eye out for an actual story...

Bumblebee

The Rift alarm went off, and Team Torchwood were at it again, doing what they did best. Saving the world from the aliens… Little did they know, these aliens had been here for some time now, and had already saved the world long before Torchwood had been conceived.

They arrived at an outcropping, pulling up just in time to see the yellow Camaro become something that somehow… shouldn’t fit into a Chevy.

As they watched, the enormous robot turned and smiled, playing “Flight of the Bumblebees” before turning back into the Camaro, revving its 6.2 litre engine and driving off.

A/N 2. Yes.. its a Bayformer. I subscribe to ALL transformers. I grew up with the original, but i still love the new versions. :D My next one is *hopefully* gonna involve a certain SUV that happens to transform.

Its obligatory.

thebuttonontop — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 16:44:03 GMT

So. this is the part where I come here and be rediculously sad and depressed cause Josh is now gone. It's only three months before he comes back... which isn't bad, but it never really gets easier. Of course, I'd be afraid if it did. I just... well... I've said it all before. Its the same crap all the time.
Not to mention the place he's going to this time is worse than the one he was at before... Now he's going to Kandahar, which is a desert in Afghanistan. It's a pretty awful place. i mean... its still not the worst place he could go... but its gonna be more dangerous now. Apparently less getting mortared all the time, and more getting actually attacked. *sighs*
I will always come second to the army, and I know this. I get it. That knowledge also doesn't get easier. The fact that he will take every deployment that he can get because he enjoys it. So many things that will never get easier.

However, the issue this time isn't completely with him leaving.

I've come to a painful realization. I thought of myself for so long as being Ianto... but thats not true at all, is it. No... I'm Rhys. I get to watch Gwen go off and do exciting things and save the world. I get to stay home to do the cooking and cleaning and hold down my crap ass job...*sighs* And there's more, but I dont wanna get into it now.

Oi. I just... and of course, I've got a few thousand fics to catch up on.. I'll go through them slowly. I'll be re-integrating back into the world of fanfiction slowly. Heh, i may even be able to write after this. We'll see.

Finally... thank you to sariagray for listening to me bitch these past few days. Also to xrai_namere and lawford for the gifts and the kind words. i love you guys and i thank you for your support... as it is much needed right now. *hugs to all*

and yes. comments are disabled on purpose.

FINALLY

thebuttonontop — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 16:27:51 GMT

Ok. So.... after being held up in a place with no phone or internets for 2 days... Josh is finally coming home. :D I get him in about 5 hours. And I'm flailing. yes... Gods I can't wait. I've missed him. Of course... I'm worried about everything but *shrug* we'll see. So if I'm not around in the next few weeks, thats why. Though I'll try to make it a point to come and say hello. :D

Also, this. I'm not sure ...why it exists... but it has blown my mind. I'm a bit unsure of what to think about it. But here you have it.

so. i dont believe in astrology per say....

thebuttonontop — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 23:07:34 GMT

but DAMN this is accurate. like crazy. i NEED deeper meaning ni things. too bad i never get it. :(
and of course, i'm an artist... so ... yeah. :D

You were born during a Waxing Gibbous moon

This phase occurs right before a full moon.

- what it says about you -

You like to question things and have issues settled before going to work on a problem. You appreciate art, elegant forms, and efficient designs. You seek deeper meanings in things that you see and want your actions to make the world a better place.

What phase was the moon at on your birthday? Find out at Spacefem.com

also... I know I've been really absent lately... i've been. ... off. just RL and eveything. also, hormones are the suck...
that said, i'll be EVEN MORE absent come friday. I shall have a Josh, either friday or early saturday. *bounces and grins*
miss ya all and sorry for being a bit ghostly. i'll be back to the comms in full in a couple weeks. i just really really need a vacation. from everything, i think... :D

Writer's Block: I wanna be just like you

thebuttonontop — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 15:47:41 GMT

Oi, well yes. Of course. I really do kinda accidentally aspire to be like Ianto. Its sad, but true. I was never a coffee drinker till Torchwood. Seriously, I worked at my coffee shop for a YEAR before watching TW. And then ... Ianto happened. And I was all like... hmm... coffee. And now... I'm a coffee snob. Seriously. I still don't really drink it at my store, because its shyte coffee.. I drink it at home though, and I'm really pretty good at making it, even though my coffee maker is a POS.
When I make coffee at work, if I screw up or something, my first thought is "Ianto would not be pleased" lol.

That aside, I'm pretty much like Ianto in a lot of ways anyway. I'm OCD like wow, I organize like its my job (josh tells me I'm not a neat freak, far from it, in fact... I'm an organization freak). I NEVER do things by halves. I'm very very all or nothing, I'm loyal to a fault and I fall HARD for people.
On the other hand, unlike him, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have no mask. My emotions are out there for everyone to see....

Also, did anyone notice that the icon for this one is a stopwatch. :D

just a quick post to pimp some niftyness.

thebuttonontop — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:45:46 GMT

So... i was perusing devArt ,and found these. I think these are perfect for Yantoes. seriously, any disagreements? and he needs a tie pin to match. :D

lookie!

also, still absent from writing. sadly. i've been trying ... seriously trying. and LAS is due today, and RioC is due and ... i just ... no words. words all gone. OSAIUG!!! so irritating.

apparently art is not gone though, so apparently i can still paint. *sighs* guess it'll have to be good enough for now. maybe it goes in cycles like every other thing in my life.

speaking things in my life... my thing is coming back soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we're into single digits now! *dances*

...though..i'm a bit worried. i haven't talked to him in a week, at least. usually its every other day. *worries* hope he's alright.

i found this thing here. and am bored.again.

thebuttonontop — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 19:30:09 GMT

stolen from von_gelmini .

1. Make a list of 5 things that you can see without getting up.
pictures of Josh and GDL. (my boys. :D)
books lots of books.
tv
computer
bed (cause i'm in it. lol)

2. How do you style your hair?
short n spikey with long bangs.

3. What are you wearing now?
black underarmor shirt, black sports bra, black Tripp NYC shorts. see a theme? lol

4. What's the one thing you would like to change about your looks?
i would like to look as athletic as i am. honestly... it gets really irritating working out and being as in shape as i am and NOT looking it. also ... my lazy eye.

5. What do you hear right now?
the clicking of the heater

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
....Michael, my friend, after going to see Labyrinth.

7. What is/was for dinner?
i dunno! i just finished breakfast!

8. What is your favourite beauty product/toiletry item?
anything Bath and Body works. I like to smell nice. :D

9. Dog person or cat person?
yep. can't have either right now though. i'm terribly allergic to cats, and my apartment doesn't allow for dogs..

10. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
i want to change my name... i'm so bored by it. probably to Serenity or Aeryn or Ayrea or something prettier then Jen. my name is the most comment girls name for 10 years and still going. .

11. What was the last thing that you bought?
groceries, actually. if you mean actual thing... um... a wall hanging of the SR-1 Normandy.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Cardiff? no seriously, maybe Tibet? or Ireland? or Hawaii. somewhere really nifty.

13. Favourite band/musician?
Blue Gillespie, Disturbed, Muse, Three Days Grace, um.... others.... i'd call these the top though.

14. Favourite book?
World War Z - Max Brooks, Hitchhikers Guide, DUH.

15. Of the shows you watch, what is your favorite and what is your least favorite?
hmm. favorite would have to be Torchwood. right up there with Firefly and Farscape. um... least favorite? i dunno....

17. Where did number 16 go?
16 decided not to be a conformist anymore. He was sick of leading the life that everyone expected of him, just staying between 15 and 17. He went out to find adventure in the far off world of "the alphabet"... he can now be seen on occasion, keeping the company of "B". (this is after he was turned down by "F" for being "too flighty".

18. How are you?
Hmm. caffienated, hyper happy-ish, anxious, anticipating, and having a serious crisis of self-worth.

19. What are you doing tomorrow?
the same thing i do every day, try to take over the world.

20. What are you looking forward to the most?
*bounces* JOSH COMES HOME IN 2 WEEKS!!!!! *bounces more*

just a thanks. :D

thebuttonontop — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:27:46 GMT

To xrai_namere ! Thank you for the headphones, love! *hugs* love you!! :D

also, less freaking out today. simply sleepy. yay for NOT being awake at 4 am to work tomorrow.

and last but not least. Labyrinth on the big screen is the best thing ever. or very nearly. Though... it felt VERY From Out of the Rain......my theater does like.. rewind movies. Once a month they pick and ooold movie and play it, in its ORIGINAL form (not blue ray or dvd.... in actual film form, with distortions and all). But they said that by the end of the summer, they'll be converted completely to digital and won't be able to play the originals anymore. which is a BIG sad face. So ... yes. there you have it. My 'Torchwood eats my life' comparison of the day. ..hour...um, minute?

Writer's Block: Dear LiveJournal

thebuttonontop — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 05:38:28 GMT

Oh god. I had a livejournal since 10 years ago, when i was 18. Heh, that particular (now nearly forgotten) journal witnessed everything from my drunken mother to losing my first car ever (oh god it starts) to finding Josh.
And oh the memories it holds.
It makes me think back to when i was younger and kinda long for those days again. I don't mind my life now, and I know that at that time things were so problematic.... money was really tight and my mother was a terribly abusive drunk.
But ..... I had hope then, ya know? I wasn't as cynical as I am now, I wasn't as .... I was different, we'll say that. And Josh was different. He was ... more caring. I know he cares now, but its different. Ya know, the 'falling in love' stage of the relationship. When everything is new and wonderful and no wrong can be done. Whereas, now .... the shine's off the apple. *anyone? cookies for who gets that quote*
so yeah. I guess... I've been on LJ for 10 years, with about a 4 year hiatus.

Love you guys.
Also... I know I've been quiet. I'm taking a bit of time away from writing.... at least, from writing Torchwood. Its mostly forced time off... I reach a certain point in a story or whatnot, and just .. stall. Words fail. It's terribly irritatting, and i think the best thing is to just stop for a moment and try not to force it. Thats why all the drabbles. Though it seems that even they've dried up. *sighs* Not sure where my words went.

I've also been sucked into another fandom *temporarily? probably not* No worries, it will never take the place of Torchwood. But ... at the moment its eating my time a bit. I'm still around. I'm still reading, if a bit slower. I still love you all. And i'm terribly sorry that I'm rubbish sometimes at showing it and at being around. heh.
Now this is turning into a baring of my soul and I really actually meant it to be me pointing out that I had a silly stupid LJ when i was 18.
If any of you are really interested in what I was like .... ninjaturtlepunk . I dont' even have the password for it anymore, so I can't eve get back on. Which is wildly sad because I know for a fact that I have locked posts that I really want to investigate. If anyone is more computer savvy than me, and knows how I can get in there.... I dont' know the password and the email that its all under doesn't exist anymore.

Also.... for those who've been tracking the military progress ... I got the final word the other day. I'm done. There is no more chances. I'm out. And I'm devastated. I just got turned down from the dream job that I've always wanted. I know, right? its the freakin US Military and I'm upset about not getting in ... but there you have it. I've wanted this since I was like 16. *sighs* And the absolute worst part is that I have a constant reminder of it. Josh got in... he got everything he always wanted. And I got... effing Dunkin Donuts. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of trying and trying and trying and never getting anywhere. So there you have it. Again. No military for Jen. No dream.

So yes. Thats me right now, in a nutshell. A mess, as usual. But I now have a working car. Her name's Serenity. She's my port in the storm. And dear god, I'm gonna keep an eye on that primary buffer panel.

Writer's Block: Copy and paste

thebuttonontop — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 21:16:51 GMT

Well, to be honest? I'd be a bit flattered that someone thought that my stuff was good enough to steal and publish!! That being said, I would do everything in my power to try to retrieve it and get the credit.

So I'd be pissed... yet ya know, kinda happy? if that makes sense.

Death is a Distraction

thebuttonontop — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 03:29:53 GMT

Title: Death is a Distraction
Characters: Tosh, Owen
Spoilers: Exit Wounds
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: character death

Disclaimers: Tosh and Owen aren't mine. Which is sad cause then this wouldn't have happened.

A/N: I wrote this for the drabble_las thing... Um, apparently I won this round.... who'da thunk it? Thank you to everyone who voted for me... I never in a million years expected to come close to winning..... there were so many amazing drabbles on there. :D

Death is a Distraction

Tosh feels the agony in her stomach, dulling due to Owen’s miracle drugs. Owen… his voice rings in her ear, soft and strong. She deflects his concern to one side; she's not important. Her brilliant mind takes her all the way through the nuclear shutdown, but Owen is too late. He rails against his death, screams his denial, making it through all five steps in mere minutes to acceptance; never knowing she’s also doomed.

His whispers are assurances, he's ready. So is she.

Toshiko Sato and Owen Harper die as they had lived. Just a split second out of sync.

ooooh, the colors!

thebuttonontop — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 17:14:07 GMT

If you haven't done it yet, comment that you want to do this meme, and I'll give you a color that I think represents you, and then you list ten things you like in that color or ten things it reminds you of

So both sariagray and ms_bekahrose gave me blue. Well, Saria gave me navy blue, but either way. :D

1. Josh's eyes
2. my big fluffy comforter
3. Tardis!
4. Calm
5. the night sky
6. Uranus
7. Garrus Vakarian
8. Electricity
9. Technology
10. Ianto's eyes. Jack's eyes. my eyes. lol. see the theme here? :)

this was a bit tougher than I had anticipated, however, blue is my color. its not my favorite color... but it is my color. :) always has been.

thebuttonontop — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 06:44:22 GMT

yoinked from sariagray ... i like memes. :) yep.

A - Age: 28. i'm old. but apparently not really.

B - Bed size: Full

C - Chore you hate: cleaning the bathrooms. but thats cause i live with messy boys. *glares at messy boys* thats why i make one of them do the bathrooms. :)

D - Don’t eat: Ham. <~~~ OOOH me too!

E - Essential start-your-day item: uh. oxygen? something drinklike usually.

F - Favourite board game: Blokus, Tsuro

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Height: 5'6

I - Instruments you play: have pan pipes. this does not mean that i can play them. lol

J - Job title: coffee girl. caffiene distributer

K - Kid(s): fuck no.....

L - Love or lust: got a bit of both going on right now. sadly.

M - Mom’s name: Laura

N - Nicknames: button, Obsydian.

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Nope.

P - Pants or pantyhose: uh. pants?

Q - Favorite Movie Quote: "The real hell is your life gone wrong." (What Dreams May Come) ,

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Sibling(s): little brother... 1.5 years younger than me

T - Time you wake up: depends on the day, really. i try to be awake by about 9am most days though.

U - Underwear: i do own them. currently, they are purple.

V - Vegetable favorite: corn, sweet potato, broccoli.

W - Ways you run late: uh, traffic, police, video games and internet.

X - X-rays you’ve had: left collarbone like 6 times.

Y - Yummy food you make: maple sugar/cinnamon pancakes. :)

Z - Zoo favorite: i never liked zoo's all that much... don't like to see caged animals. .