Fic: Mission: Get Robin Laid. Bart/Tim. PG-13.
Title: Mission: Get Robin Laid
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters: Kon, Bart/Robin, Other Young Justice characters, Impulse characters
Prompt: 26 Teammate
Word Count: 1876
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kon decides Robin has to get laid.
Author's Notes: Thanks to
julius12 for the lovely beta. Table can be found here. Written for 
fanfic100
It was obvious, really. Robin needed to get laid.
Kon had it all figured out. The whole uptight annoying attitude, the grouchiness, all of it.
It was for the good of the team, really.
The big question was, who? Secret would clearly be up for it, but she would hurt too much if it was a onetime thing. Plus there was the whole smoky thing. Kon wasn’t sure how that would work. He was fairly sure Anita was seeing Lobo, or something to that effect. He really didn’t want to think about that. He refused to even consider letting Robin touch Cassie.
That left Cissie. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t mind. Probably. I mean, they’d kissed when she left the team, right? He called her up. The sooner they implemented Plan Get Robin Some Action, the better.
“Hello?” Cissie said after three rings.
“Cissie?” Kon said, “It’s Kon.”
“Hi! What’s going on?”
“Well…there’s a problem.”
Cissie groaned. “No. I refuse to be Arrowette again no matter how many baseball games you need me to play over the fate of the world. Did Cassie put you up to this?”
“No! Not that kind of trouble, though we miss you...”
“No. What’s the matter, Kon?”
“It’s Robin. He really, really needs to get laid.”
"What's your point?" Cissie asked.
"Well…you're hot," Kon said. "Sleep with him."
There was silence on the other end.
“Cissie? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Kon, are you seriously calling to ask me to sleep with Robin?”
“Um…yeah. Will you?”
“Ok…no. I’m going to completely ignore the fact that it’s rude and offensive and I’d never even consider sleeping with someone who I hadn’t even dated. I’m just going to point out that oh, I don’t know, Robin’s gay, and hang up. Bye!”
“Wait…Robin’s what?” The dial tone sounded, and Kon cursed.
So Robin was gay. That actually explained a lot. He was sort of surprised that he had needed to be told. So now he had to find a hot guy for Robin to…
“Oh, crap, no,” he muttered.
It was obvious, really.
Robin clearly had a raging hormonal crush on the hottest member of Young Justice, namely, him.
Well, Robin was his teammate and his friend. He wasn’t going to let him down.
“Are you serious?” Robin asked. “I mean, really, is this a really, really bad joke?”
“No! Robin, I’m totally serious. I want to do you. Right here, right now.”
“Oh, geeze. Look, Kon,” Robin took a deep breath. “Look, I really do like you, and I’m flattered that you feel this way towards me, but I will always think of you as a friend, almost as a brother. So as happy as I am that you’ve chosen to come out to me, I’m afraid that I just couldn’t date you. Um, by the way, you haven’t fought Poison Ivy lately, have you? She’s got this sex pollen that sort of makes people strangely horny.”
“Wait, what? Who’s coming out? I’m not gay!”
“You just asked me to have sex with you.”
“That was for you! I mean, you totally have to get laid, and you’ve got a gigantic crush on me, so I thought I’d do it, for the good of the team.”
“Kon, what are you talking about?”
“You’ve been taking seconds longer to react because of your unresolved sexual tension.”
“So you’ve decided to sleep with me so that I react faster?”
“Yeah.”
“Um, I’m not really attracted to you like that.”
“You aren’t?” Now he wouldn’t have to sleep with Robin, but why wasn’t Robin attracted to him? Was he not hot enough or something?
“Yeah, no offense or anything. I just…well, there’s only really one person I like, and I’ve got no chance. Sorry, Kon.”
“Who?” Kon asked.
“No one you know,” Robin said quickly. “It’s not important. Lay off.”
“No, really, who? Is it a guy?”
“Don’t you have crime to fight somewhere?”
“Is he on the team?”
“No!” Robin said quickly.
“Oh he is, isn’t he! Oh my god, it isn’t Lobo, is it? Because I would never talk to you again.”
Robin shot him a Bat Death Glare, but the fact was rather ruined by his red face. “No. It isn’t Lobo.”
“But if it isn’t Lobo and it isn’t me…oh my god, you’ve got a crush on Bart?”
Robin didn’t answer, but his blush, if possible, deepened.
Kon laughed. “You should totally ask him out. You’d make an awesome couple.”
“No! I could never do that. I mean, what if he says no? It’d get really awkward.”
“Hey, you just turned down my generous offer of my body.”
“That’s different. You’re just an idiot.”
“Come on,” Kon said. “Heh, together we could call you Roadrunner.”
“Not funny, Kon.”
It was clearly up to him. Robin and Bart were never going to get together without his help. But it would be difficult. Perhaps more difficult than anything Young Justice had faced before. Kon had faith, however, that he would triumph. Though he wouldn’t mind help. Maybe he could get the rest of the team in on this.
“Ok,” Kon said, pacing in front of Team Get Robin Laid. “Everyone understand the Plan?”
Secret was off somewhere sulking. After finding out that Robin was gay, she’d floated off in a huff.
Cissie, Anita, and Cassie couldn’t stop giggling whenever they looked at him. He knew he should have kept his selfless offer to their fearless leader to himself. At least Cissie wasn’t mad at him anymore.
“Ok, Cissie, Anita, you keep Robin busy until I give the signal, and I’ll get Robin. Um, Lobo, are you helping us?”
“Course not,” Lobo said, “I’m just waiting to see you frag up.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Kon said. “C’mon Cassie, and Lobo if you want, we’re going to get Bart.”
They landed the Supercycle in the middle of the Manchester Junior High football field just as school was dismissed.
“Where’s Impulse?” Cassie asked.
“Are you sure we’re not lost?” Lobo asked.
“Ohmigod, look! It’s Young Justice! I’ve gotta get this on film, Bart!” The blonde kid with the camera looked around. “Bart?”
“Hi guys!” Impulse said, skidding to a halt. “Lookin’ for me?”
“Hey, Impulse,” Kon said. “Hop in.”
“Who’s the bastich with the camera?” Lobo asked. “Friend of yours?”
“Oh yeah, that’s Preston. He made an Impulse movie, y’know. Cast me as-”
“Impulse?” Cassie asked.
“The villain. Apparently I’m not the guy who looks most like Impulse in our group.” They took off.
“So Bart,” Kon said, “we were talking about feelings and who people liked before we stopped to get you.”
“Yeah?” Bart said. “Like the way Lobo’s got a thing for Empress and you’ve got a thing for Robin and Cassie’s got a thing for-” Cassie smacked his head. “OW!”
Kon didn’t notice anything, though. “I do NOT have a crush on Robin!”
“You did offer to frag him,” Lobo pointed out.
“That’s because- AGH! I was trying to be a good friend!”
“Really?” Bart said. “Wait, when’d you offer to frag him?”
“You thought I liked him before you knew that?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, what’s not to like? He’s really smart and really cute.”
Kon and Cassie made eye contact over Bart’s head.
“So…” Kon said. “Do you have a crush on him?”
“Yeah…” Bart said, looking off into the distance. Then he looked up at Kon. “Don’t tell him though, ok? I know people in this century are kinda close minded about sex. I mean, you still have it illegal for people who aren’t different sexes to get married, right?”
“That changes in the future?” Kon asked.
“Well, yeah.”
“Um…oh.”
“Pleasedon’ttellRobin?”
Kon nodded. “Lips are sealed.”
The plan almost worked perfectly. Cissie and Anita managed to trick Robin into the closet, and getting Bart in was far too easy.
“Hey, Bart.”
“Yeah?”
“Go into that safe.”
“Okay!”
Kon touched the door and activated the locking mechanism that should have, in theory, taken at least an hour for Robin to unlock.
Unfortunately, it was only seconds until Bart vibrated out with Robin in tow.
“Looks like someone accidentally tripped the lock,” Bart said, “but it’s no big.”
Kon acted innocent, but he could still feel Robin’s eyes boring into him from behind Robin’s mask.
“Yes,” he said icily. “Someone must have accidentally tripped the lock that can only be locked with a special key that is kept in a room on the other side of head quarters.”
Bart nodded. “Yeah, that’s gotta be it. Hey, is that Wendy the Werewolf Stalker?” he wandered over to the television room.
Robin stalked up to Kon. “I’m only going to say this once, Kon, so listen up. Do. Not. Try. To. Set. Me. And. Bart. Up!”
“Aw, c’mon, Rob! You should totally ask him out!”
“I can’t do that. I don’t want to screw up our friendship over a silly crush. I mean, if he said no, and he would, it’d get really awkward between us.”
“What if he said yes?”
“He wouldn’t. I mean…Bart’s not gay, right?”
“I don’t know. I think they’re sort of…I dunno, looser about that kind of stuff in the future. He said guys could marry each other there. Or girls, I guess.”
“And how,” Robin said, “Would that have possibly come up in a conversation?”
Whoops. “Um.”
“Kon, were you asking him about me?”
“Uh, maybe? I mean, he brought it up! He was talking about how I have a crush on you or somethin’, then when I told him that I didn’t, he started extolling your virtues!”
“Where did you learn a word like extolling?”
“Don’t change the subject! He sorta made me promise not to tell you, but I think, I think he’ll forgive me, and I know you’re scared, but Robin, he really likes you. I think he’d say yes if you asked him.”
Robin frowned, thinking. Then he looked back up at Kon. “If this is a joke, I will ensure that your life becomes a living Hell.”
Kon grinned. “Honest, Rob, go.”
Robin squeezed Kon’s arm gratefully, and walked purposefully into the T.V. room.
Kon floated to the door, after Robin had closed it and put his ear up against it.
“Hey, Bart?” Robin asked. Despite Kon’s reassurances, he still sounded anxious.
“Yeah?”
“I…um, that is, if you’re free this weekend, would you like to…I don’t know…um, go, with me, um.”
Kon could practically hear Bart’s grin. “Are you asking me out, Robin?”
“Yeah,” Robin said. Kon would have bet big money that Robin was as red as the bird he was named after.
There was a flurry of motion. Kon really wished he had X-Ray vision, like Superman had. “I’dlovetogooutwithyou,Robin!” Bart gushed.
“Wow,” Robin said. “I never thought…wow. Hold on.”
Silent footsteps, then the door opened and Kon fell into the room. Robin stood over him, face pink.
“Dude, you’ve already got a hickey already?”
“Kon. I’ve forgiven you for everything you’ve done up until now because you are an idiot and Bart can do really amazing things with his tongue and superspeed. That will change if you don’t get lost right now.” Robin pointed away meaningfully.
Kon grinned and flew off. As he left, he heard Robin say, “Now, lets do that again.”</i>
Fandom: Young Justice
Characters: Kon, Bart/Robin, Other Young Justice characters, Impulse characters
Prompt: 26 Teammate
Word Count: 1876
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kon decides Robin has to get laid.
Author's Notes: Thanks to
julius12 for the lovely beta. Table can be found here. Written for fanfic100It was obvious, really. Robin needed to get laid.
Kon had it all figured out. The whole uptight annoying attitude, the grouchiness, all of it.
It was for the good of the team, really.
The big question was, who? Secret would clearly be up for it, but she would hurt too much if it was a onetime thing. Plus there was the whole smoky thing. Kon wasn’t sure how that would work. He was fairly sure Anita was seeing Lobo, or something to that effect. He really didn’t want to think about that. He refused to even consider letting Robin touch Cassie.
That left Cissie. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t mind. Probably. I mean, they’d kissed when she left the team, right? He called her up. The sooner they implemented Plan Get Robin Some Action, the better.
“Hello?” Cissie said after three rings.
“Cissie?” Kon said, “It’s Kon.”
“Hi! What’s going on?”
“Well…there’s a problem.”
Cissie groaned. “No. I refuse to be Arrowette again no matter how many baseball games you need me to play over the fate of the world. Did Cassie put you up to this?”
“No! Not that kind of trouble, though we miss you...”
“No. What’s the matter, Kon?”
“It’s Robin. He really, really needs to get laid.”
"What's your point?" Cissie asked.
"Well…you're hot," Kon said. "Sleep with him."
There was silence on the other end.
“Cissie? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Kon, are you seriously calling to ask me to sleep with Robin?”
“Um…yeah. Will you?”
“Ok…no. I’m going to completely ignore the fact that it’s rude and offensive and I’d never even consider sleeping with someone who I hadn’t even dated. I’m just going to point out that oh, I don’t know, Robin’s gay, and hang up. Bye!”
“Wait…Robin’s what?” The dial tone sounded, and Kon cursed.
So Robin was gay. That actually explained a lot. He was sort of surprised that he had needed to be told. So now he had to find a hot guy for Robin to…
“Oh, crap, no,” he muttered.
It was obvious, really.
Robin clearly had a raging hormonal crush on the hottest member of Young Justice, namely, him.
Well, Robin was his teammate and his friend. He wasn’t going to let him down.
“Are you serious?” Robin asked. “I mean, really, is this a really, really bad joke?”
“No! Robin, I’m totally serious. I want to do you. Right here, right now.”
“Oh, geeze. Look, Kon,” Robin took a deep breath. “Look, I really do like you, and I’m flattered that you feel this way towards me, but I will always think of you as a friend, almost as a brother. So as happy as I am that you’ve chosen to come out to me, I’m afraid that I just couldn’t date you. Um, by the way, you haven’t fought Poison Ivy lately, have you? She’s got this sex pollen that sort of makes people strangely horny.”
“Wait, what? Who’s coming out? I’m not gay!”
“You just asked me to have sex with you.”
“That was for you! I mean, you totally have to get laid, and you’ve got a gigantic crush on me, so I thought I’d do it, for the good of the team.”
“Kon, what are you talking about?”
“You’ve been taking seconds longer to react because of your unresolved sexual tension.”
“So you’ve decided to sleep with me so that I react faster?”
“Yeah.”
“Um, I’m not really attracted to you like that.”
“You aren’t?” Now he wouldn’t have to sleep with Robin, but why wasn’t Robin attracted to him? Was he not hot enough or something?
“Yeah, no offense or anything. I just…well, there’s only really one person I like, and I’ve got no chance. Sorry, Kon.”
“Who?” Kon asked.
“No one you know,” Robin said quickly. “It’s not important. Lay off.”
“No, really, who? Is it a guy?”
“Don’t you have crime to fight somewhere?”
“Is he on the team?”
“No!” Robin said quickly.
“Oh he is, isn’t he! Oh my god, it isn’t Lobo, is it? Because I would never talk to you again.”
Robin shot him a Bat Death Glare, but the fact was rather ruined by his red face. “No. It isn’t Lobo.”
“But if it isn’t Lobo and it isn’t me…oh my god, you’ve got a crush on Bart?”
Robin didn’t answer, but his blush, if possible, deepened.
Kon laughed. “You should totally ask him out. You’d make an awesome couple.”
“No! I could never do that. I mean, what if he says no? It’d get really awkward.”
“Hey, you just turned down my generous offer of my body.”
“That’s different. You’re just an idiot.”
“Come on,” Kon said. “Heh, together we could call you Roadrunner.”
“Not funny, Kon.”
It was clearly up to him. Robin and Bart were never going to get together without his help. But it would be difficult. Perhaps more difficult than anything Young Justice had faced before. Kon had faith, however, that he would triumph. Though he wouldn’t mind help. Maybe he could get the rest of the team in on this.
“Ok,” Kon said, pacing in front of Team Get Robin Laid. “Everyone understand the Plan?”
Secret was off somewhere sulking. After finding out that Robin was gay, she’d floated off in a huff.
Cissie, Anita, and Cassie couldn’t stop giggling whenever they looked at him. He knew he should have kept his selfless offer to their fearless leader to himself. At least Cissie wasn’t mad at him anymore.
“Ok, Cissie, Anita, you keep Robin busy until I give the signal, and I’ll get Robin. Um, Lobo, are you helping us?”
“Course not,” Lobo said, “I’m just waiting to see you frag up.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Kon said. “C’mon Cassie, and Lobo if you want, we’re going to get Bart.”
They landed the Supercycle in the middle of the Manchester Junior High football field just as school was dismissed.
“Where’s Impulse?” Cassie asked.
“Are you sure we’re not lost?” Lobo asked.
“Ohmigod, look! It’s Young Justice! I’ve gotta get this on film, Bart!” The blonde kid with the camera looked around. “Bart?”
“Hi guys!” Impulse said, skidding to a halt. “Lookin’ for me?”
“Hey, Impulse,” Kon said. “Hop in.”
“Who’s the bastich with the camera?” Lobo asked. “Friend of yours?”
“Oh yeah, that’s Preston. He made an Impulse movie, y’know. Cast me as-”
“Impulse?” Cassie asked.
“The villain. Apparently I’m not the guy who looks most like Impulse in our group.” They took off.
“So Bart,” Kon said, “we were talking about feelings and who people liked before we stopped to get you.”
“Yeah?” Bart said. “Like the way Lobo’s got a thing for Empress and you’ve got a thing for Robin and Cassie’s got a thing for-” Cassie smacked his head. “OW!”
Kon didn’t notice anything, though. “I do NOT have a crush on Robin!”
“You did offer to frag him,” Lobo pointed out.
“That’s because- AGH! I was trying to be a good friend!”
“Really?” Bart said. “Wait, when’d you offer to frag him?”
“You thought I liked him before you knew that?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, what’s not to like? He’s really smart and really cute.”
Kon and Cassie made eye contact over Bart’s head.
“So…” Kon said. “Do you have a crush on him?”
“Yeah…” Bart said, looking off into the distance. Then he looked up at Kon. “Don’t tell him though, ok? I know people in this century are kinda close minded about sex. I mean, you still have it illegal for people who aren’t different sexes to get married, right?”
“That changes in the future?” Kon asked.
“Well, yeah.”
“Um…oh.”
“Pleasedon’ttellRobin?”
Kon nodded. “Lips are sealed.”
The plan almost worked perfectly. Cissie and Anita managed to trick Robin into the closet, and getting Bart in was far too easy.
“Hey, Bart.”
“Yeah?”
“Go into that safe.”
“Okay!”
Kon touched the door and activated the locking mechanism that should have, in theory, taken at least an hour for Robin to unlock.
Unfortunately, it was only seconds until Bart vibrated out with Robin in tow.
“Looks like someone accidentally tripped the lock,” Bart said, “but it’s no big.”
Kon acted innocent, but he could still feel Robin’s eyes boring into him from behind Robin’s mask.
“Yes,” he said icily. “Someone must have accidentally tripped the lock that can only be locked with a special key that is kept in a room on the other side of head quarters.”
Bart nodded. “Yeah, that’s gotta be it. Hey, is that Wendy the Werewolf Stalker?” he wandered over to the television room.
Robin stalked up to Kon. “I’m only going to say this once, Kon, so listen up. Do. Not. Try. To. Set. Me. And. Bart. Up!”
“Aw, c’mon, Rob! You should totally ask him out!”
“I can’t do that. I don’t want to screw up our friendship over a silly crush. I mean, if he said no, and he would, it’d get really awkward between us.”
“What if he said yes?”
“He wouldn’t. I mean…Bart’s not gay, right?”
“I don’t know. I think they’re sort of…I dunno, looser about that kind of stuff in the future. He said guys could marry each other there. Or girls, I guess.”
“And how,” Robin said, “Would that have possibly come up in a conversation?”
Whoops. “Um.”
“Kon, were you asking him about me?”
“Uh, maybe? I mean, he brought it up! He was talking about how I have a crush on you or somethin’, then when I told him that I didn’t, he started extolling your virtues!”
“Where did you learn a word like extolling?”
“Don’t change the subject! He sorta made me promise not to tell you, but I think, I think he’ll forgive me, and I know you’re scared, but Robin, he really likes you. I think he’d say yes if you asked him.”
Robin frowned, thinking. Then he looked back up at Kon. “If this is a joke, I will ensure that your life becomes a living Hell.”
Kon grinned. “Honest, Rob, go.”
Robin squeezed Kon’s arm gratefully, and walked purposefully into the T.V. room.
Kon floated to the door, after Robin had closed it and put his ear up against it.
“Hey, Bart?” Robin asked. Despite Kon’s reassurances, he still sounded anxious.
“Yeah?”
“I…um, that is, if you’re free this weekend, would you like to…I don’t know…um, go, with me, um.”
Kon could practically hear Bart’s grin. “Are you asking me out, Robin?”
“Yeah,” Robin said. Kon would have bet big money that Robin was as red as the bird he was named after.
There was a flurry of motion. Kon really wished he had X-Ray vision, like Superman had. “I’dlovetogooutwithyou,Robin!” Bart gushed.
“Wow,” Robin said. “I never thought…wow. Hold on.”
Silent footsteps, then the door opened and Kon fell into the room. Robin stood over him, face pink.
“Dude, you’ve already got a hickey already?”
“Kon. I’ve forgiven you for everything you’ve done up until now because you are an idiot and Bart can do really amazing things with his tongue and superspeed. That will change if you don’t get lost right now.” Robin pointed away meaningfully.
Kon grinned and flew off. As he left, he heard Robin say, “Now, lets do that again.”</i>
