When Chibi Cthlhu is not so chibi.

2011-05-15T06:45:35Z

Decided to try my luck in the Thor kink meme, at norsekink

There is nothing like a gook Cthulhu crossover.

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Right then and there Tony Stark hated magic with every fiber of his being. A huge earthquake had shaken the entire coastline, and had he not being frozen in place observing a gigantic mass of tentacles and eyes rising from the ocean, he probably would be helping the survivor along the entire Pacific coast.

There was no doubt in the mind if Tony that the other part of the team had failed in prevent the spell to be finished. He might as well scrap the tonight date with the twin Playboy bunnies, you know, because the end of the world and all that!

Doctor Strange hasn’t been really specific when he told the Avengers that an ancestral, mystical and terrorizing evil was trying to rise from an alternate dimension, he, of course, forgot to mention it looked like a sushi bar’s mutant reject. Or that it was the goddammed Cthulhu!!!!

He needed to have a serious talk with Strange about specificity, if he managed to survive this one with his sanity intact.

Next to him, Steve, kind of pointlessly, threw his shield against one of the creepy and slimy tentacles that were making their way towards them. It cut the tentacle, releasing a pretty disgusting mass of slime and green smoke. But what was one when there was a trillion more from that one came from.

Miss Marvel, Captain Marvel, Wolverine and the rest were trying to prevent the progress of the (god? monster? Creature?) whatever, with similar measures of success. All and all, this didn’t look like a nice day for partying in Malibu, damn!!!!

The Future Foundation, New Avengers, Secret Avengers and SHIELD were doing the best, to either help the survivors to escape the coast or trying to repel the creature and maybe throw it back through whatever portal it might traveled. Needles to say, there was no progress there.

Suddenly, the already dark clouds thickened, intermittent electric discharges were evident in the highest atmosphere, and, out of nowhere, the most powerful lightning Tony has ever seeing in his life impacted the giant squid right on the head. The electronic interference was so large that his suit entered emergency mode for a moment, and his visual sensor (least not tak about his eyes) were blinded for a few moments.

When his view finally cleared, his new green friend was still there, advancing over the Australian coastline as if it hasn’t been impacted by the largest lightning in the history of earth natural history. The discharge repeated over and over again, with no more effect than Wolverine adamantiun claws on the tentacles that already were destroying the buildings of Sydney.

With no success, Thor finally descended from the sky, in a picture that, if Tony were the religious type (and with all this divine intervention was getting progressively difficult) would call ominous.

“Well, Thor, this is one of you divine brother, any plans?”

“Regardless of you believes, Iron Man, there is no friendship between the Asgardians and the foul Great Old Ones.”

“Nice to know. Any plans?! You know, anything that does not involve death by squid ingestion.”

“I don’t believe squid is the appropriate taxonomical term”. Said the already familiar voice of Loki Odinson from behind him.

Iron Man turned just in time to see the God of Mischief materialize in the middle of an explosion of green energy. Tony liked Thor, he had a sort of single mind goodness that made him nice company, and any person who could drink Tony under the table deserved his respect.

Loki was much more complicated: duplicitous, liar, trickster and general troublesome conspirator. Tony was never sure he side he was helping, besides his own. But he was awfully sexy. Really distracting when you want to punch them and fuck them at the same time.

“What trickery is this, brother?” Thor said, in his predictable righteous way. “Are you responsible for the coming of this dark avatar?”

Loki, Tony discovered, has an excellent expressivity when it comes to show personal insult in a cynical way.

“Brother, you really don’t know me if you thing I’m going to let my favorite playground be dissolved in the multidimensional ether”

“You willingness to endanger innocents has no rival.”

“Well, I can personally remember a few instances when you could compete with me in that regard. I particularly remember that time in Vanaheim with uncle Frey and the six serving wenches …”

“You promised never to mention that again!!!!”

While Tony loved family gossip, the giant unstoppable monster already devouring down town Sydney was kind of a more pressing matter.

“What are you doing here, Loki”. He intervened, because when this two started with the sibling rivalry, neither alien invasions nor robot Nazis could distract them.

“Well, I came to help of course.”

“How?” Steve approached, asking suspiciously. By this point it was obvious that his shield and powers were of little to no use against the giant squid. (“No, I do not care about appropriate taxonomical term, Loki”)

“You know, I have a friend, who has a friend who knows a guy who happens to spend weekends in L’gy’hx and…”

“Lkiix???” Tony asked.

“L’gy’hx, pay attention.” Loki snapped. “But whatever, the point is that one afternoon I was introduced to this guy in a nice dive of Nidavelli, because if dwarves can do something great is the spicy meat…”

“LOKI??????????”

“You have no patience, brother, that is your main problem in life, you know?”

“I thank you for your existential advise.”

“Gentlemen!” An exasperated Steve intervened.

“Ok, ok. The point is that I met this guy who just happens to be an Outer God and… to make the story short, owes me a favor.”

“Owes you a favor? An Outer God?” Thor asked, incredulous.

“I could explain, but by the time I’m over, Midgard probably will be reduced to its basic molecules.” Loki pointed out, and indeed, most of downtown Sydney was no more.

“Ok, where is this drinking buddy of yours…”

“Hello!”

“Gahhh!!!” Tony could not prevent the scream and jump, he should be used to all the divinities showing up out of nowhere by this point.

The guys turned to find a girl actually, dressed up in something more likely to find in those little deviant cafes of Tokyo, were teenage-looking girls dressed in anime costumes. Not that Tony knew anything about that sort of things.

“You said it was a guy.” He mumbled to Loki.

“Guy, girl, plant. You mortals are too strict in your little labels. Shapeshifting is a common skill among the higher pantheons. And there is no higher than this one.” He turned to introduce the girl-looking entity with a grandiose gesture. “Gentlemen, and Thor, allow me to introduce you to, in alphabetic order, to Ahtu, the Black Man, Black Pharaoh, Black Wind, Bloated Woman, Crawling Mist, Dark Demon, Dark One, Dweller in Darkness, Faceless God, Floating Horror, Haunter of the Dark, Bat God of L’gy’hx…”

“Lhhxy?”

“L’gy’hx, pay attention. Messenger of the Old Ones, Shugoran, the Thing in the Yellow Mask, the White Man. The Crawling Chaos and embodiment of the Great Azathoth will, Nyarlahotep.”

Well, that didn’t sound ominous at all!!!

“You can call me Nyarko, for short.” She finally said.

Tony had to neither none to them knew how to respond to that one, so they just fell into silence for a few moments. It must have been longer that they thought, because Loki and Nyarko? where giving then weird looks.

“Iron Man!! We need a plan now!!!!!!!!!” Came Miss Marvel screech over the communicator.

Right, Sydney, being destroyed. There will be time to ponder about Loki’s weird choice of drinking buddies later.

“Eh, miss Nyarko?” Steve started, always the gentlemen.

“Just Nyarko please.”

“Right, could you do something about Cthulhu here?”

“No problem. You know that this is actually a spawn of Cthulhu, not Cthulhu, right?”

“Eh?” It was not one of Tony’s more verbose days.

“Cthulhu is bigger, much much bigger.”

“Nice to know” Tony said in a half choked voice.

“Yes, well. This will only take a moment.”

And only a moment it took. Nyarko (seriously, Nyarko?) just told, what apparently was just baby Cthulhu, to go back to bed. A few minutes later you wouldn’t know it had been there, except for all the general demolition of Sydney.

“Brother”. Thor started. “You and I need to talk about your choice of friends.”

Highlander remake

2009-09-23T05:16:43Z

I was checking my Tweets and find this little by the always funny people of Cinema Blend. And as a fan of Highlander a totally agree with them.

Highlander Fantasy Casting: There Can Be Only One Until It's Rebooted

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Prowling creation at a leasured pace

When Chibi Cthlhu is not so chibi.

Highlander remake