.golden wings.

dvd commentary: rewind to glory, tomorrow never ends

2016-01-08T23:30:06Z

DVD commentary

He moved in, more or less officially, on a Thursday.

No there is no real meaning on it being a Thursday. I admit I use days of the week as a sort of signifier—something is happening in the present on a day that will be remembered in the future, but who ever remembers the day of the week it happened on? That sort of thing. The day of the week is almost always forgotten.

Ueda’s pretty much been slowly moving his stuff to Junno’s place. He tossed the rest of his stuff by the way—except for a few things he just left at Nakamaru’s place because he didn’t feel like bringing it with him…like clothes.

The sun was just rising, when Taguchi locked the door behind him.

When I set out writing this (aka the first hmm 3k or so) I really thought this would finish in ~18k, which is why the first fight or w/e happens so soon in. Although, I guess it doesn’t ruin the pacing too much…either way, I was too lazy (tired, exhausted, fml when will I be done this thing) to change it.

The bullet points for the scene w Kame/next scenes were
1) scene w/ kame—ueda’s files (aside: where would paper case files be kept??? Would they keep juvie files???? Literally went FUCK IT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT POLICE FORCES IM GONNA MAKE SHIT UP if it’s not easily google-able no one will know either so I’m good.)
2) comes home to find ueda outside, “they tore it down” “nothing’s the same” (also I copy-pasted the wording from the last scene in red light flash back, if that sounds familiar, haha.)
3) “why is sex always the answer/what our relationship is based off of” / “because it’s simple. Because we’re afraid.”
The details filled themselves in as I was writing. Honestly, this was supposed to be a pretty pivotal point but I think it got lost in the rest of the fic. The original plan was (this was the ~1/3rd point) after this, a few happy scenes, then the scene where Ueda gets beat up, slow/frustrated recovery, and then last scene. Obviously didn’t quite work that way.

Mornings crossed the line from cool to cold in the space of a week and Ueda could clearly see his breath as he jogged through the grey haze of sunrise.

Ueda’s pov! This wasn’t in the original plan. Actually, I had no clue what went between scene above and “lol let’s have sex again”. That’s not entirely true. I did know that at some point, I wanted to have him work at the konbini for two reasons: 1) god why do none of them interact w other ppl this isn’t right 2) I want someone who knew the two of them from before. I kind of ended up dropping this storyline (as well as some others) though. That said, bullet points for this scene was ‘you used to live here, didn’t you’ and ‘I did, end up in jail for a bit, I mean.’

As for the cat…the cat was always there. The cat dying was also always there. Sorry about the cat. I guess the cat is a metaphor for Uepi. You can tame a cat, but in the end, the cat will always be free. Well, and then losing the cat right before losing Uepi—kind of a “if only I’d seen it coming” thing… Haha, it’s kind of heavy handed, isn’t it?

Speaking of the “tying up” scene for this section…man I was fighting so hard to get to this point so I could write this sex scene, then I got to it and was so burnt out I went ‘fuck it’. I know I lost some important information by skipping it…but it’s been so long I can’t remember what. Ah well. I wanted to write it later as a sort of “outtake” (I skipped a couple scenes in the end) but…I don’t think I have the time/energy anymore T_T

As for the name thing…Names are important, I think. Taguchi calls him Uepi because that’s what he remembers him as. Ueda calls him Taguchi because that’s what he remembers him as. The thing is, they’re virtual strangers living with each other. In a way they’re close, but in truth they’re not—they don’t know each other at all. Haha, this interview came long after I’d written this but “At the time, I was deciding between ‘Uepi’ and ‘Uepu’, and ended up calling him Uepi. Well, I’m the only one who called him that.” Or something. I’d like to think that this happened in the fic world too haha. As for ‘Tatsuya’—that’s Taguchi in the present. For him, calling Ueda by his first name here is another sign of familiarity, of need, really. For Ueda, the only person who’s really called him Tatsuya was his dad…so the name doesn’t have many good memories for him. So when he tells him that he doesn’t mind if he calls him Tatsuya—in a way, that’s Ueda’s way of acknowledging that this is a new page. It’s also a way of saying “I trust you”.

Also yes, Uebo my tsun wriggly child. I mean, Junnosuke isn’t that long lmfao but he’s not going to acknowledge their closeness in that way. He’s okay with Junno doing it! But hell if he’s gonna do it…or something like that.

(Actually, something else I wanted to note re: language. English doesn’t really have a formal/informal level…but at the same time, I wanted to denote Ueda’s language being a lot rougher than Junno’s. Kind of like “a habit that was never fixed”. Well, Uepi’s language really is rough haha—but here I’d imagine it to be rougher. Hence the probably overuse of profanity…because I didn’t know how else to do it. The moments when Junno slips into that too is when he’s kind of ‘going back to his old self’. And I wanted, as the story went on, for Ueda’s language to ‘smooth out’ a little. Well, I don’t know if I managed or not, but that’s what I wanted!)

I ended up dropping the sexual assault storyline too. That one was on purpose—I felt a little strange writing it, but at the same time, I didn’t know how to completely excise it because it’d been part of the story from the beginning? (Even from red light flash back.) I mean, the big ‘theme’/driving force of the story is guilt and shame…but it felt really crass in a way? I say that, but I put it in anyway… (this may or may not have been inspired by a mix of wild adapter and bi no kyojin)

Yes I named the twins after Samurai Drive hahahahhahahahahahahaha IN MY DEFENSE I was trying to think of paired sibling names and was basically going through random name lists and I saw Haruki and thought ‘wait this is perfect’. Sorry Shanna. JK I’m never sorry.

It wasn’t, in the end, quite a fresh start; as Taguchi had said, life just didn’t work that way.

Okay this overly self indulgent fucking pretentious bullshit is because I was reading Pink and Gay (shige’s manga)—oh wait Pink and Gray—and if Shige can be pretentious then I can too!!!!! Me, sitting in my Intro to GR class, going ‘what the fuck is the Schwarzschild metric what the fuck is this contravariant derivative shit’, still crying over P&G…and doodling fic on the side.

Ah, as to why it’s laundry and groceries and beer…? Well, those are my essentials… You mean there’s anything else to life?

I originally wanted the whole “Hi, I’m ___” part and the “tell me about you” part to be longer, but then I went ‘fuck this’.

And yes, naming the cat Hime was a reference to Uebo-hime n___n To me, adopting a (stray?) cat together is important in a relationship! Yeah…I’ve used this in a few fics…haha…

Boxing! I like to think that Ueda did it a little in high school which is when he got interested. He picked it up again, after his kind of…aimless years. (After he gets out of jail, basically.) This entire scene, really, is a ‘things begin to settle into his old normal’ for Ueda, but also a ‘new’ normal, if that makes sense. As for Riko…I really like her! I’m sad I lost her storyline string too.

October ended and most of November swept by

The next…oh my god 10k words (wtf) were literally “idk some happy shit, winter fluff, skating, Christmas crap, new years hakama, more winter fluff”. GOD I HATE EVERYTHING. This was also the point where I went “fuck, this is way over 18k fuck me can I finish by 30k please let me finish by 30k.” That said, a lot of important points ended up in these 10k, so I guess I’ll do that in detail too.

Birthday—me: “oh my god how much time has passed does this work crap when did red light flash back happen help WHAT IS THE PASSAGE OF TIME—wait if I can’t figure it out idt anyone else will notice NO I STILL NEED TO KNOW HELP DAMMIT IS UEDA’S BIRTHDAY OVER fuck it I’ll just do Junno’s birthday”. Yeah. Haha that line where Riko says “good men are always taken” and Ueda going ‘…’ was something else I wanted to expand on but didn’t T_T Also: ‘fuck does Taguchi have friends what does he usually do for his birthday—oh fuck this he can blow them off.’

(Actually, there’s a bit more to that… the thing is, he’s been carrying that guilt for over ten years—13? Years? Idk how to do math—and it’s something he feels like he’s never been able to atone for, he feels like he doesn’t ‘deserve’ it? Or rather he keeps people at arms length because at the end of the day, he feels ‘I did this, but they don’t know that, if they knew that, they wouldn’t want to know me’ sort of thing. Part of why all his past relationships have failed too haha.)

Also I was seriously reaching for shitty jokes/puns, it’s not in character if I don’t include any! You know it’s bad when you post on facebook asking for shitty puns. Anyway, the strawberries only got added to the cake to have the berry agrapeable pun make sense…

--“It’s not like we’re never do this again.” You know when you write something and then can’t stop laughing because you KNOW they’re never going to do this again because you’re about to ruin their lives? Yeah, that was me.

“But even to have someone to give this to— For a little while, I was worried I’d never have a chance to give this to Uepi, you know? So I really am very thankful." —see…above? Part of the reason why I wrote the post-fight scene from Ueda’s POV is bc I wasn’t sure if I could capture just how much it devastated Taguchi. He genuinely thought that it might be over, that Ueda was going to up and leave, that he was going to be left alone again. That didn’t mean he didn’t hope.

Mmm other than that…Taguchi saying how he’s never celebrated his birthday like this? Well, a lot of it is tied to above re: friendship/relationships. At first, in university and in his last years of high school, I think his blood relations (I don’t want to use the word ‘family’ I guess) and his sister would’ve held some sort of celebration, and his university classmates—but he’s cold with the former, except for his sister—although that was a relationship that was extremely strained as well in those first years, but’s improved dramatically with time and distance (now that I think about it…his sister probably at least texts him…oops…) –and with the latter, like above, he kept his distance, so to him, it was going through the motions. But this time, because it’s Ueda, who might not know but who Taguchi trusts (and has never quite fallen out of love with), it’s a happiness that goes to his heart? I’m sure he’s been given really fancy presents before, but it’s not the object, it’s the emotions behind it.

As to the watch…me: what the fuck do you get people as birthday presents.

As to the necklace… me, upon shanna posting a picture pointing out uepi’s necklaces: hysterical laughter because it’s a fucking feather. Anyway, I just thought a feather would look good on him. I didn’t realize it was /actually/ his rebound necklace.

The first snow of the year fell soon after that.

Snow… (Speaking of weather/seasonal themes, I wanted to write a scene about cherry blossoms but forgot…) Snow is transient. It melts easily. But a ‘first snow’ also has feelings of purity and new beginnings? Or rather, because it turns everything white, it covers dirt, covers everything…Something like that. Also it’s fun :D

Anyway, this was just “cute fluffy winter shit”

And then it felt natural for Junno to get sick, and then natural for Kame to show up. The story kind of changed dramatically here in a way from what I planned, because Kame wasn’t supposed to have much of a role, other than, at the end, seeing Ueda in the last scene and going “mmmmm.” This is where he took on a much larger role. But it felt right, because he’s such a Good Person™ . So in the end, in this unplanned scene, I got to a) plant suspicion in Kame’s mind, b) Kame is a Good Person, c) Uepi calls himself Taguchi’s boyfriend and I guess most importantly, d) plant worry in Taguchi’s mind.

I got too lazy to write a full skating scene.

Christmas! Major things…? Uepi not comfortable w being close not near home—but conversely, Uepi being extremely comfortable near home, and the fact that he truly treats it as home. [“ A light snow had begun to fall, the flakes melting as soon as they hit their skin, their bare hands“ ]← the transience I was talking about. Snow melts, disappears—this was never meant to be permanent. Haha, I was wondering if I was being too obvious, because these are ‘themes’/’signals’ I use a lot…

The year was almost over - that’s how it always was, after Christmas.

To be honest, I don’t remember anymore why I ended up writing the scene where his sister calls. At this point, the part with the ocean, with them planning on moving away—I hadn’t come up with any of that yet. His sister didn’t have any real role. That said, this was a reminder of ‘family’ for Junno—the juxtaposition of a family that’s supposed to be his and a family he rejects, next to the small ‘family’ he’s made with Ueda. The other thing is that this is the first time Junno takes the initiative to tell someone about Ueda—to say that ‘we’re together, there’s someone who’s with me.’ His sister is going to know their history—not that they ever uh, banged at Junno’s place, but it would’ve been obvious to his sister, who knew junno well, what his feelings for Ueda were. But this is important because Junno is acknowledging it to the outside world? I guess it’s something like ‘speaking it makes it true’.

(And…yes, he knows his family is perfectly capable of keeping tabs on him. Hence ‘she could know without him telling her.’)

Hmmm, what else—oh, ‘he stood and checked his watch’. Putting away the phone that he’d just used to talk about family with, replacing it with something important Ueda had given him.

Okay, I was trying to come up with puns with ‘otters’ and ‘snails’. I admit it.

Other than that—I feel like Taguchi is the type of person who’s always smiling, always laughing—always a sun for other people, but who hides everything else inside. Well, I say that…and, well. But living with him, you can’t not pick up on it? And it’s extremely frustrating when you know something’s wrong but can’t figure out what and the other person always pretends like nothing is wrong. And Ueda also knows he can’t do anything about whatever’s bothering Taguchi, so he’s frustrated about that too. Not that Ueda reciprocates either. I guess what I’m getting at is, this is a microsm (?) of things they’re both hiding from each other.

Uh, New Years. Important points:
1) wouldn’t they look sooooooo cute all dressed up n___n
2) “drawing fortunes and ueda gets a curse but when junno asks about it he just says “secret” but super joking/teasingly”
Haha this was also foreshadowing a little…it’s not good to carry a curse with you, right? Ah, I forgot about this…but he also doesn’t really throw it out, it just ends up balled up in his pocket. I was going to have him pull it out at a later time, but forgot about it =_=

And New Year = start of new things obviously.

Like kittens.

Ok I realized I’d kind of forgotten to talk about Hime for a while. So I came up with a reason. Also, who doesn’t want kittens. But I admit it’s because I forgot about here. Got caught up in the person instead of the cat.

Life went back to normal. New Year’s was over, and work settled back into to its usual rhythm.

“Do you want to build a snowman?” (No.)

This short scene was really just to demarcate the passing of time. Also, because Uepi w/ an apron and glasses uhuhuhu.

What Taguchi had told Ueda had been true - he didn’t see much of his old coworkers since he’d transferred divisions. But what he’d left out was that he had no inclination to see them either.

So this scene w/ Kame
a) DAMMIT I REALLY WANTED TO DO A ‘WRONG YAMASHITA’ LINE. Anyway, did you know Shoon and Shige are basically the same age because I totally didn’t realize.
b) Kame asking how long they’ve been together, Junno saying “about a year” without thinking
c) “I see,” Kamenashi said. He took a thoughtful pause. “You know, Taguchi, I don’t understand you." / “I’ve always felt this - but you have a strong sense of justice, don’t you?"
I also wanted to talk a little about the ~special task force~ …the empty desks/sub teams were pin btw.

. A small moment of relief. He unlocked the door, and quickly locked it behind him. Ueda walked out from the kitchen as Taguchi came in. He was frowning.

The next scene. Me, earlier: “ok tlist what other fluffy winter shit is there”. Tlist: “hot chocolate”. So hot chocolate it is.

Uh, yeah there’s plot stuff too I guess. But really, hot chocolate. Oh that’s right—I was watching Runaway and going “wtf Ueda’s a host in this IM GLAD THAT THE DRAMA SCRIPT WRITERS AND I HAVE THE SAME IDEAS :D” And then sex happened. And then the cat happened because I had no fucking clue how to end the scene. It’s like the sex version of “rocks fall everyone dies”.

Night poured over him in a deluge, swallowing him in darkness.

Mmm, Junno’s nightmare. He’s running from himself/his guilt and in a way, chasing the object of his guilt in the same way. But really, from the start, I kept trying to figure out where to put in the scene where he’s beating someone up and enjoying it. Mmmm maybe it’s my own projection, but past!Taguchi was pretty mild, didn’t really pick fights (rly doesn’t need to bc tsun uepi) but that time, he totally snapped. Hurt the people he cares about, and he’ll snap. I think lots of us are the same.

Also: [“Uepi…do you ever think about the past?”
“No,” he lies. “You always were too soft." ] Truthfully, Uepi can’t shake off the past either, but his guilt isn’t as heavy. Actually, he doesn’t have any guilt. The source of the reason why he feels like he’s not worthy of other people isn’t due to guilt. The other part, Ueda calling him soft—he obviously doesn’t know about Taguchi snapping, but even if he did, I think he still would. By ‘soft’ I mean…kind? Allowing emotions to affect him? Although, really, Ueda’s the same—he just doesn’t admit it, even to himself.

Oh, cigarette, also a cue about the past.

“Hey, Taguchi, do you have a moment?"

Hmmmm I need to get Ueda beaten up how am I going to write this scene. Honestly, this was the scene (series of 2? Scenes) that I had the most trouble with and was least happy with. (Still not happy with it but I’ll deal.) It’s easier to say “junno sees ueda get taken away by two men, ueda gets beaten up bc of [blank], junno can’t call police, is at his wits end, ueda eventually stumbles home and tells junno to call nakamaru” than to…actually…write it…

As for the actual scene…I don’t even know how many times I rewrote it. (tbh idk what to talk about in regards to this scene. It was a hard scene to write? Although this is where I asked “so how are you with non-con” but ended up not going through with that entire story line so, it’s just awkwardly there =_=) Also, I need to hurt him but I also can’t hurt him too badly because I need him to be relatively physically okay by the last scene!!!!

It was nearly midnight. Taguchi sank down to the floor, just inside the door.

Kame is… Well, he’s responsible, but I think he’s also someone who’s Good, and he genuinely cares. By this point he’s put most of the pieces together. Especially the one where Taguchi’s in something a bit deeper than he can handle, judging from the earlier phone call, and the fact that everything obviously isn’t okay. I guess what it boils down to is that he’s going to consider the person and the situation, rather than objective facts?

Nakamaru’s a loser, but he’s an oddly competent loser, don’t you think? Hahahaha.

I guess Taguchi being angry as fuck here is also a ‘reminder’. He seems like one of those people who’s cheerful and a mediator until you push him really too far, and then he’ll snap, doesn’t he? And this is definitely a situation to make anyone snap. Although, I guess most people wouldn’t necessarily react with anger—maybe I was projecting a little again.

I’m really…really…squeamish, by the way. In a competition between me and Nakamaru about who’s a bigger wuss…it’s hard to say who’d win… So you can imagine how googling ‘dislocated elbow recovery’ ‘fractured leg recovery’ ‘setting dislocated elbow’ would make me feel T_T

The next few days passed in a blur.

The ‘bullet points’ for the next scene was:

blah blah blah next few days are a blur. nakamaru comes to check on him a few times, after work. taguchi calls in to take care of “a sick family member” and ends up admitting to kame that the whole thing had been re; ueda, but only says that it’s bc they—uh, ueda—had a rough upbringing. he also honestly doesn’t know who it was bc ueda wouldn’t tell him

slow recovery, idk more sex, frustration on both ends. taguchi wishing that they’d had a different past so everything could be different now,

If only ‘blah blah blah’ was an acceptable substitute for a couple thousand words.

Alright I guess I should talk a little about Ueda here. Originally, I thought about writing this in Ueda’s POV. Actually, I originally thought to not include the scene where he’s getting beat-up at all—so it’d be Taguchi seeing him get taken away, then Ueda somehow stumbling back home—and do it as a recollection over the days or so after. I didn’t, because it was hard. I still think it’d work better, but it’s hard T_T How would he be feeling? What would he be thinking? Which parts would he remember and which parts would he forget? Would he be thinking about it at all? But I guess it’s difficult because it’s something I’ve never remotely experienced—worry, anger, those things I have a baseline for, but not the other end. But what I do know is that there is one point where, to himself, he goes ‘snap out of it’. That said, some painkillers really put you out of it, so he really would’ve just spent the first few days pretty much unconscious.

Lying in bed with jackshit to do is so. Fucking. Boring. There’s a limit to how long you can sleep. And I’m not nearly as restless and wriggly as Uepi is.

“I could read you a book?” Taguchi offered, a little doubtfully. Ueda had side eyed him.

Ahhh the Little Prince. It’s a book I love, and a book that, every time I read again, it’s like I’m reading a different book. On one hand, I chose it because it’s one of my favourites, on the other, I chose it because it fit. If you haven’t read it before, please read it—I think if you read it, you’ll know what I mean. I thought about copying the longer version of the fox quote here…but it’s pretty much the entire chapter. But:

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
[…]
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world...
[…] "Please-- tame me!" he said.
[…]
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
[…]
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

As for the sunsets:

"One day," you said to me, "I saw the sunset forty-four times!"
And a little later you added:
"You know-- one loves the sunset, when one is so sad..."
"Were you so sad, then?" I asked, "on the day of the forty-four sunsets?"
But the little prince made no reply.

As for me, I’m also fond of sunsets and sunrise…in case you couldn’t tell.

Time may not heal all wounds, but they did soften them. Nakamaru visited one night to take out the stitches—Ueda demanded that he bring him crutches.

Can I just say that “slow recovery, idk more sex, frustration on both ends” is really easier said than done? I still think this line was a stroke of genius tho: “I am not going to talk to him about you sucking my dick,” Ueda said flatly. “I am not going to talk to him about sex, period."

"I'm not a kid, I know," Ueda said. He sighed, shook his head. He wasn't a kid—it was true. He was exhausted, if not physically, then in every other way.

Taguchi suggesting for Ueda to stay with Nakamaru for a change of scenery and to go somewhere people wouldn’t recognize him. Ueda’s refusal obviously isn’t because ‘he doesn’t like sleeping in strange places’. There’s two main parts to this. 1) he really does need Taguchi right now. Being with him, being near him. He also has a misplaced sense of ‘if I leave, what if I never come back, what if I never see you again’—Taguchi’s afraid of losing Ueda, but Ueda’s just as afraid of losing Taguchi. 2) this is home for him. What he misses isn’t going outside, it’s going outside to somewhere familiar. I guess, when somewhere is ‘home’—what really is home isn’t just the bedroom or the kitchen or the apartment, but it’s everything around it. The store, the bench, the streets, the signs. The people.

Ueda did get better, with time.

From here the plot’s obviously picked up a lot. At this point, I was just following pretty detailed bullet points, shaping it around the dialogue. Most of the dialogue was sketched out in September, early October, so it’s been a while. Not too much to say here.

(January edit: I’m trying to remember exactly what my purpose was for each of these scenes. I think an obvious one would be “this is their backstory.” I mean, I started writing t his because I think red light flash back had an interesting backstory…I can’t not put it in!

The other part is that it’s a verbal acknowledgement between the two of them of the past. They haven’t really talked about it, even though it’s been…well it was near the start of the fic that Uepi first asks “tell me about you”, wasn’t it? This is why Taguchi didn’t…but here, he does. Of course, it is kind of spur of the moment and out of heightened emotions, but if it had been back then, I don’t think he would’ve, heightened emotions or no. )

Ueda was clipping the new collar he'd bought around Hime's neck, when he heard the jangle of keys. Right on cue, Hime dashed off, as Ueda stood.

Beach trip!
→ How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten- Tickles (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)
Thanks reddit. Can’t write a Taguchi fic without shitty jokes, right? Anyway, the bullet point of this section was:
→ one more moment of happiness, they drive to the coast or something. eat fresh octopus bc ueda’s an octopus nerd and taguchi remembers his promise. they watch the sunset together, the stars, and the sunrise.
Honestly I just wanted to write a cute roadtrip section (and Ueda forgetting that he should totally know that Junno can drive—by the way, Ueda doesn’t have a driver’s license |D) but somehow the roadtrip part got lost. This scene was a bit of a last minute addition. Or the details, at least. “ as in....im gonna make u think that the worst is over 2/3rds of the way in and there's gonna be a happy ending and then I’m going to tear it all down ☺” quote verbatim from a conversation w/ a friend on Nov 16. And I wanted it placed so that not just they truly think they have a shot at a happy ending—but for the reader to think they have a shot at a happy ending, judging from the scroll bar. Sorry, I’m a dick. Nah, I’m not sorry, I’m never sorry.

Again, the conversation was written…well, clearly it was written by nov 16, at least. The part with the house was a truly last minute addition—I didn’t even know what purpose it’d serve until I got to the part where Taguchi tells Ueda that it’s somewhere he can stay if their plan goes to shit. It’s lucky for Taguchi that Ueda doesn’t wake up when they arrive, because that’s when Taguchi moves all the things from the car into the house—mostly more clothes, food that’ll keep, that sort of stuff. He wasn’t really sure how he’d do it, but it worked out.

Ueda had only said he'd think about it—but for Taguchi, the decision had already been made.

Ok I can’t do commentary on the rest of this bc a) hahahaha slightly drunk but mostly sleep deprived writing, b) wtf I just read this and now I’m really upset wtf self WHAT THE FUCK

(January update:
Hello it’s January and I’ve had a lot of distance. Read: I remember even less, but let’s see what I can glean from myself.

First…I did want to have kind of a “sleepy sex” scene. Incidentally, my non fandom friend read this and her comment was “why do they keep having sex”. Oops. Anyway, the point was they’re super comfortable with each other now. They’re at the point where they honestly could continue indefinitely in their relationship. I wanted to get that sort of…casual comfort? In red light flash back there were a few lines that I hoped to convey that in high school, they were friends but as for their relationship…they really took it more as ‘friends with benefits’ and with a pretty big imbalance of power (from the outside)

 Old habits died hard. Ten years was not enough for old habits to die. Taguchi snapped to obey, as if ten years hadn't passed, fingers fumbling at his belt, comprehension not quite understanding what his body already did.
 Taguchi fucking Junnosuke. In other words, the boy who he'd spent half his high school life fucking. Life was a bitch.

Whether or not there were deeper feelings (there definitely were on Junno’s part) their relationship was very physical. So that’s the way it started, that’s the way it restarted, and throughout the story I wanted that to morph into…more, and this was kind of a ‘culmination’. I guess. Sucks for them it didn’t last.

It was a Tuesday when Taguchi found Ueda crouched down over something by the side of the road.

Sorry about the cat.

So…writing this entire story, this was the only scene that I cried writing. (That said, I’d cried for nine fucking hours on and off the day before writing this scene and it was probably 2 or 3 am by the time I was here…so…

Also, by this point I’d based many of Hime’s mannerisms on my own cat, so I was seriously devastated by killing her off. Even if she was meant to die like this. Incidentally, this was kind of an echo of a scene in volume one of Wild Adapter…

But good things came to those who wait—or something like that.
lol or do they. Gotta give y’all hope then take it away. Honestly, I was pretty heavy handed by this point. I think I was hitting 4 am here.

Ueda jammed his hands in his pockets as he headed home.
Ah…the final scene.

In the end, I’ll leave it like this after all. There’s too much I want to say, and I guess I just hope I managed to say it alright already.

I will say that I struggled so much with the last line of both Junno’s scene and Uepi’s scene. I wanted it to have a sense of finality but also of the vague future. But an independent future.

The snow melted as soon as it touched his palm.
The epilogue.

I knew from the start that even if I did repeat the sunset/sunrise theme, it wouldn’t be the main theme. The cycle of the sun for me is one that’s…a cycle. As in, even if you can consider a sunset as something ending, you know that the sun’s going to rise again. Every day has a new morn, after all. And this was truly an end.

I went with snow again because winter is a time for endings, and snow when it melts is gone.

As for the rest…I did struggle a lot with the epilogue as well, because I knew I needed one but couldn’t quite get it right. My first few tries were a lot more dense, a lot more things happening, of what happened afterwards. About Junno in the hospital, about Shoon visiting, about Kame basically feeling weirdly responsible for it all and overprotective… About Uepi being the scapegoat. Was that Nakamaru or Ueda? Hm. Who knows. But yes, either way, Ueda’s alive. I wanted that for sure. Death is too final.

As for Ueda…?

Well, Nakamaru definitely called in a few favours. He’s a weirdly competent loser, but in this case, he also has some, um, connections. But like Junno he doesn’t like using them. Anyway, he’s got Uepi ferreted away somewhere he can recover, and they’ll figure out what happens next when it comes to it. Besides, Nakamaru’s not gonna ditch the person who helped him build up that nest egg.

Original A/N:

i'll come back to do this properly but i feel like i can't post this without acknowledging the announcement that happened partway through writing this. spent nine hours crying on and off, then came home, sat down to finally finish this, only to see the bullet point is "somehow taguchi ends up under the table and sucking him off". i honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry. to be honest, i really wanted to change some things, when the news came out... i usually write the dialogue in bullet points for big scenes first, so i was reading through them, crying bc of the irony. well, i didn't change anything in the end, because fic!taguchi and rl!taguchi aren't the same person at all.

i started writing this in september. i was reading red light flash back and thinking "ah, there's that one line ueda says and taguchi reacts to, that's where the real story is." it'd be short, i figured, 18k or so. and then 24k? 30k? 40k? at that point i went fuck it, it's gonna be at least 50k. hello, longest thing i've ever written. i thought: ahh, it'd be nice if i could finish this by his birthday, i'm so tired of this fic, i bet everyone's tired of me whining about this fic.

(also now that i think about it...birthday fic is supposed to be cute stuff, right? not "happy birthday i just fucked up your life in this fic oops")

evidently, i did end up finishing by his birthday, but not in the way i wanted, or for the reason i wanted. to be honest, i don't like the ending very much as it is, right now. there's a little bit more, but i'm too emotionally drained to finish it properly/i need to turn my emotions back on before i do. so please check back in a week or so! (i hope).

thank you for reading 60k words of trash (シ_ _)シ

2015 fic end of year review meme

2016-01-01T22:13:18Z

2015 Fic Year in Review
WELL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE I feel like I've written enough to warrant this. (Actually I did last year too but anyway.)

Total Word Count: 122,218
Total Fics Written: 12
Fandoms Written In: B1A4, EXO, KAT-TUN, Samurai Drive, TFBOYS, VIXX, Kyoukai no Kanata, (SJ-M, Infinite as part of multi group fic)

Chronological list: (all fic on anticommute@ao3)
june:
perfect pieces (pieces of you) | kyoukai no kanata | nc17 | 2372
dragon's flight | exo | nc17 | 8465

july:
and so it turns | samurai drive | pg | 5622
chanlay saiyuki au | exo | pg | 3666
leoxing fake dating au | vixx/exo | g | 3734
red light flash back | kat-tun | nc17 | 4462
morning's light | b1a4 | pg | ????

august:
permanent head damage: the kpop edition | multi | g | 4335
all tied up | b1a4 | nc17 | 2556

october:
dreams fly | tfboys | g | 5148

november:
have your cake and eat it too | b1a4 | nc17 | 2395
rewind to glory, tomorrow never dies | kat-tun | nc17 | 62147

december:
to the limit | vixx/exo | nc17 | 4368

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?
Way, way, way more. I didn't even start until after May! My AO3 is a little deceiving because I spent much of the first bit of the year cleaning up/moving old things. Also, the little matter of one fic being responsible for half my word count of the year...

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?
KAT-TUN wtf. Actually, TFBOYS, KAT-TUN, Kyoukai no Kanata, and Samurai Drive.

What's your own favorite story of the year?
The favourite story I wrote that I like to read is the untitled "leoxing fake dating au". Because it's cute! And I clutch my face when I read it! And it's my little raft! But the story I'm most proud of writing is without a doubt "rewind to glory, tomorrow never dies".

Did you take any writing risks this year?
Setting out to write a ~18k follow up to a pwp to be quite honest. I'm not very good at finishing things, and enjoy starting things too much. So writing something that was focussed on plot really felt like a "what the hell Tian what are you doing". The fact that it ended up exploding wasn't a risk so much as committing to finishing it. I'm glad I did.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?
Finish things. In particular, a story I've been bouncing around for years. It's challenging because it's both long, and it's more slice of life. So that's my number one goal. I also want to 'go back to my roots' in a way. As in, less porn lol. I realised recently that in chasing after plot, writing so much porn, my writing's sharply diverged from where it used to be--which isn't necessarily a bad thing! But I also think there were some good things that came from more focus on the writing itself, rather than the content.

From my past year of writing, what was...

My best story of this year:
I'm torn between "rewind to glory, tomorrow never dies" and... Morning's Light? The reason is because I'm also most disappointed by rewind to glory, and it's lacking in many ways because of how rushed it was (and emotionally gutted I was) by the end. On the other hand...it's actually a story, instead of straight up porn! On the other hand, the 3rd chapter of Morning's Light is one I think I did well.

My most popular story of this year:
I DID NOT EXPECT THIS. (I'm going to take the kyoukai no kanata fic out of the running for a bit because I think that's comparing apples to oranges.)
In terms of hits: dragon's flight followed by leoxing fake dating au.
In terms of kudos: leoxing fake dating au (36) followed by to the limit and dragon's flight (19)
My...my raft.... ;;;;

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:
Story I wish more people read? rewind to glory hahahaha. It's a story that means a lot to me, because it's the longest thing I've written, the first story since...2012? that has a proper beginning middle end. And while I don't think it's perfect, I also don't think it's bad. Other than that, Morning's Light. But that's ongoing and multi chaptered and I'm slow, so it makes sense.

Most fun story to write:
Ooooooh. leoxing fake dating au! For kitten's exo fake dating week mini fest hahaha. Kind of jammed it in at the last minute, but it was just lighthearted and uh ~based off a true story~ so I had a lot of fun remembering my younger days? Also, an Are You Alice? AU that's not...posted...anywhere... But I had a lot of fun writing that too! Multi fandom PhD AU is fun because it's...stress relief. But the stress leading to it...isn't fun. So...

Hardest story to write:
AM I A BROKEN RECORD YET? rewind to glory, hands down. Not just the length or the plot. Several things were really challenging about it for me. The first I think was characterisation. I really love writing AUs because 1) it gives me a bit of distance 2) getting into a character, looking at 'canon', thinking about how they'd act, how they'd have grown given hugely different circumstances. But for the same reason I love it, it's difficult? Obviously there is no "right answer" in the end, but is the character still recognisable? Do the changes make sense? The second would be the large swatches of "fluffy shit goes here". Bye. I'm out. (jk I managed!). The third is: holy fucking shit why am I writing something with plot HAVE I GONE UTTERLY DAFT? The fourth: why the fuck is this so long and why isn't it over yet. Fifth: what do you do when half of the pairing announces they're going to leave the group/showbiz? How do you continue writing when the person who's cheered you up and kept you going says they won't be anymore? Haha, but at the same time, it definitely gave me the push to tie it up. Something like 15k over one night? More?

Possibly also perfect pieces of you. It was the first thing I wrote in a very long time. I know I've mentioned this a lot on tlist and in other places, but by the end of 2014 and the start of 2015, my confidence had been completely shattered. I also started writing it at what was quite possibly the most vulnerable time in my life. So personally, even though the story itself, at another time, might not have been hard to write, was quite possibly the hardest thing to write nonetheless. Kind of like writing the first line on a blank page, haha!

Biggest disappointment:
Dragon's Flight. (I've talked enough about rewind to glory haha but it's probably my "most" everything fic of the year!) I'm always sad when I drop story threads! That said, if it's not one particular fic, my biggest disappointment is I wrote so much pwp. It was kind of fun though!

Biggest surprise:
"What the fuck I wrote a novel." Me, right now: my leoxing fic is my most kudos'd fic?????? And not even the porn?????? (To be fair I posted the latter less than a week ago.) I'm writing KAT-TUN fic??? My return to JE is straight up porn???? (Hi, guess who was in the JUMP/Jrs fandom.) Ah! Also TFBOYS. I really didn't think I would do it! I mean, they're fourteen... Hehe, but it's cute and I'm happy.

Most unintentionally telling story:
Ah...definitely rewind to glory. PhD AU is my most intentionally telling story? But rewind to glory...probably because it was written over 3 months, and I put so much of myself into it-- I don't think it's something many people will notice (or many people will read) but it's a story that tells a lot about me.

Favourite Opening Lines:
It was raining, the morning Lee Sandeul - for he went by Sandeul here, in this court where he used his voice more than his blade - awoke with a premonition. He woke with daylight on his face, as he felt out the changes in the air. He lay for long moments with his eyes open, faintly aware of the rain which fell beyond the walls, trying to discern what it was that nudged at his innermost consciousness, but to no avail. After some time, he arose and dressed before going to wake Jinyoung. It had been more than four years now since they had fled the capital, out of fear for the prince’s safety. If they could kill the crown prince, a lesser one would pose little trouble, and neither of them was foolish enough to believe that it was merely coincidence Jinyoung had been set upon by bandits at the exact moment the crown prince had been killed. -- Chapter 3, Morning's Light

Favourite Closing Lines:
"Ue...pi?"

The figure slowly raised his head from where he'd been resting it on his knees. The sun's rays cast him in a golden glow, a halo of light around him. Taguchi wasn't sure if he should run or walk or stay still, so he settled for an awkward jog to his apartment door.

"Took you long enough," his friend grumbled.

"I was at work," Taguchi said, somewhat lamely. "I thought--"

"You can think?" Ueda raised an eyebrow. Taguchi laughed awkwardly, holding out a hand to help him to his feet.

"It's hard work being as clever as I am!" he protested, grabbing Ueda's hand. It was warm, calloused, the same.

Ueda rolled his eyes and shook his grip free.

"Just unlock the door and let me in," he grumbled. "I thought I was going to grow mushrooms, you took so long."

"You know, for someone so good at picking locks, I'm surprised you didn't just let yourself in," Taguchi said, opening the door.

Ueda pushed past him and walked in, kicking off his shoes. Taguchi got the distinct impression he'd just rolled his eyes again, but when Ueda turned around, all he saw was a wide grin.

"Hey, I quit," he said, and as the sun went down, Taguchi felt like a new day was starting.

He kept that one to himself.
-- red light flash back

Fic-writing goals for 2015:
WIP TIME (in no particular order)
- 'neolay trash' (n/leo gang au? side leolay)
- sulay
- continue song for the moon (b1a4 historical fantasy multi-chapter)
- finish subaeklay are you alice?
- continue yuankai (dreams fly)
- possibly finish the shinchandeul loveless au
- exo nonary game/virtue's last reward au
- write less porn. write more b1a4 fic that isn't porn.

\o/

ask.fm

2013-03-27T01:05:28Z

ask.fm @dongtian pls entertain me u_u leave me prompts questions etc etc

这也是字！

2012-03-11T13:07:45Z

【¤爸爸¤】

【¤father¤】

In my house, whether it was in the morning, noon, or night, there would always be bursts of singing: “啊多么辉煌，灿烂的阳光！” This was my father singing!

One morning, I woke up and both heard a beautiful singing voice and smelled a pungent stench! I looked around, and oh man, my dad was singing while he was in the washroom!? See, my dad just loves to sing this much!

As the saying goes, “like father like son!” I also really loved to sing, and I sang pretty well. Since I had an artistic talent, so my dad often took me to learn this and that. Of course, mostly, it was learning to sing. But in my throat, I had an enlarged tonsil, my dad was afraid that it would get too big and I wouldn’t be able to sing anymore, so he brought me to a hospital to do surgery. However, because my blood clotting might have problems, the hospital said that it wouldn’t be too easy to operate on. But my father made a wrong decision and said “operate, you have to operate!” and the hospital didn’t have a choice so they performed the surgery.

After the surgery, I did bleed a lot after all, and I wouldn’t stop spitting up blood, and in the end, I went into shock! When I woke up, I was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a blood bag, getting a blood transfusion. I looked up and could see my father standing by the door worrying at a cigarette, looking really distressed. In my heart, I thought “serves you right, who told you to say that we had to operate?”

After two weeks, I found that my father had changed, and didn’t seem so proud or arrogant anymore, and would buy me whatever I wanted. “Son! Dad will take you out to play, okay?” my father asked, and I answered “okay!” After we were done, I was much happier and felt much better, and thought carefully: “Dad did all this for my own good, I should think about this from his perspective.” At this time, my dad suddenly said: “Sorry, son!” I grabbed onto him and hugged my dad without thinking, and started crying!

This is the dad who loves me, feels for me, and cares for me!

【XX加油！】
【XX Good Luck！】
Yesterday, I picked up a few sheets of paper with some writing on them by accident, and I read them...After I read them, I thought that she (he) had to be a really strong girl (boy), but I couldn't quite believe what they had written, and here, I wanted to say to that student: "Don't get discouraged, don't lose heart, work hard (tn: /good luck/ADD OIL)!" Sometimes, maybe some classmates say things without thinking, and hurt your feelings, but don't get discouraged. I'm sure that if we're speaking of how you thought you did badly on your end of term exams and you'd have to transfer schools, even if maybe you don't have much confidence towards yourself, but I believe that as long as you work a little harder, put in a little more effort, then you'll definitely see your level go up for sure~~~~~~~

【等信】
【Waiting For A Letter】
Anticipating every day,
Anticipating every hour,
Inside the ___* is filled with hope
Waiting for
The green-clothed angel to appear
Loking forward to
The swan goose from far away to arrive
How much I hope
That on the day I like
To receive my far away friend’s blessing
How much I hope
That on a lonely day
To receive my far away friend’s affection

*硒子 = selenium. too tired to think what should go in that blank.

【欢乐的一刻】
【Happy Times】

Searching, searching, for all the happy times. Where are they, those happy times?

Truthfully, those happy times aren’t far from us, they’re right by our side. In our 0316 class, there’s a lot of happiness, a lot of memories we can never forget.

Today, our school organised our annual arts festival—for the opening ceremony, the 7th grade performed 《灿烂的明天》 (Radiant Tomorrow) for the competition. Since our class is an arts class, we’re the best at the arts.

As we started, the pressure in our hearts was huge, thinking, “If we don’t sing well, then the arts class will lose our reputation!” So, each of us there kept practicing, quietly being determined that this time, we’d definitely sing well. before, I thought that in the other classes, there weren’t people who played piano, or people who sang—it seems like I underestimated them! But once they started singing, they didn’t sing as well as we did. After we waited for a long time, it was finally our turn. We stood on stage and sang 《乘着歌声的翅膀》 (On wings of song) and 《南泥湾》 (South mud bend/nan ni wan) for everyone, and received everyone’s loud applause, and of course, also won first place. That light-hearted delight was forever imprinted in everyone’s minds.

Searching, searching, for all the happy times, they’re right by our sides.

2003-12-11 18:54

《字〉

2012-01-27T05:07:57Z

我回来看你们了~ 亲爱的粉丝们 - 2007-10-04 20:33
I've come back to see you~ My dear fans

扼……又过好9了看见你们心情总是特别好呵呵就算是骂我的帖子我看起来似乎也很高兴对了我读高中了我好累的~~~读书真的好累的累死人了！！！要是可以不读书就好了 ~~~不过好象不现实…… 谢谢你们还这么看得起我喜欢我我也永远喜欢爱你们~ 还有3天就是我的生日了我的生日愿望就是所有喜欢我支持我或者讨厌我的人都能幸福…… 每天开心…… 谢谢你们陪我度过每年的生日虽然不能和你们在一起玩闹但是你们能记得我已经很知足了因为我不记得这里的号子了所以又是匿名写的喜欢你们别介意好么？嘿嘿祝大家都开心送你们个FLYING KISS 呵呵~。~ 谢谢大家~~
Eh...It's been so long again. Seeing you guys raises my spirits every time. Ahh, even if it's a disparaging post, somehow, seeing that makes me happy too. Oh that's right, I'm in high school now. I'm so tired~~ Studying is so tiring. Tired to death!!! If I didn't have to study, that'd be great. ~~~~but that doesn't seem to be possible..... Thank you guys for still being able to respect me, to like me. I'll also always like you, love you guys~ In three days it'll be my birthday. My birthday wish is just that every person who likes me, who supports me, or who hates me can be happy......that every day will be pleasant.... Thank you for passing my birthday with me every year. Even though you can't be here with me, playing, being loud, but that you guys can remember me already makes me happy. Because I can't remember my username here, sometimes I post anonymously. Don't hate me for liking you, okay? Hehe. Wishing everyone happiness, I'm sending you a FLYING KISS, ahh ~.~ Thank you everyone~~

谢谢大家 - 2007-07-15 19:46
Thank you everyone

又是老话重谈谢谢大家的支持我在努力练习我的专业写了N首歌我会参加快男不过对自己没什么信心希望大家能给我信心嘿嘿其实你们不要对我这么好我还真的不好意思只要你们还记得我就OK拉我就感觉很欣慰了你们是我参加…… 的最大收获我会努力因为MOTHE 那个号密码又不记得了所以又匿名发惭愧 -。-！呵呵不过还是很开心

沙发自己做顺便说下我声音变拉没以前那么好听了 ……

It's all the usual things: thank you everyone, thank you for your support, I will continue to practice and train hard, I've written N songs, I will participate in 块男. Although I don't have that much confidence in myself, I hope that everyone will believe in me, hehe. But really, you guys don't have to be so good to me, I'm really embarrassed. As long as you still remember me, then it'll be OK. I'll be very thankful. You guys are the...best thing I gained from participating. I will work hard. Because I forgot the password to the account. So. Posting anonymously again. Embarrassed -。-! Ahhh but I'm really happy.

Everyone make your own sofas. Oh and by the way, my voice changed, it doesn't sound as good as it used to...

大家辛苦了 - 2010-11-16 01:56
Everyone has worked hard

2005年到2010年已经5年了我的吧还在这让我感觉很温馨很好谢谢你们一起让贴吧走过这么长时间看到你们从初中毕业或者高中毕业升入大学。。真是 5年了变化好大呀还有50个人支持我实在是很感谢特别感谢吧主辛苦了哈哈我每天都没什么太多时间来逛逛贴吧所以对不起各位。刚刚回家每天都很累希望你们能注意身体好好的专注自己的事业加油你们会成功的我也会加油的谢谢你们对我的支持~

From 2005 to 2010, it's already been 5 years, and my bar (forum) is still here. This makes me feel really warm, really good. Thank you. To be able to have spent this much with everyone on the tieba, seeing you graduate from middle school, or graduating high school and entering university... really, it's been 5 years. So much has changed. That there's still 50 people supporting me, I'm really very thankful. I'm especially thankful to the one who runs the bar, you've worked hard haha. I don't have a lot of time every day to spend on the bar, I'm sorry. I just got home, every day is very tiring. I hope everyone will take care of themselves, and concentrate on whatever they're working on. Work hard! You will suceed. I'll work hard too. Thank you everyone for your support~

沙发抢一个谢谢你们了^^
stealing a (seat on the?) sofa~ thank you guys ^^

无题- 2010-12-11 05:20
No subject

感谢幽幽心情给我做的ID 太好了每次百度都自动登录所以可以经常来说说话长沙应该变冷了吧大家注意不要感冒了 ~ ~

Thank you 幽幽心情 for making my ID. It's great. Every time I'm on Baidu it logs me on automatically, so I can come and talk often. Changsha should be getting cold now right? Everyone, make sure not to catch a cold~~

自己坐沙发~ 大家要每天开心~

Seat yourselves! Sofa~ Everyone has to be happy every day~

谢啦大家。。~ - 2011-08-21 04:21
Thanks, everyone...

常常过来看到大家说的话很开心也很感动觉得自己还有那么多人关心我很满足很幸福了~
谢谢大家了。。
大家注意身体希望大家天天开心
嗯。。。。还有就是真的谢谢了。。。我会继续努力的~！
【除了谢谢不知道说什么了。。很感动~ 谢谢(*^__^*) 】

I come here often to see what people are saying, and it makes me really happy, really grateful. Seeing that there's still so many people who care about me makes me really satisfied, really happy~
Thank you everyone...
Everyone, take care of yourselves. I hope everyone is happy every day.
Ah........and, really thank you...I'll continue to work hard~!
(Other than thank you i don't know what else to say...I'm so grateful~ Thank you (*^__^*) )

沙发我坐哈哈~ ~~~~~
I'll sit on the sofa haha~~~~~~~

*orz I am not well versed enough to know why he keeps talking about a sofa :| english fandom equivalent of FIRST!!!!!

alaeaureae @ 2012-01-25T01:58:00

2012-01-25T06:58:12Z

想说心里的话给你听
xiang shuo xin li de hua gei ni ting
I want to tell you the things in my heart
让你能够感觉到我的心
rang ni neng gou gan jue dao wo de xin
and let you feel my heart
想说心里的话给你听
xiang shuo xin li de hua gei ni ting
I want to tell you the things in my heart
让你能够感觉我有多爱你
rang ni neng gou gan jue wo you duo ai ni
and let you feel how much I love you.

当我站在台上默默的看你
dang wo zhan zai tai shang mo mo de kan ni
When I stand on stage staring quietly at you
心中默默下定决心
xin zhong mo mo xia ding jue xin
inside my heart i quietly make a decision
当我站在台下近距离的看你
dang wo zhan zai tai xia jing ju li de kan ni
when i'm standing off the stage and seeing you up close
我真的就一见钟情
wo zhen de jiu yi jian zhong qing
it's really just love at first sight

也~~~~~~~~
yeaaaahhh~~

想说心里的话给你听
xiang shuo xin li de hua gei ni ting
I want to tell you the things in my heart
让你能够感觉到我的心
rang ni neng gou gan jue dao wo de xin
and let you feel my heart
想说心里的话给你听
xiang shuo xin li de hua gei ni ting
I want to tell you the things in my heart
让你能够感觉我有多爱你
rang ni neng gou gan jue wo you duo ai ni
and let you feel how much I love you.

说句心里话我真的好爱你
shuo ju xin li hua wo zhen de hao ai ni
I'll say this from my heart, I really love you
可是我们之间似乎还是有距离
ke shi wo men zhi jian si hu hai shi you ju li
but there still seems to be a distance between us.
说句心里话我每天想的都是你
shuo ju xin li hua wo mei tian xiang de dou shi ni
I'll say this from my heart, all I think about every day is you
连做梦也会梦到你
lian zhuo meng ye hui meng dao ni
Even in my dreams I dream of you.

想说心里的话给你听
xiang shuo xin li de hua gei ni ting
I want to tell you the things in my heart
不知你会不会想听
bu zhi ni hui bu hui xiang ting
But I don't know if you'll want to hear.
想把所有心思全都告诉你
xiang ba suo you xin si quan dou gao su ni
I want to tell you all of my thoughts
不知你会不会领情
bu zhi ni hui bu hui ling qing
but I don't know if you'll accept them.

当我站在台上默默的看你
dang wo zhan zai tai shang mo mo de kan ni
When I stand on stage staring quietly at you
心中默默下定决心
xing zhong mo mo xia ding jue xin
inside my heart i quietly make a decision
哦也~~~~~~~
oh yeahh~~
当我站在台下近距离的看你
dang wo zhan zai tai xia jing ju li de kan ni
when i'm standing off the stage and seeing you close up
我真的就一见钟情
wo zhen de jiu yi jian zhong qing
it's really just love at first sight.
当我站在台上默默的看你
哦~~~也~~~~
oh~~~~ yeah~~~

给你记忆
gei ni ji yi
I'll give you my memories
让你能够感觉到我的心
rang ni neng gou gan jue dao wo de xin
and let you feel my heart
想说心里的话给你听
xiang shuo xin li de hua gei ni ting
I want to tell you the things in my heart
让你能够感觉我有多爱你
rang ni neng guo gan jue wo you duo ai ni
and let you feel how much I love you.
让你能够感觉我有多爱~你
rang ni neng gou gan jue wo you duo ai ni
and let you feel how much I love you.

张艺兴 - EXO's LAY

2012-01-25T05:27:12Z

12/06/28: I PLAN ON EDITING THIS AT SOME POINT IN TIME ONCE I'M OUT OF SCHOOL but more likely during exams aka august in the meantime, hopefully there is still enough here ;w;
(in the meantime, check fenshen@tumblr for post-debut updates, or his part of the exo pimp post over at exochocolate)

1|2|3|4|5|6|#

Sources are pretty much all from his baike page, his forum (?), and his baidu bar.

So Chiharu has been asking me why I love 张艺兴 (also known as LAY, thanks SM) so much. I was only half joking when I said it was ~love at first sight. ~~The more exact wording was something like 'he caught my eye months ago, he caught my eye again, and this time, i knew he was my only one' but details.~~ Actually I was maybe only 1/5th joking if even that.

BUT. There are so many reasons why he should be loved!

As far as SM goes and EXO goes, Yixing is still a relatively new face, but as far as Yixing goes, he's not only not a newbie, but has quite a history already. He's danced with SHINee, he's danced Nobody, he's been on TV, and apparently was somewhat of a celebrity at his school.

Some quick stats (from his baike page aka accuracy unsure):
Name: 张艺兴 / Zhang Yixing / LAY
Birthplace: Hunan Changsha
Blood Type: A
Birthday: 1991, October 7
Height: 179 cm
Weight: 60kg

(He also likes playing on the computer, likes all movies, all colours, all good tasting foods, and playing basketball. His most unforgettable moment was being on a TV show for the first time, his favourite celebrities are Super Junior, DBSK, SHINee, and JJ Lin, and his biggest wish is to open a 指纹店 for his mother. ~~Your guess as to what that is is as good as mine.~~ As a fan explains here, basically he means a VIP shop, because he wants his mother not to have to work so hard. As to why 指纹店...no one really...knows. But really, this child is...=.=||)

☄ SHINee World First Concert

I think this is where I first noticed him and then looked him up and then...forgot about him ;;

WAY BACK WHEN, SHINee had a concert and Jonghyun couldn't dance. And while I'm sad Jonghyun couldn't dance, now I'm a little thankful too because that means that Yixing joined SHINee on stage a lot. And I mean a lot. I could embed every single one of them but I'll just leave links at the bottom :) In the meantime, have him dancing Senorita ~~what no I didn't choose this for the hip movements at all~~. And if you're a SHINee fan, you probably already have all these videos orz. PS he's the one not in SHINee :p (okay okay black jacket red shirt longish brown hair)

SHINee World First Concert - Senorita

☄ Nobody (+ other)

He has a step-up in the idol world—he's already danced to Nobody and he looks so blissed out doing it. ~~His poor friend on the other hand--~~

Nobody + Other Dancing, 2009

HE NEEDS TO DO THIS ON A SHOW OKAY.

☄ 明星学院

Prior to SM, this was what he was most well known for. 明星学院 is this sort of...idol competition thing I DON'T KNOW ONE OF THOSE TV PROGRAMS and okay all I knew about it before 张艺兴 is that they interviewed 韩庚 for it at one point. BASICALLY there's a bunch of kids and they do stuff and uh he ended up coming out of the 2005 one in third place. Here is his profile from that. LOOK AT HIS CHEEKS. LOOK AT HIS ROUND FACE.

This is a clip of him performing Cyndi Wang's 爱你 on the show:

~~HERE IS THE LINK OF HIM BEING ADORABLE AND SHOWING OFF HIS TALENTS.~~ Eng subbed video embedded below!

He's also apparently somewhere in this video which is the theme song for the show but I am bad at spotting people please help me find him ):

In 2006 (I'm guessing) he was invited onto 那可不一样 having previously won 3rd place in 2005 along with the other 2005/2006 winners. Here is a tudou link to the first half of that episode. He comes on at ~1:58 and DO WATCH FOR THE REACTION. His actual part is at 22:51 and onwards. BASICALLY GIRLS THROW THEMSELVES AT HIM AT SCHOOL (okay not literally but you know). Other tidbits of information, he sort of dieted between 2005 and 2006, ~focused on school in the meantime and didn't work on his entertainment side, and apparently when he went to his school for a concert his fans were crazy. Yup. Boy was famous already. Also his voice breaks when he sings and it's great. (Eng subbed version embedded below!)

☄ Songs

He's written a number of songs, with two linked on his baidu page. The source for the second one is this and it has a dead link, I'm just going to talk about the first one for now:

想说心里的话给你听 - 张艺兴

Basically he is young and cute here and I forget which show it was from but I'll add that info when I dig it up again, and I'm pretty sure he's a better singer now than he was back then. Lyrics and quick translation are here.

Added:

泪水机场 - 张艺兴 (2010)

my girl - 张艺兴 (2010)

想你想你 - 张艺兴 (2010)

☄ Yixing's Words
Thing's he's written, messages to fans, on the bar, etc.
张艺兴's messages on his bar (2007 - 2011 + translations)
A series of posts he wrote back in 2004

☄ Misc

Which may be expanded into real words sometime but for now HAVE LINKS:
XingPark's Youtube channel!!! (his forum/baidu bar)
Newspaper article on him [20120119]
Pulling votes on 明星学院
Playing piano on 明星学院
Clip on SM Trainee (he is in here somewhere and I'll find YT embed later)
Singing at...something
'fancam' of another dance perf at same venue as Nobody perf
Him and bros WALKING ACROSS THE STREET (yeah that's right it's worthy of a video link)
SHINee World - Lucifer
SHINee World - Ring Ding Dong
SHINee World - Juliette
(and he has been on other shows, became a sm trainee in 2008, and stuff. i need to go and dig up links again -.-)

(temporary link dump. hopefully temporary:
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1410196318
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1388466112
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/21318708
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1400710724
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1406411385
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1400709465
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1400707916
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1410315868
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1406370661
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1062445691
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1034521759
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/1404550719)

☄ tl;dr
He is awesome and you should love him with me! But beyond that, he clearly has a strong variety sense, experience, and a variety of talents. I'm really interested in seeing if SM will push his songwriting as part of EXO-M (...I'm guessing here) and I'm incredibly excited to see him back on some shows in China. And if it's a show in Korea...I'm sure he can pull out Nobody, and all will be well. Oh, and he's a dancer. And he has nice hands. ~~there is also a compilation of crotch shots somewhere but i am not so depraved as to link it. really.~~

感谢你给我的光芒
thank you for the light you have given me

alaeaureae @ 2010-12-09T19:29:00

2010-12-10T00:29:24Z

RElOcKdoWN

Options and Ideas:

1. In regard to the war for the Throne of Bel

a) With the demon summoning and the weakening between the human dimension and the demon dimension, the boundaries between other dimensions have also been warped. This warping has drawn your character from other worlds, tainting them with leftover Bel power (the human Bel power was left lingering in outer space or something).

b) Since Abel's soul was scattered, then it's possible that multiple humans have a piece of the human Bel. As such, at game start, they can all possibly compete for the war of Bel.

c) In regards to the issue that... there is only 1 Beldr, this can be handwaved. Many Beldrs clearly exist. Or whatever first Bel demon there is.

d) Alternatively, the game itself could start on the second/third day, beginning with "you feel like you have just absorbed some great power!"

2. Mechanics

a) With each RL day roughly corresponding to each game half hour, we could update every 2 "hours" with a set number of event flags.

b) Event flags should be mostly prewritten, with guidelines as "if you have ticked this, you can do this!" In other words, multiple story paths. It is up to players to choose whether to hit these flags or not. It also gives players more time and choice in when to hit a flag - and means the moderators don't have to update every day.

c) Make sure that the "time" is prominently displayed somewhere, and ask players to tag which "half hour" the log is occurring in.

d) Days will run from 8:30 AM to 9:00 PM. This corresponds to 26 days (I think), giving us 2 days of grace time between in-game days. Each "day", in other words, will take fully four weeks. Every four weeks, a new Laplace mail will go up.

e) Players have a choice of lone-wolfing it or of teaming up. Since it seems like demon-contracts correspond to the COMP teams and not the individual COMPs and are limited to 24 demons, it can be surmised that demon contracts are linked to the "leader" COMP. If players wish to team it up but are unsure as to with who, randomly generated teams (can be said that they all picked up COMPs near each other who were interconnected - recall, Atsuro unencrypting the COMPs originally). Furthermore, the COMPs will not function if all COMPs within a given team are near each other at any time, encouraging team work! On the other hand, it's perfectly possible to lone wolf it if that's the player's choice.

3. Plot

a) The general premise is that OHNOES lockdown, demons, and COMPs, with the war of Bel. We have the angels behind the lockdown etc etc. If we want to maintain the general paths alignment (i.e. Chaotic Evil (Yuzu), Lawful Evil (Naoya), Neutral (Gin), Chatoic Good (Atsuro), Lawful Good (Amane) - or whatever they are, you get the idea) we need motivations for each.

Do we allow the players these motivations? How do we nudge them onwards?

i) CAPTAIN EXPOSITION - Loki, or otherwise to discuss the war for the Throne of Bel.
ii) The maiden of the Shomonkai/SOME GROUP RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SHIT would have to prod in the direction of Messiah. And then we have the problem of we can only really have one Messiah and what do.
iii) We have a general outcome for the game and not for the players, presumably... how do we decide this? I mean, as much as I would love springing Yuzu's ending on them (...and also, premature end for game ahahahahahahahaha wouldn't that be fun) that can't be the only option.

b) How much do we stick to the game, and how much can we improvise? I'd rather go for more original event flags and story line... so we'll have to sit down and come up with stuff for that.

4. Issues

a) Player inactivity. Since no matter how you look at it, this would be a fairly fast paced game, hiatus-es wouldn't be very forgiving...

b) Team-mate inactivity. What happens if one person in the team is inactive?

c) ...It seems like it would function better as a small game. I have no idea how it could be run seamlessly on a large scale.

Testttt

2010-06-20T20:28:10Z

test post test post lalala

testttttttttt