It's Seuss parody time!
The other night 
penknife and I were talking about possible titles for her amazing new fic, "Fear the Rest". (And if you haven't read and reviewed it yet, you really should.)
Problem was, for some strange reason, I could only come up with Dr. Seuss parody titles. "Jean, Angst, and Spam" was one of them, and then the parody bunny bit last night and demanded that I write this. Who am I to argue?
Title: "Jean, Angst, and Spam" (A parody of "Green Eggs and Ham")
Rating: R for language and adult material
Summary: Erik talks to an X-Men fan. (Bold text is the fan; regular text is Erik.)
Disclaimer: The X-Men belong to Marvel, and "Green Eggs and Ham" belongs to Dr. Seuss. I'm just the strange person who mixed them together.
Author's Note: If this offends you, I'm sorry.
I am Fan.
Fan I am.
That X-Men fan!
That X-Men fan!
I do not like
that X-Men Fan!
Would you like to snog Jean Grey?
I would not like to snog Jean Grey.
She's a girl, and I am gay.
Would you like to stroke her hair?
I would not like to stroke her hair,
or see her in her underwear.
I would not like to snog Jean Grey!
She's a girl, and I am gay.
Would you do her at the school?
Perhaps with Kitty, in the pool?
I would not do them at the school.
Not in the study; not in the pool.
I do not want your Kitty-Sue,
Let her go play with Bobby-Stu.
I do not want to snog Jean Grey!
She's like my daughter! I am gay!
Would you like to cuddle Storm?
Would you like to keep her warm?
Not with Storm.
I am not warm.
Not at school.
Not in the pool.
I would not like girls there or here!
I'm Erik Lensherr! I am queer!
I would not like to snog Jean Grey.
She's very sweet, but I am gay.
Would you? Could you?
With Mystique?
Shag her! Shag her!
She is chic.
I would not, could not shag Mystique.
You might like girls.
You will see.
You might like to kiss Marie!
I would not, could not, kiss Marie.
Nor shag Mystique, when she's a she.
I would not like to sleep with Storm.
I would not let her keep me warm.
I would not do them at the school,
Not in the kitchen, not in the pool.
I'm Erik Lensherr, and I am queer.
I wear purple; I drink light beer.
I do not want to snog Jean Grey.
She's not my type, I have to say.
OFC! OFC!
OFC! OFC!
Would you, with an OFC?
No Mary Sue! No to Marie!
Not with Mystique or Jubilee!
I would not, could not, sleep with Storm.
I do not like the female form.
Please, no straight orgies at the school!
I will not frolic in the pool.
I am Magneto; I am gay.
I like boys! Is that okay?!
I do not want to snog young Jean.
She's not a man! See what I mean?
Say!
In the dark? You couldn't tell in the dark!
Would you, could you, for a lark?
I would not, could not, in the dark.
Would you, could you, at your lair?
I would not, could not, here or there.
Not in the dark. Not at my lair.
Not with Mystique. Not with Marie.
I just don't fancy girls, you see.
Not in my bed. Not at the school.
Not giving head. It's just not cool.
I will not do them there or here!
I'm out and proud, and I am queer!
You do not like these mutant chicks?
I do not like them. They lack dicks.
Could you, would you, with a boy?
YES! I am gay! That brings me joy.
Would you, could you, snuggle Scott?
I could not, would not, snuggle Scott.
Though he's a man, and he is hot.
There is only one guy for me.
Have you not heard of OTP?
So not with Hank! And not with John!
(Though his fire turns me on…)
I would not like to kiss Bobby.
Let him play footsie with Marie.
And I would never sleep with Kurt.
Nor with Logan; that might hurt.
I do not like these younger men.
I'll leave them to the single fen.
I only want to shag one dude!
(I won't say who; that would be rude.)
You will not tell me?
You won't say who?
Tell me! Tell me!
Shame on you!
Tell me or I will be blue.
Damn!
If you will let me be, I will tell you.
You will see.
So...
I like Charles! He's my date!
I do! I love him! He is great!
And I have shagged him at the school.
We've made sweet love there, in the pool.
We have done it wherever we're able.
In the kitchen, on the table.
And I've given him some head.
In the dark. And in the bed.
And in the car. And he's blown me.
He is so good, so good, you see!
And I have snogged him in the study.
(Then we played chess; he is my buddy.)
And I'll do it again today.
For he is cute, and he is gay.
And I will do him here and there.
In the bed, and on his chair.
Hey! I will do him EVERYWHERE!
I do so like that Charles guy!
And now I have a date.
Goodbye!
penknife and I were talking about possible titles for her amazing new fic, "Fear the Rest". (And if you haven't read and reviewed it yet, you really should.)Problem was, for some strange reason, I could only come up with Dr. Seuss parody titles. "Jean, Angst, and Spam" was one of them, and then the parody bunny bit last night and demanded that I write this. Who am I to argue?
Title: "Jean, Angst, and Spam" (A parody of "Green Eggs and Ham")
Rating: R for language and adult material
Summary: Erik talks to an X-Men fan. (Bold text is the fan; regular text is Erik.)
Disclaimer: The X-Men belong to Marvel, and "Green Eggs and Ham" belongs to Dr. Seuss. I'm just the strange person who mixed them together.
Author's Note: If this offends you, I'm sorry.
I am Fan.
Fan I am.
That X-Men fan!
That X-Men fan!
I do not like
that X-Men Fan!
Would you like to snog Jean Grey?
I would not like to snog Jean Grey.
She's a girl, and I am gay.
Would you like to stroke her hair?
I would not like to stroke her hair,
or see her in her underwear.
I would not like to snog Jean Grey!
She's a girl, and I am gay.
Would you do her at the school?
Perhaps with Kitty, in the pool?
I would not do them at the school.
Not in the study; not in the pool.
I do not want your Kitty-Sue,
Let her go play with Bobby-Stu.
I do not want to snog Jean Grey!
She's like my daughter! I am gay!
Would you like to cuddle Storm?
Would you like to keep her warm?
Not with Storm.
I am not warm.
Not at school.
Not in the pool.
I would not like girls there or here!
I'm Erik Lensherr! I am queer!
I would not like to snog Jean Grey.
She's very sweet, but I am gay.
Would you? Could you?
With Mystique?
Shag her! Shag her!
She is chic.
I would not, could not shag Mystique.
You might like girls.
You will see.
You might like to kiss Marie!
I would not, could not, kiss Marie.
Nor shag Mystique, when she's a she.
I would not like to sleep with Storm.
I would not let her keep me warm.
I would not do them at the school,
Not in the kitchen, not in the pool.
I'm Erik Lensherr, and I am queer.
I wear purple; I drink light beer.
I do not want to snog Jean Grey.
She's not my type, I have to say.
OFC! OFC!
OFC! OFC!
Would you, with an OFC?
No Mary Sue! No to Marie!
Not with Mystique or Jubilee!
I would not, could not, sleep with Storm.
I do not like the female form.
Please, no straight orgies at the school!
I will not frolic in the pool.
I am Magneto; I am gay.
I like boys! Is that okay?!
I do not want to snog young Jean.
She's not a man! See what I mean?
Say!
In the dark? You couldn't tell in the dark!
Would you, could you, for a lark?
I would not, could not, in the dark.
Would you, could you, at your lair?
I would not, could not, here or there.
Not in the dark. Not at my lair.
Not with Mystique. Not with Marie.
I just don't fancy girls, you see.
Not in my bed. Not at the school.
Not giving head. It's just not cool.
I will not do them there or here!
I'm out and proud, and I am queer!
You do not like these mutant chicks?
I do not like them. They lack dicks.
Could you, would you, with a boy?
YES! I am gay! That brings me joy.
Would you, could you, snuggle Scott?
I could not, would not, snuggle Scott.
Though he's a man, and he is hot.
There is only one guy for me.
Have you not heard of OTP?
So not with Hank! And not with John!
(Though his fire turns me on…)
I would not like to kiss Bobby.
Let him play footsie with Marie.
And I would never sleep with Kurt.
Nor with Logan; that might hurt.
I do not like these younger men.
I'll leave them to the single fen.
I only want to shag one dude!
(I won't say who; that would be rude.)
You will not tell me?
You won't say who?
Tell me! Tell me!
Shame on you!
Tell me or I will be blue.
Damn!
If you will let me be, I will tell you.
You will see.
So...
I like Charles! He's my date!
I do! I love him! He is great!
And I have shagged him at the school.
We've made sweet love there, in the pool.
We have done it wherever we're able.
In the kitchen, on the table.
And I've given him some head.
In the dark. And in the bed.
And in the car. And he's blown me.
He is so good, so good, you see!
And I have snogged him in the study.
(Then we played chess; he is my buddy.)
And I'll do it again today.
For he is cute, and he is gay.
And I will do him here and there.
In the bed, and on his chair.
Hey! I will do him EVERYWHERE!
I do so like that Charles guy!
And now I have a date.
Goodbye!
