Amy

Happy Birthday Michelle!

2010-01-30T09:45:22Z

To my dear friend dancinginsecret ... I hope you have a wonderful birthday, sweetie! Are you doing anything fun to celebrate?

amian @ 2009-04-11T04:26:00

2009-04-11T09:27:11Z

What in the holy hell is wrong with Faith Ford? My god... I don't think I've ever seen anyone be so annoying in an exercise video, and that's really saying something:

http://mindbodybalance.msn.com/?section=articles&content=105_body&source=msn&GT1=25048#/episodes/101_body/

Also, not to be snarky (well, ok, to be snarky) she's got a crappy body. I am impressed by how fresh and pretty her face looks though... Murphy Brown was forever ago, so she's got to be at least 40.

F-list cut

2009-03-04T13:08:45Z

I'm having a very difficult time right now with this stupid math class I'm taking, and because of that I'm not keeping up with anything else in my life either. In the interest of minimizing distractions I unfortunately felt the need to trim my friend's list a bit, mainly of a few really nice folks who were fairly recent additions that I haven't had the time to properly connect with. If you are one of those people, please know that I enjoyed reading you and wish you well.

I know I haven't been posting much recently, but in the interest of, again, minimizing distractions, I may not be reading or commenting all that much either. I will try to check in occasionally so I hopefully don't miss anything important.

Ragtime bluuuuuuues

2009-02-22T22:01:41Z

Ok, I can't really bitch too awful damn much about my period, as it was kind enough to hold off until this morning which allowed me to a) get laid yesterday morning and b) sit through 2.5 hours of Macbeth in comfort.

The play was wonderful. Lady Macbeth was seductively evil and quite lovely, the witches were dramatic and scary, and the modern setting and costumes were very well done and didn't detract from the atmosphere or story like I'd thought they might. The famous "double, double, toil and trouble" scene with the witches was set in a girly bar with the witches posing as strippers before they killed all the patrons and plucked bits off them to mix into their poisonous brew. Very sexy and evil and scary. And the scene with the drunken porter ranting and raving about being the porter to hell was very funny.

Oh, and Lady Macbeth got next to naked in the first scene and we couldn't stop thinking about her boobs all night, because we are just that cultured.

I wasn't sure if we'd enjoy Shakespeare onstage because of the language issue, but even the parts I hadn't read in advance I kept up with well enough that I didn't get lost. We had an amazing time and both want to go again. He wants to see Hamlet and I want to see Taming of the Shrew, neither of which is running at the moment. I hope we'll get to see at least one of those later this year.

Hot Doug's didn't happen, unfortunately. We got there at 1 p.m. and it turned out to be a tiny little place with people lined up around the block. I suppose if we ever want to try it we're just going to have to suck it up and get in line, but yesterday I just didn't feel like it. So we wound up going to Navy Pier early, walking around a bit and then eating lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Company. Which was pretty darn good, though not particularly cheap nor did it have the "off the beaten path" quality we were kind of going for. But that's ok, it was new to us which does go along with the general theme of the dates.

Today I'm working on my math. I haven't been doing so well, and I'm quite far behind. Right now we're going over algebra, my lifelong math nemesis. I'm getting it, but the understanding comes very slowly, and I simply don't have the attention span and frustration tolerance to work on it for long periods at a stretch. I work a couple of problems and have to get up and do something else to let the tension go. At least I'm getting a lot of little crap done around the house. I figured out how to do the simple equations on my own, by consulting multiple sources; but Ian has been my hero today, helping me get through the multi-step problems that were kicking my dumb blonde ass.

I also need to go to the grocery store today... I don't wanna, but I more or less have to. I wish I'd have gotten my ass in gear and gone at six when I woke up. The Sunday afternoon grocery store crowd needs to blow me.

amian @ 2008-12-11T04:28:00

2008-12-11T10:28:55Z

Study Suggests Sugar May Be Addictive

By Amanda Gardner, HealthDay Reporter

WEDNESDAY, Dec. 10 (HealthDay News) -- Science is verifying what many overeaters have suspected for a long time: sugar can be addictive.

In fact, the sweetener seems to prompt the same chemical changes in the brain seen in people who abuse drugs such as cocaine and heroin.

The findings were to be presented Wednesday at the American College of Neuropsychopharmacology's annual meeting, in Nashville.

"Our evidence from an animal model suggests that bingeing on sugar can act in the brain in ways very similar to drugs of abuse," lead researcher Bart Hoebel, a professor of psychology at Princeton University, said during a Dec. 4 teleconference.

"Drinking large amounts of sugar water when hungry can cause behavioral changes and even neurochemical changes in the brain which resemble changes that are produced when animals or people take substances of abuse. These animals show signs of withdrawal and even long-lasting effects that might resemble craving," he said.

Dr. Louis Aronne, director of the Comprehensive Weight Control Program at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center in New York City, added: "The big question has been whether it's just a behavioral thing or is it a metabolic chemical thing, and evidence like this supports the idea that something chemical is going on."

A "sugar addiction" may even act as a "gateway" to later abuse of drugs such as alcohol, Hoebel said.

The stages of addiction, as defined by the American Psychiatric Association, include bingeing, withdrawal and craving.

For the new research, rats were denied food for 12 hours a day, then were given access to food and sugar (25 percent glucose and 10 percent sucrose, similar to a soft drink) for 12 hours a day, for three to four weeks.

The bingeing released a surge of the neurotransmitter dopamine each time in the part of the brain involved in reward, the nucleus accumbens. "It's been known that drugs of abuse release or increase the levels of dopamine in that part of the brain," Hoebel said.

But it wasn't only the sugar that caused this effect, Hoebel explained -- it was the sugar combined with the alternating schedule of deprivation and largesse. After three weeks, the rats showed signs of withdrawal similar to those seen when people stop smoking or drinking alcohol or using morphine.

The scientists next blocked the animals' brain endorphins and found withdrawal symptoms, anxiety, behavioral depression and a drop in dopamine levels. In other words, they confirmed a neurochemical link with the rats' behavior.

But longer periods of abstinence didn't "cure" the rats. Instead, there were long-lasting effects with the animals: They ingested more sugar than before, as if they were craving the substance and, without sugar, they drank more alcohol.

The researchers speculated that some of these brain changes may also occur in people with eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia, although more research needs to be done to confirm the effects in humans.

"Some say it's easy to lose weight -- you just have to shut your mouth, stop eating so much," Aronne said. "I tell them a good way to overcome global warming is if people made less carbon dioxide by breathing less. Obviously, that's absurd. You can't do it because you feel uncomfortable.

"The same thing is true of eating," he added. "Fattening food has an impact on the regulating mechanism that breaks down your sense of fullness, makes you feel an urge to go back and get that blast of sugar and this creates the vicious cycle of weight gain that we're going through."

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100228625&gt1=31036

amian @ 2008-10-17T04:53:00

2008-10-17T09:59:43Z

Yesterday I went and got my hair cut after work. I'd been putting it off for awhile because I'm trying to grow it longer and I wasn't willing to part with any length until I got it well grown out past the "short hair" stage. I've been trimming and attempting to layer my own bangs for awhile now though, and they were starting to look it.

I saw a new stylist at my regular place because I just asked for whoever was free, and she did a terrific job. I wound up losing a bit more length than I would have liked but it turned out really cute so don't mind. I had told her I didn't want ANY width at the sides, so she spent a fair amount of time blowing it out straight and OMG, does that ever look fabulous! I had no idea, I thought straightening blow-outs were something only curly girls did. This is the first time I think I've EVER liked the way my hair looked right out of the salon.

I am hopeless with my hair, not to mention the time factor, so I doubt if I'll ever manage to work the blow-dryer magic on myself. I wish I could have someone live in and do me every day.

Birthday Wishes

2008-10-14T09:25:02Z

Happy Birthday Rachael! (ugotogal )

I hope you have a truly wonderful day. :)

Cool... moi??? confused

2008-09-14T12:04:09Z

Your result for How geeky are you?...

Cool Introvert

49% Geeky, 79% Cranial and 41% Introverted!

You scored 49% Geeky, 79% Cranial and 41% Introverted! Brilliant! This is so very exciting because you have managed to maintain your intelligence yet steer clear of the path to geekiness. You are the rarest of the rare, not many people score in this category. I don't know if you realize the delicate balance between smarts and geekiness, yet you have overcome!!

You most likely have a strong passion for reading or some other hobby you can cultivate on your own, and this can be a wonderful creative outlet. Make sure you take the time to develop strong interpersonal relationships as they may not come as easily to you, though they are vital for a fulfilling life. It takes much effort to mantain them at times, but their benefits far outweight their draw backs.

I truly hope you enjoyed the test as much as I enjoyed making it! I always welcome email comments/suggestions! Thanks for taking it!

Take How geeky are you? at HelloQuizzy

amian @ 2008-09-13T08:05:00

2008-09-13T13:05:58Z

It is raining cats and dogs and grizzly bears here. The ducks who live in our back yard are so happy. The drainage ditch that runs from the far end of the yard to the pond at the other end is full of water, and they are riding it down to the pond like a waterslide. So cute!

Braless in Walmart at 8 a.m.

2008-07-29T15:39:56Z

This morning an incident at the gym ran me a bit late for work. I went to put my bra on after my shower... put my arms through the straps and as I was trying to hoist the girls into the cups, I heard a small pa-POW sound and the bra dropped to the floor. Somehow my boobs of death managed to anihilate both shoulder straps almost simultaneously.

Had to make a quick run to Walmart with breasts flopping merrily under my business casual. That's a classy look right there, I don't care who ya are.

amian @ 2008-07-29T05:31:00

2008-07-29T10:51:03Z

Yesterday I got my glasses in the mail from Zenni Optical online. The quality doesn't seem too bad for what I paid, $8 for one pair and $9.95 for the other, plus an additional $4.95 per pair for anti-glare coating. Click to see them on my face:

First, my old glasses, purchased the traditional way awhile back. You can't see it here because of the camera angle, but when you look at my face straight on, my "frameless" glasses look like I have white frames because the way the thick edges of the lenses reflect the light. It's not a great look.

Here are the blue ones I just bought. In real life they are much bolder and IN YOUR FACE. I'm not in love with them but I think they are ok... kind of your basic hipster GLASSES look, but Ian thinks they are hideous and the kid can't stop laughing. I might wear them once in awhile for something different:

And here are my new wire rims. You can't see it very well in the pic, but they are purple. I really like these, and I think I'm going to order them in a couple more colors:

So far I'm pretty happy with Zenni. I looked at some other sites but they seemed harder to navigate to find the styles I wanted. I may check out another one at some point but first I've got a few more pairs picked out on Zenni. I'm thrilled with the idea of having an actual wardrobe of different glasses, seeing as how I'm stuck wearing them practically 24/7.

</div>

amian @ 2008-07-24T12:36:00

2008-07-24T17:36:22Z

Ian has this weird red discoloration on the end of his nose this morning. I asked him what happened:

Him: I dunno, I just woke up and it was like that.
Me: Did something give you a nose-hickey in the middle of the night?
Him: I hope not...
Me: Maybe it was a succubus... that was a little confused about its mission.
Him: A stupid succubus. A RETARDED succubus.
Me: That'd be just our luck.

amian @ 2008-07-23T09:53:00

2008-07-23T13:50:32Z

Check out my new layout and user pic... I love it! I was getting pretty sick of the dark.

amian @ 2008-06-21T06:05:00

2008-06-21T11:27:53Z

So I've been perfect on my diet since Monday, and yesterday at my work weigh-in I was down... 8.1 pounds! Holy crap.

I went to a new doctor earlier in the week... Doctor Barbie has apparently gone on maternity leave, so of the two other female D.O.'s in the practice I decided to try the one who is closer to my age. I like Doctor Barbie a lot but when I bring up stuff like menopause she kind of cocks her head to the side real cute, like a puppy hearing a fart for the first time. She just has no conception (well, maybe that was a poor choice of words considering she's on maternity leave..)

Anyway. I like the new lady a lot. I don't recall ever laughing so hard while on the table waiting for my girly bits to be prodded. We had talked for awhile and I thought she knew I was married so I was surprised when she asked me if I was sexually active. Apparently the nurse had set out the tiny speculum they use on virgins. We both had a good guffaw over that one. I've ceased being dainty in that area a long time ago.   I've been married three times, I told her, I'm pretty sure I can handle the big-girl speculum.   "Yeah, after a certain amount of use, some things just aren't going to snap back like they were, are they?" she laughed.   I'm guessing firsthand experience here--she has five kids.

She was not happy with my blood pressure.   The diuretic I've been taking does lower it some but still not to normal levels. She wanted to add back the ACE that made me cough but I talked her into using an ARB instead.  Both are good for diabetics so she was fine with that. I took my first pill on Wednesday, then took my BP on Friday and damn near fell off the chair. 110/60! I don't think I've had a blood pressure that low since I was a child. I really didn't think it would work that fast but YAY!

I have a shit-ton of stuff I need to accomplish today. I need to be at the gym when the doors open at 8 because I want to swim for an hour today and I need to be showered and dressed and across town for a hair appointment at 9:30. I want to make some headway on cleaning out our storage lockers so we have room to move some of Ian's books. I NEED to get the rest of the shit out of the living/dining area so I can actually clean... I bought a new vaccuum two weeks ago and haven't used it yet.   I also need to get groceries and porn and pack a bag for tomorrow.

It's our 7th anniversary and we are spending the afternoon at Sybaris, then going out to dinner at the Flat Top Grill. I actually planned out my points for the dinner for a change instead of winging it.... go me! If I can keep from gaining back any of what I lost this week, I should finally get my 10% key ring from Weight Watchers on Monday. I've had my "16 Weeks" clapping hands charm floating around loose in my purse for far too long.

amian @ 2008-06-17T05:19:00

2008-06-17T10:37:30Z

Yesterday was the first on-plan day I've had in awhile. I actually had to tear the apartment apart to find my Core materials, and yet still I was taken aback at how far I'd strayed from the plan. Wound up eating 7 points just at breakfast because I forgot that: heavy cream in my coffee is a low-carb thing, not a WW thing; the cereal I've been eating, while healthy, is also not Core and points must be counted for it; and 2% milk is also not Core and ditto on the points. Even though I swam yesterday morning, I wound up having to take a walk at lunch to earn a couple of activity points to cover everything.

Last night I ran out after dinner and picked up some skim milk and a Core-approved cereal.

Somehow, even though I have not been on plan at all the past couple of weeks, I was down 4.2 at weigh-in. Don't be too impressed, I had gained 3 last week that I didn't think I deserved either so my body is probably playing games with water retention.

It's not really that hard to stay on plan if I do exactly what it says. I just have a tendency to make exceptions for myself... I tend to let little things slide because I know that each little individual thing by itself is probably not going to make a difference. I can drink 2% milk instead of skim and still lose. I can eat a non-Core cereal and still lose. A few points over for the week is probably not going to hurt my progress. Deciding that whole-grain bread and pomegranate juice should be on the once-a-day list seems reasonable. And any one of those tweaks by itself probably WOULDN'T be a problem. But I was doing them all....

Having a little husband-provided structure helps me by forcing me to stick to the letter of the plan instead of convincing myself that letting any particular detail slide is no big deal. I didn't want to run out for milk after dinner, but I needed one more milk for the day and we didn't have any skim in the house. So off I went.

I'm not sure what is wrong with my brain that I can't make myself do stuff like that on my own. But for whatever reason, I can't. So structure it must be, I guess.

amian @ 2008-06-16T04:54:00

2008-06-16T10:06:18Z

I've been floundering on the diet for some time now, as you've probably guessed by the lack of my mentioning it. Getting involved in the contest did not motivate me like I'd hoped, it only added an additional note of embarrassment and anxiety to my week. I've been bouncing up and down within the same 5 pound range for weeks now.

Yesterday I enlisted Ian's help with this thing. From now on, I will be reporting in on whether I've met the following daily goals:

1. Wrote down everything I ate
2. Measured and counted points for any non-Core food
3. Stayed within target points for the day
4. Did not break any Core rules
5. Completed all the check boxes in my food journal (water, fruits/veggies, dairy, healthy oil)
6. Earned at least 3 activity points (5 days out of the week)

Consequences will be the same as for sugar infractions.

We are doing this for a two-week trial period to get me through the end of the contest (which I have no hope of winning at this point, I'd just like to redeem myself a little bit for the sake of my team and my own self-respect.) After that, we'll re-evalute how we both feel about it. This being more complex than a simple sugar ban, it may turn out that I can't handle being so restricted. On the other hand, it may be just what I need.

amian @ 2008-06-15T08:28:00

2008-06-15T13:49:51Z

"I think the kid is not the only one who is going through a manic phase." - my husband

What... just because I am only sleeping 4-5 hours a night and selling/giving away/pitching everything in our house that is not nailed down -- including the nails???

Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, dumping the loose bits of crappy odds & ends from junk/tool/miscellaneous hardware bin into the trash. Except I forgot that the only nails we own have been living loose in the bottom of that bin for some time now. And only remembered when in the midst of the purging project I sat down with the hammer and an odd nail I'd found on the floor to fix the broken drawer on the computer desk (ADHD much?) and then asked Ian to grab me another nail.

So yeah, I dug a few nails out of the trash. And a little tiny screwdriver. And a pair of scissors.

To Do list

2008-06-14T14:06:51Z

This week:

Purge, purge, purge! Books to HPB, "stuff" to VOA
Put together a box of books for storage
Sort through junk bin, get rid of all but basic tools & supplies
Purge cleaning & cat supplies
Take filing cabinet to trash
Set up filing system in what used to be the junk bin
Clean the fricken apartment! Jeez.

Future weeks:

Go through storage lockers. Get rid of probably most of the shit up there.
Take most of storage books to HPB. (note: do this on a between-paydays week for the kid... she'll be willing to get rid of more of her books if she finds out she can get money at HPB.)

Help Ian go through his books. Some need to go to HPB (note to Ian: YES THEY DO), some can go in storage, the remaining ones need to fit onto one bookcase. This place looks like a fucking second-hand bookstore with shelves dominating every wall and I am SICK of it.

Go through 2 years of back paperwork. Pitch and shred like a motherfucker.

amian @ 2008-06-14T08:06:00

2008-06-14T13:51:24Z

I'm on a major roll with purging crap out of our apartment right now. For years I've purged periodically, but have stubbornly clung to a lot of stuff because I think I might need/want/use it someday. It would be a shame to get rid of the room humidifier that has lived, unused, in its original box for probably eight years now.   Because you know they don't make them any more, and anyway where would I get $25 to buy another one should I ever find myself with a burning desire to moisten my sinuses? < /smartass>

I've actually gotten rid of a fair amount of household stuff like that over the years, so we don't have that much of it now... I'm just being more ruthless about getting rid of anything that could be replaced if need be.

Where I'm really making the headway is in purging books and art supplies. Holy crap, after seeing the piles and bags and boxes we've been hauling out of here, it is no longer a mystery to me that the stress I feel over the state of our apartment I've always likened to drowning or suffocating... this mountain of STUFF is just overwhelming. A person could suffocate in here.    This shit has been sucking the life right out of me.

I am giddy with the anticipation of space and lightness and freedom.

I am also sickened when I look at these piles of stuff and think of how much money they represent.   I am an emotional spender... I spend to make myself feel better. Not so much on luxury items but I have a tendency to buy stuff that represents my hopes and dreams instead of doing stuff to accomplish them.  Also, you'd think I must have been born a millionare the way I throw money at my problems as a first course of action.

So I look at the piles of stuff, none of which ever solved a problem or changed my life like I imagined it would, and what I see is thousands of dollars that would have made a real difference in the quality of our lives had it been spent more wisely:

I see my daughter's braces that we "couldn't afford." (HUGE guilt over that one... and I will make it right someday soon if at all possible.) I see a savings account that would have gone a long way towards reducing the stress we always feel over money. I see debts that could have been paid down. I see plane tickets that we could have paid for ourselves instead of someone else footing the cost so we could visit.

I can't live like this any more.

Today I am taking another load of books to Half Price Books to sell. Whatever I get from them I am going to put towards getting my library card back in good standing. From now on, I will use the library and take advantage of their interlibrary loan program.  (Although I need to institute a "three book at a time" rule... I also traditionally have a problem with racking up library fines. Heh.)

I have come to realize that my free time and energy and attention span are VERY limited, and a good portion of that has to be devoted to exercise and housekeeping. I don't have time for a multitude of hobbies and I don't have the space for multiple hobby stuff.

Empty space and peace and freedom and ease will improve my quality of life far more than any material item I could bring home.

It's not that I won't be buying stuff, because there is a lot we actually need... I just need to clarify my goals, focus on a few key areas, and THINK before I buy.

</div>

amian @ 2008-06-10T18:10:00

2008-06-11T00:06:36Z

I read something on a message board today that I thought was interesting. Sometimes when you find you are saving stuff you don't use, it's because you wish you were a-person-who-does-a-certain-thing. Like, you have several DVD's of foreign films on your media shelf, because you want to be a person who likes foreign films, even though whenever you have time to watch a movie you find you'd really rather watch something else.    Or maybe it's a stash of sushi-making supplies, or quilting books, or golf clubs... that you never use because you like the idea of doing those things much more than you actually feel like doing them.

From some of the stuff I have stashed, it seems that I wish I was a person who:

...keeps a visual journal. I love it when I see how other people have these gorgeously illustrated pages full of poignant or poetic thoughts; but the few times I've been inspired to try it, it feels fake and forced and awkward because, hellooo, I am neither poignant or poetic, nor do I have a single smidge of talent for drawing.   So now I've got all these journals stowed in various places, each with an embarrassing page or two of "really trying hard to be artistic while describing my breast biopsy" or whatever.

...draws/sketches. I love the idea of sitting somewhere with a sketch book and leisurely drawing whatever catches my eye, but I never actually do that. It takes a lot of time to draw stuff, and I get antsy. I took a drawing class one time and while I did enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when I made myself settle down and do the work and it actually came out looking kind of cool, I don't think I really enjoyed the process of drawing all that much. So why do I want to be a person that draws? Partly because I think it's cool to be an artist, and partly because, while I greatly admire people who can draw and paint representationally, I'm really much more turned on by abstract art.   But I've heard a lot of people say things to the effect that people only do abstract work because they lack drawing talent, and I wish I could draw well so that if anyone ever said that about me I could "show them."

...paints. See "draws/sketches" above. I might someday like to take classes so I could do abstract paintings, but for whatever reason it doesn't even begin to be enough of a priority for me to actually put time and money towards classes, materials and practice.

...sews. Two or three years ago I bought myself a sewing machine. I have yet to take it out of the box. Why? Because even though I always enjoyed sewing, know the basics of how to sew and would love to make myself some simple skirts and tops, I have never had a sewing machine I could operate without problems. I always wind up with a big tangled knot of thread down in the bobbin area, no matter how carefully I try to follow the instructions.  I have no idea what I am doing wrong, and no one around to take a look.

...bellydances. Though if my feet weren't killing me all the time and if my shoulders didn't hurt every time I do snake arms, I think I would make a serious effort at this.   Hopefully when I am thinner and fitter.

So I'm keeping the bellydance stuff and the sewing machine, but most of the art supplies I think I will pass along to my daughter.   I would be much better off getting a little more creative with my camera for recording memories and artistic inspirations than getting frustrated because I lack the skills and patience to create journal entries that are arty enough to suit me.

</div>

amian @ 2008-06-06T06:36:00

2008-06-06T11:45:58Z

Really not happy today. We were supposed to go to Ohio for the weekend, but I have come down with, like, my third cold since December and I don't want to get everyone sick so we're not going. It's not that I feel all that bad, mild sore throat, cough, a little warm and achy and blechy, but my mom has respiratory disease and my grandma has had some health issues recently so I just don' t want to risk exposing them to something.

My dad and brother had planned a nice little family cookout for us and everything. I am really disappointed we can't go. Finding a new date is going to be complicated. Hopefully we can figure something out for SOON. I haven't been back since last August. Next weekend would probably work, but chances are that Ian will be sick by then. Don't want to make a plan and then have to break it again.

What the fuck is up with the rotten timing of this cold? I don't even KNOW anyone else who is sick. Since Thursday I've been dosing myself with Airborne, Emergen-C with and without zinc, elderberry extract and oregano oil. Nothing works.

For the last few months I've been taking my vitamins, exercising regularly, eating pretty well, not eating sugar at all... um, shouldn't I be getting sick LESS and not MORE? Just saying.

amian @ 2008-05-24T13:43:00

2008-05-24T19:23:30Z

As usual for a three-day weekend, I have a bajillion things I am wanting to accomplish. Also as usual for a three-day weekend, what I really feel like doing is fucking off.

What I NEED to do this weekend is get the living room cleaned up because the universe is determined that I will be making a maintenance request for one thing or another very soon. Our dryer is making a noise which sounds to me suspiciously like a death rattle; and the rod which holds the vertical blinds above the patio door is pulling out of the wall bolt by bolt and by the looks of it will likely come crashing down, possibly bringing a significant chunk of the wall with it, sometime in the next week or so.

These are only the most urgent maintenance needs. We also have a closet shelf which actually did crash down a few weeks ago, slinging forty hundred pounds of assorted crap onto the ground and cracking the dome of a $40 Booda litter box; a dishwasher that has developed some sort of short and must be started by a well-place fist thump, Arthur Fonzarelli-style; and a newly-sprung leak around the kitchen faucet.

I haven't been doing jack shit around here lately. I used to do all my cleaning in the morning because I just don't have the energy to do it after work, but for the past few weeks all my morning hours are spoken for by the gym.   Evenings I am just wiped out, and lucky to get a decent dinner on the table most nights. Weekends I spend a ridiculous amount of time grocery shopping and running errands, and a few happy hours of R&R with the hubs.      I'm sure the housework would fit in there somewhere if I had more energy and were better at time management, but for whatever reason it just ain't happening. The place is a wreck.

So as soon as I am done here I'm going to get cracking on this place for a couple of hours, then get a shower and get ready to go see a movie. I'm dying to see Indiana Jones but I'm not one to fight opening weekend crowds, so I think we're going to see Harold and Kumar instead.

Tomorrow morning we need to get up early and get the oil changed in my car.   I need to go exercise at some point, and we also want to go to Borders for awhile. Probably fit in another couple of hours of cleaning as well.

Monday I really want to get out somewhere for a nice little hike. Nothing too strenuous, but at least get out and tromp around in the nature and get some exercise.

I also need to fit in there somewhere:

Go to Home Depot to get some replacement slats for the vertical blind. The ones that came with the place are cheap vinyl, and with the demise of three more in the last week, I think about half of them are missing now. The remaining ones are smudged and dirty enough that we might as well go ahead and replace them all.

Wash and clean out my car.

Sort the two-month backlog of mail.

Clean out the fridge.

Go through the four assorted laundry baskets in the living room and bedroom which are overflowing with unfolded laundry and assorted other crap of mine, and see if in the process of creating order I uncover my lost iPod.   Though I have a sick feeling that I may have lost it somewhere outside the apartment and will never see it again.

Purge my closet of a bunch of art & craft crap that I probably won't be using any time in the near future, and get rid of the majority of my witchcraft books, sex how-to books and miscellaneous crap.   I hate to get rid of this stuff because odds are I will want it again a few months in the future, but I simply do not have enough space to keep all of it and still have a place to put away the stuff I actually use. What I need to do is rent a BIG self-storage locker somewhere. The last time I looked into it, it was surprisingly pricy, I thought; but maybe we need to just figure out a way to do it if only for the sake of my sanity.

I'd also like to maybe have some sex if there's time. Probably not today but maybe Sunday? Or Monday morning? I've got some new sex toys I'd like to try out, and I haven't tied Ian up in awhile...

amian @ 2008-05-14T09:33:00

2008-05-14T14:33:13Z

My internet went down on Saturday and it took them until yesterday to get us hooked back up. Bad thing about a cable modem, when cable goes down TV and internet both go bye-bye.

I'll be working on catching up with LJ friends over the next few days.

I spent most of the day Saturday stimulating the economy. I got my hair cut first thing Saturday morning. I didn't get much taken off in length, but for the first time in years I have bangs! I actually kind of like them... they draw attention to my eyes AND hide those nasty little scowl lines between my eyebrows.

In regard to hair color, over the course of a highly indecisive week I had purchased the following: Medium ash blonde hair color, light blonde highlighting kit; dark ash blonde hair color, darker blonde highlighting kit; and dark-blonde-almost-brown haircolor (no highlighting kit). Then after putting my contacts in, getting my hair cut and styled and trying out some new makeup techniques (courtesy of "How Not to Look Old" by Charla Krupp) I decided I'm not ready to go back to coloring my hair again. I look a lot less hag-like with my white-streaked hair when I'm done up properly.

I gave all the haircolor to the kid and told her she could take it back to the store and keep the money. I think she probably made about 40 bucks on the deal.

I went shopping on Saturday afternoon and bought three cute new tops and a really gorgeous skirt made out silk from old saris, which the saleslady kindly informed me is in fact meant to be worn as a cover-up over a swimsuit. Since I don't happen to receive many invites to rich-lady pool parties at which I might want to wear a silk sarong, it's just going to have to get over itself and be a skirt. It's so pretty!

I also bought five pairs of shoes. Payless was having a sale and for once they had several pairs that were a) cute b) comfortable and c) actually fit my ridiculous clown-size feet. This is about as rare as all the planets in the universe being aligned. I should have ran out and bought a lottery ticket.

At five a.m. on Sunday I somehow wound up in my closet trying on all my clothes, and wound up weeding out two garbage bags full of stuff. Frumpy things, too-big things, wrong color, unflattering, uncomfortable... all of it went, and later on in the day I had the kid take the bags to the Volunteers. Now I've got a LOT more room in my closet and I can actually see what I have to wear. What a concept, not using my precious few feet of closet space storing ugly clothes! Now maybe I'll get motivated to do the same with my jewelry drawer and makeup case...

Later on Sunday I ran all over creation in the freezing cold rain getting groceries, and spent a good chunk of the rest of the day putting them away and pining for the TV and internet.

And that was basically my weekend.

amian @ 2008-05-08T18:55:00

2008-05-09T00:02:57Z

Damn damn damn. Between the hormone pills earlier this week, cutting calories too low and working out like a maniac, I felt absolutely wretched this morning. Crampy, bone-weary, sore, hungry.... I held out for awhile but eventually I felt so crappy I figured I better eat something substantial. Each time I ate I felt better for awhile but gradually I'd get to feeling hungry and wiped out again... here is the damage from today. It's not pretty, and weigh in is tomorrow:

smoothie with blueberries

2 pk. instant oatmeal with 1 T. Simply Jif peanut butter

Turkey sandwich on two slices of whole grain bread w/ 2 t. Smart Balance spread
Medium McDonald's french fries
Apple slices
1 c. milk
sf pudding cup

2 pks. breadsticks w/ cheese spread (vending machine "cheese and cracker" size packs)
sf pudding cup

4 eggs, fried w/ butter-flavored pan spray
2 c. oven baked hash browns
1 c. milk

Grand total, 2331 calories

It seems that pushing myself to lose faster may be backfiring. I think my plan of pushing myself hard to pull off a Big Loser-style loss of 30 or pounds in four weeks may have been a tad ambitious. I think I may have to scale back on that goal just a bit to avoid any more feeding frenzy days like today.

Tomorrow on the scale will not be my proudest moment, I am sure. It's hard to believe that DAYS of hard work and deprivation can be undone in less than a single 12 hour period.

amian @ 2008-05-04T14:56:00

2008-05-04T20:22:20Z

The good news is, I got laid yesterday and I mean laid good. Totally out of the blue I found myself being felt up and soon coaxed into the bedroom for some hot action on the floor.    Why the floor? I dunno, hubby's been feeling creative lately. Can't say as I mind, it's quite nice that he's taken an interest in directing the action.

The bad news? Apparently I get horny and I regress to the mental age of 17 or so. I knew yesterday was not a good day to go bareback, having experienced what I am almost certain was ovulation pain only the day before. But in the throes of passion, not wanting to "ruin the mood" by insisting we use a condom, I managed to convince myself it would be ok as long as he didn't cum.

And then a growing unease with that decision soon after, when I notice copious amounts of pre-cum are being produced.   And then waking up this morning in a panic when I realized that I was almost certainly fertile yesterday, and oh my god what am I going to do?

We are poor as FUCK this week, but I managed to scrounge up the $35 for emergency contraception, which is now sold over the counter here and is much easier and cheaper to obtain than it was last time I used it, maybe 3-4 years ago.    So I popped the first of the horse-dose hormone pills a couple of hours ago and already I'm feeling a little woozy and headachy and thankful as hell that this sort of thing exists nowadays.

I really need to figure out something to do for birth control besides condoms. We're both thoroughly sick of them but I can't do hormones, and he just doesn't seem real enthused about a vasectomy. Maybe Mirena, or Essure?

I took tomorrow off work just because I needed a long weekend to catch up, but other than yesterday's workout and getting a few groceries, I haven't done a whole lot. I'm about to go get busy and clean up a few messes so I can fuck off tomorrow guilt-free.

My hair is driving me crazy. It's dry from the pool, the cut has grown completely out into something wild and unmanageable, and I've decided that the gray has got to go.   I was planning to wait til Ian's payday on the 23rd to get it cut and colored but I don't think I can wait that long.   Which means I have to make up my mind pretty quickly whether I'm going short or leaving it longer, and whether I'm going darker, lighter, natural or highlighted.   Decisions, decisions.

Amy