All at once it's not important

Dripping into orbit

electricdruid — Sat, 13 Aug 2016 21:58:07 GMT

LJ has not been saving my drafts, and this is part of the reason I haven't been updating lately. There are other reasons, too, of course. But I just want you guys to know that I value you and I read LJ every single day. Even though I'm not a frequent poster or a frequent commenter, this site is a big part of my social life. It's like going to a party and just sitting and listening to everyone's stories, for me. I might not say much, but I really enjoy "being around" you guys and soaking up your lives.

Anyway. This is what I've been up to.

So some of you may remember my friends Ward and Rabbit and the whole complicated situation surrounding our relationship. I try not to talk about this stuff much, but things have been weird and probably important, so I guess I should say something. Last winter, Ward underwent a voluntary psychiatric evaluation and was diagnosed with three different personality disorders, in addition to bipolar disorder "with a strong emphasis on mania." Unsurprisingly, this caused him a lot of distress, and he was a bit rocky for a few weeks.

He seemed to have settled down somewhat when, a bit out of the blue, he mentioned to me that one of the things he had realized through his years of therapy was that he isn't the type of person who can be in a relationship with someone who has true, soul-crushing clinical depression. So that made me kind of worry that he was thinking about breaking up with Rabbit. It's not really any of my business if he does or not, but since she is the one with the "true, soul-crushing clinical depression," I do worry. And I worry because I have known him for more than ten years and he has consistently displayed patterns of self-sabotage, especially where his relationships are involved.

So I asked him very casually what that meant for him and what he thought he might do about these feelings, and next thing I know he tells me he is going to take a while to get back to me because he has called out of work in a very bad mental place and is driving around aimlessly trying to convince himself not to drive off the nearest bridge. Well that escalated quickly. I didn't hear from him again all day, at which point he sent me a classic Ward message: "I don't mean to worry you. I don't want to worry you. Thank you. For everything you've done. Don't think about me. Don't worry about me. I'll make it through. That's just what happens. I love you... I'm sorry." That was the last I heard from him. That was seven months ago.

I know he's fine. I did my fair share of stalking. He just needs me out of his life for a while til he gets his shit together, or maybe forever. Between the therapy and whatever meds he ends up on, I guess we'll see what he wants and needs. But it wasn't until June that I FINALLY hit that moment that I've been waiting for for years, where my brain just gave up and said "Okay, we're not going to check up on them anymore." I didn't stop wanting to- I'm still fighting the urge, two months later- but I finally reached a point where my self-discipline was able to step in and wrest control from my obsession.

And when that happened, I also noticed that I lost a lot of interest in the internet in general. Posting and commenting here, and on FB, for instance, and on BoxyThoughts where I usually have a thriving community of friends. My interests have become more focused on the present. They are more concrete. I'm going for hikes and spending time at the beach and catching up with friends. My mood has improved measurably. (None of this is enough to suppress the obsession, of course. I'd happily throw all these improvements away just to see his latest profile picture. But I won't. For right now, I'm in control. Yet somehow no one seems to take me seriously when I say this relationship feels like a drug addiction to me. Hmm...)

It feels very strange, after six years, to finally be getting to a place of real healing about this. I'm taking control of the obsessions and compulsions. I've made an appointment to see a psychiatrist. I'm putting in the work I need to do, so if he ever comes back into my life he won't be a trigger for me anymore. I'm going to build a good life for myself. It's not going to my first choice, but it's going to be a good one. A life that can run with him in it, but that doesn't require his presence. All of a sudden I feel okay- and I hate it. I feel a strong sense of peace, but I feel an equally powerful sense of resentment towards that peace. Like I've spent years on stormy seas and suddenly I find myself in still waters. It's a better, safter situation, but I was good at navigating those stormy seas, and I'm feeling pretty dizzy now that I've stopped moving.

So that's that. Work has been rough in so many ways, but there's nothing really new worth talking about. Our population has swelled and died and swelled up to over-capacity again and again. Dogs who could have been saved under different circumstances have been put to sleep. Long-timers have gone home- and stayed home. We're finally up to full staff- I trained three new people this week and I'm still teaching puppy socialization classes every Thursday. I no longer want to kill myself or quit my job. I am always wondering how long I can last here, but I will continue to push myself to get everything out of this place that I can. I have so many responsibilities here that will be huge resume-boosters, and the longer I stay, the more confident I feel about these new skills that I'm learning- leadership and teaching skills especially. I'm reasonably confident that I will make it to my goal of three years here (I'll reach that next February), and after that, who knows. If I can manage the stress, this place is a great opportunity to grow, but it always seems to devolve into the same old, tired competition to prove that one person or group cares more about the welfare of animals than others. It's exhausting.

On the home front, Fiende's boss got a new job, and that means my man is getting a promotion! The department director and the HR have both been on alternating vacations, so things have been moving slowly, but we have been promised an answer by Tuesday. His boss had a meeting with the CEO in which they had decided that Fiende would get at $10k raise with his promotion, and then another $10k raise upon completion of several certification courses (to be paid for by the company), but it still has to go through HR, I guess. I don't know how that works, really, but I guess we'll see in a few days. He's getting very anxious about it, justifiably. He's afriad he won't get approved for the raise he wants. But I keep telling him that the problem is already solved. If he doesn't get what he's looking for, he will argue it, or he will get another job. That's all there is to it. He's in control- it's just a waiting game at this point, to see what route he will be taking to the goal.

I've kind of been on cloud nine ever since I found out about this. I hate talking about money, but the fact that this means we will be able to get a house within a year and a half is one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me. Two bathrooms! A yard! A place where I can paint the walls and install shelves! And finally, the chance to start fostering dogs! I can't wait. I just can't freaking wait.

Cut

electricdruid — Thu, 23 Apr 2015 14:07:42 GMT

I did a small friends-cut this week. No hard feelings, I just wasn't clicking with y'all and I realized that I was starting to avoid LJ because of it. I wish you all the very best <3

100 Photographs: #090-100

electricdruid — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 21:17:37 GMT

#090 - Springtime

#091 - Ol' Blue Eyes

#092 & 093 - Fawn I & II

#094 - Brown Eyed Girls

#095 - Never Ending Light
#096 - Attention

#097 - The Widower

#099- Proud Parent

#100 - Upstate

Aaaand I am DONE with this challenge! =D

100 Photographs: #038-#089/100

electricdruid — Wed, 30 Apr 2014 18:57:58 GMT

Well it turns out I had a lot more unposted photos than I thought. Look at that- I went from being one quarter finished to almost 90% finished in one day. Go me! Most of these are from last year. I'm dividing these into batches for those of you with crappy internet connection, because there are a SHIT TON. Thanks for looking, by the way.

#038- Talking Heads
#039- Jizo | #040- Golden
#041- Halo

#042- South | #043- Spring

#044- Home | #045- Reach

#046- Juniper | #047- Juniper II

#048- Still Life | #049- Hue

#050- Sacrifices | #051- Unemployment

#052- Storm

#053- Takeoff | #054- Flight

#055- Landing

#056- Up | #057- Solitary
#058- Armor | #059- Nightfall

#060- Tiny | #061- Forest Floor
#062- Green Cycle | #063- Red

#064- Perspective | #065- Swirling

#066- Spin | #067- Ganesha

#068- Tall | #69- Party Cops

#070- Opeth | #071- King Dude

#072- Breakfast | #073 Boots
#074- Newly Wed | #75- Something White

#076- Just Married | #077- Tame

#078- Over the River | #079- Sailing

#080- NYC | #081- Garden
#082- Peking | #083- Skyline

#084- Ferry

#085- Wolfdog | #086- Mother
#087- White Flight | #088- Gull

#089- Beau

100 Photographs: #018 - #023/100

electricdruid — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 15:58:59 GMT

All photos are from autumn and winter 2012, just before and after Hurricane Sandy.

#018 - Battered
#019 - Still Life
#020 - Before the Storm
#021 - Laid Low
#022 - Rise
#023 - The Preacher

100 Photographs: #012 - #017/100

electricdruid — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 15:45:48 GMT

All photos are from summer 2012

Above:
#012 - Summer Night
#013 - Penguin March
#014 - Balance
---
Below:
#015 - Leap of Faith
#016 - Reject
#017 - Serenity

Dreamwidth Diaspora

electricdruid — Sat, 16 Mar 2013 22:07:42 GMT

If you've been considering moving to Dreamwidth or simply creating an account there, but have been hesitant because you don't know people there, subluxate has created a friending meme on their DW account to help you out with that. You can add me over there at arclight.

Sidenote: I've never been able to get LJ to let me link to DW. If anyone could explain what the hell I'm doing wrong, I'd greatly appreciate it XD

The LiveJournal Expat Friending Meme

This post is public

This makes my heart ache

electricdruid — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 02:46:07 GMT

After a few hours, a member of my own species found me. He left and returned with a group who carried me away. I wept like a child, not because I was overwhelmed at having survived, although I was. I was weeping because Richard Parker left me so... unceremoniously. It broke my heart.

You know, my father was right. Richard Parker never saw me as his friend. After all we'd been through, he didn't even look back. But I have to believe that there was more in his eyes than my own reflection staring back at me. I know I felt it - even if I can't prove it. I just wish...

You know, I've left so much behind.My family, the zoo, Anandi, India - I suppose in the end the whole of life becomes an act of letting go. But what always hurts the most is not taking the moment to say goodbye. I was never able to thank my father for all I learned from him, to tell him that without his lessons I would never have survived... And I know he's a tiger, but I wish I'd said: 'It's over. We've survived. Thank you for saving my life. I love you, Richard Parker. You will always be with me. May God be with you.'

-Life of Pi (2012)

This post is public.

Let's fund this!

electricdruid — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 18:07:40 GMT

I realize this is Sunday and a slow day for LJ, but I really think if we all pitch in and repost this, we can raise the $3,000-ish they need to fund this in the next 14 hours.

Drug Rape Prevention: DrinkSavvy Color Changing Drinkware

The problem is tha date rape drugs are odorless, colorless, and tasteless nce they’re in your drink. We all know not to leave our drinks unattended, but the reality is it’s impossible to keep an eye on your drink all night.
So what’s the solution? With the help of Dr. John MacDonald, a
professor of chemistry at Worcester Polytechnic Institute, and with the
help of Contract Researching Organizations, DrinkSavvy is developin material that will immediately change color to warn you if a drug is slipped into your drink.

Great! But it doesn’t stop there. Together, DrinkSavvy will have the funding necessary to full develop the materia anddrinkware directly from this material, such as Plastic Straws and Stirrers, Plastic Party Cups an Glassware.

That mean discrete, 100% effortless, and continuous drink monitoring throughout the night, because the same drinkware that you are drinking with…is also the color changing material that makes invisible drugs visible.

While DrinkSavvy’s initial goal is to perfect our design to make our
products available online and free to select rape crisis centers,
DrinkSavvy’s ultimate goal is to use the success of this campaign to
convince bars, clubs, and colleges to make DrinkSavvy th new safety standard nd eventuall make drug-facilitated sexual assault a crime of the past.

So please, back DrinkSavvy to be a part of something that will change
the world for the better. Back DrinkSavvy to be a part of something
that has never been done before, and back DrinkSavvy to prevent someone
you care about from possibly being the victim of drug-facilitated sexual
assault. Thank you all so much in advance, and remember, when you’re
out drinking, drink smart, drink safe DrinkSavvy.

CONTRIBUTE NOW!

100 Photographs: #006 - #011/100

electricdruid — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 20:43:04 GMT

These photos were taken at the Penn Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology in Philadelphia, PA.

#006 - Repose
#007 - Pharaoh
#008 - Bodhisattva
#009 - Maitreya
#010 - Lioness
#011 - Guan Yin

electricdruid — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 16:35:18 GMT

My fellow Americans! =D

One week from Tuesday we go to the polls to vote for President. By now I'm sure almost all of us know who they are going to cast their votes for. But it's important to remember that 36 states will also be voting on a total of 176 additional measures. I remember four years ago- my first presidential election- I was surprised and confused to find that I was voting on additional measures- not just for President- and I was totally unprepared. So I guessed. Guessing, I think we can agree, is not a particularly good strategy for a democracy, especially a first world democracy where so many of us have near-constant access to information.

So I'm asking you to do your research. This page lists all the measures that will be on the ballots on November 6th, divided by state. At the very least you should read the articles on each measure before you go to vote. These questions should not be new to you or take you by surprise when you arrive at your polling place. Know what you are voting on. Same sex marriage and marijuana legalization are just some of the many important subjects being voted on. Know if they're being voted on in your state, and understand what a yes vote or a no vote will mean.

To make this as easy as possible, I've compiled this handy list. All content is originally from Ballotopedia:

Alabama

Alaska

Arizona

Arkansas

California

Colorado

Connecticut

No measures

Delaware

No measures

District of Colombia

No measures

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Idaho

Illinois

Illinois Public Pension Amendment

Indiana

No Measures

Iowa

No Measures

Kansas

Kansas Boat Property Tax Amendment

Kentucky

Kentucky Hunting and Fishing Amendment

Louisiana

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Michigan

Minnesota

Mississippi

No measures

Missouri

Montana

Nebraska

Nevada

Nevada Special Session Amendment

New Hampshire

New Mexico

New Jersey

New York

No measures

North Carolina

No measures

North Dakota

Ohio

Oklahoma

Oregon

Pennsylvania

No measures

Rhode Island

South Carolina

South Carolina Gubernatorial Elections Amendment

South Dakota

Tennessee

No measures

Texas

No measures

Utah

Vermont

No measures

Virginia

Washington

West Virginia

West Virginia County Sheriff Term Limit Amendment

Wisconsin

No measures

Wyoming

Note: this entry is public. If you found this to be useful, please respost it so that other can benefit from it, too.

electricdruid — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 15:46:07 GMT

I know I'm preaching to the choir here. I know you all know that healthcare and healthcare reform are important. I know this article is disturbing and graphic. But nevertheless I would appreciate it if you would read it, and share it.

The Chief Complaint

Note: This entry is public.

electricdruid — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 19:04:57 GMT

I am so fucking frustrated. I thought I was doing so much better at work, being so much more careful, but it turns out I'm not. I don't know what else to do. I'm not even being careless, because "careless" implies that I'm not treating my work with care, when in fact I'm doing everything I can think to do. I'm doing things in the order that I was told is least likely to lead to me making mistakes. I'm writing things out by hand before typing them. I'm trying my best to go back over and double check my work. What the fuck else can I do?

And no, I don't want to talk about it. That's why comments are disabled.

100 Photographs: 005/100

electricdruid — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 15:22:27 GMT

#005: Indra
All photos

One Last Push

electricdruid — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 14:02:57 GMT

I know there has been a lot of conflicting news about whether Lennox, the dog in Belfast who was forcibly taken from his family due to his assumed breed, is still alive or whether he has been euthanized. For a time many thought that the battle had been lost and he had been killed, but he is still alive and his family is trying to push through one final appeal to have him sent to the United States where he has a new, safe home waiting for him. They are asking anyone who is willing to send an email (the text is provided- they want all emails to say the same thing) to the addresses provided at the last link below. The emails need to be sent TODAY- July 9, 2012. Please, let's all give Lennox one last shot at life.

Links:

Protesters in New York, Belfast try to save Lennox, condemned dog (World News | MSNBC)
The petition
The email text

100 Photographs: 004/100

electricdruid — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 17:37:11 GMT

#004: 1 Tablespoon
All photos

100 Photographs: 003/100

electricdruid — Fri, 11 May 2012 17:56:29 GMT

#003: Life
All photos

100 Photographs: 002/100

electricdruid — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:57:30 GMT

#002: Buddha
All photos

If you follow my Tumblr, you've probably seen this already, but whatever, right?

Stop the Arizona birth control Bill

electricdruid — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:09:21 GMT

Originally posted by zeitgeistic at Stop the Arizona birth control Bill

Originally posted by enchanted_jae at Stop the Arizona birth control Bill

Originally posted by mandatorily at Stop the Arizona birth control Bill

I just signed the following petition addressed to: Arizona Sentate, Arizona State Legislature, Debbie Lesko.

----------------
Stop the Arizona birth control Bill

If this bill passes the senate then women of Arizona would be forced to provide documentation that birth control is for medical purposes only. The "company" would not be required to cover birth control if it was for prevention of conception. Additionally this bill would give companies the right to fire women if they discovered that she was using a contraceptive to prevent pregnancy
----------------

http://www.change.org/petitions/arizona-sentate-arizona-state-legislature-debbie-lesko-stop-the-arizona-birth-control-bill#

Die, Arizona. Just die already.

CISPA is the new SOPA

electricdruid — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 13:26:58 GMT

Originally posted by eska_rina at CISPA is the new SOPA

Originally posted by quadruplify at CISPA is the new SOPA

Originally posted by awakenyourfaith at CISPA is the new SOPA

Originally posted by lady_leia_solo at CISPA is the new SOPA

Originally posted by aimmyarrowshigh at CISPA is the new SOPA

Here's their next move: The Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act, or CISPA, would obliterate any semblance of online privacy in the United States.

And CISPA would provide a victory for content owners who were shell-shocked by the unprecedented outpouring of activism in opposition to SOPA and Internet censorship.

The House of Representatives is planning to take up CISPA later this month. Click here to ask your lawmakers to oppose it.

SOPA was pushed as a remedy to the supposed economic threat of online piracy -- but economic fear-mongering didn't quite do the trick.

So those concerned about copyright are engaging in sleight of hand, appending their legislation to a bill that most Americans will assume is about keeping them safe from bad guys.

This so-called cyber security bill aims to prevent theft of "government information" and "intellectual property" and could let ISPs block your access to websites -- or the whole Internet.

Don't let them push this back-door SOPA. Click here to demand that your lawmakers oppose CISPA.

CISPA also encourages companies to share information about you with the government and other corporations.

That data could then be used for just about anything -- from prosecuting crimes to ad placements.

And perhaps worst of all, CISPA supercedes all other online privacy protections.

Please click here to urge your lawmakers to oppose CISPA when it comes up for a vote this month.

Thanks for fighting for the Internet.

-Demand Progress

I don't know why this is the first time mention of CISPA has made it to my f-list, but I trust you all know what to do!

What if I never break?

electricdruid — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 01:22:33 GMT

All that I see
Show me your ways
Teach me to meet my desires
with some grace

All that I fear
Don't turn away
And leave me to plead in this hole of a place...
'Cause what if I never break?
Estuary won't you take me
Far away
Far away

All that I seek
Please police me
I wan't you to police me
But keep it clean

Now that you mean.. my day
Now let's take them away
(that's why I hold you)
Strong as you've seen
Bold as you behave
(that's why I hold you)
You will always obey
(that's why I hold you)

All that I feel
Capital ways
Teach me to grieve and conspire
With my age

All that I can see
A gold mystic spree
A seeithing routine
I could never navigate
Maybe I like to stray

No harm it seems to be less so free...not today
It's like you want it that way

All that I see
Peaceful lives run away from me
Run away from me

We would like to take the sights
(that's why I hold you)
And bring silence in disguise
(that's why I hold you... dear)
We would like to meet the buyer that is on your life
That's why I hold you
That's why I hold you dear
That's why I hold you....

The fiasco continues

electricdruid — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 16:11:08 GMT

ACTA in a Nutshell –

What is ACTA? ACTA is the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. A new intellectual property enforcement treaty being negotiated by the United States, the European Community, Switzerland, and Japan, with Australia, the Republic of Korea, New Zealand, Mexico, Jordan, Morocco, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, and Canada recently announcing that they will join in as well.

Why should you care about ACTA? Initial reports indicate that the treaty will have a very broad scope and will involve new tools targeting “Internet distribution and information technology.”

What is the goal of ACTA? Reportedly the goal is to create new legal standards of intellectual property enforcement, as well as increased international cooperation, an example of which would be an increase in information sharing between signatory countries’ law enforcement agencies.

Essential ACTA Resources -

Read more about ACTA here: ACTA Fact Sheet
Read the authentic version of the ACTA text as of 15 April 2011, as finalized by participating countries here: ACTA Finalized Text
Follow the history of the treaty’s formation here: ACTA history
Read letters from U.S. Senator Ron Wyden wherein he challenges the constitutionality of ACTA: Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Read the Administration’s Response to Wyden’s First Letter here: Response
Watch a short informative video on ACTA: ACTA Video
Watch a lulzy video on ACTA: Lulzy Video

Say NO to ACTA. It is essential to spread awareness and get the word out on ACTA.

Via Tumblr

Help.

electricdruid — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:54:05 GMT

Originally posted by subluxate at post

gandolforf's brother, Eric Lee Bark, pictured above, was last seen in Maquoketa, IA, on November 4, 2011. He gave no word to his family as to where he was going.

Eric was born December 19, 1987. He is 6'2" and weighs approximately 170 pounds. He has hazel eyes and brown hair, and there is a 6" scar on the outside of his left arm, near his elbow. The last time he was seen, he was wearing a dark blue hoodie and blue jeans. His car is also missing; it's a green Jimmy with rust marks.

If you see him, please contact gandolforf at gandolforf@gmail.com, on Twitter at gandolforf, on Tumblr at http://gandolforf.tumblr.com/, or let me know. You can also contact the Maquoketa Police Department at (563) 652-2468.

There is a Facebook post here; please pass it on if you can. There is also a Tumblr post here.

This post is public. Feel free to pass it on, in part or full, if you so choose.

?

electricdruid — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:28:55 GMT

This is a total long shot, but... A long time ago one of the featured LJ communities was a comm whose main purpose was to post what topic you were interested in and people would comment with suggestions of (usually active) communities.

I've been through the featured communities as far back as I can get and I haven't been able to find it again. Do any of you happen to have any idea what I'm talking about??

Manifest Destiny

electricdruid — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:22:35 GMT

If you've ever looked at my profile, you should recognize this. I want to update my LJ profile, but I still resonate with this so much, and I don't want to get rid of it. So I'm going to post it here as a manifesto or something.

I'm the kind of person you either love or hate. You'll either think I'm an honest, kind, and good person, or an ignorant, arrogant bitch. I am both, and I am neither. I am dynamic, constantly shifting attitudes, beliefs, ideas, moods, hopes, and dreams. I contradict myself yet I'm always true to myself, because my nature is not static, but changes. I'm the raging wind in the storm and a gentle summer breeze. I am an ember and I am a forest fire. I am a pebble and I am a mountain. I am a drop of rain and I am the sea. I am physical and I am mental, emotional, and psychic. But at all times I am myself. Love is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. It lifts me up, motivates me, lets me help others, teaches me new things, and helps me to forgive. Yet love has also blinded me, made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and inspired me to change for others instead of for myself. It has healed me, but it has also made me suffer. I try to embrace suffering. I prefer to learn things the hard way. I don't take the easy path, or the best path, or the least painful path. I take the one that gets me where I need to go, the one that calls out the loudest to me when my heart weighs the options. I listen to my intuition. I try to always do right by others, but refuse to sacrifice so much of myself for others that there is nothing left for me. I recognize that self sacrifice feels good to me and to those I'm sacrificing for, but that in reality it limits my ability to help others. And if there's one thing I hate, it's limits. I live with as few limits boundaries as I am able at any given time, and I constantly push and redefine the ones I've got. I try not to hurt anyone too badly or get too hurt myself along the way, but you can't shield anyone from everything, and I wouldn't want to. Pain is the greatest teacher, and I'm proud of all my scars. Some are badges of courage and remind me of my own strength. Others are reminders of my fuck ups, warnings not to repeat my mistakes. I don't mind fucking up. I don't mind being wrong. I've fallen down, I've hurt myself, I've hurt people I love, and I wish I hadn't. But what's done is done and can't be changed. I take my lessons, learn them well, and move on. Sometimes I try to set things right. Sometimes making things right means not doing anything at all. I'm not perfect; I've never claimed to be and I'd never want to be. I just do my best with the choices I make and the situations I find myself in, and try always to love myself. Loving myself is something new to me. I've been called selfish for it, a bitch, a whore, a narcissist, a liar, worthless, and a fundamentally bad person. And that's okay, because every night before I go to sleep, I have to square with the choices I made that day. Every night I have to decide if I'm happy with myself and with what I've done. So long as I remain true to myself, those insults mean nothing.