Rigel (n) : awesomesaucery

A03

2011-11-14T12:21:14Z

:(

I dislike this new default layout that they have going and it looks like you need to have an account to load a skin that nukes some of the more fugly elements.

Le sigh

I was doing so well as a lurker there too!

Does anyone have a spare invite code?

Yeah, I'm reading le LJ at work...

2011-10-26T08:02:06Z

Haha! I am sneaky!

No, really it's just a rather slow afternoon (for once) in the printing world. I'm expecting an avalanche of FAIL tomorrow though, as people become desparate to get their stuff done before the oh-so-awesome public holiday on Friday.

That's right!

Public holiday on a Friday *happy dance of joy*

Thank you to the Queen and CHOGM for taking over my city. I'll forgive you for the checkpoints and traffic gridlock :)

I plan to sit ouside on the sun and finish my latest awesome trashy romance.

The heroine accidentally shot the penis off a statue of David (as you do) which flew off and brained another character in the head.

This is my kind of book!

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!

2011-03-10T11:46:01Z

Orlin is coming to Y&R!!

MY FANDOMS COLLIDE!

Now to work out an intricate plot arc that explains how he ends up as a vet in Genoa City...

I'll need fannish icons too...

2011-02-22T15:28:58Z

Pay day tomorrow!

Huzzah!

And though I do not need them at all, I'm going to buy some DVDs (I'm just going to ignore the 20 or so boxes I have yet to unpack that *might* have more books and DVDs hiding in them - moving house is painfully not my thing at all! ASJHKJFGU!IU!Q! Why must I stack my books 3 deep on these inadequate shelves???)

Clearly, my dream house is going to need a room dedicated solely to books. Maybe even two, and one for elephant knick knacks.

The anonmeme has recced me AtLA in several places, so I'm thinking I should get these.

Zuko had better live up to his badass reputation and I am hoping I will like Katara as well (Without having seen an episode and based solely on picspams and fandom_wank things I have a feeling I'll fall on the Zutaran side of things...)

I know to avoid the movie-of-fail. :D

Wait, what? It's February???

2011-02-01T12:44:40Z

What the hell happened to the year already flist?

Also...

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND ALL THAT JAZZ!

Belatedly of course, very very belatedly... I have been *koff* somewhat consumed with soap opera fandom recently, which alas, does not commune on LJ, but prefers those archaic wilderness zones known as message boards, where the threads run to eleven billionty pages and the ship wars are epic.

Side note - did you know that you can STILL use the marquee tags in BB code? Haha - I have so much fun with that!

Good times! It's kind of weird to have such an active fandom where the source updates 5 times a week with new episodes and there are magazines (of which I totally caved and subscribed to in order to get my spoilery fix).

I've also been sucked into the quagmire of tinhattery - my beloved EJami (EJ/Sami) from Days has taken a turn for the WTF - to update, here's a bullet point summary for December through January.

Wedding!
Weddingus Interruptus!
Confessions "Yes I did kidnap our baby and pretend she was killed, but I love you!"
GTFO! I HATE U 4 EVA! UR DEAD TO ME!
NOOOOOO! *drinking* *attempted murder* *attempted suicide*
REVENGE! I shoot you in the head Die EJ! I luff u Rafe!
Coma!
Pull the plug, he's going to die
MIRACLE!
Amnesia!
*meanwhile the buried alive plot continues with awesome*
Fake Amnesia!
I KNOW WHAT U DID SAMI! NO I'LL STOP U FROM TELLING
*convenient car accident*
Sorry ur sister is dead Rafe (but I luff u) Let's get married
*buried alive switcheroo of awesome!*
Wedding 2!
Weddingus Interruptus 2!
Haha now I know now u shot me in the head too - hand over the chillens! I has custody now!
*blackmail*
*more blackmail*
*plotting*
*evil plotting*
DOPPLEGANGER!RAFE
*convenient car accident*
Rafe Switcheroo

Yes... there are now 2 versions of Rafe. Real Rafe who is locked up in the ~~dungeon~~ Dimera mansion basement and fake!Rafe now in the hospital bed.

GLEE! So . much . glee!

But yes, my tinhattery STILL thinks there is hope for this couple. I have posted many many convoluted threads outlining how this can work!

In RL, work continues apace (blergh) and I'm nearly finished with setting up my new blog where I shall post my musings on romance novels, soaps and other awesome things.

FEAR NOT! For I shall not be abandoning LJ (by any means) I still love reading my flist for 1 and 2. This is my online home. I shall crosspost all posts and you can comment here. :D

Related request: does anyone have an AO3 invite to spare? I feel the need to archive, just in case I end up having to flock at some point. Also it will motivate me to do more than leave kudos in my fic reading travails.

*smishes*

There Rigel, updating is not hard at all! *resolves to do this more*

Spree!

2010-11-06T03:20:56Z

How much do I love that the dollar is at parity?

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!

I'm being organised this year and doing my Christmas shopping online - no more horrific shoulder to shoulder brawls on Christmas Eve over the last shiny object in the store because I'm too lazy to do it earlier for me!

So far I have cleaned out Kate Beaton's online store - *might* have thrown in the Glam Mug just for me... FOR IT IS AWESOME! You know you want one too!

And I might just have to go check out Think!Geek and other fun sites. Family of nerds... it makes things interesting!

I also cracked yesterday and bought a dishwasher. Filth level in the kitchen has reached Defcon 5 in the many months since the old decrepit one bit the dust. There was a sale, I paid cashy moneys and got a proper brand name thing that will annihilate dirt for $499 (down from $799!)

I'm at the parentals for the weekend to look after the dog as they are off to Karratha to run a mosaic workshop for the mining company. Haha! They get paid 7 grand for 2 days work and were flown up and back, and are being put up for free - Dad called last night to marvel at the RIDICULOUSNESS that is our state's mining boom.

Le bro also recently there for work purposes

So Karratha is in the middle of the Pilbara - aka OMG SO FAR FROM EVERYWHERE THE VASTINESS OF THE OUTBACK IS NOT TO BE DENIED.

One must fly there, as the prospect of travelling via the road network is
(1) Ludicrous as it would take 3 days
(2) Infested with crocodiles and other things that will kill you
(3) Have you seen the price of petrol?

It is also the base of operations for a whole slew of mining as well as oil & gas operations along with Port Hedland (about an hour or so up the road)

Now..I know that we have a ridiculous amount of people that are on fly-in fly-out contracts making silly money. I print how many of the damn manuals for these things every month? But le brother (and parentals) were shocked at the sheer amount of money being thrown around. AKA O HAI we have provided you with a 4WD car with a petrol card and here, please take all of these awesome perks and free shit.

For some reason - I thought that fly-in fly-out would involve planes with propellers or small planes at the least.

Ahhh no.

It's a 747. There are 8 flights a day - JUST with Qantas. Virgin also operates 8 flights and there are 2 other carriers that just fly to the Pilbara and back.

Mum & Dad are at one of the housing camps. In separate Dongas (temporary housing for 1 person) that has aircon, A TV with satellite and all the meals are catered.

I think I'll quit my job and go work up north for a start salary of 90 grand a year.

And this is just the gear up for a new expansion. Pluto LNG isn't online yet. RPG5 is expanding to RGP6...

No wonder they go through their printing so damn fast.

FIIIIIIIIIIIRE!!!!

2010-10-31T03:13:59Z

You guys!

This is just too fucking funny :D

So, I'm enjoying my Sunday morning sleep in (bliss!) When all of a sudden there is a pounding on the front door. Le brother gets up (as I'm too lazy and also - at the other end of the house) and I hear "HOLY SHIT!" yelled out.

Our across the road neighbour had run on over to tell us that our bin was on fire!!!

Le Brother grabs both fire extinguishers and goes to town with them!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pic below of the awesome!

Also, Happy Halloween to peeps who celebrate it

:D

SEND CANDY!

I need that sparkly cockroach in my life!

2010-10-22T13:13:51Z

So, I totally and completely tried to find some more Twilight merchandise to purchase and review for you all from this year's Armageddon (for the disgusting candy from last year still makes me twitch from time to time).

Alas, that the most be-yew-ti-ful product was wanting $59.99 for the privelege of carting it back home to adorn my jewellery-box-of-shame.

I speak of course of THIS:

At which katiefoolery (rather memorably) during the movie gasped and exclaimed "It's like a giant cockroach OMG!" Forever RUINING for me what was supposed to be a beautiful and romantic moment *perfect crystalline tear*

I did however get to try on the "sample" out of the box version (while the emerald85 was rootling for awesome badges) After... yes... queuing for the privelege. Now, I have been unfortunately blessed with the "stubby finger" gene - thus my long lived dream of playing the piano professionally was thwarted age 7 when I failed to span the required number of keys :( So you all have to imagine the effect of this GINORMOUS cluster of diamantes and cheap plated tin encroaching over the first knuckle and headed impressively for the second.

I swayed my hand back and forth (the better to catch the harsh overhead flourescent lighting) and for a few blissful moments imagined myself pledging my troth to ~Edward~ before nearly losing an eye as a giant tentacle marched past. And then the preciousss was cruelly ripped from my hands to adorn some lesser fangirl.

And I shall leave you all with some awesome (somewhat) related linkage:

http://reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com/

My inner pedant was sekritly gleeful.

:P

Sigh and that ring would have looked so purdy on me for my Bella costume on Halloween. I have it all picked out! Shapeless baggy knit sweater, ripped jeans, lank unkempt hair, dark shadows and running mascara (to show my ~grief~ at the loss of Edwaaaaaard). I'd spritz on some freesia scented perfume and know that anyone who instantly hated me and was mean was just in luurve!

Out in the boondocks...

2010-10-12T14:25:13Z

HAHAHAHAHA!

You guys! Ok so I totally fail at reading comprehension (and life)! I was reading a book and came across the phrase/word "podunk" which I have admittedly encountered before and have a sort of general idea of its meaning in that sort of vague it's-a-negative-insulty-type-word kind of way. But in the context I wasn't entirely sure.

So I google it.

And!!! AND!! Turns out it's not pronounced Pod-unk, but Poe-dunk.

*INSTA LIGHTBULB CONNECTION MOMENT WHEREIN I REALISE I SHOULD TOTALLY HAVE KNOWN THIS ALREADY*

Because I have heard this phrase in moofies and Teevee (haha Lafayette in True Blood said "podunk town" ages ago), but always thought it was spelled "poedung", being completely unable to distinguish the "k" in the american accent. I FAIL AT LISTENING SKILLS ALSO!

LOL!!

Also, sort of related (in that this is situated in America, not that Texas is poedung), tonight NatGeo had this amazeballs documentary of fascination on (of all things) Barbequeing <--- this is how we spell this word, inb4 that's wrong!!111!

And it was on the search for America's Greatest Barbeque Meats and Excessiveness aka HOLY MOTHER OF THAT'S AN ENTIRE COW ON A PLATE COVERED IN SOME KIND OF SAUCE and OH GROSS THEY FOR SERIOUS MADE COLESLAW WITH KETCHUP!!. And le brother and I were giggling at "dry rub" and "juicy meats in your mouth" because we are gutterminded.

Anyways, they hit Texas and I swear to God I didn't understand about 15 minutes of talking because of the accent. It was completely surreal, because it was like watching an art film (but with dead cows and pigs being flamed and consumed and there were grits - ok mebbe not, I did make that up, but I do luff randomly saying "with grits" whenever I describe the weird food that I have come across in the US of A). I needed subtitles - totally like how the news does when they interview people from Wales or ~~Queensland~~ Tasmania. And I don't at all remember having that kind of trouble when I lived (or travelled) in the States.

I've lost my ear Y'all!

Surprisingly not full of suck - haha I am such a wit!

2010-10-09T15:03:41Z

Explain to me how The Vampire Diaries has somehow become my favourite current TV show?

And it's not just the hot eye candy (UNFFFF Ian Somerhalder ♥ plus you know, the entire cast.)

Because the books were sooooo bad, and I mean that as a person who revels in le trashy - these were seriously awful. I suffered through 3 books thinking that at some point the plot would arrive and/or I'd start to care about at least Damon and Elena hooking up (despite my epic epic hatred for Elena - ugh what a first class bitch, but I do generally love me a love triangle-of-doom) and I threw that first book at the wall on multiple occasions and downgraded it to read-half-a-chapter-at-a-time status.

And damnit the Teevee show has me hooked. Admittedly the pilot was lame, and the first few episodes tolerable with more than a few WTF parts, and then all of a sudden I mainlined the whole first season and now have it on my download queue.

I think it's the combination of awesome female characters and overall good plot/writing (for a cheesy vampire TV show, but you know what, it does it well), seeing as they basically threw the books out of the window.

So I need some Damon/Caroline like now, and yes, I am aware of the ~issues~, but I am a complete and total sucker for the redemption arc of evil heroes and I love it like burning (see: Rigel loves EJ/Sami, Sam/Ba'al, Angel/Cordy, Katara/Zuko half my favourite romance novels and the reason why I am a multishipper)

I am also currently watching:

Days of Our Lives - despite hatred for current storylines, I'm holding out for the abovementioned redemption arc but this might be difficult due to Sami having you know, shot EJ in the head... (RAAAAAEG!!)

Also HAHAHAHAH Vivian is buried alive.

Never change DOOL!

The Young and the Restless - Yes... JUDGE ME OK? Hehehe I hadn't watched this in aaaages (about 6 years) and even then I wasn't a regular viewer, but I have spent most of the last month watching episodes and clips on youtube and am now addicted to the goings on in Genoa City. God help me if I start B&B (again! I have a weakness for the pure WTF of Brooke and her many love affairs) or decide to start with General Hospital or All My Children...

Victoria/Billy is love.

Bones - my happy show of happy (despite the whole grisly murder victims premise)Not hating on Booth's new GF either - though we all know that relationship is doomed.

NCIS - see Bones.

Glee - I fully admit this is trashy and at many points crap, but I manage to tune out Rachael and her needy drama and just enjoy the fun.

I am planning to watch / catch up on:

Sanctuary, Supernatural (housemate has like 5 seasons of it), Fringe and Mad Men.

If you have any other recs - please tell me! Seeing as we have a lufferly download limit now :P

True Mud

2010-09-27T17:17:14Z

This is quite possibly the greatest Sesame Street parody in the history of EVER

Beeeeel and Sookeh are absolutely perfect. Also - HIS HAIR OMG!

*dies laughing*

You know you've read too many romance novels when...

2010-09-12T06:38:49Z

This makes you laugh so hard that you need to put the book down for a while

"Dick in tonight?" Harry asked quietly.
Janie was close enough to hear, but her face was blank. She'd gone back to the drumming.
"Janie?"
"Aye." She stared now at his left elbow.
"Is Dick in?"

I need to get my mind out of the gutter :P

OT3 Clone!verse?

2010-08-14T16:38:39Z

So my bookmark-fu is made of fail, because I cannot for the life of me find a fic that I read years ago and suddenly had this urge to read again.

Help me flisty-ones Kenobi - You're my only hope!

So it's basically a sort of Highschool AU involving clone!Jack where the Asgard have cloned Sam and Daniel as well (so he won't get lonely), and for some reason they're living on a farm - aaaand at some point original SG-1 and half of Cheyenne Mountain show up and they have a ~~barn raising~~ work day. There's loads of angst and a really almost porn-like scene on the hood of some vintage car that Jack is fixing up. I think it was in 3 parts.

DON'T JUDGE ME I NEED TO READ THIS AGAIN!

Anyone? Bueller?

And while we're on mini!Jack I'm almost 99% sure one of you has written a fic where Moebius!verse SG-1 swing on by the future and pick him up for some adventures.

Link me?

In which I manage to FAIL in every possible sense of the word...

2010-08-03T15:27:21Z

WTF? It's August! When the heck did that happen?

Also HAHAHAHA I just went to get a glass of water and my housemate was sitting on the couch eating dill pickles from a can and being all DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEE!!!11ASKAFAJJ!!!.

1. WTF?
2. They look like green peens!
3. Haha $28 ~imported~ can - yes.. a can, like a giant can; the kind where it looks like there should be a kg of Milo or coffee in it - of pickles. They'd better taste of awesome at that price.

Oh house of boys! How you amuse me!

But onward to my tale of FAIL

Soooo, an election was called the other week, and I, being the hellaciously disorganised person that I am when it comes to these kind of things had forgotten to check that I was still on the voting register.

Exactly one day before the cut-off date, I decided to peruse the website register and lo... I was MIA.

Much swearing abounded!

So the next day I was at work (and it was frantically busy) and this happened:

Me: visits election.gov.au to download change of address form.
Site: *loads half way* AHAHAHA yeah, you and ten million other people - good luck!
Me: FFFFFFUUUUUUUU *helplessly refreshes over and over in the vain hope that this will fix things*
Site: LOL How about No!
Me: FUCK YOU! *turns to google*
Google: How about your local gov site? You know Western Australia has its own section and all.
Me: ... clearly I fail at logic *downloads form*
Form: AHAHAHA I am an editable .pdf
Me: FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU! *clicks*
Form: OHNOES! You need to update Adobe Reader
Me: WTF??? I HAVE FUCKING ACROBAT YOU KNOW THE FULLY LICENCED MEGABUCKS VERSION!!
Form: LOL I only work with Adobe Reader! You have a version that is made of fail and stupid.
Me: Goes to adobe.com and clicks *download Reader-version-kabillionty-one-point-four*
Download Manager: UMMMM this might take a while... yeah... come back in like half an hour.
Me: I need coffee. Prints things, makes with the work and shit, comes back.
Download Manager: Yeeeeeaaaah about that... I'm on 98% and I'll hang about like this for a bit K?
Me: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEG! *ingests moar caffeine* *deals with paper jam and asshole customer*
Adobe Reader Extractor: LOL I totes need you to close all your programs or I can't do anything!
Me: Closes Acrobat, PPE, Email, Firefox, Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Word...
Word: Ummm sorry I've encountered a problem and now must close.
Me: I want you to close.
Word: You want to send an error report?
Me: ...
Word: I'm still not closing...
Me: Ctrl-Alt-Del
Task Manager: What seems to be the problem?
Me: FUCKING WORD IS A PIECE OF SHIT!
Task Manager: *kills it with fire*
Adobe Reader Extractor: You want to install McAffee Security Scan as well? It's liek awsum and stuff!
Me: Do I look like I want a security scan?
Adobe Reader Extractor: OKAYS I'm gunna install now.
Vista: ALARM ALARM THIS PROGRAM IS TRYING TO INSTALL SOMETHING OHNOES!!
Me: *gives ~permission~* *seethes* *gets more coffee*
Adobe Extractor: YAY! I'm done! NOOOO DON'T DELETE MEEEE!!
Me: DIAF!
Editable .pdf: Fill in all my fields. I must know all your informations.
Me: *presses print*
Desktop Printer: *Whirrs up.*
Me: NOOOOOO! WTF? Where was my print dialogue box? I have like 50 printers to choose from seeing as I work at a print company and all. THAT IS THE WRONG PRINTER! I WANTED THE OCE B&W COPIER!
Desktop Printer: *prints forms on letterheaded paper*
Editable .pdf: LOL! It's a security feature! You can't save me either!!!
Me: *tears out hair* *has to actually go out the back to find blank paper* *brings back a ream just because* *prints again*
Small Print on Form: Pssst, you need to get this notarised...
Me: Say what now?
Form: Here is a list of suitable people
Me: MERCHANT SEA CAPTAIN? WHERE THE FUCK AM I GOING TO GET A SEA CAPTAIN?... Oh, Doctor is also acceptable. *Has brain wave* *Texts crazedturkey
Turks: YOU FAIL LOL Fax it to me. I am awesome and a real doctor and everything.
Me: *Happy dance* *faxes*
Text from Turks: Uhhh your fax number? Need to send it back.
Me: *texts back* *then reads text just sent*
Me: NO WAIT!! WRONG NUMBER! It's this one... *also emails*

10 minutes pass

Text from Turks: Ummmm wanna check that number again?
Me: GAAAAAAAAAAHH! It's not even close. Like not just 1 digit off. A NUMBER I COMPLETELY MADE UP WHILE SOMEHOW COPYING IT DIRECTLY FROM THE GODDAMN LETTERHEAD!!
Turks' Office Staff: *die of amusement at 3 wrong fax numbers*
Form: *Arrives*
Me: YAAAAAY *faxes many pages to election register people.
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Fax machine: Awww the number is engaged... I'll try again!
Me: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! WHY MUST A TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE ALSO BE DOING THIS TODAY?
Website: Or you know, you can scan your form and email it to us!
Me: *makes deadline*

FML!

Never again!

But I did have a good laugh about it with the Turks

:P

♥

Exercising my democratic right...

2010-07-18T06:38:43Z

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

I am not on the electoral roll (despite filling in the stupid change of address form ages ago)

So I now have to fax the form by 8.00pm EST tomorrow or I will be fined the princely sum of $50.00 come the election.

Yay compulsory voting!

(Though, seriously, I am all for it generally speaking)

Now to find someone to witness it who is on the approved-list-of-doom!

I totally want to have a Master of a merchant vessel do eeet.

Fic Post: "H is for Hell is for Other People"

2010-07-08T06:47:14Z

Title: H is for Hell is Other People
Author: Rigel
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Disclaimer: Not mine (alas!) Don’t sue!
Wordcount: 1051
Warnings: none
Categories: Classic Team, Gen, Humor
Thanks: To crazedturkey for the beta (which we are not at all doing in the car) and to katiefoolery for helpful interjections even while overtaking trucks-of-doom and goddamn Prados-the4WD-of-the-devil. (P.S. Seriously, I did not write this in the car AT ALL).
A/N: I’ll have you all know that I had to ride a kangaroo into town and am posting this via roaming internets (GAAAAAAAAAAAH! Vodafone Edge is made of FAIL! This icon has never been more appropriate) powered by a hand crank generator from the middle of ~~the outback~~ rural Victoria. This fic is totally not at all inspired by current events... Yay road trips!!!

For sg_fignewton’s Team Alphabet Soup

***

“So wait, how is it that I owe fourteen dollars and twenty-two cents?” Daniel asked, frowning slightly as he pushed back his glasses.

Jack clicked the pen he was holding and ran a finger down the list of figures. “Well, it worked out that way. There were a few, shall we say, unexpected expenses.”

“But I put in at least forty-five for gas yesterday!”

“Do not forget the purchases at the grocery store, Daniel Jackson.”

“Good point Teal’c.” He rummaged through his knapsack and produced a receipt. “Ninety Four Eighty-Two. Surely I should come out on the plus side?”

“It’s already on the list,” said Jack, “I have factored it in.”

“I’m not sure I trust your math, Jack.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“There might be a bit of creative accounting going on there.”

“It adds up. See.” Jack pointed to a series of circled numbers that each had arrows emanating in several directions on the page, leading to yet more sums and odd looking notations.

“I value my sanity, thank you. Your idea of logic breaks my brain.”

“What the hell did we spend Ninety odd dollars on?” Sam pulled up a chair and put her coffee mug down.

“Ummm there was food, chocolate, batteries, something called Magic Fingers...”

“Great investment by the way, T. Our best purchase to date.” Jack waved what looked like a disembodied hand around.

“Indeed. It is most effective.”

“Do I even want to know?” asked Daniel.

Jack placed it on the table. It was made from cheap plastic and had a gaudy pink finish.

“That thing is obscene,” Sam said. “There was a reason it was banned from the cabin.”

“What, this? How can you not love it, Sam. We bought it for you especially.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“You were looking a little... tense.”

“Tactful, Jack. Very subtle there.” Daniel shook his head in mock disapproval.

“I call it like I see it.”

“I am not tense,” interjected Sam.

“Highly strung then.”

“Cranky,” muttered Daniel.

“Pardon?” Sam shot him a severe look.

“You’re not exactly the vacationing type, Sam. We had to prise you bodily away from the lab and you still brought paperwork with you.”

“Major Carter has also checked her cellphone numerous times.”

“Teal’c, you traitor.”

“O’Neill has threatened to toss it into the lake should you take a call. I thought it prudent to warn you.”

“There’s no reception out here anyway. It’s barbaric.”

“The fish would be quite happy if I gifted them your Blackberry.”

“What fish? There are no fish, I doubt their existence.”

Jack narrowed his eyes. “The fish are just too intelligent to be caught.”

“So they’re subtle fish, then.”

“Ha Ha.”

Daniel picked up the hand “Well, it looks like Thing from the Addams Family,” he said. “But I’m not exactly seeing the magic.”

“That’s because you have to press firmly on Uncle’s thumb nail.”

“Excuse me?”

“The instructions were most specific, Daniel Jackson.” Teal’c pulled the packaging out from the pile of wrappers and empty soda cans that littered the table. “It requests that we utilise this device for the relief of stress and as O’Neill has stated, press upon the fingernail of the Uncle.”

“Uncle?”

Sam snorted. “It does actually say that. I think we can safely assume the original meaning was lost in translation.”

“Otherwise you have to consider that this really is Uncle’s severed hand, handily turned into a battery operated device.” Jack pressed the thumbnail and set it back down on the table.

A low buzzing emanated from the hand and then it began to jitter.

“God, not again! I swear, that thing is possessed.”

“It does seem to have a strange affinity for you, Major Carter,” observed Teal’c, as the hand began to move across the table, strangely gravitating towards Sam.

“if either of you puts that on me, or even near me in the middle of the night again, there will be severe consequences.”

“She does sleep with her sidearm,” Daniel reminded them.

“And I have access to alien technology. Need I remind you all of the PX-1142 incident?”

“Ah, no.” Jack coughed, and rubbed his nose. “I do prefer my... you know, I thought we agreed to never speak of that again after the debriefing?”

Sam raised her eyebrow.

“What? My incident report was completely truthful.”

“Sir, keyboard mashing isn’t really a coherent summation.”

“Those were perfectly valid words.”

“In some dialect, I’m sure they were.”

“Actually, Jack...”

“Daniel, don’t ruin a perfectly good comeback with your logic.”

Teal’c pushed back his chair and stood up. “I believe it is now time to retire.”

“What? It’s only a quarter after eight.”

“Don’t be such a Grandma, you’re only just pushing six hundred or so.”

“I have not attained that milestone, nor am I displaying the tendencies that you are implying.”

The others exchanged glances.

“Oh really now?” said Jack.

“I can think of no examples. My behaviour befits that of a warrior.”

“You have disturbed my kel-no-reem with your tuneless renditions,” Jack said, imitating his inflections.

“There is a lack of toilet paper, O’Neill. It was perhaps unwise to use it for decoration,” Sam chimed in.

“I can see no reason to pose in such a manner for a photograph,” Daniel added.

Teal’c lifted his chin. “You can only aspire to my greatness. Your lack of appreciation merely illustrates how far you have to go.”

“I think we just got told,” said Daniel.

“Oh Snap!” Sam and Daniel high-fived.

“But back to the issue of me somehow owing you money,” said Daniel. “Show me where exactly this happened.”

“I carried the two, Daniel, see over here next to the excellent drawing Carter contributed. There was some sort of back-owed interest involved as well.”

“I am so going to give this to you in pennies.”

“Beans would be better.”

“Don’t give him ideas, Carter.”

“Perhaps you can arrange to barter something of value, Daniel Jackson.”

“Yes, my fist in his face. That’s a pretty fair exchange.”

“I seem to remember suggesting a kitty the last time we did one of these trips,” Sam interjected. “Then we won’t get into these arguments.”

“How else am I supposed to fund my poker nights?” said Jack, as he mimed an exaggerated wink.

“I knew it! I swear I’m going through all of my receipts from the last ten years!”

**

End

Milestones

2010-06-29T16:01:35Z

Lo, I am 30!

Well, I will be in... 51 minutes, so I shall take these last moments of my twenties (and youth! The oldness and decrepitude shall hit shortly)

Several minutes later (aka 11.23pm)

Aaaand already the body begins to clap out on me - I just had to hobble to the kitchen for water and Nurofen due to le foot cramp. That'll teach me to rest my laptop on it!

IRONY!

This evening I opened the letter to myself that I wrote when I was 15. I loved and adored the Emily books by L.M Montgomery growing up (henceforth known as the books that RUINED me for all men due to Teddy being so damn perfect and unattainable) and she did a similar thing. I was all inspired - back then, I wanted passionately to be a writer as well.

I'd forgotten about it, until last year when I was clearing stuff out of my old room and came across it - still sealed in the envelope! I wrote it on the stationary set that I got from my Aunt for that year's birthday. It has awful cutesy pictures of kittens and puppies in the bottom corner and is lavender scented! You can still smell the faint perfume, even after all of these years! Funny though, my writing is still rather neat, with charming loops and swirls (Ah Victorian Cursive!) and hasn't yet perfected the scrawl I developed at Uni writing all those damn essays :D

I have to admit that I cried a little bit, reading through my old self's advice. I wrote down my hopes and dreams for the future. I really thought that I would be married with children and have had a great and passionate love affair - as only a fifteen year old can imagine.

But I have achieved lots of my goals. I travelled, I jumped out of a plane, I kissed a boy under starry skies (that was a good memory to relive), I took chances, I threw a coin in the Trevi fountain, I sold a manuscript, I found good friends, I took a midnight swim and I even filled a bookshelf - many times over!

I've thought about people I've lost over the years, especially my Grandfather. 15 year old me in the letter was madly excited about the upcoming trip overseas. At the time, I thought it was to be 2 weeks in Venice and then later found out it was 4 months and like 11 countries at the airport when he handed me the itinerary. ♥

A lot of my words gave me chills. I had a feeling that I would read it and marvel at how much I've changed, but the letter is so... me. It's hard to describe. I have all these asides and meandering thoughts - just like this entry!

I'll leave you with my parting advice.

I hope you'll smile when you read this, and remember that everything has worked out as it was meant to be. Don't ever stop laughing - even if we're being total dorks finding something truly appalling quite hilarious! Keep dreaming, tell people you love them, hold on to your hopes, let go of your sorrows and don't forget who you were. I think our future is going to be wonderful!

And one final aside for the Obernetters on the flist (which made me DIE laughing) No, self... The Sending hasn't been released yet.

:D

Love to you all!

Suck it, Real Life Woolworths! I shall never darken your doors again!

2010-06-19T15:57:39Z

I feel quite gloriously decadent - as I have just done my grocery shopping online.

No more rage inducing visits to the supermarket for me! Only last week it took me 15 bloody minutes to find the nail polish remover because it was shelved counter intuitively with cleaning products and not next to say the cotton buds and feminine hygeine crap. I mean, WTF? How is that even remotely where you'd expect to find it? I shall gladly fork out the $8.00 delivery charge - and if the delivery man is good looking, well that's an added bonus!

Of course, I blame my mother for this. It is entirely her fault that I find myself unable to properly shop for groceries. Having lived literally across the road from a supermarket or within walking distance of one my entire life I am woefully unprepared to buy the correct quantities of food and necessary goods to sustain myself for more than 2 days.

Woe! That nachos are not really a proper dinner - despite being so wonderfully easy and microwaveable.

Lack of food is a problem in my house - because we are lazy shits, not because we have a lack of funds. It's just so hard living in a state that regulates shopping hours. The stores close at 6.00pm and I finish at 5.45pm. So we shop on late nights (Thursdays) when they close at the wondrous hour of 9.00pm. Problem is, so does every other man and his dog. Hence the rage (and takeaways galore).

On more than one occasion, I have surveyed my pantry and wondered whether I could make a meal from nutmeg and that tin of carrots that has a suspicious dent (botulism!) in it. Then again... I do live with boys who would eat flour straight from the packet (if we had any that is).

But no more! I have conquered the getting of food! I can make fire and now only have to tackle the problem of ~~finding a mate~~ hitting the big 3.0 and I can consider myself highly evolved

This journal will be preserved for posterity - such brilliance must be catalogued

2010-06-08T16:15:35Z

Haha - man I am weird! I was searching back through my journal circa 2007 (as you do) and kind of got sidetracked by some of my old posts (of awesome!!).

Clearly I have a rather large dose of the batshit insane! I have no idea why you all put up with me!

I am also SUPER jealous of my past self, in that I somehow managed to write like 15 fics in 3 months in the middle of one of the busiest and most stressful periods of my life.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW CREATIVE GENIUS SPARK???

I feel the urge to get back into SG-1 fandom - read some fic - comment on some fic! Participate even!

Soap opera world (in terms of its fandom) is just... truly it would make you weep! It's gone all asplodey today due to head honcho revealing spoilers that has sunk the EJami ship and revealed Safe as endgame. It would make a beautiful Fandom Wank writeup for the cray-cray comments I've trawled through for the last few hours.

Le sigh. And JUST when I had turned to the EJami dark side as well! I shall console myself with the fact that this is a Soap! Relationship arcs can take 15 years! (WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SAFE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??? Rafe is soooo sooooo boring and an inferior Lucas replacement and just blergh and that's a rant for another day...)

Also, random question. Is Sancuary worth watching? I have to choose a new show to mainline after I finish with the Vampire Diaries (the shame! at admitting my luff for such a cheese-tastic show) Or do you have other recs?

This is why my laptop needs to be taken away from me...

2010-05-23T16:51:59Z

I'm totally going to blame rowan_d that I've spent most of Sunday watching Mulder and Scully vids.

THIS IS TIME WELL SPENT!! THE UST IS GLORIOUS!

And emerald85 for the Cheese!pire crack that is "The Vampire Diaries" (vast improvement on the truly excerable books)

WHY CAN'T I STOP WATCHING OMG! AT LEAST THEY DON'T SPARKLE BUT WHAT IS WITH THE HERB VERVAINE SHIT I DON'T EVEN...

And JB Hi-Fi for having a DVD sale so I bought the box set of "I Dream of Jeannie"

I HAVE A THING FOR MEN IN UNIFORM OK?? AND TONY WAS TOTALLY HOT! AND THERE IS AN EPIC OT3-OF-DOOM! AND I JUST REALISED THAT THIS IS PROTO-STARGATE SORT OF... OK NOT REALLY BUT I HAVE TO JUSTIFY IT SOMEHOW!

And like 4 seasons of Criminal Minds (I am weak when presented with sale stickers...)

I HAVE YET TO WATCH BUT I AM OF THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THERE ARE HOT MENFOLK AND SOME CRIME!DRAMA AND POSSIBLY UST SHIPPINESS THE FIC HAD BETTER BE GOOD

Speaking of Fic. DOOL fic is USPEAKABLY bad. I have to admit that yes... I looked for it in a moment of pure insanity due to the stupid plotlines not moving AT ALL this week - despite being a sweeps week WTF?

LIKE EPICALLY BAD. MY BRAIN CANNOT PROCESS THE THINGS I HAVE READ. WHY IS THE FIC SET OUT LIKE A TV SCRIPT??? WHY IS FIC POSTED ON BULLETIN BOARDS - WITH PEOPLE COMMENTING ON CHAPTERS SO YOU HAVE TO SCROLL THROUGH LIKE 15 MORE PAGES TO GET TO THE NEXT PART GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH AND THE PORN WHICH THEY CALL "SMUT" IS SO AWFULLY CRAP - PEPPER I CAN'T STOP READING IT FOR THE LULZ!

At least there was EJami almost-kissage this week

ALMOST... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT WITH ALL THE EYESEXING AND COMING WITHIN MILLIMETRES OF FULL ON MAKING OUT ONLY TO BE INTERRUPTED AGAIN.

THANK GOD JAMES SCOTT CONTINUES TO BE HOT AND AWESOME EYECANDY

And I FINALLY finished the second book in the "Lessons in Love" series. I won't lie - this one was a struggle due to the sheer WTF plotline.

THERE WERE ORPHANS (WOT. THE. HELL. NOT. SEXY.) AND SHE IMPRISONED HIM IN A DUNGEON WHERE HE MANAGED TO SEDUCE HER ABOUT 10 SECONDS AFTER SHE FREED HIM AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! HE HASN'T BATHED IN A WEEK!

Man candy! Sweet delicious goodness!

2010-05-09T14:41:10Z

This is a Days of Our Lives Post!

(As if you couldn't tell!)

Excuse me while I glee for a moment or two (or five) at the excellent shirtless!action from this week (and last).

To recap:

1.) Phloe re-unite! Haha! I saw this one coming a mile and a half away. Phillip and la Chloe have a long history on Days - I remember when she was ghoul girl in their highschool days and Phillip was the rich kid who mercilessly teased her before the power of lurve changed him. ANYWAY... Phil walks in on new wife Melanie pashing her ex-lothario Dr Nathan and instantly draws the wrong conclusion, wandering off to drown his sorrows in a bottle of tequila. Chloe in the meantime is led on a wild goose chase by scheming Vivian, whose plan is thus:

a) Make Chloe believe that her beloved Dr Dan is cheating on her with Carly
b) Drive Chloe insane with rage
c) Have Chloe kill Carly for her and thus circumvent the kybosh!forbiddenating that Victor has put on her preventing her from doing it herself
d) ???
e) Profit!

It makes sense in soap!landia (Well in Vivian's section of it anyway). So la Chloe assumes the worst and also departs in a rage to drink her worries away.

I have to break away for a moment to LOL at Phillip's drunk!hair

Isn't it fantastic!

So Phil wanders over to Chloe's, they comisserate over bastard cheating significant others and then proceed to jump each others bones - IRONY!. It was quick and dirty and also rather awesome! Aaaaand of course Melanie and Dan weren't cheating at all, so we now have a lurve quadrangle-of-doom.

Bonus!Awesome is Chloe's further descent into madness as orchestrated by Madame Vivian. I'm still gleeful at her confronting Carly with "You lying conniving Bitch!!"

2.) EJ is wandering down at the pier (place of all epic drama in Salem) and is coshed on the head by crazy!cakes Hope (who is whacked out on sleeping pills and has turned into a badass vigilante who is enacting a vendetta against the peen by whacking powerful men on the back of the head and stealing their wallets... yeah...)

Passed!out EJ (who still manages to look hot) is discovered by Sami, who had been looking for him so they could argue some more and exchange eyesexing glances. Then follows a most hilarious scene where Sami rummages through her giant-handbag-of-doom looking for her phone, and doesn't find it so she then gropes all over EJ looking for his phone as well - as you do.

The watermark acts as a modesty patch, but she is SO copping a feel, no?

EJ decides to stop breathing and die - ohnoes! Thus necessitating some CPR from Sami, who yells for help - on the fricking Salem pier which is like grand central station most of the time what with everything of note ever happening there.

EJ coughs to life, Sami sobs hysterically and then they end up making out like a house on fire. (SQUEE!!) Of course by the time they get to the hospital EJ has amnesia about the whole thing. But he still looks epically hot in a hospital gown and adorably pathetic.

3.) Brady encounters crazy!Hope and is also coshed in the head. Hope not content to merely rob the menfolk anymore whips out a little case and brands him. Yes... as you do.

Cue awesomely gratuitous scenes in the hospital with Brady in a hospital gown that keeps slipping just so.

Brilliant banter with Vivian and Victor as she notes that Brady has been branded like a steer, Victor corrects her with "Bull" and she goes "What?" LOL. Also yes, branded like the prime piece of beefcake that he is.

4.) EJ and Sami are back at the mansion and have just taken a swim.

OMG SHIRTLESS!EJ!!!!!!!!

*swoons*

I have waited 2 years for this!!

Hehehehe EJ has supposedly taken this swim for *cough* therapeutic *cough* purposes (we all know it was to get Sami half nekkid with him) and complains that his shoulder is still bothering him. Sami of course offers to massage out the kinks because what woman in her right mind wouldn't turn down the opportunity to run their hands all over that. :P

Cue me dying of shipper squeefulness as they almost kiss again.

5.) Gratuitous half!naked EJ again because seriously, that man is too handsome to live!!

2.59am UNGODLY HOUR!!

2010-04-30T19:00:27Z

Ugh! Insomnia for the lose!

Mind you, it is at least Friday night and I can sleep in tomorrow, thus to celebrate:

Ten Awesome things from this week

10. There was hot kissing Ejami action on DOOL. Sure EJ had been conked on the head by crazycakes Hope (who is popping pills that make her evil alter ego assault men, apparently...)and was all lying on the ground looking gorgeous while unconscious - and I'd still hit that. UNF! It hit all my shippy buttons what with his whole "Don't leave me!" plea and then having to be CPR'ed back to life complete with, no-I-need-to-get-up-ohnoes-feeling-woozy-catch-me-before-I-fall-intense-eyesex-stare-leading-to-making-out-like-teenagers ending. Yay! And of course he has amnesia and doesn't remember it.

Srsly, 5 days a week of this awesomeness!

9. Glee is actually quite brilliant and fun to watch. Who burned through all the episodes in 3 days, then bought the music on iTunes so she can sing along while walking home, despite looking a bit loopy doing so? He took the midnight train going aaaaanywheeeeeeeeeeeeeere!!

ME!

Fave pairing: Brittany / Santana (pretty sure it's canon too!)

8. There was rain this week! Proper stormy awesomeness while I was in my bed all rugged up and listening to it patter on the roof. I totes have an excuse to break out my fancy parasol. Oh yes - my umbrella has frills and is completely OTT gothic lolita-esque but is actually my regency romance in real life fantasy indulgence. My mother knows me too well ('tis my B'day pressie from last year).

7. My excellent T-shirt arrived "Exploding With Rainbows" from Allie Brosh's most excellent blog Hyperbole and a Half. You should all go and read it because she's too awesomely funny for words. I feel happy just wearing it!

6. I has a Dyson.

My carpet has never been cleaner. And I was equally horrified / fascinated with the sheer amount of crap sucked up by the machine-of-doom. It is powered by a jet engine (and possibly awesomeness)

5. We saw an Owl on the roof last night!!! A weeny one at that. Haha! Le bro and I rushed around like loons trying to find a torch so we could identify the owl shaped silhouette as being actually an owl. My Hogwarts letter is clearly forthcoming. NO wait, it was Jareth the Goblin King come to take me away from my horrible baby brother!

4. Found a new romance author who *shock* wrote a really good de-virginising sex scene. Of course the next book I picked up had many many horrifying peen euphemisms and a good dash of WTF plot points (review forthcoming!) Also the next "Lesson in Love" book is soooo sooooo soooooo kill-it-with-fire twee that I am squirming with blehness reading it. It has its central plot point revolving around an orphanage and I can't even, I just, SEXYTIMES CANNOT BE HAD WHEN ORPHANS ARE INVOLVED!

3. Haha! New Moon on DVD - That is all.

2. Had a bad cramp in my foot last night, so I groped my way into the kitchen (judgement clearly impaired from the ~*pain*~ because I didn't think to, you know, turn on the light) found the medical box and what I thought at the time was the packet of Nurofen (Ibuprofen). 15 minutes later as I lay in my bed, as they say - tripping balls - realised it was the super duper pain pills the bro has for his wisdom teeth.

Fun times y'all. I slept so awesomely though.

1. The family's commercial property sold this morning. It was on the market for 2 weeks and went for 5.2M I'm a little bit sad about this one, because so many amazing memories are tied to that place - but we're going to have the party to end all parties there before settlement and send her off with a bang. Also, I now have insta-money for a house. I'm going to pool resources with the parentals and bro and buy property that has a house and a commercial building attached (for the parentals business) It's all very exciting, but I'm a bit daunted by it all. I really thought this would take longer and I wouldn't have to actually do anything until next year.

Big adventures are coming!!

Hart Hanson = Horrible Bastard!

2010-04-08T17:36:36Z

My reaction to Bones episode 100:

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

(But I also really really loved it)

*fangirl squee*

Fic Post: "R is for Retrograde"

2010-04-08T15:45:09Z

Title: R is for Retrograde

Author: Rigel
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Disclaimer: Not mine! (alas!) Don’t sue!
Warnings: None
Rating: G
Wordcount: 572
Categories: Gen
A/N: Written for Jonas Alphabet Soup for sg_fignewton’s Gen Fic Day

Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward.
--Soren Kierkegaard

When he held himself perfectly still, he could feel the pent-up warmth from the day slowly leeching back towards the sky. The full dark of night was still to come; the ridges of the mountains were shadows looming into view, but the first stars could be seen; seemingly blinking into existence as the light continued to fade.

It was hard to keep himself from fidgeting, he was aware of a thrum of excitement that made his whole body feel tense. Mostly, it was due to being on the surface; away from the labyrinthine sprawl of the SGC and its sterile, claustrophobic rooms without windows. It was his home now, buried half a mile underground and hidden from the rest of the world.

It was a place filled with technological marvels that he had never seen, let alone imagined, but there were times when he missed his old laboratory on Kelowna. There weren’t walls of plate glass to let in the streaming afternoon sun; instead they were painted a regulation white that the overhead fluorescents dulled to a cold grey.

Dr Jackson’s office was more appealing; every spare space was crammed with artefacts and books, and there were enough unfinished translations to keep a person occupied until the end of time. But he still felt like an interloper, treading in dead man’s shoes that pinched.

For one afternoon, he had carefully examined the last notebook that Daniel had left behind, hoping to glean some sense of the man that he had so briefly known. The scrawled writing was cryptic though, mostly dry descriptions that were quickly jotted down and to the point. He had bit back his disappointment and felt even guiltier when he finished, as though he had failed once again to see what was right in front of him.

It wasn’t quite morbid curiosity that drove him to seek out the remnants of Daniel Jackson. He couldn’t help obsessing over whether there was some hidden meaning in the way that a grouping of figurines had been arranged next to a shallow bowl carved from a fine-grained wood. Or if the circled date on the calendar still two months away was a significant one.

It was impossible to let go sometimes.

He had found that the best distraction was also the most rewarding. The accumulation of knowledge was his lifelong passion. It was all at his fingertips, through the power of what Major Carter termed a Boolean search. The computer showed him anything that he could think of; he’d lost days amid the turbulent histories of long-forgotten empires and even more probing the scientific data stored on the SGC mainframe.

But eventually he had hungered for more. He was more than a theoretical scientist; it wasn’t enough to simply observe – he had to participate, actively pursue the answers.

SG-1 would be his gateway.

It was going to be an uphill battle to even be considered for a place on the team, but he was prepared to fight for it. He just had to find a way to make it happen.

“Jonas! Come on or you’re going to miss it.”

Carter motioned him over to where she and Teal’c had positioned their lawn chairs.

“It’s about to start and you haven’t even set yours up yet.”

A streak of light traversed the sky overhead. He tilted his head up, watching as it died away.

He turned to Carter and grinned.

“First falling star,” he said, and made a wish.

//End//

It's the accent... I swear!

2010-04-03T03:26:24Z

Ugh, why do the parentals not have WiFi? *sobs* I am sojourning with them this Easter Weekend in order to escape the chaos that is the big-party-of-doom currently in swing at my house. I'm officially too old and crotchety to attend a 3 day party any more!

Also, I have officially lost my fannish mind.

I... I... This is so hard to say...

I ship Ejami

WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??

1) EJ Broke up my ship of all time
2) He's evil and a DiMera
3) He's really evil and technically a rapist (although so is Sami due to the whole drugging Austin thing back in the 90's)
4) He kidnapped their baby just to get revenge on her!
5) He wears pink shirts

But he sits there and confesses he loves her to the baby and I just melt away. Swoon! Practically buy myself a Team Ejami T-Shirt and wave a flag.

GODDAMNIT!!

Also, this is Days of Our Lives and I know you're all judging me way harshly :P