lostatoad

In His Room

2005-05-20T20:51:22Z

I saw him today, and he was beautiful. Em wasn't sure I'd want to go along to see the Healer with her, and to be totally honest, I wasn't too sure myself... but man, am I glad I did. It was ten million percent worth it.

Speaking of Em, she's still a little bit weepy about recent events... but she says that it's nothing. I'm concerned, but only because I've been there myself. And I think we can all remember that horrible night. I think it might kill me if I found her like that. She still won't go on leave from the club, says that no one can tell... but I know it's getting harder for her to hide. She's a tiny little thing, and one would think it that she would stay close to that way, but Gran always said we Longbottoms are massive children. At least the boys are anyway.

Em likes to chuck stuff at me when I say that. She thinks it's a girl.

( she's so wrong ;). )

In The Club

2005-02-28T20:41:51Z

Neville walked into the club, one he was sure had once owned by Seamus, though he'd heard through the grapevine that a recent addition to his old dormmate's family, though he was relatively sure he had no idea what that was about. He was masked by polyjuice potion, unsure of whether or not he was ready to take the necessary steps back into his old life. Part of him just wanted to feel it again, remember who he'd been.

He smiled as he saw her, playing towel tag with one of the other managers. They had almost no customers in the afternoons, and today was a fine example. He grinned to himself, turned, and then left.

lostatoad @ 2005-01-13T23:07:00

2005-01-13T21:08:58Z

Neville’s eyes peeled open, bringing memories crashing back of the day before. His parents’ funeral, his friend Emma there to help him, encouraging him to find himself. The thought was appealing. He rolled over in the bed, noticing right away that it was not his own.

Emma was sleeping, her dark hair covering her pillow. He smiled sadly to himself, knowing right away what he needed to do. He needed to get away, and find himself. He needed to see himself for who he was, find out who he was for real, and then come back. And then, he realized, he would come back here and fix a relationship he’d probably leave in a shambled mess.

He climbed out of the bed slowly, slipping back into his jeans. He padded around the bed and dropped a kiss to Emma’s forehead, before backing out of the room and into his own. He put on a fresh sweater, and tugged a bag down from a shelf in his closet. He grabbed only his favorite clothes, stuffing them mercilessly into the bag and zipping it up.

He picked up a piece of parchment, and quickly scribbled a note:

Dear Emma,

I’m so sorry, luv, that you have to be reading this right now. But you were right I’m afraid. I need to go out and find the real Neville Longbottom. But I promise, when I come back home, and it will be soon, I’ll pick up every responsibility I have. I swear your life will be easier after this.

Nev

He folded it up, and placed it on the table, before walking out the door.

lostatoad @ 2005-01-09T23:10:00

2005-01-09T21:14:53Z

Neville walked with his Gran across the grounds, to the adjacent graves of his parents. He clasped his hands tightly together, biting roughly to the inside of his cheek to keep up his tough façade, as he listened to the prayers and the memories being announced by those who remembered his parents. Neville himself keep from speaking, as he had never known his parents personalities, it broke his heart just the same to see them buried, and listen to who they had once been.

He’d not noticed any rain coming down, because his Gran had put up an umbrella to shield him from the rain. He’d zoned out in his own misery at some point, and the painful realization that he was now officially an orphan.

A few of his own friends had shown up, some of the people in his former (unhelpful) study groups, and a partner or two from his advanced herbology. Luna had been there, smiling sadly at him, offering her condolences and the best of luck with the next part of his life. And it became the most draining afternoon he’d ever known.

He’d been walking away from his past spiritually when he noticed Emma standing at the base of the hill, just before the rows of horseless carriages, now lead by black creatures that he’d once ridden and not been able to see. His Gran had left sooner, abandoning his shelter, and leaving him soaked to the bone. When Emma came up, she wordlessly offered him salvation under her black cloak that she was holding over her head.

“It’s not that bad you know,” she said, quietly.

“What’s not that bad?” he questioned, not looking at her.

“Being an orphan,” she whispered, almost so quiet that he couldn’t hear it, “being alone.”

“How would you know?” he bit out, glaring ahead.

“I’m an orphan too,” she offered, “my parents died when I was young. My father’s mistress raised me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Emma shook her head, before looking up to him again, “I’m sorry you had to watch them suffer.”

“I like to think they didn’t,” he said, looking down and smiling bitterly, “I’ve always had this fantasy that after the pain subsided, and they became the vacancies they were, that they didn’t feel anything anymore. That pain had left them along with sanity, and death was really all they had left. I just hope they’re together now.”

“They are,” she said, wrapping her arm around him, “I’m sure of it.”

“But I kind of hate them, you know?” he said, stopping in his steps, “I wish that they’d been there for real. To see everything I accomplished. To be there to see me off on my first train ride to Hogwarts and welcome me back on my last. I’m rather bitter that they weren’t.”

Emma stopped too, grabbing his shoulders and turning him to face her, and pulling his chin down so he could look her in the face, “Don’t say that. Don’t ever. say. that.”

“Why not?” he questioned, “it’s true.”

“That doesn’t matter,” she replied, “You need to remember that they couldn’t help it, and not regret it. Don’t spend your whole life wondering what could have been. Focus on your future.”

“I have no future.” Neville said, looking down at his shoes, “I have no idea where to go with my life from here.”

“This could be the perfect opportunity to start over,” Emma pointed out, shifting her weight, “you could train to be something new, you could move to a new city, you could find a whole new life…”

“I don’t know…” Neville moaned, almost a whine. Emma decided he looked like himself as a little boy. Lost and alone, completely unsure of himself and just looking for direction. She became instantly sure that Neville didn’t know who he was, and even if he’d been a tiny bit aware beforehand, all the events leading up to today proved that he was more lost than ever. She looked at him, awaiting the final breakdown.

“I don’t know if I want to,” he finally spilled out, his shoulders sagging drastically and Emma had to pull him into a tight hug just to assure herself that he wouldn’t fall over.

“I haven’t known you very long, Neville, but I believe that you can,” she offered, and you’ll be a stronger person for it.”

He rested his hands on her cheeks, his eyes glazing over. She placed her hands gently on his wrists, looking back up to him, and waiting what her gut told her would be next. He stared down at her for a few moments, “It hurts,” he finally whispered.

“I know it does,” she said, reaching one hand up to brush one of his soggy strands of hair out of his eyes, “it always will. But you’ll learn to live with it.”

Neville’s eyes closed, her face still in his hands. When they reopened, they began spilling over with water, tears dripping down his cheeks, “I’m alone.”

Emma began to shake her head vigorously, “You’re not alone, Neville. You’re never alone.”

She sealed her promise with a kiss.

It wasn’t intended to be a strong kiss, more of a chaste, closed-mouth, friendly kiss. But once the kiss was in action, her senses overflowed. Neville pushed harder into her, venting his grief. When she tried to push away, he came right back.

His fingers dug roughly into her back, and he pulled back sharply, noticing that her clothes were both soaked and clinging tightly to her. Through clearer eyes he could see that her skin had gone pale and that her trembling might be a dual effort to get warm, “We need to go back to the flat…”

“Alright.”

Then, they were gone.

lostatoad @ 2004-12-19T21:58:00

2004-12-19T20:17:30Z

Neville walked gruffly down the hallway of the fourth floor of St. Mungo's, on his way to see his father one final time. The Healers had contacted him with updates as Neville recovered from his own encounter, and his father's case seemed even less promising than his mother's had. It didn't matter though, his mother was dead and he would soon see his father out of his misery.

"Neville, wait up!"

Damn. He'd almost made it.

Emma had been near-stalking him for the last few days. She seemed to be very interested in what had caused his breakdown. He wasn't sure why, since she had a job of her own and Seamus had recently asked if she would like to take over his club, a matter she'd been considering in her spare, non-stalking time. He'd not wished to talk about it, and had attempted to make it clear that when he did want to discuss it, it most likely would not be with her.

"I thought I told you to stay home," he said, his voice almost a growl.

"And you became my father... when?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Don't you have a job?"

"I'm worried about you, Neville," she said, her features softening, "You don't talk, you don't eat, you quit your job, and you broke up with your girlfriend of literal YEARS."

"I thought I told you I didn't care what your opinion of the matter was?"

"Are you sure you didn't recieve the kiss?" she asked, scowling, "because the Neville Longbottom I used to know had a soul."

Neville's face dropped in shock, before it was quickly replaced with rage, "Fine. You want to know what's going on? I'll show you." He grabbed her by the upper arm and dragged her down the hall. He stopped before a large door and pushed it open, revieling a man tied up to many machines in one bed and a vacant bed to his left. Emma didn't have to look to far to find out who she was looking at, all she had to see was the 'Longbottom' written at the foot of his bed.

"Merlin, Neville... is that your-"

"It's my father," Neville cut in, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "And he's dying."

"And this bed was-"

"My mother's. She died a few weeks ago," Neville bit out, getting a little choked up, "They were tortured when I was a baby. I've never known them in their sane minds," he informed her, "but it's alright. Soon no one will be able to hurt them again."

"And that's why you were outside that day... your mum had died, and you were trying to think?"

Neville looked to the floor and nodded, "I'm an orphan." He laughed a bit bitterly, "I've never known my parents, but I still don't want to lose them..."

"Oh," Emma said, walking around to hug him, holding him tight around his middle. "I understand." She held him there for a few moments, before pulling away and flattening out his hair, trying to find something to do with herself so that she wouldn't have to look him in the eye, "So, um... when are they...?"

"Today," Neville said, stepping away from her and pulling up a chair, "and I'd really like it if you wouldn't stay."

"Alright." She nodded, turning to leave.

"But... could you be home when I get back?"

Emma nodded, "Yeah," she held in a breath, "but could you, uh, come right home? So you don't get sick again...?"

Neville rose from his chair and walked over by her, putting his hands on her shoulders, nodding his head. Emma stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on his cheek. He grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her on the lips.

"Thanks."

In His Private Quarters

2004-09-09T16:04:54Z

Mass chaos! Turmoil! AHHHHH!

I hate the first full week of classes. All the seventh years getting attitude. All the first years being confused. Everyone inbetween acting all... bored. So much pressure. I must prepare them. But I can hardly prepare myself!

Where the bloody hell did I put my class plans?!

In His Room

2004-08-17T11:04:19Z

*reaches for a glass of water to take pills with*

What a frustrating night. The game was rather... um. Yeah, unnerving. It is probably the last time you'll find me flying about with my bits to the breeze, if not the last time I play Quidditch period. Then there was the whole Death Eater thing, and that poor girl...

At least we won.

I think the thing that bothers the most people is bloody Malfoy. Luna and I probably shouldn't have come along to his place, but we were there to witness what happened at the game. I'm understanding that Ginny is upset because everyone (*coughMalfoycough*) blames her for the rageful outburst by the former Slytherin. Which really isn't fair, considering she was just stating something she saw as evidence. If she saw Pansy's bracelet, then she saw Pansy's bracelet. It's a clue as to who it was.

*rubs his temples*

I'm going back to bed.

lostatoad @ 2004-08-14T21:57:00

2004-08-14T20:03:57Z

Whoa, I am several days behind on the birthday review or what? Must have forgot... gee, that's such a shock. It was great fun, despite it being cut short due to a sleeping flatmate. Such a strange girl...

I guess I draw in strange women though, don't I?

Speaking of which, Luna, love, you did say you were coming to the match on Monday, correct? I was wondering if you would sit with Gran, she's getting on, and can't climb up and down those stands like she was just out of Hogwarts anymore. It would be lovely of you, and I'll be sure to repay you afterwards. *wink, wink*

I'm gathering my materials again, making lesson plans... I'm starting to feel like a student myself.

In His Room

2004-08-06T19:56:46Z

I don't know what to do. I'm so lost, I've never been forced to handle anything even close to this before.

I went to visit Mum and Dad yesterday at Mungo's, and Gran and I had to talk to the Healer. He said that while Dad is normal, Mum's condition has gotten worse, if it is possible. She's not even moving anymore, making noises or anything like she used to. He wants to pull the plug. Since I am an adult, it is now my decision... but I can't do it. I've held on deep down on the belief that they would find a way to fix it... some way, any way... I don't want to let go. But is that fair.

I think I've lost sence of all time. I'm almost positive that within the last thirty-two hours I was supposed to meet Luna, but I can't be sure. If I was, I missed it, and if I could feel right now I'm sure I'd be sorry.

In His Flat

2004-08-02T20:26:05Z

It has been an interesting day.

Summer has been great, considering it is three solid months off. Sadly, this means I need to maintain a flat even during school time, so I have a home when summer lets out. Usually, this means that I will come home to come webs and dust everywhere, and then Gran will come to visit and go mad. But not this year, I've decided to get a flatmate. And it looks like Miss Dobbs might be just what the Healer ordered. She wasn't even freaked out by Trevor.

I had to stop in Diagon Alley today to collect a few supplies before the next term. I had to run off before morning visitng hours for Mum and Dad were up, so maybe I'll be in later in the week for the rest.

lostatoad

*In His Room*

*In The Club*

lostatoad @ 2005-01-13T23:07:00

lostatoad @ 2005-01-09T23:10:00

lostatoad @ 2004-12-19T21:58:00

In His Private Quarters

In His Room

lostatoad @ 2004-08-14T21:57:00

In His Room

In His Flat

In His Room

In The Club